I’m Dead, Aren’t I?
Once university started back up, Lee Sihyun wasn’t exactly enjoying her life as a freshman.
It wasn’t because she hated college. It wasn’t because the students around her were annoying, either.
She was just in a foul mood because things hadn’t been going the way she wanted lately.
“Why are you so cranky?”
“...What do you mean?”
“Oh? Your face says, ‘I’m pissed off,’ plain as day. Who are you trying to fool?”
“It’s just... something.”
“Whatever it is, it must’ve been bad enough to make Sihyun look like that. What, was it Hyung-nim?”
“...”
“Aha! So it was!”
Watching Lee Suho smirk beside her made her want to punch him in the face.
At first he’d at least tried to manage his image in front of her, to act like a proper man, but after she’d clearly turned him down as a love interest and they’d come back from the trip, he’d given up on image management altogether.
She’d worried all through high school that she might never be able to make any guy friends, since she’d barely had any mixed-gender friendships to begin with.
And then this bastard had somehow transformed himself into a guy friend on his own.
Honestly, she was even more comfortable around him than she was around her female friends from high school.
“You should pretty much always lose to Hyung-nim. From what I can tell, Hyung-nim isn’t the type you can win over with push-and-pull. You need to make your feelings clear and—”
“Can you shut up for one second?”
“From what I can see, there isn’t anyone better than Hyung-nim. If you keep hanging around him, maybe—”
“Hey! Who says I don’t know that!”
“...”
Seriously.
It wasn’t like she didn’t know all that already.
And Doyun was too much, too.
On the road home after coming back to Korea, they’d clearly held hands. No, it wasn’t just hand-holding.
All through the trip, he’d gone beyond holding her hand and even pulled her into his arms.
She’d been worried, in her own way, that they might develop into something romantic.
Because she didn’t know how she was supposed to act.
But no, there was nothing of the sort.
Where had that version of him gone—the one who’d been all over her, holding hands and making a fuss?
After they came back to Korea, he’d gotten so busy he barely had time to talk to her properly.
“Don’t worry. That’s what friends are for. I’ll give you some advice as a man. You have no idea how grateful a guy is when a girl comes to him first.”
“...Really?”
“Yeah. If you go up to Hyung-nim first and say, ‘Oppa, do you want to go see a movie today?’ then he’ll just—”
“So what? He’s so busy these days he doesn’t even have time to talk to me.”
“What century are you living in? Is your phone just decoration?”
“You have a real talent for sounding disgusting.”
“I’d feel bad if I were too nice and then you and I ended up getting close. I wouldn’t have the face to meet Hyung-nim after that.”
“Seriously. You don’t look like a man to me at all, you know.”
“And you don’t look like a woman to me anymore, either.”
Unbelievable. Since when had they been close enough for him to call her Hyung-nim?
“It’s always Hyung-nim, Hyung-nim, Hyung-nim with you. Anyone would think he was your real older brother.”
“He’s way better than a real older brother.”
“At this point, anyone watching would think you’re the one who’s closer to him.”
“Now that you mention it, that’s not exactly wrong. Considering how you can’t even speak properly when he’s around...”
“Hey!”
While the two of them bickered back and forth, she spotted seniors approaching from a distance.
They weren’t just passing by.
They were looking straight at her.
They’d also struck up conversations every time they ran into her.
Thank goodness Suho was here.
Whenever the conversation looked like it might drag on, Suho always stepped in to help.
He said it was an order from Doyun.
Honestly, if he was going to give an order like that, why had he barely come near her at all?
She shouldn’t have gone on that trip in the first place.
She’d only made things worse there...
“You guys are coming to the bar tonight, right?”
“Huh?”
“You’d better show up today. We’re going to hand down the exam answers to the people who come.”
“...Yes.”
Suho didn’t block them. If anything, if he had tried, she would’ve jumped in to argue against him herself.
In college, the exam answers upperclassmen handed down were absolutely necessary.
Especially for her, since she was determined to get a scholarship no matter what.
She didn’t want to make her mom suffer anymore.
After the seniors left—
“You’re not going just because you like those seniors, are you?”
“Have you lost your mind?”
“Exactly. Then why’s that bastard grinning like an idiot? Anyone would think you were showing up because you liked him. Ha... this is all my own inadequacy. If Hyung-nim were here, those guys wouldn’t dare—”
“Will you shut up already!”
He wasn’t even the one being teased!
***
Lee Suho went to the drinking party with Sihyun.
The exam answers?
That was important.
But what mattered more was protecting Sihyun.
He hadn’t forgotten the kindness Hyung-nim had shown him during the trip to Japan.
Letting him preserve his dignity while inviting him along on such a luxurious schedule.
How could he ever forget that kindness?
“Hyung-nim says he’s stopping by a little later.”
“Really?”
“You look ridiculously happy. Hyung-nim would be pleased if he saw this.”
“...What are you saying?”
Wow, give him a break. Anyone could see she was acting exactly like someone hearing news about her boyfriend, and now she was pretending otherwise.
He really couldn’t make sense of her.
Was this what people meant when they talked about a woman’s push-and-pull?
For all that, Sihyun made it painfully obvious that she liked Hyung-nim.
Ah.
