A New Beginning
“Eat and head to school. Your little sister already left.”
“Huh? Mother?”
Mother’s face showed surprise.
“Mother? Our son has grown up. Hurry and eat, then go to school. I’ll leave first.”
“Yes!”
Is this heaven?
It used to be nothing more than a plain daily routine, but
now, this memory
is more precious than anything else.
Whether it’s a dream or a return to the past,
I loved this moment too much.
If it’s a dream, I never want to wake up again.
Even though it’s a rental apartment, after living here for over thirty years, it’s the best place I’ve ever known.
“Compared to the cramped one-room apartment… this is heaven.”
I ate the food laid out on the table and left the house.
I traced my old memories to head toward school.
Thud!
“Ah!”
The hand that struck the back of my head made me cry out without realizing.
“What?”
Kim Juho.
The guy who had been bullying me since middle school.
The same guy who later became a national soccer star…
“Hah… This kid. You’re not going to blind me, are you?”
Kim Juho raised his right hand and glared.
Before, fear would have muddled my head and frozen my entire body.
But not now.
It didn’t mean I could fight and win immediately.
It simply meant I wouldn’t be afraid of taking a few hits.
After becoming an adult and stepping out into society, I had endured far harder and more unfair things than this.
“Why are you hitting me?”
“What… Did you eat breakfast wrong?”
“Hey. Let’s go. We’ll be late.”
Kim Juho shot his friend a glare and headed toward school.
He also turned back, clearly irritated that I had talked back.
“You’ll see me at lunch.”
It wasn’t as terrifying as before, but I still didn’t want to get hit.
Should I tell the teacher?
My head shook on its own.
It would obviously be troublesome.
He would probably worry about how to cover it up.
Old memories resurfaced.
A teacher had learned about the school violence through another student’s report.
The teacher’s response at the time had been absurd.
He called me and Kim Juho, forced us to reconcile.
Then, watching us reconcile, he told us to live well from now on.
“You teachers… I don’t believe in you…”
It would have been better to report it to the police or post it online.
If I told the teacher, he would try to sweep it under the rug somehow.
“Perfect.”
I turned back the way I had come and went home.
I took the emergency fund from the closet and left the house.
Then I bought a recorder.
“First period must have started by now.”
School is such a place…
Before, I would have been nervous about being late, but
that was the past.
Instead, my heart was filled with excitement.
I hadn’t created proof of past school violence, so I had been marked as the bad guy instead.
This time, I would make solid evidence.
And when it succeeded, I would blow it all sky-high.
“Would he still insult me if I reported him…?”
The comments under the post where I exposed him flashed through my mind.
-Korean people can’t stand seeing others succeed.
-He’s desperate to take money after one fight.
-This guy is a habitual offender. This is the first time he’s written something like this. Please reveal his identity.
-No, he grew up fighting as a student. What is he doing at over thirty?
“Fucking…”
The excitement from old memories slowly faded.
I passed through the quiet classroom and entered the school.
Since it was well after school hours, the teacher guarding the entrance was gone.
Creak.
“What? Lee Doun! Why so late? Sit down quickly.”
“Sorry.”
I hesitated for a moment, not remembering the seat.
Then I sat in an empty chair.
There was an empty seat at the back, but I had never sat there before.
“Lee Doun, stop staring. Everyone focus. Look at the textbook…”
The teacher lowered his gaze and began reading the textbook.
It had been ages since I last saw a middle school textbook.
I opened my book, referencing the one beside me.
Then.
Knock.
Something flew and struck the back of my head.
The paper ball that hit my head fell to the floor.
Suddenly, old memories flooded back.
This wasn’t the first time.
It was something I had endured several times during middle school.
“Sigh…”
Kim Juho, when in a bad mood, would occasionally throw paper balls at me.
He wrote what he wanted to say.
『Are you scared? See you at lunch.』
How could such a demon live inside a middle schooler’s head?
Why torment someone else just because he was in a bad mood?
I had experienced many people after leaving society, but demons like Kim Juho were rare.
Even in the Korean army,
Even inside a large company that felt like a jungle,
No one lived with their evil heart exposed like that.
Yeah, this was a good opportunity.
The pleasant feeling of the recorder in my pocket touched my fingertips.
Ding dong. Ding dong.
While I was thinking about various things, the class ended in an instant.
I had entered during the middle of first period, but no one approached me.
It would have been curious,
but
Ah, I was being ignored…
Kim Juho wasn’t the type to bully students arbitrarily.
Instead, he got along well with his friends.
And he isolated me in the classroom.
.
.
After eating lunch, I went to the rooftop.
Thud!
“Ugh…”
I had thought getting hit was nothing, but it hurt like hell.
Since the guy was athletic, his fist was heavy.
Especially if it landed on the leg…
“Aaaah!!”
In my head, I thought it would be cool like in a movie,
but reality was a shit field.
I was just stepped on like dust.
No coolness. I curled up like a shrimp, trying to endure the pain as much as possible.
“Stop it.”
Kim Juho left a word and went down to the rooftop.
The friends who had come with him also descended.
“Fuck…”
I couldn’t stand up.
“Ah… Do I need to go to class?”
Before, I had worked hard.
I got into a prestigious university.
I landed a job at a large company through effort.
I wanted to surpass Kim Juho.
“Working hard won’t make me better than a national soccer player…”
And the large company…
It was hard to get in, but being fired was instant.
The moment the netizen detective corps got involved because of the school violence post I posted, he was fired.
I took out the recorder from my pocket.
And pressed the play button.
Kim Juho’s voice insulting me had been recorded clearly.
And the sound of the hits.
Even though I hadn’t intended, my groans were included too.
