Fading Boundaries
To be honest, I was a little tired.
"Insignificant pests, daring to target Franche?"
Flick. I swung my sword, shaking off the viscous blood clinging to the blade.
The leaders I had just faced were on an entirely different level from the vice-captain, fitting their titles as the guild master and the first captain. Just as I had seen in the game, both of them were Sword Masters capable of wielding Aura. Yet, not a single one of their strikes had managed to touch me. Jin Barenberg's body was a monster beyond comparison.
"Phew." I sat down on the lower back of a low-ranking captain who was currently groveling face-down on the floor. He was the sole survivor, spared specifically to spread the word.
"Hey."
"Y-Yes, sir?"
"Why do you think I spared your life?"
"I-I'm sorry! I don't know!"
Tsk, tsk. So slow on the uptake. I shook my head in disappointment.
"Spread the word of what happened here today throughout the entire underworld. Tell everyone that if they dare lay a finger on anything related to Lady Descartes, they will face total annihilation, just like you did."
This would ensure no one would ever dare cross us again. After all, who would be foolish enough to challenge us when the second-most powerful dark guild in the Empire, Zenbukoros, had just been wiped off the map?
"Y-Yes, sir! I will do exactly as you say!"
A violent tremor ran through the spine of the captain I was currently using as a stool, his sheer terror radiating directly through his flesh.
"I'll leave it in your hands, then. I'm taking my leave."
I stood up, but just as I was about to walk out, I paused and looked back. "Hey. Do you guys have any clean clothes and a towel lying around?"
Having successfully annihilated Zenbukoros as planned, I made my way straight back to the Descartes estate. As I approached the main gates of the mansion, the guarding knights cast suspicious glances at me. It was likely due to the threadbare, rag-like clothes I had thrown on.
"Open the gates. I am returning from executing Lady Descartes's direct orders."
Though the knights looked highly displeased, they had no choice but to comply. Clank! The massive arched gates of the estate slowly swung open.
"Hmm. I really do look like a walking pile of garbage."
Since I couldn't possibly present myself to Franche looking like this, I stopped by my quarters to change into a fresh uniform before heading to her chambers to deliver my report. When I arrived outside her door, Helena was standing guard.
"The Lady is currently asleep!"
"What? She's sleeping?"
"Yes. She was so exhausted from having so much on her plate lately..."
It made sense; she had been running herself ragged lately. Between studying magic in her spare time, traveling back and forth to manage her business ventures, attending imperial banquets, and overseeing the boutique, she barely had a moment to breathe. Add to that her constant anxiety over my health, and her stress levels must have been through the roof.
I should probably let her rest. Even Franche needed a break once in a while. I slid down against the wall and sat on the floor outside her door.
"Um... is something the matter? You don't look very well." Helena leaned down, her round, sapphire-blue eyes blinking with concern. Come to think of it, I had grown quite familiar with her over time.
"It's nothing. Just thinking." I let out a heavy sigh. Brutally slaughtering the members of Zenbukoros had left me with a strange, lingering sense of emptiness.
"What's wrong...?" Even though she was clearly intimidated by my presence, she still couldn't help but worry. She really was incredibly innocent.
"Tell me... how do you think it would feel if you slowly started losing who you are?"
Helena tilted her head in confusion. "I'm not sure I understand. Do you mean... like your personality changing?"
I shook my head. "No, it's not something that simple. It's more like... something is slowly eroding you from the inside out, eating away at your core. Like you're gradually ceasing to be yourself."
I had already been aware that I was changing. While my core logical reasoning remained intact, my emotional responses and instincts had shifted drastically. Today's battle had made that terrifyingly clear. I had taken lives in this world before, but back then, I had brushed it off as a necessity of survival, assuming it was just a natural side effect of synchronizing with Jin's body. But now that I knew the terrifying truth—that Jin's original soul was slowly consuming my own identity—I felt completely alienated from myself. I was terrified. The person standing here right now was no longer truly me.
"Your hands... they're shaking." Helena gently reached out and clasped my hand. Her touch was remarkably warm. I looked up, meeting her gaze, and saw her sapphire-blue eyes shimmering with genuine concern.
"Are you trying to comfort me?"
"Um... I think so?"
Why did she sound so unsure? She was a bit eccentric, but her heart was undeniably pure and kind.
