The Weight of Regret
The breath exploded out of her like someone who had been buried alive for a long time.
Haa—!
A distant ringing filled her ears. Luna slowly opened her eyes.
When she came to her senses and looked around, she was inside the Imperial Palace.
“…”
She was certain she had died. The shock of losing Kyle, the unbearable weight of that horrific guilt. Together with the humans of Winfred, she had surely shared that final supper…
“Ah.”
A sudden, instinctive realization pierced through her mind.
“……I’ve come back.”
The devil’s whisper that had asked if she wanted to start everything over had now become a stark reality staring her in the face.
“Ha… haha…”
Because it was unbelievable. Because she was stunned. And because she was overjoyed.
Luna let out a hollow laugh.
Kyle was alive. The fact was so overwhelming that her ragged breathing burst out again. Feeling the burning heat in her cheeks, she murmured.
“…How is this even possible?”
Had she simply been trapped in a long nightmare all this time? Or had a god answered her desperate plea?
After pondering for a long while, Luna soon rose from her seat and straightened her clothes.
“……”
There was no time to waste on questions without answers. If she had returned to the past, she needed to figure out exactly when. And if she met Kyle, how she should even react.
Everything was a chaotic mess, but Luna had no intention of wasting this golden opportunity she had been given.
“For now… let’s head out.”
Luna took careful steps. A faint thrill lingered in her stride.
The situation was far from good.
The point in time to which Luna had regressed was, shockingly, just before Kyle and Isabelle’s engagement. Which meant that breaking off Kyle’s betrothal through ordinary means was impossible.
But the biggest problem was something else entirely.
Kyle loved Isabelle. If she barged in now and demanded he end the engagement, she would be nothing more than an unwelcome intruder to him.
It would have been better if she had returned to an even earlier time—before the talks of marriage between Kyle and Isabelle had even begun. No, before her relationship with Kyle had become so horribly twisted.
Just then, a servant came to deliver news.
The unbelievable claim that Kyle wanted to break off his engagement with Isabelle.
“Break it off? Did you just say break it off?”
“Yes, my lady. The young master has officially requested to annul his engagement with Lady Isabelle, and it has already been approved by His Grace the Duke.”
Luna was speechless.
The Kyle she knew wanted to break his engagement with Isabelle at this point in time? And that selfish Duke had simply agreed to it?
It was impossible. Unless Kyle had also returned to the past like she had…
‘No way…’
A chilling sensation suddenly stabbed through her chest. At the same time, one possibility flashed through her mind.
What if Kyle had also regressed, carrying all those horrific memories that stemmed from her?
Could she ever be forgiven?
“……”
A deep resignation settled over Luna’s face. In that brief moment, it felt as if she had plummeted straight into hell. Cold sweat soaked her entire body.
“……There’s no time for this.”
She had to return to the ducal estate immediately. An obsessive thought took over her mind. Luna hurried toward the Duchess.
A short while later, she found herself in a long, bitter argument with the detestable woman she had once killed with her own hands.
“What? You need to return to the ducal estate?”
“Yes. Right now.”
“Have you lost your mind? We still have so much of the schedule left—”
“You only came to the Imperial Palace to meet a man.”
Luna coldly cut the Duchess off. In her heart, she wanted nothing more than to plunge a blade into that throat right then and there, but she held back. Assassinating the Duchess would require careful timing and method.
“Patrick, the Marquis. Did you really think I wouldn’t know you’ve been sleeping with that man?”
“……You must truly be out of your mind.”
“Shut up.”
The Duchess was having an affair with Marquis Patrick. It was something Luna had discovered while investigating her for a long time before her regression, in order to bring her down.
“If the world found out that the woman known as the epitome of virtue has actually been secretly indulging in debauchery behind her husband’s back…”
“……”
“Wouldn’t that be rather troublesome, Duchess?”
“……”
At Luna’s sharp accusation, the Duchess’s lips pressed into a thin line. The conversation ended there. With a face drained of all color, the Duchess ordered the servants to prepare for an immediate return to the ducal estate.
After several days, Luna finally arrived at the Winfred estate.
The moment she stepped down from the carriage, she began searching for Kyle.
What should she say first when she saw him? Where should she even begin so that her true feelings could reach him?
Her ragged breaths scraped against her throat.
A short while later, in the middle of the empty training grounds, Luna found Kyle watching a female knight’s training.
She barely managed to steady her expression before it could collapse. The sight of Kyle—so desperately longed for—filled her vision with painful clarity.
Luna cautiously called out to him. Just the thought of finally hearing his voice made her heart pound violently throughout her entire body.
Kyle stood there silently, watching her. His eyes were pitch-black and dead. His face was utterly indifferent.
The moment she saw that expression, Luna felt as if her mind had gone completely blank.
And above all else.
‘…Knight Commander Diana.’
The rising star who would one day seize the position of Imperial Knight Commander. A woman with the exact same face as Knight Commander Diana was staring at her with open hostility.
Could it really be that Kyle had also returned to the past?
She couldn’t believe it. No—she didn’t want to believe it.
She had to see his reaction. Growing impatient, Luna began provoking him with her usual arrogant tone.
That was when it happened.
A thick curse spilled from Kyle’s lips.
