Something Good
I might sound a bit full of myself saying this, but I was a pretty diligent student.
From middle school and high school all the way through college, I had been late a handful of times, but I had never once been absent. That meant I had never done what college kids so casually called "self-granted free periods"—skipping class to go hang out.
"So where are we going, exactly?"
"Just follow me for now. I know a good spot."
And yet here I was, being led by the hand by Seorin, cutting class. A strange guilt crept in, but at the same time a part of me felt oddly refreshed. The novelty and liberation of committing this kind of act of rebellion for the first time. I had just failed an interview—should I really be doing this? Shouldn't I be working even harder? Those thoughts flickered through my mind, but so did the counter: It's just one day. What's the harm?
"Seorin, you must have done this kind of thing a lot before."
"Hmm. Have I? Do I look like it?"
"You just seem more used to it than I am."
"I think people are basically socialized animals. So every once in a while you need to act on pure impulse, without calculating anything."
"…"
"Like a beast. It gives you that sharp feeling of breaking free from a stifling daily routine."
Seorin growled under her breath and posed with her nails bared, cute as could be. I wasn't sure what kind of wild animal she was going for, but when she did it, it was simply adorable. Still, I understood what she was getting at.
Like how a game during exam season is more fun than usual, or how chicken tastes infinitely better when you're on a diet. Humans are beasts by nature, but we live bound by all sorts of social obligations and other people's eyes. Students are supposed to study. Office workers are supposed to show up and work hard. You're supposed to follow the rules, be moral. They sound obvious, but the truth is they're things you often don't want to do. Sometimes just being free of those standards and duties is enough to let a person breathe again. Like right now.
"Maybe you're right."
"Right? Oh—we're here. This is the place I was talking about."
Following Seorin without much thought, we arrived at a nearby park. It was the one famous around here for its well-maintained walking paths along the river. Whenever I passed by, I would see people cycling or jogging morning and evening. I had no idea why she had brought me here, and it left me puzzled. Was she suggesting we walk around and have a date? Well, that wouldn't be so bad either.
While I was busy drinking my own imaginary soup, she suddenly bent at the waist and started stretching.
"Alright. What are you doing? Hurry up and stretch."
"Huh?"
"If you don't loosen up now you'll be dying of muscle soreness later. Come on, Ijun—stretch with me. Copy what I do."
What was she planning that would leave me sore? Hadn't we just come here for a walk? A vague unease settled over me as I watched her, but I followed her lead and started stretching anyway.
Her proportions are insane. Seorin's legs are ridiculously long for her height.
While I was busy admiring that, Seorin seemed to decide the stretching was done. She tugged my sleeve and pulled me to the start of the walking path. Then she glanced down at my shoes and said,
"Good thing. We're both wearing sneakers."
What did that mean? Why was it a good thing we were in sneakers?
"Then shall we run?"
"What? All of a sudden?"
"I'll explain after we run. Just do as I say for now."
"Uh… okay… fine."
Seorin started off at an easy jog. I followed her in an awkward shuffle, and she gradually picked up speed before calling back to me. Maybe she thought I needed more motivation.
"Ijun, if you keep up with me all the way to the end…"
"If I keep up?"
"I'll give you something good. So just run with me."
…Something good?
I had no idea what that meant, but the words "something good" from Seorin were enough. Okay. Usain Bolt mode: engaged. I kicked my feet into gear and started chasing after her as she pulled farther ahead.
We ran for a long time after that. The first walking course of Riverfront Park had ended, so we must have covered roughly three kilometers. We had barely paced ourselves—more like an all-out sprint—so by the time Seorin finally stopped, I was already a complete wreck.
"Hah… hah… I think I'm dying, Seorin…"
"Haa… haa… Me too."
We both collapsed onto a nearby bench, gasping for air. Sweat rolled down our foreheads, traced our cheeks, and dripped to the ground. Even though it wasn't a hot day, the hard exercise left our bodies burning.