"Anyway... what do you think you would do in my shoes?"
Helena looked up at the ceiling, falling into deep thought. After a brief silence, she offered her perspective.
"Well... I don't really understand what it feels like to lose yourself. But everyone changes over time, don't they? Maybe it's just a process of adaptation."
A bitter chuckle escaped my lips. If only it were as simple as 'adapting.' I had been plagued by this anxiety constantly. With every percentage increase in synchronization, with every piece of his personality and memory that merged into my mind, I feared that the existence known as Kim Gongryak was being erased from reality.
"I wish I could look at it that optimistically."
"But you can just choose to think that way, can't you?"
"What?"
Helena offered a warm, innocent smile.
"My parents once told me something that really stuck with me. They said that the more terrifying a worry seems, the more insignificant it usually turns out to be."
I blinked, quietly absorbing her words.
"Everyone worries about the future, and everyone feels afraid. No matter how strong or powerful a person is, that never changes." Her voice was incredibly gentle as she continued. "So, even if it's just a little bit, why not try to set aside those fears and look at other things? When people get desperate and anxious, their vision tends to narrow, making them blind to everything else."
Hearing her words, the tight knot of anxiety coiled deep within my chest seemed to loosen slightly. My perspective began to shift. It was true that Jin's memories were flooding my mind, and his personality was bleeding into mine—but wasn't my fundamental way of thinking, the core of who Kim Gongryak was, still entirely intact?
I clenched my fists so hard that my nails threatened to pierce my palms and draw blood, but I didn't care. Thanks to Helena, I had managed to reclaim a piece of my lost self. A fierce, defiant resolve flared up from the sheer injustice of it all. This world was the one that dragged me here, so why the hell should I be the one to disappear? I would protect my own existence by any means necessary. And at the same time, I would fulfill my promise to Franche.
"Thank you." Feeling a surge of renewed energy, a faint smile spread across my face. I felt incredibly grateful to Helena for sensing my distress and offering comfort.
"I'm just glad I could help." Helena reached out and gently patted my head.
"...What do you think you're doing?"
"Ah! I'm so sorry. It's just... I have a younger brother, you see."
What does having a younger brother have to do with patting my head? My bewilderment must have shown on my face, because Helena quickly explained herself. "My little brother tends to worry about useless things and gets scared easily. Whenever he does, I always pat his head like this. He says it makes him feel much better..."
So that was why. Honestly, it really did feel comforting. "Well, it's not a bad feeling. I might have to ask you to do this more often."
At my playful remark, Helena giggled and gave my head a few more gentle pats.
It was at that exact moment. Bam! Franche's door flew open with startling force.
"What on earth do you two think you are doing?"
Her gaze was ice-cold. It was the first time I had ever seen Franche look at me with such chilling eyes, and a shiver ran straight down my spine. Sensing that I desperately needed to defuse the tension, I quickly spoke up.
"I was waiting for you to wake up, Lady."
"Really? And?"
"We were simply having a brief conversation while we waited."
Despite my explanation, Franche's icy demeanor didn't soften in the slightest. I could feel the raw mana coiled inside her body fluctuating wildly. Why was she suddenly acting so hostile?
"Come inside for now."
"Yes, Lady." I stood up and followed her into the room. We naturally took our seats across from each other at the table.
"So, how did the matter go?"
"It was handled without any complications."
"Is that so? I'm glad to hear it."
"And how did things go on the boutique's end?"
Franche let out a soft chuckle. Seeing her smile return, I figured her earlier hostility was just because she had barely woken up. People did tend to be a bit cranky right after a nap.
"Everything was resolved smoothly on our end as well. They claimed they were merely scouts."
So the group I wiped out must have been their main force. Trying to infiltrate the Duchy with those numbers... this wasn't a matter that would blow over easily.
Did she really pay them that much? Then again, if it was the Madame of Frida, it was entirely possible. She was desperate to reclaim the core of her business, so she might have wagered her entire fortune on this operation. If she bribed the right nobles with a portion of her wealth, she could easily hush up the aftermath.
"In any case, you should rest for the remainder of the day. It is quite late, after all." Franche gently took my hand and pressed several heavy gold coins into my palm.
