The Juttak Picks a Pattak (1)
What the hell is a Pattak? It's the poor bastard who steps in for the Juttak, deleting shitposts left and right. The one who slashes through truly repulsive images that could scar your soul. The one doomed to get vaporized by a tactical nuke. In short, an unpaid slave.
"Pattak, huh... Ha. Brings back old memories."
Back when I was deep in the Baldness Gallery grind. I'd gotten an offer for the Pattak spot from the Juttak himself.
I'd half-expected it. Pretty much every post I made turned into a nightmare thread anyway.
Effective hidden gem shampoos, countermeasures, pros/cons of clinics, up-to-date clinical trial data. All primo stuff no baldie could ignore. That's how it was possible.
But what good did it do? I ended up getting banned anyway. 'Cause, well, I wasn't actually bald.
My hair was on the thicker side, follicles just right. Nowhere near worthy of the bald label.
"Of all times, I had to show my hair then."
Still bums me out thinking about it. Nah, more like it stings a bit. Went from savior of baldies, father to millions, to fraud, trash, shame of the gallery overnight.
"Sigh. No point dwelling on the past. Focus on now."
Propped my chin, pondering. Who'd make a good pick?
Candidates in mind: Cheonma, Swordmaster Tad, Jokgan Hak-salja. The gallery's OG trio, no contest.
"Oh yeah, has there even been a Pattak before?"
Dug through old posts—no sign. Maybe too ancient to find. But seemed like there'd never been one.
Why no Pattak all those eons with a Juttak around?
"Obvious reason."
No one dragged here volunteers for unpaid slavery. And wiping Yudong Goe-i posts from insane users? No cakewalk.
"...Whoa, just thinking about it gives me chills."
More tactical nuke than a tactical nuke. Just flashing back made my skin crawl. Brutal shit, and no one wants to witness it firsthand. Reminds 'em they could end up the same.
But the scene unfolding now...
"...Why the hell are they all so serious?"
...For real. Moment I saw it, jaw dropped. They were straight-up comment-warring on each other's posts. Now dragging age into it.
"Call this a debate...? Why are they going so hard? It's really just for the Duwonku, right?"
While these two went at it hammer and tongs(?), others veered extreme.
Plus Cheonma, Swordmaster Tad, even Byeolbit Seongnye. Big names campaigning hard.
"...Didn't expect her to join."
Who wants Pattak doesn't matter. I decide. So criteria for fairness key.
"You first."
500-Million-Year Button Gallery Sub-Moderator: Jokgan Hak-salja appointed.
Scratched my cheek, smirking. Then sour-faced.
"Well... glad she's happy... but how long'll it last."
No sooner said than...
"Heh heh heh."
My labor for Duwonku basically zero now. I handle management, she just cranks 'em out.
"Heh heh. Feels like teasing my 8-year-old niece."
She'll do fine despite the whining. Bickering but obeys me. Perfect patsy—no, elf—for Pattak.
"But making her do just this daily's too much."
Duwonku sales capped daily, like 50? Two people plenty.
Fighto! Aja aja!
"One down. Now the other... let's see."
Scanned survivors.
"Yeah, you."
500-Million-Year Button Gallery Sub-Moderator: Jeongsinbyeong Man-daseot-gae appointed.