"Ijun."
"Yeah. Hah… hah…"
"It's been a while since you pushed yourself this hard, right?"
"Uh… yeah. A really long time. What about you, Seorin?"
"Same here. I barely exercised at all after I started studying for the civil service exam."
One job seeker, one exam prep student. We made a pretty pathetic pair when it came to physical activity. Judging by her figure Seorin looked better than most people who actually worked out, but two people with garbage stamina suddenly running several kilometers left us both half-dead.
"So why did you suddenly make us run? You can tell me the reason now."
I finally caught my breath enough to ask. I had taken the bait like a fish and run at a single word from her, but her actions still left me completely puzzled. She had talked about cutting class—was this what cutting class looked like?
"How do you feel right now?"
"Right now? Like I'm about to die. It hurts so much."
"Not your body. Your head. Your mind's blank, isn't it?"
I froze at her words. She was right. Even while we were eating earlier, my head had been a mess of complicated thoughts—worries about the future, self-reproach, regret—all of it buzzing like noise. But now those had vanished somewhere, and the only thing left in my skull was I think I'm going to die from this.
"You're… right. My head feels clear. All the random thoughts are gone."
"See? I knew it."
Seorin gave a smug little grin, pleased that her prediction had been spot on. Only then did I start to understand, just a little, why she had brought me here.
"This is the best way I know to blow depression out of your system."
"…"
"I've never even been to a job interview, so any comforting words I could offer wouldn't really land for you anyway."
"…"
"And you don't really want pity from me either, do you? Moments like this, this is the best thing."
Considerate, or maybe just thoughtful—she had staged this whole thing because she believed verbal comfort from her wouldn't mean much to me. And her judgment had been extremely wise. If she had looked at me with pity and tried to console me, it might have wounded my pride as a man.
"I feel good too, running after so long. I should do this more often."
Seorin drew in a deep, refreshing breath and let it out. The sweat tracing from her forehead down her neck looked so healthy it bordered on sexy. Then, quietly, she began sharing a piece of her past.
"I used to do this all the time whenever I felt anxious or overwhelmed. Back then."
"Ah."
"When things weren't going well and everything felt vague and hopeless, I'd just throw my whole schedule out the window, put on sneakers, and come out somewhere open like this."
"…"
"And I'd run like I was trying to die. Even if it meant going home that night and suffering through muscle pain until morning."
"…"
"I don't even know when I figured it out, but I learned that when your body's that exhausted, depression and anxiety just… disappear."
I had no way of knowing what she had gone through in the past, or what kind of anxiety she had faced. But it clearly hadn't been an easy life. Maybe there had been more moments of depression, self-blame, and fear than I would have guessed. I could feel those things in her words without meaning to.
"That's why I made you run. You might already know, but I just wanted to show you. That this is how I comfort myself."
And for my sake, she—who had no real need to run—had taken the lead. She had brought me to the walking path and made me run with her. As someone studying for the civil service exam, every single day of study should have been precious. Yet she had set her own share aside just to look after someone else's mood. …All for me. That alone was more than enough to move me.
"I feel so much better because of you. Thank you, Seorin."
"Good. I'm glad."
She looked at me with a soft, bashful little smile. Without thinking, I found myself grinning back like an idiot. I'm going crazy. Why is this person so damn cute? In my whole life, no one except Rabiel had ever stolen my heart like this. Seorin was different from most women—completely, utterly different.
Apparently embarrassed by my gratitude, she smoothly changed the subject.
"Oh, right. The something good."
"Something good?"
"I told you earlier. If you followed me without complaining, I'd give you something good."
"Ah. Right. I should claim that, then."
Gratitude was gratitude, but she had promised something good, so something good was owed. Something good… something good… What on earth could it be? While I spun every possible fantasy about her reward, she narrowed her eyes playfully and said,
"I'll give it to you now. Close your eyes for a second?"
…Close my eyes? Here?