32. A Promise with the Queen Mother
32. A Promise with the Queen Mother
[Episode 32] - A Promise with the Queen Dowager
"Let's have a drink with your daughter-in-law, Jeonha."
"...Are you insane?"
At my suggestion that we have a drink together, the Queen Dowager scowled, turned her head, and waved her hand dismissively as if telling me to go away. I stubbornly ignored her action and took a seat in the empty spot beside her.
Ignoring the Queen Dowager, who was looking at me with a face full of disgust, I sat down, poured the wine she was known to particularly enjoy into an empty glass, and held it out to her.
The Queen Dowager looked at the wine label, clicked her tongue, and took the glass I offered. Watching her, I filled my own glass and took a sip.
As the bitter, stinging liquid slid down my throat, I couldn't help but grimace. This wine... why is it so bitter? It wasn't just that it tasted bad; it was incredibly bitter.
"Does it taste bad?"
"...Honestly, it's not really to my taste."
"A brat who doesn't even know the taste of alcohol..."
Perhaps annoyed that I didn't know the taste of alcohol, the Queen Dowager downed the wine I had poured for her and let out a huff, "Heung."
Unlike me, the Queen Dowager emptied her glass without a single change in her expression, and I couldn't help but be impressed.
As I sipped my wine, trying hard to empty the glass, the Queen Dowager, who had been watching me blankly, downed her wine in one go and let out a deep sigh.
"...I heard you issued a gag order regarding the First Queen's corpse found in Pyeha's room."
"Yes? Ah, yes. I did so because I didn't think any good would come of rumors spreading for no reason."
At the Queen Dowager's words, I was reminded of when I entered that room, the room of the unemployed bum. The sight of Aurora's corpse sprawled under the canvas. Come to think of it, I hadn't seen Aurora, who had become a fairy, since then.
Did she really die, as Silphy said? If she wasn't going to cause me any harm, I didn't want to worry about it. Whether the two really became one, or if she left for somewhere else, not here, out of shock from the King's death.
The Queen Dowager, staring at her empty wine glass, let out a deep sigh.
"...Yes, with the King having gone mad and doing whatever he did with the Queen's corpse, nothing good would come of such rumors. Thank you for handling it well."
"Yes?"
For a moment, I thought I had misheard and asked again, but the Queen Dowager looked at me with an expression that said she was sick of it and held out her empty glass. It meant to stop talking and just pour the drink.
"Looks like you're hard of hearing."
"Hehe, no, I heard you loud and clear."
As I answered while pouring the drink, the Queen Dowager clicked her tongue, "Cheut." I felt like I understood what kind of person the Queen Dowager was to some extent now. Is alcohol really the answer to getting close to people?
As we were drinking quietly like that, the Queen Dowager's maid brought out various snacks, saying it was bad for the body to drink without them. Cheese, sausages, snacks that went well with the wine.
As I picked up a piece of cheese and popped it into my mouth, the Queen Dowager, perhaps feeling that she had to insult me at least once if she had praised me once, clicked her tongue and glared at me.
"That aside, why were you like that during the meeting?"
"Yes?"
"Unlike your usual self, seeing you grovel before those old geezers was pathetic. Couldn't you have done at least half of what you do with me?"
The Queen Dowager, who was picking up a snack and chewing it, looked at me as if she were annoyed. Even if she asked why I was like that at the meeting... honestly, I didn't know what the right way to act was at that time.
No matter what excuses I made, they didn't work on the Minister of Foreign Affairs. Under the pressure of the Minister of Foreign Affairs, who nitpicked everything, opposed everything, and said no to everything, I had no choice but to appeal to emotions.
And in the first place, in a meeting that decided my treatment, there was no way I could act rudely toward the ministers, who were the heavyweights of this country and members of the Council of Elders.
They were gentle puppies in front of the Queen Dowager, but...
They were like wild beasts in front of me.
"...How could I act like that in a place gathered with this country's heavyweights? Your Majesty, you overestimate me. I think I knew my place well at that meeting."
"Is it your 'place' for a royal to grovel before nobles? Are you saying it's the 'place' of this country's Queen to say you'll be a maid and lick my feet?"
A royal...
Certainly, 'Vivian' was a royal of this country.
However, I hadn't even received the royal 'surname,' and the rumors weren't good either. Honestly, I didn't think anyone in this royal castle thought of me as a royal and followed me, except for the maids under me.
I took a gulp of the bitter wine and grimaced at the taste. Seeing that, the Queen Dowager clicked her tongue as if annoyed and turned her head away from me.
"Did you come back from the dead only to throw away your self-esteem? It's truly pathetic to look at."
"Y, Your Majesty?"
