118. Was I the Only One Who Didn't Know? (1)
118. Was I the Only One Who Didn't Know? (1)
[Episode 118] - Was I the Only One Who Didn't Know? (1)
"Bring Mother to me right now!!"
Titania, clutching the crumpled letter in her hand, let out a scream that sounded like a shriek. The shout, which felt like it was being vomited out, echoed throughout the room. Mother is leaving? Why? She clearly said she would wait, didn't she? Mother wouldn't lie to me, would she? Why on earth would Mother...!
"Mother...!"
She wanted to shout it once more, but in the end, she couldn't finish the sentence, and her voice faded away. It was because even as she said it, it didn't feel real. Could all of this be a nightmare? Is she still dreaming at the Academy?
Titania wanted to believe that she was dreaming.
A terrible nightmare, but a reality that would disappear upon waking.
A reality she could just laugh off as a nightmare.
She prayed that it would be so.
None of this could be any more surreal.
Because the letters Mother sent every month were always filled with her longing. That she missed her, that she wished she would return soon, that she truly loved her.
She could be certain that there wasn't a single lie in Mother's affectionate letters. But, what on earth is this? Now that she's returned, they say Mother has left this place.
And that it was something planned from the very beginning. That ever since she was six years old, ever since her father passed away, this had all been decided. So, her leaving the royal castle was unavoidable.
That was what the short letter Mother left behind said.
'It was already a scheduled event.'
Then why?
If you knew you were going to leave this place, why did you cherish and love me so much? Why did you treat me like a treasure, as if you were going to stay by my side for your whole life? Why on earth?
If you had known you were going to leave the royal castle.
I would have rather you hated me like in the old days.
I would have rather you bullied me like in the old days.
I would have rather you ignored me like in the old days.
Even though you didn't do that and loved me until now.
Even though you made me unable to live without you.
Can you live without me?
I can't.
I feel like I can't go on living if I think about you not being by my side.
You...
In the end, tears flowed from Titania's eyes. One drop, two drops, they began to flow incessantly down her cheeks. Whenever she cried like this, Mother would always wipe away her tears, but perhaps it was because there was no one left to wipe them away now. The tears that gathered at her chin couldn't withstand their own weight and dripped straight down to the floor.
As she just let them flow without even wiping them away, she heard the sound of the door bursting open. The Queen Dowager walked in slowly, leaning on her cane, through the gap in the open door.
"Titania."
"Halmeoni..."
The Queen Dowager smiled bitterly as she looked at Titania. Titania scrambled toward the Queen Dowager, almost kneeling as she looked up, pleading. Because the only person who could tell her that all of this was a lie was the Queen Dowager. So, Titania confirmed the truth as if begging.
"Ha, Halmeoni... It's a lie that Mother, that Mother left, right...? Isn't it?"
The Queen Dowager sighed as she looked at Titania, who was clinging to her.
She knew the fact that Titania was dependent on Vivian. They weren't biological mother and daughter, but they were so close that anyone would think they were.
Seeing the two of them like that, there was a lot of talk around them. It was said that it wasn't a good look for a princess who would become the Queen of a country to be so dependent on her stepmother. Really, a lot of talk had gone back and forth.
At the very least, they said Vivian should be gradually separated from Titania. That Vivian was ruining Titania's chance to become independent. It wasn't just once that such talk had come up.
The Queen Dowager had agreed to some extent when she heard such talk. It was certain that Titania was dependent on Vivian, and she hadn't shown any signs of standing on her own feet. However—
If even Vivian disappeared, there would be no one left by Titania's side. Her own mother and father had died like that. Vivian was giving the love that she deserved to receive from her parents instead.
Saying that taking even that away from Titania would be too cruel, the Queen Dowager had ignored such remarks from those around her until now. That if anything happened to Titania, she would take responsibility. That she would handle it.
'In the end, I'm the one who has to hold the whip.'
And now, the Queen Dowager let out a short sigh, saying that the time had come for her to take responsibility. She had told Vivian to write the reason why she had to leave the royal castle in the letter, but it seemed it was insufficient after all.
The Queen Dowager slammed the cane she was holding onto the floor with a thud! Then, she stared at Titania, who was grabbing her skirt and begging, and once again, with a short, heavy sigh, she replied.
"It is not a lie. Vivian has left, and since she is no longer the Queen, she is no longer your stepmother either."
Titania shed tears again at that answer. The gaze of her Halmeoni, which had felt warm even if it was a little scary when she was young, felt so cold and dry now.
"...Did Mother really leave...?"
"Yes."
"...Halmeoni, you must have known, right...?"
"Yes."
"But... why, why didn't I know until now...?"
Titania, who was kneeling on the floor, asked. Asking why she was the only one who didn't know this fact, why she hadn't told her, why on earth she had hidden it until now. Titania asked, her lips trembling.
"You said it was a fact decided since I was six years old... If so..."
"I judged that you did not need to know."
Only after seeing the Queen Dowager's reaction did Titania realize that all of this was reality. 'Really, Mother has left my side.' She trembled, feeling the reality of it all.
A suppressed sob began to leak from the throat of Titania, who was clinging to the Queen Dowager.
"Why...... why didn't you tell me? If I had known, at least if I had just known, I wouldn't have harbored these feelings, I wouldn't have felt this way! At least...! At least if I had just known...!"
The Queen Dowager stood in place and looked down at Titania. In contrast to her reddened eyes, her complexion was pale, almost white. The look in her granddaughter's eyes as she looked up at her was full of resentment.