"Consider this an allowance. You've had a difficult day, so go out, treat yourself to something delicious, and clear your head."
A warm sensation swelled in my chest. You really are the only one who looks out for me... I quickly amended that thought. Well, Helena too.
I bowed with military precision. "Thank you, Lady! I'll make sure to enjoy myself!"
"Go on. Ah, and please send Helena in on your way out."
"Understood."
I stepped out of the room with a light heart and addressed Helena, who was still waiting outside. "The Lady wants to see you."
"The Lady? I'll head in immediately."
Helena hurriedly scurried into the room. Click. As the door shut behind her, I made my way out of the mansion. When you're feeling down, there's nothing better than good food and fresh air.
I had received unexpected comfort from Helena, and Franche had even rewarded me with generous pocket money. I was going to enjoy this to the absolute fullest. It had been ages since I last had a proper drink, and I intended to gorge myself on meat. Humming to myself, I walked out of the estate.
Tap. Tap. Franche slowly tapped her fingers against the wooden table, her expression dark and displeased. Watching her, Helena felt an inexplicable wave of dread wash over her. It wasn't just Franche's icy expression; there was a faint, suffocating trace of killing intent radiating from her.
"M-My Lady... do you require something...?" Helena asked, desperately trying to maintain her composure. However, the tremor in her voice laid bare her absolute terror.
"Helena."
"Y-Yes, Lady Descartes!"
Screech. The chair scraped against the floor as Franche slowly stood up.
"You and Jin seem to be getting quite close."
"With... Lord Jin?"
"Yes."
"Ah, that... that is..."
SLAM! Franche suddenly brought her palm down hard on the table. Helena jumped, her entire body flinching violently in shock.
"Sigh... I am certain I made myself clear to Jin as well. I told him not to get close to you."
Helena felt a primal threat to her very survival. Like a helpless rabbit cornered by a predator, sheer, paralyzing terror seized her entire body.
"Helena."
"Y-Yes!"
Franche leaned down, forcing the trembling maid to meet her gaze. Her eyes were utterly hollow, devoid of any light or warmth. Her face was a mask of absolute stillness. The only thing radiating from Franche was a bone-chilling coldness that made the hairs on the back of Helena's neck stand on end.
"Do not associate with Jin ever again."
"W-What? But..."
SLAM! Franche slammed her hand down on the table once more. For a split second, Helena thought she saw a dark, ominous aura swirling behind her mistress. Was it just her imagination?
"Are you talking back to me right now?"
"N-No, of course not..."
Helena had never seen this side of Franche before. When she was first assigned as her personal maid, Franche had been a cold, listless girl who spent her days staring blankly out the window. But at some point, she had begun to brighten up. She had treated Helena kindly, and her gentle, softened demeanor had been a welcome change. To see her suddenly revert to this terrifying state left Helena utterly bewildered and frightened.
"Helena."
"Y-Yes, Lady Descartes?!"
"You had better engrave my words into your mind."
Franche leaned in even closer, her face mere inches from Helena's, close enough that their foreheads almost touched.
"Do not overstep your place."
What on earth did I do to overstep my place? Helena couldn't comprehend it at all. Was she truly flying into such a rage simply because she had spoken to Jin? Isn't their relationship just master and slave...? A flurry of questions raced through her mind, but under that suffocating pressure, she had no choice but to nod frantically.
"Y-Yes, of course! Then... what would you like me to do from now on...?"
"Any and all conversation with Jin is strictly forbidden. Do not look at him. Do not think about him. Do not even go near him."
Helena nodded her head repeatedly, her entire body shaking like a leaf. Only then did the terrifying coldness vanish from Franche's face, replaced by her usual sweet smile.
"You understand what I'm saying, don't you?"
"O-Of course! Your word is law, my Lady!"
"Good. That is all, then. You may leave."
Helena practically fled from the room. Clutching her pounding chest, she leaned against the corridor wall and slid down to the floor, gasping for breath.
"Haah... haah..."
She had heard rumors that the young lady had recently begun studying magic. Was this terrifying pressure a side effect of her awakening mana? Even Helena, who was notoriously slow-witted and dull to her surroundings, had felt that unmistakable, suffocating killing intent. Clasping her trembling hands together, she let out a long, shaky breath.
The Lady... she's completely lost her mind...