Surprised by her saying I was pathetic to look at, I turned my head to look at the Queen Dowager, but she wouldn't look at me. Throw away my self-esteem... Then what on earth was I supposed to do there?
They had already made up their minds to kick me out, and there were enough reasons to drive me out of the royal palace. Even I thought it was strange that I wasn't kicked out.
Didn't even the Queen Dowager try to kick me out at that meeting? Saying she would send a letter to the Temple, saying she would provide me with assets. But to say I suddenly threw away my self-esteem, that I was pathetic to look at...
Is it because of the tipsiness rising up?
Feeling a sudden lump in my throat, I asked the Queen Dowager in a choked voice.
"Then what would you have had me do? Everyone was colluding to kick me out. What good would it have done for me to scream and fight back against them?"
"What?"
"You said I threw away my self-esteem. Yes, I died and came back, and I threw it away. If it means staying by the Princess's side for even a little longer, I plan to throw away whatever self-esteem I have left."
My throat felt tight from the words I had blurted out, so I gulped down the remaining wine in my glass. For a moment, I clutched my head at the dizzying sensation, and the Queen Dowager looked at me with a bitter expression.
"...You said you wanted to be someone the Princess could rely on."
"Yes, Your Majesty."
"Then start by picking up the self-esteem you threw away. Even if it's confirmed that you're leaving the royal castle, until then, you are this country's 'Queen.' Never show yourself groveling before nobles again."
"......"
"What would the Princess learn seeing you like this? Do you intend to teach her to be a Queen with rock-bottom self-esteem who grovels and offers to be a maid? Or do you plan to raise the Princess as a maid?"
Cheut, the Queen Dowager clicked her tongue and looked at the empty wine glass with a bitter expression.
At the Queen Dowager's words, I felt as if I had been hit on the head with a hammer. At that shock, I realized what I had done wrong, and a hollow laugh burst out.
Because I hadn't received the royal surname, because I was going to be kicked out of here anyway, because the rumors weren't good and no one thought of Vivian as a Queen. Wasn't I too buried in those thoughts?
I seemed to have been so lost in useless thoughts that I forgot the most important thing. I was so obsessed with the idea of staying by the Princess's side that I hadn't thought at all about what the Princess would learn from watching me.
I filled the Queen Dowager's empty wine glass and smiled bitterly.
"...My thinking was shallow."
"Cheut, that's enough if you know."
The Queen Dowager, who had let out a deep sigh, said no more. I didn't ask any further, either, and just drank with her. Perhaps it was because the night breeze blowing in was cool, but a laugh escaped me.
After some time passed, and the night breeze had blown away some of the alcohol, the Queen Dowager cleared her throat and looked at me.
"Are you preparing well for the Princess's birthday party next month?"
"The Princess struggles with dancing, but... other than that, it is being prepared well. The dressmaker you sent is said to be sending the dress soon. When the dress arrives, I will visit you with the Princess."
"That's fine. I can see the Princess in her dress at the party."
I thought the Princess's birthday party might be postponed or canceled due to the King's death, but the Queen Dowager did not postpone it. Rather, she insisted that since it was such a time, it should be prepared as magnificently as possible.
Come to think of it, there was only a month and a little bit of time left until the Princess's birthday party. The Princess's dancing was still the same, and I was worrying about what to do—
The Queen Dowager made eye contact with me and suddenly said to me.
"You shall name the Princess."
".....Yes?"
For a moment, I almost dropped the wine glass I was holding.
Me, name the Princess? Since the Queen Dowager had taken over the regency, I naturally thought the Queen Dowager would name the Princess. As I stared blankly at the Queen Dowager, she sighed softly and continued.
"Why, do you dislike it? Are you planning to dirty my ears again with self-deprecating talk about how someone like you could name the Princess or whatever?"
"Ah, no, it's not that—"
"It is not, indeed. Cheut."
Actually, I couldn't really say it wasn't. The moment I heard it, I wondered if it was really okay for me to name the Princess.
And I knew how much the Princess wanted her own 'name.' Was it really okay for me, of all people, to give her something she wanted so desperately?
As I hesitated, the Queen Dowager clicked her tongue, looked at me as if I were pathetic, and shook her head. As if I were truly pathetic for acting as if I had no self-esteem even after she told me that.
"Originally, a child's name is given by their 'parents'."
"......"
"In my eyes, the current 'parent' of the Princess isn't me, but you."
"Me... being the Princess's 'parent'..."
...I was just going to be satisfied with being the Princess's 'tutor.'
I hadn't intended to become the Princess's parent. Even if the Princess craved the love of a 'parent' that she had never received even once, I wasn't confident that I could provide it.
