14. The Allure of Briefs (3)
"What the hell is this supposed to be...?"
Hansik felt flustered as he touched the briefs with his hand. Was this silk? Silk was expensive in the Murim. It was the kind of luxury fabric you could only loot from a merchant caravan of some escort agency. And now he was casually fondling it.
Realizing that, Hansik's eyes sparkled.
"You givin' this to me?"
"Of course."
"Why?"
"Earlier, you said, 'How dare you do business without our permission! What kinda guts you got!'"
"Yeah, I did."
"This is tribute, right?"
I had perfectly grasped the bandits' weak spot. It was way more efficient to hand over a few pairs of briefs than to let them smash up the convenience store and deal with repairs. And my hunch was spot on.
"The boss knows his stuff! So, how do ya wear this thing?"
I stepped closer to Hansik and pointed out the two leg holes.
"Stick one leg in each hole, pull 'em up, and you're done! See? Easy, right?"
Hansik stared at the briefs in bewilderment, then followed my instructions, slipping one leg at a time. As he pulled them up to his waist, his face twisted in shock.
This... this is...!!!
It was ultimate comfort. How much had his crotch chafed against that rough tanned leather all this time? Walking was awkward, footwork in battle was awkward. When luck was bad, it even got rubbed raw. But this? So soft. A shiver ran through his entire body.
Hansik trembled, as if floating on clouds in supreme bliss.
Watching with a displeased frown, Samsik spoke up.
"Boss! What the hell are you doin'?"
"Ahhh..."
"B-Boss?"
"This... this is it... haaah."
Samsik couldn't comprehend. What trick had this guy pulled to make their boar-like boss wear such a lewd expression?
Glancing at me with furious eyes, Samsik suddenly had an identical pair of snug-fit men's briefs thrust in front of him.
"Try 'em on."
Samsik snatched them roughly. What the hell was so special about...
Huh? What? Why's it so soft?
Samsik had touched silk before—once, when they'd looted a merchant caravan. It had felt soft then, but not like this. It was like... yeah, like touching oil with your hands.
He glanced at Hansik, who was still flushed, wriggling his whole body. Does it really feel that good?
Samsik shoved his legs into the holes and yanked them up to his waist.
"Huuuuh!!"
Whoa. What is this? Paradise?
Lighter than tanned leather by far, softer than any silk he'd ever felt. Supreme softness.
"Hiyaaah..."
Dusik had been frowning at his brothers' bizarre antics, but when the briefs were shoved at him too, he tried them on and let out gasps of admiration.
Insane!
All three bandits thought it at once.
"Huh!"
"Huuuuh!"
"Uh-huh!"
I rested my chin on the counter, sighing deeply as I watched the three bandits outside, diligently practicing their footwork. They seemed so thrilled. Well, yeah. It was comfort they'd never experienced before. From now on, they wouldn't be able to live in this world without those snug-fit men's briefs. Their manhood had finally tasted freedom—who'd give that up?
"Boss. Sorry. It's my fault for not being good enough..."
Yoo Hwa-yeon stood beside me, grinding her teeth in frustration. She was furious at herself for not taking out the three bandits.
"What're you talking about?"
"...?"
"You a martial artist?"
"Yes."
"Nah. Right now, you're a convenience store part-timer... er, shop clerk, right?"
Yoo Hwa-yeon nodded.
"A clerk's job is just to protect the store. You did great."
Yeah. Without her, they'd have trashed the place, I'd have given away the briefs anyway, and it'd have been a huge expense. Thanks to her, it ended like this. I was extremely grateful.
"If anything, I'm the one who's thankful."
"Boss..."
Touched, tears welled up in Yoo Hwa-yeon's eyes.
Just then, the three bandits—footwork practice done—pushed open the door.
"Kahaha! Boss man! This stuff's the real deal!"
"Yeah, feels like walkin' on clouds like some immortal."
"Who keeps luxury silk like this? You runnin' an escort agency's inn or somethin'?"
They'd come to smash the store, but now they were meek as lambs. The power of modern goods?
"See? If you'd wrecked the place, you wouldn't get this comfort. What would you have done then?"
"Heh, yeah, true."
"Yeah, yeah."
"Hold up."
The smartest-looking third brother, Samsik, suddenly glared.
"Bosses! Snap out of it! Instead of fallin' for this guy's scheme, why not take over the place? Then everything's ours, right?"
Hansik and Dusik's eyes regained their fierce glint.
"Huh, makes sense."
"Hey, boss man, where'd you learn that cheap trick even Zhuge guys wouldn't use?!"
The mood grew heavy again, but I didn't care.
"Listen up, bandit uncles?"
"Yeah?"
"You know the story of the goose that lays golden eggs?"
The three exchanged glances. Probably not. How would Murim folk know that? But the point would get across.
