120. A Bitterly Cold Winter Day
120. A Bitterly Cold Winter Day
[Chapter 120] - A Bitter Winter's Day
A month had passed since Titania's seclusion ended. The seasons had also moved on; as spring ended and summer approached, the room felt stifling if the windows weren't left open.
The royal castle began to buzz as if it had regained its vitality. Titania, who had cried so much, continued her lessons with the ministers to receive education to become queen in the future, and began to focus on her studies.
And Veronica and Ainsel—
"...Where on earth did she go? I can't see any traces at all."
-I can't feel Vivian's magic power at all, either. For starters, it's certain she's not around the capital. Vivian's magic is a bit unique, so I thought I'd find her quickly...
They were busy looking for Vivian, who had left the royal castle to keep her promise to Titania. Even with the help of the dwarves at the [Dwarves' Hut], and even though Ainsel had turned mirrors throughout the entire capital into [Ein-sel's Clones], they couldn't find her.
It was as if someone was intentionally hiding Vivian.
"It's been 3 months since Vivian left the royal castle... No, did you say it's been 4 months now? Then, couldn't she have crossed over to another country? You know... this Vivian has a personality where she gets things done if she sets her mind to it, right? If she decided to go to another country to separate herself from Titania..."
-...I can't say that's not the case.
Veronica and Ainsel sighed at the same time.
Even though a lot of time had passed since Vivian left the royal castle, they hadn't thought there would be absolutely no traces. Veronica, who had thought she would at least be able to quickly find out where she was living, was truly in a bind. Because the look in Titania's eyes lately when she asked, "Is it still not time yet?" was not ordinary.
"...Did she really never tell you where she was going?"
-As I kept telling you, no. She didn't say a single word about going anywhere or where she would go. I just thought Vivian didn't have any thoughts at all...
"That's harsh..."
Veronica let out a snicker at Ainsel's tone, which harshly called Vivian stupid. In a situation that only brought sighs, Veronica stretched her arms high up into the sky. She wondered if Titania's patience would reach its limit first if things went on like this.
At that moment, there was a knock, and Titania entered the room. She looked a bit better than when she was in seclusion, but she still looked haggard, perhaps because the studies she started after deciding to become queen were difficult. It was only natural she looked haggard, being grilled by the ministers every day.
Titania, who had entered the room, sighed, placed her books and documents on the desk, and looked at Veronica and Ainsel. Titania's lips, which seemed to have something to say, moved a lot, but soon she just sighed again, held it in, and brought up a different topic.
"Eonni, Grandmother called for me, so I'll be going."
"...Alright, go ahead."
At the sight of Titania leaving the room with a slumped figure, Veronica and Ainsel began to search for Vivian once again. Setting the next city as their target, Ainsel searched the surroundings through the mirror. Veronica began to search for Vivian with the help of the dwarves.
*
"Grandmother, did you call for me?"
"Yes. Come closer, Titania."
Titania, who had entered the room, walked softly and approached the Queen Dowager, who was sitting on the head of the bed. Even though she visited every day, she felt like the room was becoming more desolate by the day.
Titania smiled bitterly at the sight of her grandmother, whose strength was waning day by day. It was the day after her seclusion ended that Titania realized the fact that the Queen Dowager was ill.
Vin Chaud, unable to hold it in any longer, eventually told Titania about the Queen Dowager's health condition that had been hidden until now, and as soon as Titania found out, she blushed at the childish behavior she had displayed.
With her mother gone and her grandmother sick, Titania thought it was not the time for her to be acting childish. Saying she had to focus on her grandmother now, Titania tried to forget Vivian.
'If, right now, even Grandmother leaves my side...'
Titania shook her head to shake off the bad thoughts, then forced a smile and stroked the Queen Dowager's emaciated knuckles. 'I don't want any more goodbyes.' 'I wish no one would drift away from my side.' With those feelings, Titania gently held the Queen Dowager's hand tightly.
The Queen Dowager, watching Titania holding her hand tightly, let out a small breath and continued.
"Titania. Do you hate Vivian very much?"
"...I don't really know."
At the question of whether she hated her mother, Titania didn't know how to answer. She hated her mother. Truly, she hated the mother who had left her behind without a word, leaving only a single letter. She really, deathly hated her.
However, there was still a part of her that loved her mother. There was a part of her that missed her mother, wanted to touch her, and wanted to meet her. If even that was greed, she wished she had just stayed by her side.
"...Don't hate her too much. That child just kept her promise to me. Do you know what kind of pathetic things Vivian said about not wanting to leave your side?"
"...What did she say?"
"She said she would give up being queen and everything else if she could just be your mother. How pathetic she looked... Truly, it was a servility that I couldn't believe came out of that Vivian's mouth."
Titania's eyes went wide at the sight of the Queen Dowager laughing with a chuckle.
Because her mother had never once told her such things. However, if she thought of her that much, why did she leave without saying anything? If at least she had told her...
"...That child is more servile than you think. Should I say she lacks self-esteem, or that she lacks confidence? She was closer to an ordinary citizen than a queen of a country."
Titania smiled at the story, which she felt she understood. Certainly, unlike other nobles with high pride, her mother was timid and simple. That appearance was just like a small, timid animal.
"The only time that child, who was like an ordinary citizen, looked like a queen was when she was doing it for you."
"...When she was doing it for me...?"
"Yes, when she was doing it for you, her daughter. At those times, she would change into a firm and dignified figure, as if she had never been otherwise. Although she stumbled sometimes, whenever she thought of you, she showed the figure of a 'mother'."
Even I couldn't show that to my own child.