His deeply sunken eyes pierced straight through her.
This wasn’t right. This wasn’t the Kyle she remembered.
Her hands trembled. Her head spun.
Kyle. My beloved little brother.
Kyle glared at her with fierce eyes. Within those burning pupils, thick rage and disgust churned violently.
Treated him… like a brother…
There must have been times. No, there definitely should have been. There had to be.
Ah. I see.
I never once treated Kyle like a brother.
Luna was at a loss for words. Her eyelids trembled violently from the boiling self-loathing. She couldn’t breathe.
It hurt. More than when she had been poisoned and hovering between life and death.
Luna had no choice but to accept it. Or perhaps she had simply refused to accept it until now.
The pure boy she remembered from long ago had already died by her own hands.
Luna refused to give up. She continued to watch over Kyle.
She sent people to tail him so she wouldn’t miss any news. She participated in auctions to separate that damned Isabelle from him as quickly as possible.
For Kyle. And for herself.
If she kept making these small efforts, surely one day her sincerity would reach him.
Luna gathered what little hope she had and stacked it up like a sandcastle.
But a handful of hope was nothing more than a handful of hope.
An abyss-like despair crashed over her like a massive wave.
The karma she had built up tore through her eardrums and split her mind in two. It was agonizing.
Like grains of sand slipping away, a corner of her heart stung sharply.
It was cruelly empty. The swirling agony made it feel as if her soul was shattering into pieces.
The back of her hand was damp.
Huh? Am I crying?
Why? What right do you have?
A mocking laugh leaked out. It was ridiculous. Her own appearance. She was reflecting. She was regretting. Kyle, you’re the only one I have left.
A completely hoarse voice scraped up her throat.
She looked at the letter sitting in the corner of the room. It was the one Kyle had given her long ago, congratulating her on her birthday.
“……”
Should she just give up? Dying right here didn’t seem so bad.
Luna laughed like she was screaming. She bolted out of bed like lightning and rolled across the floor. The pain blooming across her entire body felt strangely good. So she laughed.
Yet the tears that kept falling were cruel.
Luna lay sprawled on the floor and stared at the ceiling. In the exact same position she had been in when she died from the poison.
“Kyle.”
Kyle. Kyle Winfred. My beloved little brother.
“…I’m sorry.”
Big sister will protect you.
“I……”
You’re the only one I have.
“……can’t give up.”
So please. Keep punishing me like this.
“Heh… hehe…”
Madness flickered in Luna’s eyes.
It was a night when the full moon hung in the sky.
Kyle had left the estate. She had expected it, but it still hurt.
The next day, Luna went to the Ustia County residence.
Isabelle Ustia. That damned woman who had poisoned Kyle. She wanted to snap that slender neck right then and there, but she held back. It wasn’t time yet.
Just as expected, Isabelle Ustia had also regressed.
You stupid bitch. Neither of us can ever be forgiven.
The Imperial Princess. Rudine Eckhart. Kyle’s childhood friend. And the most dangerous woman in the entire Empire.
That day, Luna headed to the Imperial Capital together with Isabelle.
Upon arriving, the two of them immediately entered the Imperial Palace.
The Imperial Princess’s coming-of-age ceremony was more magnificent than any other banquet. But Luna’s attention was solely on Kyle.
The moment she entered the hall, she scoured every place where Kyle might be. When she finally found him, he was having a warm conversation with the Princess.
Luna openly picked a fight with the Princess in order to pull Kyle away from her. However, the Princess asked Kyle to escort her, and he left with her, saying it would be an honor.
This was impossible. From what she remembered, a different noble heir had already been chosen to escort the Princess.
The future had changed.
Which meant—
“Lady Luna, don’t tell me…”
“……Yes.”
The Princess had also returned to the past.
Luna refused to give up and continued chasing after Kyle. After he sat at the head table with the Princess, he exchanged words with the Emperor and then left the room together with him.
Luna blended into the crowd and followed. In the corridor where she finally caught up, she ran into Kyle as he was leaving the reception room.
She desperately made him an offer. Come back home. She would remove every single threat to him. Please, just come back to her.
Kyle’s face was as indifferent as ever. There was no emotion in it at all—only exhaustion.
The Kyle approaching her looked dangerously fragile.
The way Kyle condemned her sounded sweet. The fact that he was paying her any attention at all, even like this, was unbearably painful yet joyful at the same time.
The murderous intent in his words pierced through her. The way Kyle spoke of her death made it hard to breathe.
Luna swept a hand down her gaunt face. Every single word stabbed into her like needles, yet the pain was strangely addictive.
That was when it happened.
Cough—!
Dark, murky blood spurted from Kyle’s mouth.
Luna’s mind burned white. Blood. And it was pitch-black blood.
Kyle, who had just vomited blood, let out a hollow laugh and staggered. That pitiful sight sliced through Luna’s sanity.
“K-Kyle!!”
She rushed forward like a madwoman and grabbed his shoulders. The breath of Kyle in her arms began to grow fainter and fainter.
No. What if…
‘He’s… dying again…?’
Right in front of me. In my arms. If he dies like this—
Then, something translucent floated into the air.
You may lose the most precious thing to you.
If that most precious thing… was my brother Kyle…
Luna’s pupils flooded with deep terror.