"The goose lays one golden egg every day. But the dumb owner wants more gold right away, so he slits its belly. Did gold come out or not?"
Hansik pondered, then said, "Must've been a huge golden egg inside."
Dusik nodded. "Goose that big, like the Yangtze? Tons of gold, right?"
I sighed. These idiots didn't even grasp basic logic. But Samsik had a different answer.
"No, bosses. Think about it. How could a tiny goose hold that much gold? Slit the belly, no more eggs forever!"
I snapped my fingers at Samsik.
"Exactly! You didn't think one pair of briefs was all, did you? Say you kill me and take the store. That's like slitting the golden goose's belly. Got it now?"
Hansik and Dusik still looked clueless, but Samsik got it.
"So, as long as you keep the boss alive, he'll keep tributing luxury silk and valuables like this?"
"Bingo!"
"Why beat around the bush with such a simple deal?!"
Samsik's massive fist flew at me. Thwack!!
I flinched at the sudden punch, but no pain came. Looking up, Yoo Hwa-yeon had blocked it with a furious glare.
"You dare lay a hand on him? You wanna die? Should I slaughter you pigs today?"
"Insolent wench..."
"Touch the boss one more time, and Green Forest Seven Villages or whatever won't save you—you'll vanish from the map."
"Hah!"
Things were about to erupt, so I stood dramatically.
"Whoa, whoa, enough!! A scared goose won't lay eggs!"
"Hmph! Sparin' you."
"I spared you."
Both had egos through the roof.
"Anyway! Now you know this place is the golden goose, right? Come by sometimes, I'll treat you well. Head out for today. Three pairs of silk briefs—that's plenty, yeah?"
Hansik, Dusik, and Samsik eyed each other, then nodded. To me, they were five-nyang panties each, but to them, better than silk. They had to think it was a good deal.
Hansik laughed heartily.
"Kahaha! Boss man! Impressed by your generosity! I'll tell the village chief all about it!"
"Yeah, yeah. Please put in a good word so my... er, inn doesn't get smashed."
"Can't slit the golden rooster's belly. Got it!"
Goose. It's a goose, you idiot. And if it's a chicken, say hen, not rooster!
The three bandits vanished into the forest with light steps. Watching them go, I thought, Please don't come back.
Gu Ja-jin was on the verge of losing his mind.
"What? All you brought back are those weird things you're wearing?!"
Hansik had hiked up his clothes to show Gu Ja-jin his briefs. Staring at it, Gu Ja-jin thought, What idiots are these?
"Hey, strategist. This here's softer than silk..."
"You morons! I said loot 'em, and you got duped? Pathetic for Green Forest bandits! Pathetic!!"
Gu Ja-jin flew into a rage, kicking wildly, but Hansik blocked it all.
"Why the fuss? We just didn't slit the belly of the swallow chick that brings gold."
What the hell? Why slit a gold-bringing swallow chick? What did that even mean?
"Aigoo, so frustrating. Aigoo, what do I tell the chief?!"
"Don't worry. Said he'll treat us well if we visit sometimes."
"Sometimes? Sometimes? Buy it with money?!"
"Why pay?! We should get paid!"
Gu Ja-jin clutched his neck, nearly collapsing. No reasoning with these fools.
His plan had been simple: Send these three to smash the inn, force a tribute promise for survival. That's why he'd picked these ugly, intimidating underlings.
But they came back with barely-a-bolt of silk—underwear fabric, no less. Perfect bandit work. Perfect!
"Ugh, whatever. Get out. Out! I'll send others!"
"Gonna slit the swallow chick's belly?"
"Boss, it's a goose."
"Same difference! Samsik, you've been a know-it-all since you were a kid. I told you not to!"
"Sorry, boss."
Gu Ja-jin stared at the idiot trio in disbelief. My fault for expecting anything from these clowns.
He sent them away and selected new ones—not ugly, but reputedly strong in martial arts.
A bit later—
"Strategist! This feels like walkin' on clouds—top-notch!"
"Innkeeper's got brains. Sharp as a tack."
Gu Ja-jin's jaw dropped. These guys too? No promise, just weird silk undies, grinning like fools.
What the hell makes it so irresistible?
He was curious, but no time. Without results, the chief would beat him senseless—or worse, the bandits would, and he'd be exiled from the seven villages.
To solidify his position, he needed that tribute promise. Or seize and sell the inn.
Damn! Didn't wanna go this far.
Gu Ja-jin bit his nails. Guess he'd go himself. Leave it to idiots, and they'd just stuff their faces.
Wait, innkeeper. Don't know who you are, but you messed with the wrong guy. Treat me like those dumb bandits, and you'll regret it.
Gu Ja-jin prepared to descend the mountain. He was so blinded by rage, he didn't even worry about potential Murim masters at the inn causing trouble.