Already
Someone lay down across my lap.
Especially when it was a girl, the only one who ever did that was Seoyeon.
Sometimes Seoyeon would come over claiming she was exhausted, flop onto my lap, and start making little purring sounds.
So there was no helping the way my body went rigid at something that shouldn't have been a big deal.
What if I made her uncomfortable?
What if she pulled her head away from my lap?
I watched Seorin carefully, not daring to move even a fraction.
"Are you sleepy?"
"No~ I'm not sleepy. I'm full, and I ran for the first time in ages, so I just feel... drained~"
Her voice had already gone soft and languid, and I liked the sound of it.
I could hear the alcohol in the way she spoke.
Was she so weak to liquor that a single can of beer was enough to get her tipsy?
"I thought Ijun-ssi's legs would be hard, but they're soft."
She giggled as she said it.
"Not every guy's legs are all muscle, you know."
There was no point getting prideful about it.
Unless you actually trained properly, it was hard to have solid lower body strength.
"That's why it's nice to rest on. Soft, squishy thighs."
"Is that supposed to be a compliment?"
"Yes. It means you're an excellent pillow."
As she spoke, Seorin rolled a little on top of my thighs.
She turned her head left and right, like a little girl sprawled across her dad's lap and playing around.
Without thinking, I found her so cute that I gently stroked her hair.
"Hmmmm."
Seorin made a contented little rumbling sound.
Eyes closed, she accepted my touch as if it were the most natural thing in the world, breathing evenly.
In time with that breath, her chest slowly rose and fell.
"If there were a cat like this, I'd raise one too."
"What? Are you treating me like a cat?"
"You're acting exactly like one. Coming to your owner's lap to lie down, loving it when you get petted, being all affectionate."
"Then raise me, Ijun-ssi. I've thought that sometimes, you know. Life is so hard—I wish someone would just take care of me~"
Maybe everyone thinks the same things.
There had been times when I saw a well-cared-for cat or dog and thought they had it better than I did.
Their food alone cost more than my meals, for one.
"You sure about that? To raise a person instead of a cat, you'd at least have to get married."
"That much? Is marriage hard? We can just do it."
"What's with that confidence? You're saying it way too easily."
At my question she looked straight up at my face and said quietly,
"I'm not saying it lightly. I just thought... if it was someone like Ijun-ssi, it wouldn't be so bad. That's why I said it."
My cheeks heated up before I could stop them.
What is this right now? A confession?
"Was that flirting just now?"
"More like a proposal than flirting, don't you think?"
"Proposing when we're not even dating? You're impatient, Seorin-ssi."
"Getting married first and dating after doesn't seem so bad either."
"What does that even mean?"
"I know, right. I must be drunk."
At the parade of nonsense that followed, the two of us burst out laughing together.
It had been so long since I'd had such absurd conversations that it felt genuinely fun.
Fun enough that Rabiel suddenly came to mind.
She used to spin up whole roleplay scenarios even for my nonsense thousand-won punches.
Those little kid make-believe sessions with her had been that enjoyable for me.
Probably because a child still lived somewhere in my heart.
The roles and responsibilities handed out under the name of being an adult.
Strip those away and people aren't really any different from children.
"I've thought this for a while now."
"Yeah?"
"Ijun-ssi's hands are really soft."
While I was still stroking her hair, Seorin carefully took hold of my hand.
She laid her own hand over it and lightly brushed down its length.
As if she wanted to feel the texture of it.
"It's so soft I want to keep touching it."
A texture game, maybe.
Before I knew it she was kneading my hand with both of hers, like she was playing with a big slime.
Soft rustling sounds.
That pleasant touch brushed over me, and as I watched her I felt a strange impulse rise.
Was it the alcohol?
The more my body touched Seorin's, the stronger those impulses grew.
Wanting to pull her into my arms just like this, for example.
Or wanting to put my hands on her body under the excuse that it was unfair only I was getting touched.
...Seorin-ssi started this first, though.
Coming over after drinking and flopping onto my lap.
Making nothing but cute little sounds while looking at me with those loving eyes.
And now even fondling my hand, as if daring me to get worked up.
How many men could hold themselves back in a situation like this?
If I hadn't been a virgin with more self-control than sense, I might have pounced right then and there.
No. No.
What the hell am I thinking right now?
Watching myself instantly shift the blame and rationalize actions meant to satisfy my own desires...
