The Elf and the Supreme Meat Test: All Dishes Prepared
All the dishes for the elf's supreme meat test were ready. It had taken a bit of time, but the presentation was satisfying.
"Eat them one by one in order and tell me your impressions," I said, handing plates of food to Aris, who was sitting at the table with her eyes sparkling.
First up: hambak steak. I'd completely dehydrated tofu with magic, crushed it, and mixed in dried mushrooms and flour in just the right proportions to mimic the chew of real meat. It was similar to a standard bean-meat steak, but with one special extra step. Using ultra-precise magic, I'd rearranged the proteins to form the 'grain' of meat. The missing meaty aroma and greasy fat flavor were compensated for with an intense sauce.
"O-okay... I'll try it," Aris said, starting to cut into the steak with her fork and knife. The surface was browned like perfectly cooked meat, complete with the char from the Maillard reaction.
Soon, the hambak steak slipped into Aris's mouth.
Nom nom nom...
"...!"
"How is it?"
"It'sh sho gooood!!!!!!"
"Finish chewing first."
Aris devoured the hambak steak I'd made like she was possessed. Slicing with the knife, spearing with the fork, shoveling into her mouth. The whole process sped up more and more.
"So, what kind of meat does it taste like?" I asked once her fork movements finally slowed a bit. I'd used a foolproof recipe for the steak sauce with no chance of failure, so I knew it tasted good. What I wanted to know was how much it felt like real meat.
Aris closed her eyes, thinking for a moment, then turned to me. "Hmmmmm... Beef? No, hmmm... Pork? Nooo... Hmm... Chicken?"
"All wrong."
"Eh... What could it be... What kind of meat iiiis it..."
"Does it at least feel like definite meat to you?"
"It feels like meat from a lean cut without much fat... but I can't tell what kind."
"Hmm, I guess that's about right."
This time, I, the expert, took a bite myself. I speared a piece Aris had already cut and popped it in my mouth, then chewed carefully with my eyes closed.
The first sensation was the bold steak sauce. Intense enough to mask any off-flavors from lower-quality meat. Then, as my teeth sliced through the texture, the grain of the meat became apparent. The mouthfeel was even more meat-like than a real ground-meat hambak steak. Somewhere between raw steak and ground hambak— a bizarre, magical texture I could never have achieved without magic.
But to me, it still didn't feel like 'real meat.' The question was whether that was because I already knew the ingredients, or if the replication rate was just too low. The flavor itself was excellent. But calling it a 'perfect carnivorous experience' felt ambiguous.
That's why I'd put Aris in charge of tasting. To judge that. I pushed the next dish her way.
"Alright, try the next one carefully and give me your thoughts."
"Yeees!"
Aris gleefully moved her fork to the next dish. This time, it was dumplings.
The filling had dried tofu and mushrooms as the main texture providers for meatiness, mixed with cabbage, onions, and green onions. I'd added plant oil and bound it together to capture a hint of oily meat juices.
Aris speared a dumpling and popped it in her mouth. Her small mouth worked it over, and her expression gradually turned ecstatic.
"How's this one?"
"It'sh sho gooood!!!!!!"
"Chew it all first."
"Mmm... Mmm... It's super juicy and chewy— I love it."
"How's the texture of the meat inside?"
"It's perfect! The seasoning is spot-on too, and when you bite down, the juices are just..."
I listened intently to her impressions. She had no idea there wasn't a scrap of meat in it. She'd called the hambak steak 'lean cut' earlier— nicely put, it was light; less nicely, it was dry. But the dumplings were different.
These weren't fried—they were steamed. So of course, biting into them released the trapped moisture. And Aris was naturally calling it 'meat juices.'
After she finished, I tried one myself.
"...!"
Unlike the hambak steak, I could barely tell the difference from real meat dumplings. The filling was minced anyway, so texture was easier to nail. Above all, the burst of seasoned moisture felt exactly like meat juices. Of course, with ultra-careful tasting, I could spot the difference... but overall, it was much closer to 'real meat' than the hambak steak.
"Alright, this is the last one."
"Yeees—! Then..."
The finale: tangsuyuk without any meat. Aris looked thrilled to have a streak of delicious dishes.