The Queen Dowager said, smiling bitterly as if whispering. Then she raised her emaciated arm and stroked Titania's face. As that rough palm touched her face, moisture welled up in Titania's eyes due to the overwhelming emotion.
"So, please think that the reason Vivian left you was also 'for your sake.' The bad one is all me. I couldn't even find a point of compromise and was just busy chasing Vivian away. Honestly, I regret it. Was there really no other way? Should I have forced the ministers? I have these regrets."
"N-no, it's not... Really..."
Titania dropped her head and couldn't lift it. Feeling like she would burst into tears again if things went on like this, Titania forced a smile and looked at the Queen Dowager.
"M-more than that, please tell me about Mother in the past. I want to hear how servile she was that you would say that."
"Hehe, alright. I'll tell you. So, back then..."
Thus, slowly, Titania and the Queen Dowager shared stories. Just like a granddaughter and grandmother, they blossomed with stories they hadn't been able to share until now. From stories about Vivian that Titania didn't know, to stories about Titania's academy life. And, they talked endlessly, even about the grandmother's younger days.
"...I'm a bit tired."
How much time had passed like that? Because they had been talking without even realizing the sun was setting, the Queen Dowager let out a long sigh and leaned her back against the bed. At the sight of her grandmother's exhausted appearance, who already looked tired, Titania couldn't sit still and slowly supported the Queen Dowager.
"...Should I call a maid?"
"...No, I need to rest a little."
Perhaps because she was very exhausted, the Queen Dowager, who had closed her eyelashes neatly, whispered softly. Titania supported the Queen Dowager, laid her down on the bed slowly, and laid her down on the bed while arranging the pillows and cushions.
Every time she supported her, the Queen Dowager's emaciated bones and dry skin that touched her fingertips made Titania feel various emotions. She hated herself for acting childish toward her grandmother, who wouldn't be surprised if she collapsed right away.
The Queen Dowager, lying on the bed, let out an exhausted breath and caught her breath. The moment Titania was about to get up so as not to disturb her grandmother's rest, the Queen Dowager placed her hand on the back of Titania's hand.
"...Titania."
"Yes... Grandmother."
Soon after, the Queen Dowager, with her eyes closed, continued to speak in a voice so small it sounded like she was talking to herself.
"...If things go according to the promise, the day we meet will come soon."
"Yes...? What does that..."
"...I'm tired. I need to rest."
The Queen Dowager didn't say anything more than that. Quietly, with her eyes closed, she breathed evenly and fell asleep. What did it mean that the day to meet, which her grandmother mentioned, would come? Titania tilted her head as if she didn't quite understand, but the Queen Dowager didn't answer.
Titania, having confirmed that the Queen Dowager lying on the bed was asleep, only then got up from her seat, looked at the lying Queen Dowager, and smiled brightly. Hoping, by all means, that her grandmother would live a long, long time. Desperately hoping she would get well soon, she clasped her hands and made a wish.
"...Sleep well, Grandmother."
*
Time passed, and passed again.
The seasons turned, a bitter winter's day.
At that moment when Titania woke from a deep sleep.
The news delivered by the maid who came running collapsed the pillar that had supported Titania once again. With the sensation of her heart rolling on the floor, Titania got up from her seat and ran to the place the maid guided her to.
It was truly a sudden event. Her grandmother, who until yesterday had been smiling normally and saying hello to her without any signs, had suddenly passed away. Truly, suddenly.
Titania walked somehow with trembling legs, but on the way, the strength in her legs gave out, and she collapsed in the hallway. The maid somehow took such a Titania to the place where the Queen Dowager was sleeping.
At the Queen Dowager's deathbed, Vin Chaud and the ministers who had arrived first were sobbing and shedding tears. The atmosphere seemed to tell her that all of this was true, so Titania shed tears once again.
Supported by the maid, Titania slowly approached the place where the Queen Dowager was lying.
Her grandmother had already passed away, but her appearance, as if she were just sleeping, had such a peaceful face that it was hard to think she had passed away. Truly, it was an appearance as if she would open her eyes at any moment.
Her grandmother, who had her eyes closed, was wearing a small smile. As if she were comforting the people left behind rather than her own sadness of leaving. It was a warm smile that seemed to comfort everyone left here.
Titania shed tears once again at the death of a family member. She wanted to throw herself on the floor and sob, but that was not polite to her grandmother, who was smiling at her until the end.
Titania, with trembling hands, grabbed her grandmother's cold hand, brought it to her lips, and prayed. She prayed, containing a farewell greeting that she was truly happy to have been born as her grandmother's granddaughter.
When the prayer ended, Vin Chaud called Titania.
"Princess..."
"...Ah."
Titania, who had put down the Queen Dowager's hand, turned her head and looked around.
The colors of the people around her felt like cold gray. The gazes of the people around her looking at her felt like a cold blizzard pouring down from a gray sky on a bitter winter's day.
Titania felt the things she had vaguely felt since she was young touching her heart. She knew such a day would come someday, but now that it had actually arrived, she couldn't believe how scary it was.
I see.
There is no one left here to call 'family' who will support me.
There is no longer Grandmother, who was always by my side, or Mother, here.
Vin Chaud, who was wiping away tears, said in a choked voice that he would prepare for the funeral. Titania lifted her head and looked out the window. It was a terrible winter where the sun could not be seen because the blizzard continued.
The sky, dyed in a dark and murky deep gray, was busy scattering a pure white blizzard without rest. The sound of the wind coming through the window was like the sound of a woman sobbing.
Titania felt that the voice was like the sound of her own sobbing. It was like the cry of a banshee (crying woman), grieving the death of her grandmother and pitying herself, who would be left alone in the future.