“Yeah. This is enough. With this, I won’t suffer the unfair things like before.”
Ding dong. Ding dong.
Only after class ended and the next break began did I return to the classroom.
“Hey Lee Doun, why is your shirt like that?”
The teacher asked before starting class.
“Lee Doun, apparently fell while playing soccer during break time.”
“Hahaha.”
“Hahahaha. Idiot.”
“Krkrk.”
“Yeah, be careful from now on.”
The teacher simply told me to be careful and started class.
At this moment, did the teacher really not know?
It had happened several times before.
Kim Juho didn’t hit the face so he was fine, but the clothes got dirty often.
Even then, the teacher started class as if it was nothing.
The school teachers I had experienced were not trustworthy.
Teachers had changed into just a job that paid a salary.
The respect I once had for them had vanished.
I don’t know if it was because society made them that way or because the teachers themselves created it,
but they no longer devoted themselves like before.
The only thing full in them seemed to be the desire to avoid problems, like ordinary civil servants.
I had no intention of relying on the school anyway.
I had zero intention to ask help from the teacher who had called us and forced us to reconcile.
Instead, the feeling of the recorder touching my fingertips was far more reliable.
.
.
On the way home.
I shook off the dust a lot.
It was dirty here and there, but I didn’t want to worry mother.
In this life, I would make mother happy.
Absolutely.
And I would take care of my sister too.
The money I had saved for marriage had all been spent…
“Oppa!”
Ah… Hyemi…
The cute younger sister was waiting at home.
“Hyemi!”
I threw off my shoes and hugged the now much more difficult younger sister.
“Oppa, what’s wrong!?”
I could feel the surprise.
Before, we had been distant.
During middle school.
Puberty mixed with school violence.
I couldn’t even take care of myself.
Now I had leeway.
My situation was the same as before, but now I was no longer just a third-year middle schooler.
“Hyemi. Want to eat something delicious?”
“Delicious?”
“Yeah. Are you hungry? I waited.”
The younger sister put her hand on her forehead.
“Oppa, are you sick?”
Hyemi said worriedly.
“Oppa, lie down. I’ll make the rice.”
“Ah… Yeah…”
This was the original look of our house.
I was the oldest, the oppa, but the mentally youngest in the house was me.
Hyemi ran to the kitchen and, in an instant, food was made.
“Oppa, come sit quickly.”
“Uh… Okay…”
Ramen.
Suddenly, a sense of disgust rose.
After turning thirty, ramen no longer appealed to my taste.
Due to excessive stress,
or because my body had aged,
or because I ate it every day…
Before, I had eaten ramen to survive.
I could have eaten better food with money from mother and sister, but I hadn’t.
Because the rest had to be spent on sports gambling, excluding the minimum survival cost.
And to hire a lawyer with that money.
**
**
Oppa ate a bite of ramen with a sour face.
“It’s delicious! Hyemi, I don’t like ramen, but this is really good!”
For some reason, I said the ramen I cooked was delicious.
It was strange from the front door…
Moreover, the oppa’s uniform, which I had been worried about since the first time I saw him, was strange.
“Oppa, your clothes are dusty. Put them in the washing machine. I’ll start it right away.”
“Eh? After eating ramen, I’ll do it.”
With ramen in his mouth, he smiled brightly and said.
It was strange.
Today, oppa had changed a lot.
They say adults suddenly changing is bad…
Well, it was just words.
Oppa wouldn’t turn on the washing machine.
No, he might not even know how to use it.
But!
Oppa operated the washing machine.
First time. Oppa doing laundry.
Even if it was just pressing a few buttons.
And he kept sitting next to me.
After oppa went to school and came back, he didn’t come out of his room.
When eating ramen, I was curious.
When boiling ramen, he always took it to his room to eat separately.
“Hahaha.”
Oppa laughed non-stop, probably because the TV program was fun.
This was the first time I saw oppa laughing like that since becoming a middle schooler.
It was like he was frowning as if carrying the world’s worries alone…
Ding dong.
Mother came home.
“Mom!?”
“Mother!”
Mother?
Oppa said the word mother and went to greet at the door.
When mother came home from work, he didn’t come out of his room.
Moreover, mother…
“Mother, welcome back. Please give me the bag.”
Mother also looked very surprised.
“Mom, oppa is weird today.”
“A bit strange? Is there something wrong with the son?”
“No. Today… I’m too happy.”
**
**
After living thirty-five years, had there ever been a day as happy as today?
Before, today would have been the bottom of my life.
I had lived thinking it would improve.
But it hadn’t improved.
Instead, I had fallen deeper into a deep swamp.
As time passed, age increased, no money saved.
Instead, I didn’t earn money, so I borrowed from mother and sister’s money.
And finally…
Mother. Mother.
The image of mother placing purchased fruits on the table, watching TV and laughing.
No wrinkles from hard labor and worrying about son.
Was I selling my soul to a demon?
Or was the thirty-five years I lived before a dream?
No, this couldn’t be a dream, could it?
Nine o’clock.
Mother and Hyemi were watching TV,
I, looking at such mother and Hyemi, time passed quickly.
“Mother, I’ll go to my room first.”
“Okay.”
My room.
I turned on the computer out of habit.
“Wow. Is this what the body remembers?”
I had just entered the room without thinking, but the body moved without going through the brain.
“Since it’s on, I should move the recording file first.”
This was my precious treasure.
Even if I told about the school violence I suffered in the future, no one would believe me.
Even among the middle school students who saw it, no one would testify for me.
“Even Na-eun didn’t help me…”
Na-eun.
The word I hadn’t used in a long time tasted bitter.
The woman I had liked.
And the woman who had betrayed me greatly.
That was Na-eun.
“If only Na-eun had told me then…”