The tangsuyuk 'meat' was made the same way as the hambak steak. But it was coated in crispy batter and stir-fried in a thick, sweet-and-sour fruit sauce. In my past life, there was endless debate between 'dipping' and 'pouring' camps for tangsuyuk sauce, but I always thought stir-frying it right there—'stir-fried' style—was best. I'd taken special care to keep the batter from getting soggy even in the sauce: chilled dough, double-fried at precise temperatures for lasting crunch.
"Mmm~!"
As Aris crunched into a sauce-glazed piece, the crisp shatter of the batter rang clearly in my ears.
"What do you think?"
She chewed and swallowed the whole piece before answering. "This sauce... the sauce is incredible! It clings perfectly to the crispy batter, and the meat inside is so tasty."
"The batter's super crisp, but the sauce coating makes it feel kinda chewy too, right?"
"It's... hard to put into words... Of the three today, this is the best!"
"Oh ho."
"Can I eat the rest?"
"No, I need to try one first. You can have whatever's left."
"Really? Wooow—!"
Leaving Aris to celebrate like a kid, I speared a piece of tangsuyuk and took a bite.
Crispy crunch— exactly as intended. The sweet-and-sour, sticky sauce clung like a glaze. The bean-meat filling's texture fell short of real meat, like the hambak steak. But unlike that, the batter's crunch more than covered for it. I could see why Aris ranked it highest today.
"Nom—! Nom—!"
With permission to finish the rest, Aris was wolfing down the plates.
Good. Test complete. I knew exactly what to serve Elf Knight Irit.
"Hey, Aris."
"Mmph?"
Her cheeks were stuffed like a chipmunk, muffling her reply.
"Do you even feel full, though?"
Pure curiosity. As a ghost, who knew where the food even went.
Aris gulped it down and opened her mouth. "Nope, I just eat for the satisfaction. Never get full."
"So you could eat forever?"
"Eh... probably?"
Huh, new info. For a second, I imagined using her as a human garbage disposal.
"Hmm... even so, that'd be kinda sad..."
"...?"
"Nothing."
Aris just looked up at me innocently, munching away.
On the promised day, Elf Knight Irit visited the restaurant.
"Welcomeee~!"
Ghost waitress Aris greeted her and led her to her seat.
"Oh, you're still using this ghost as a waitress?"
"Please wait just a moment for the dish you ordered three days agooo."
"Klaus, you remember my order properly, right?"
Irit brushed off Aris's service and called toward me in the kitchen.
"Of course. The supreme meat dish, yeah?"
"Even if it's you who made it, if it tastes off, I'll spit it right out."
"Got it."
"And if that happens, you shut down this place and rejoin our party."
"That again?"
I sighed softly. How badly did she want me back in the party?
But I was confident I'd satisfy her today. She wasn't the type to slap on petty conditions or lie about it tasting bad.
After over ten years as comrades, I knew her well.
"Fine. If you really can't eat it, I'll come back to the party."
"For real? No takebacks?"
"Food's coming out now."
I plated everything on a large tray. The mains: stir-fried tangsuyuk in sauce and dumplings. On the side, carrot 'noodles' lightly blanched and drizzled with nutty dressing.
I'd dropped the hambak steak from the menu—it was a bit dry, and too easy to spot as non-meat for a discerning palate. Instead, I combined tangsuyuk and dumplings on one plate. Dumplings were steamed base but with one side batter-fried to hold up in the sauce.
"Food's heeeere~"
Aris served it to Irit's table. Ghost perks: the tray didn't wobble at all in her steps.
"This is..."
"That's the 'supreme meat dish' I can give you."
"I know this dish... definitely..."
"Yeah, tangsuyuk and dumplings."
Irit swallowed hard, staring at the food.
How did a pure isekai elf know tangsuyuk and dumplings? Because back in my party days, I'd whipped up all sorts of modern dishes.
She'd watched us devour basilisk tangsuyuk while sipping veggie soup. And now, those meat dishes we'd scarfed with such gusto were all hers— meatless, of course.
To convey that excitement and satisfaction fully, without the meat.
Irit's fork slowly approached the tangsuyuk.
Crisp. The batter pierced with a satisfying sound.
She brought it to her mouth for a bite.
"...!"
Crunch, crunch, crunch...
The sauce-coated tangsuyuk chewed loudly. No real meat, so even an elf could enjoy it guilt-free.
I watched silently as she ate, anticipating her reaction, her impressions.
But her response a moment later was nothing like I'd expected.
"W-what? Is something wrong?"
I asked, flustered. Because Irit... had suddenly started crying.