I just wanted to be someone the Princess could rely on. In my mind, 'someone to rely on' did not include being a 'parent.' I just thought of it as being like a friend, or a teacher...
As I faltered, the Queen Dowager set the glass she was holding down on the table.
Tta-ak!
She flicked my forehead. As I looked at the Queen Dowager with a question mark on my head due to the sudden pain, she glared at me as if she were truly sick of it.
"You foolish thing. You're really asking for it. You said you wanted to be someone the Princess could rely on, didn't that mean you said you would be the Princess's 'parent'?"
"I, I didn't mean that..."
"The only person a child can 'trust and rely on' is their parent. The fact that you thought that way is no different from saying you would be the Princess's parent. Stop with the useless thoughts and think about the Princess's name."
"C, can you give me some time to think, at least...? Even if you tell me to think of the Princess's name suddenly, nothing comes to mind..."
Actually, I did have some ideas, but...
I clutched my stinging forehead with both hands and pleaded with the Queen Dowager. The Queen Dowager sighed softly and drew a firm line.
"I'll give you two weeks. Come find me before then and tell me the Princess's name."
"I will do so..."
As I bowed my head, the Queen Dowager waved her hand dismissively, telling me to get out of here as she had nothing more to say to me. Thinking that if I stayed any longer, I would only get flicked on the forehead, I quickly got up from my seat.
The moment I turned the doorknob to leave the terrace, the Queen Dowager called me back.
"Queen."
"Yes, Your Majesty."
"Make a 'promise' with me."
As I tilted my head at the sudden word 'promise,' the Queen Dowager rested her chin on her hand as if contemplating what to say, then glanced at me and continued.
"Take care of the Princess with the affection of a parent, enough to make her forget the wounds she received from Pyeha and the First Queen. Make sure she never cries like she did at the funeral again. Can you do that?"
At those words, a 'promise,' I just smiled gently.
Rather than a 'promise,' it was a guardian's 'request.' I didn't know if I could do well as the Princess's parent, but what I had to do for the Princess remained unchanged.
"I will try to do so."
"...Yes, then that's fine. You may leave now."
With those final words, I bowed to the Queen Dowager and stepped out of the terrace. Even after sending me away, the Queen Dowager was busy filling her empty glass, as if she intended to drink more.
As I stepped out of the terrace, the Queen Dowager's maid looked at me with an expression that seemed to show she didn't know what to do for some reason. Then, she approached me with quick steps and whispered in my ear in a small voice.
"...? What? The Princess is in seclusion...?"
*
After the funeral ended, during the time Vivian went into the meeting.
The Princess was walking down the hallway toward her room with a sad expression. She didn't know if Abamama had really died, and since it didn't feel real yet, it felt as if she were walking in a dream, her feet floating above the ground.
As she wandered through the hallway like that, she heard the sound of maids gossiping at the end of the hallway. The Princess, who usually received sweets from the maids, unconsciously moved her footsteps toward where the maids were.
As the Princess approached the maids who were gossiping at the end of the hallway, the maids didn't even know the Princess was nearby and kept on chattering without stopping.
"In the end, is Her Majesty the Queen leaving the royal palace?"
"Well... wouldn't she leave? Since she didn't receive a 'surname'... The Head Maid said that this has happened many times in history, too. In such cases, in the end..."
"To think I would feel sad thinking that Her Majesty the Queen is leaving the royal palace... If it were before, I would never have thought this. Right?"
"That's right... wait...?"
The maid turned her head at the gaze she felt under her feet. When she saw the Princess's face standing behind her, pale as a sheet, the maid couldn't close her mouth.
The maid who had been gossiping next to her also couldn't say anything, her words stuck in her throat upon seeing the Princess's expression. She came to her senses and tried to make an excuse somehow, but the Princess's words were faster than the maid's excuse.
"What, what is that supposed to mean?"
"P, Princess... that's not it..."
The Princess looked at the maids with empty eyes. With the death of Abamama, the Princess, who had no more emotions left to grieve, didn't know what expression to make at the feeling of emptiness.
She just opened her eyes wide and looked up at the maids with a gaze asking if what she had just heard was true. The maids covered their mouths, not knowing what to do, but the Princess had already heard their words clearly.
The Princess dropped her head, turned her back on the maids, and walked heavily toward her room.
"The Queen is leaving..."
A tear rolled down the cheek of the Princess, who was repeating those words. Overcome by the tears she thought wouldn't come out anymore because she had cried all day, and a choked-up feeling, the Princess ran into her room and locked the door.
Telling no one to enter her room.
Declaring she would never leave this place again.
That is what the Princess declared.