I realized I was probably drunk too.
...I should head home soon.
Feeling like I might cause some kind of accident if this went on, I stopped stroking her and spoke.
"I should get up soon. We've already eaten dinner, sort of."
"...Already?"
"I think both of us are a little drunk. We should go home and sleep. There's still tomorrow."
A pleasant heaviness had settled into my body.
Maybe because Seorin and I were pressed together. If I tried, I could probably fall asleep just like this.
At this rate I wouldn't have any bad thoughts once I was home alone.
Seorin squirmed, pulled out her phone, and checked the time.
"It's only eight, though?"
She looked up at me with a disappointed face.
Those pitiful puppy-dog eyes almost made me fold, but I barely managed to reclaim my self-control.
"Still, Seorin-ssi looks sleepy. You've been blinking since earlier."
"No! I'm not sleepy at all. I'm perfectly fine right now."
"Really?"
"Yes. I'm talking fine like this, aren't I? I'm not super drunk. Just a little. A tiny bit."
Did she hate the idea of me going home that much?
Watching Seorin scramble to keep me from leaving, I found her so cute I almost laughed.
Wanting to tease her a little, I pretended I really wanted to go.
"Still, I'm a bit sleepy myself. Maybe from running earlier. Yawn."
I put on a show of tiredness with a fake yawn.
But Seorin, too drunk to notice the act, urgently shouted,
"Then sleep over."
"What?"
"If you're sleepy, you can just sleep here at my place with me."
Did she even know what she was saying?
It sounded like she'd just blurted out whatever came to mind in her panic.
No matter how close we were, we weren't dating.
"Even so, that's a bit much. I'm not Seorin-ssi's boyfriend."
Sleeping over at a place where a girl lived alone felt like crossing a line.
Especially when we'd both been drinking.
What if something happened while we slept?
"I-I'm fine with it. Friends can sleep over too... and we're not just friends, right?"
Seorin said it with flushed cheeks.
Stop it, Seorin-ssi.
If you keep tempting me like this, I won't be able to hold back either.
"Or do you want to sleep holding me?"
"What? What's that now?"
The extreme suggestion that followed made me wonder if I'd misheard.
She avoided my eyes and confessed in a fading voice.
"Honestly... I liked it. Last time."
"Last time?"
"The screening day. You held me then. Of course it was an accident."
"Ah... yeah."
I remembered.
The moment I'd tried to get up to go to the bathroom, Seorin had fallen and I'd caught her in a hug.
And for some reason she hadn't let go that night.
"I slept so deeply that night. Enough that I was late the next day."
So that was why she'd been late.
I'd thought it was strange how late she'd arrived that day.
"Actually, after I started studying for the civil service exam, I developed insomnia."
"..."
"Whether it was anxiety or lack of exercise, I don't know. Anyway."
"..."
"I never thought I'd sleep that soundly just from being held by Ijun-ssi once. It must have been that comfortable. Your arms."
"..."
"It kept coming back all night. Even lying in bed, it felt like I was still being held."
Was I some kind of nerve stabilizer?
I couldn't understand how hugging me once could cause something like that.
But Seorin didn't look like she was lying.
And watching her invent excuse after excuse to keep me from leaving, then finally tempt me into sleeping together...
My patience hit its limit. I could no longer hold onto reason.
"Seorin-ssi said it first, right? I'm not at fault?"
"What?"
I lifted the flustered girl off my lap, caught her around the waist, and pulled her upright.
Unable to hold back any longer, I yanked Seorin into a tight embrace.
The soft sensation of her body wrapped around me, and her small breaths tickled my ear.
"I-Ijun-ssi."
"You said we should sleep together. How can you get flustered just from a hug?"
Thump. Thump. Thump.
Our pleasant heartbeats crossed each other.
And just as she had said, I slowly laid her down on the sofa.
Seorin accepted my weight without resistance, settling onto the cushions, and I followed her down, still holding her, lying on top of her.
One of her hands weakly held the back of my head; the other clung faintly to my back.
In the dark room, only the faint light of the stand lamp illuminated our faces.
Seorin and I, without either of us deciding first, locked our gazes on each other's lips.
No—our eyes had no choice but to go there on their own.
"...Ijun-ssi."
"Seorin-ssi."
At the sound of me calling her name, Seorin made a small embarrassed sound and firmly closed her eyes.
As if to say she was ready.
And my face began to draw endlessly closer to hers.