Come to think of it, Hyung-nim might not even accept Sihyun. A man at his level could date any woman he wanted, so why would he cling to one girl?
Strange.
Then why had he said he was coming here?
I don’t know.
Whatever the case, all he had to do was protect Sihyun the way Hyung-nim told him to.
The male freshmen clustered around us.
Maybe because Sihyun was beautiful and I wasn’t exactly weak-looking myself, the two of us naturally ended up at the center of attention.
I warned the guys off.
“Hey, don’t try any funny business with Sihyun. I may let the seniors slide, but you lot might get a fist to the face.”
“Are you kidding? We have eyes too. She has to be pretty enough to make us want her in the first place. Honestly, if you see Sihyun and still get greedy, that means your self-awareness is broken. Unless you’re some hopeless idiot...”
“Shut up.”
“Why?”
“I said shut up. At Sihyun’s level, even people with zero self-awareness could still rush in at her. What matters is realizing it too late.”
That pissed me off.
If Hyung-nim had said it, I would’ve accepted it, but what was this guy—he looked like chewed-up gum someone had spat out—doing, talking about anybody?
“Wait... come to think of it. The way you two keep hanging around together...”
“Don’t say stuff like that. Hyung-nim would kill me.”
“Who’s this Hyung-nim guy, anyway?”
“He exists. He’s someone who sees Sihyun in a good light. Someone we’d never dare overstep.”
“...Seriously, the more I look at this, the less I understand. You know you’re weird, right?”
“I didn’t know I’d end up like this, either.”
Did I think I’d end up like this?
This was just the result of everything that had happened along the way.
While I was laughing and joking with my classmates, the seniors came over and joined in with us.
“You guys know drinking games? Seniors and juniors are supposed to play drinking games together to get close faster.”
We couldn’t refuse.
So, naturally, the drinking game began.
But those male seniors seemed to be targeting Sihyun specifically.
Since Sihyun was already bad at drinking games, she kept getting caught.
“Senior, isn’t that punishment drink a little too strong?”
“Drinking games are played like this. Don’t get caught, then.”
“Su, Suho, it’s okay.”
Okay, my ass.
If Sihyun got drunk and completely out of it, what would the Hyung-nim who’d entrusted her to us think?
“I’ll take it for her.”
“...That’s amusing. Drink up.”
I snatched the punishment drink out of Sihyun’s hand and downed it.
It was better if I was the one who ended up incoherent.
Another round of drinking games continued.
“Hey! At least get caught in moderation!”
“S-sorry. I told you, I’ll drink it...”
“Forget it, hand it over!”
“What are you? Are you two, like, a thing?”
“What are you talking about? Your intentions are suspicious, so I’m just drinking it myself.”
“...You done talking?”
“Hey, hey, don’t fight. Besides, he’s probably too drunk to make sense anymore.”
“Hah. I’ll let it go.”
I was pissed, but he wasn’t wrong about not making sense anymore.
The booze was starting to hit me.
How much had I already drunk just now?
Maybe six shots?
Maybe even more.
And that was soju poured full into beer glasses, so six was already too much.
Haa...
Hyung-nim, when are you coming?
These damn wolves are after Sihyun.
And they don’t even know their place.
Maybe I should just throw up and end this whole thing.
But with my position, I couldn’t exactly bring myself to do that.
***
After I wrapped everything up, I called Suho.
“Why aren’t you answering your phone?”
He wasn’t answering. There was no way that could be right.
After several calls, he finally picked up.
From the sounds around him, it seemed like he’d stepped out for a smoke.
“Hey, Suho. Where are you?”
“Y-Yes, H-Hyung-nim. I’m at... hic. Hey, where is this again? Right? Hyung-nim, we’re at...”
“...Have you been drinking a lot?”
“I’m sorry, Hyung-nim. I’ll do my besht to hold on. Those bastards don’t even know their place and they’re going after Sihyun... hic.”
“Got it. I’ll be there soon. Before you protect Sihyun, try protecting yourself first.”
“Yes, Hyung-nim. Don’t you worry about me.”
I could hear his tongue getting tangled.
Looks like he was forcing himself to endure it. Still, with Suho there, I felt a little more reassured.
That said, if this kid was going to protect Sihyun, he needed at least some dignity.
Now, which car had I left that wasn’t being used?
I arrived at the bar Suho had mentioned.
I could see Sihyun there.
There were a bunch of people gathered, obviously college students at a glance.
Suho had his face planted on the table and was barely holding on.
“Huu... I’m not druncck yet... give me the punishment drink...”
“Suho, are you okay?”
“Who... H-Hyung-nim. I m-missed you...”
The person sitting across from Suho asked,
“And you are...?”
“I’m Suho’s close older brother. I’m also an older brother Sihyun knows. He looks like he’s had too much to drink, so would it be all right if I take him home?”
“Huh? The atmosphere was just getting good, though... If you don’t mind, why don’t you sit and drink with us a little longer before you go?”
“...Sure.”
That worked for me.
I’d better put a proper leash on things before I leave.
Suho suddenly shot his head up.
“U-ugggh... Hyung-nim, just trust me. Bring on all the punishment drinks...”
“...Pull yourself together.”
“Yes, Hyung-nim!”
Smack, smack.
Suho’s cheeks were swollen.
“S-stings. I’m dead.”
“...”