The Queen Dowager watched her quietly. She didn't pat her shoulder, didn't whisper in a kind voice, and didn't even apologize for this whole situation. She just didn't avoid the gaze of Titania, who was kneeling and looking up at her with resentment.
"Why did you do it..?! Why! Do you have any idea what kind of mindset, what kind of feelings I used to endure that prison-like Academy for three years?! It was only Mother! The only thing that kept me going were the letters Mother sent!"
Titania shouted aggressively.
She cried, sobbed, and argued with the Queen Dowager. She grabbed the Queen Dowager's skirt, scratched it, and screamed. It wasn't like Mother would come back if she did this, but she felt like she would go crazy if she didn't.
"It's not just the Academy... The reason I was able to live like this for the past ten years was thanks to Mother! But, how could you do this to me...? Am I really never going to see Mother again? I didn't even get to see the moment Mother left the castle... You should have at least given me a chance to say goodbye..."
Titania's sobbing voice stabbed at the Queen Dowager's heart.
Terrible guilt and regret. She had expected that Titania would react this way, but seeing it with her own eyes made her chest ache as if it were burning with guilt.
So the Queen Dowager did not stop Titania's sobbing. Just standing still and accepting her granddaughter's emotions was the only thing the Queen Dowager, as a relative, could do.
Looking down at Titania's body, which was trembling like an aspen tree, the Queen Dowager swallowed dryly to soothe her burning throat. Vin Chaud reached out a hand to the collapsed Titania, but Titania ignored him.
"Mother... where did Mother..."
Her breath was choked by sobs, and she couldn't speak properly.
She had to find her. She had to find her. She had to bring her back. She had to bring her back here. She begged her to please help her do that. Titania looked up at the Queen Dowager with eyes mixed with resentment and pleading.
"I do not know. Since Vivian left the castle, she didn't tell anyone where she was going."
"Ah..."
At the sight of Titania looking down at the floor while shedding tears, the Queen Dowager brushed Titania off, turned her head, and headed for the door. The Queen Dowager, who stopped while holding the doorknob, muttered as if talking to herself.
"Two years from now, when you turn twenty, your coronation ceremony as Queen will be held. By then, I will either be dead or have retreated to the annex, so you can do as you please."
"Dying...! Your Majesty the Queen Dowager...!"
"I trust you understood what I said."
Vin Chaud called out to the Queen Dowager as if asking what on earth she was saying, but the Queen Dowager ignored Vin Chaud and continued. Yes, either way, at most it was 2 years from now.
2 years until Titania becomes Queen.
Don't they say time is medicine?
Hoping that Titania's heart would calm down a little by then, the Queen Dowager, leaning on her cane, ordered the maids to take care of Titania and walked out of the room. As she did so, the Queen Dowager ordered Vin Chaud, who had followed her out.
"...For the time being, leave Titania be to do as she pleases. Anyway, given Vivian's personality, she is probably hiding somewhere Titania cannot easily find."
"...Yes, Your Majesty the Queen Dowager."
The Queen Dowager, who stopped for a moment while walking down the hallway, coughed a few times and let out a long sigh.
"I'm sick..."
Body and mind.
Everything hurt as if it were being torn apart.
Vin Chaud, who was watching her, didn't know what to do and supported the Queen Dowager.
"Your Majesty the Queen Dowager... Please, take care of your health..."
"...Don't nag. This was a necessary thing."
*
After the incident with the Queen Dowager, Titania didn't come out of her room for several days. Seeing her shutting herself away just like when she was young, Vin Chaud just sighed while looking at the firmly closed door.
"Princess... I will leave your meal in front of the door."
As expected, no answer came from the firmly closed door. Vin Chaud sighed deeply once more, remembering the past, then turned his head and went back the way he came.
Titania, who had blocked even the sunlight from entering by drawing the curtains in her room, spent several days and nights lying in bed. Something she didn't know if it was anger or sadness was sticky all over her body, so she couldn't find the strength at all.
After Mother left, Titania, who had lost the place she relied on, wandered around unable to find a place to rest her heart. Because Mother, the standard of her life, had disappeared, it felt like there was a hole in her heart.
She thought and thought with a slightly cooled head, but in the end, reality didn't change. What was the point of trying hard? Anyway, Mother wouldn't return here.
Titania felt like all of this was a punishment.
A punishment for having feelings for Mother that she shouldn't have had.
So she thought this result might be a scheduled result.
However, if she had known she would collapse this quickly, she would have confessed her feelings sooner.
That she loved her.
That she loved Mother not as family, but as a person.
She wanted to make that confession and hear Mother's answer.
That she loved Mother.
What she thought of a daughter who had come to love her stepmother.
That she wasn't a little child who didn't know anything anymore.
If she couldn't see her as an adult.
She wanted to ask her to just stay by her side, even if she rejected her.
She wanted to ask Mother, who had left her side.
Was leaving me really the best thing?
She wanted to bring Mother in front of her, look at her face, and hear the answer directly.
Titania, who had covered herself with the blanket up to her head, shed tears again. She thought her tears had dried because she had shed too many, but her throat hurt because she was choked up by the endless tears. As she was sniffling for such a long time—
"Honestly, you look like a beggar. Who would think this is a princess's room?"
Suddenly, the blanket surged upward, and someone's sigh was heard. As she rubbed her eyes, which were blurred by tears, the figure of Veronica, who was smiling bitterly, came into Titania's view.
"Veronica... eonni..."
"...Hello, beggar Titania."