114. A Letter from a Loved One (2)
114. A Letter from a Loved One (2)
[Chapter 114] - Letter from a Loved One (2)
「To my dear Mother」
「Mother, can you believe it? They say it's already been a year since I entered the academy. By the time this letter reaches you, I'll be a second-year student. Honestly, I still can't believe it myself. That it's already been a year since I came here.」
「In other words, it means a whole year has passed since I last saw you. It also means there are still two years left until I can see you. I don't know if time is passing quickly or slowly.」
「How are you doing, Mother? Is it already a year? Or is it still just a year? It's greedy of me, but I hope that for you, the past year still feels like just one year. Why, you ask? Because it would mean you missed me so much that the time felt like it had barely passed. Hehe.」
「Did you know? That Veronica eonni misses you more than you'd think. Veronica eonni said she wouldn't write to you, but I know. I know the fact that Veronica eonni has written several letters to you over the past year.」
「I'm not sure if she actually sent them or not, but if you happened to receive a letter from Veronica eonni, please let me know. I need to use it to tease her. Ah, you thought I shouldn't tease my eonni just because I'm the younger sister? But it's Veronica eonni who teases me first!」
「She never shows me her studying, yet she always gets better grades than me. It makes me hate Veronica eonni so much when she teases me about that. How on earth can she keep her grades at the top without even studying? I can't understand it at all. Is she using magic behind my back?」
「Anyway, I think I'll only be able to relieve this overflowing frustration if I can catch even the smallest weakness. Please, tell me secretly, just to me. If I find out what kind of letter she sent, Veronica eonni's face will definitely turn beet red. I'm looking forward to that sight.」
「...Actually, I understand Veronica eonni's heart well enough. Lately, I feel like I've caught homesickness, and there are times when I feel like I'm going crazy because I miss you so much. I'm barely holding on by reminiscing about my memories with you, but it's not easy. I really miss you, Mother.」
「It's finally spring here. The royal castle's garden must be in full bloom by now, right? Surely, it's that time of year. I would like it if you could enclose a daisy from the garden in your next letter. I think my homesickness would fade a little if you did. That's how much I really, really miss you, Mother.」
「With longing, Titania Snow White.」
*
「To my beloved Mother」
「I'm sorry I haven't been able to send a letter for a few months. Ever since I became a third-year, I've had more work in high society than my academy studies. When I got to my room, I didn't even have the strength to hold a pen. I was too busy collapsing onto my bed to sleep... Really, these past few months have been so hard.」
「I'm holding on just by thinking that I'll be able to see you soon after graduation. Because there isn't much time left until I can return to you if I endure just a little longer. If I can just get through the summer and winter, I can go see you. You haven't forgotten your promise, have you? You must come to pick me up, okay?」
「Because you are the person I want to see most of all. If you come to pick me up, Mother, I think that alone will make me feel like enduring the three years at the academy was worth it. As soon as I arrive at the royal castle, I'm going to jump out of the carriage and run straight into your arms.」
「And I'm going to brag. About the fact that I've grown taller than you, Mother. I've grown tall enough to look down on you now. It won't be me being held in your arms anymore, but you being held in mine. You can look forward to my growth.」
「Oh, come to think of it, Veronica eonni told me to pass this on to you. It would be fine for Veronica eonni to write a letter herself, but... ever since I teased her with a letter a while back, she doesn't try to write to you. I'm sorry. It's all my fault.」
「What Veronica eonni wanted me to pass on is, 'I got what I wanted.' She's probably talking about the 'Fairy's Egg' she obtained at the beginning of this year. She even held an auction to get it! Perhaps because of the rumor that it grants wishes, countless students participated in the auction. Well, in the end, eonni got it.」
「The reason she was able to win the auction was largely thanks to Ainsel's help. She told Veronica eonni how much the opponent would bring to the auction. Ainsel even dug up the opponent's secrets and things like that. Since then, Veronica eonni and Ainsel have become a little closer. 'A little,' that is.」
「That's how well we're doing without any issues. Are you doing well, Mother? You always write in your letters that you're doing well, but I'm so anxious because I can't see you in person. I feel like you would lie to me and say you aren't sick even if you were.」
「So, I think I have to see you in person, Mother. I feel like I won't be satisfied unless I see with my own two eyes that you're really okay and doing well. I think this anxiety will only be resolved once I meet you and my hands can touch your skin.」
「I'm sorry for being clingy. It's just because my longing for you is so deep. It's to the point where your image flickers before my eyes whenever I close them. Now that I think about how little time is left until graduation, I can only think of you. Don't you even feel sorry for me, missing you like this?」
「I'm joking. I believe that just as I miss you, Mother, you miss me too. So, please welcome me with a smiling face when I return after graduation. Please meet me in good health and get rid of my anxiety. Really, I miss you, Mother.」
「Your daughter, Titania Snow White, who is waiting for the day she can see you.」
*
'This one is a letter from two years ago, this one is from three months ago, this one is...'
Late at night.
I sat at my desk and began to organize the letters Titania had sent me so far. Rereading the letters Titania had sent from the academy made me feel so bitter I thought I'd go crazy.
It was as if guilt was tightening around my heart every time I read a letter. The content of the letters I received every month was filled with endless, desperate words about how she wanted to see me and how she missed me.
Every time that happened, I endured the pain of guilt piercing my heart and wrote lies on the stationery. That we would be able to meet soon, that I was looking forward to seeing how much she had grown, that I would definitely come to pick her up.
Sending such lie-filled letters every month, I lied to Titania every time. It was unbearably agonizing, and I was busy crying every time I wrote a letter. Because I was sorry, and sorry again.
As I began to read the letters again, there was a knock, and the door burst open with a bang! without my permission. The person who entered my room without my permission was none other than the Queen Dowager.
When I was startled and went to support the Queen Dowager, she frowned.
"Queen Dowager-nim...? What brings you here... More than that, are you okay walking like this?! You're not in good health, and where did you leave the maids...! You should have called for me instead...!"
"Don't make a fuss in the middle of the night. I came without the maids knowing."
"...The maids will be horrified if they find out."
Hmph, whether they do or not.
The Queen Dowager huffed and came into my room, plopping down on my bed. Perhaps it was difficult for her to walk all the way here, but after catching her breath, the Queen Dowager saw the 'bag' on my bed and asked me.
"...Is this all the luggage you have?"
"...Yes, what else would I need to pack? I only packed a few clothes and the essentials."
"The greedy child from your youth has finally matured."
"Haha..."
I had no choice but to smile bitterly at that answer.
It was 'Vivian' who was greedy, not me.
Besides, there really wasn't anything worth packing. Even if I packed the dresses filling the closet, I couldn't wear them outside the royal castle, and since all the dresses were tailored to my body, it was awkward to sell them.
What I could pack was enough with a few pieces of jewelry I could sell, some simple clothes, and the pouch of gold coins the Queen Dowager had handed me. With this much, I didn't think I would starve to death even if I went outside.
'Yes, even if I leave the royal castle tomorrow, it will be fine if I take just this much.'
About three months left until Titania's graduation.
I finally decided to leave the royal castle tomorrow.
Originally, I had intended to stay here as long as possible until just before Titania graduated, but the Queen Dowager's health, which she said would last at most three years, wasn't that bad even now; in fact, it had improved.
Moreover, since the Queen Dowager herself told me to leave, there was no way I could hold out. I decided to think of it as a good thing. She had set a departure date for me when I hadn't been able to decide on one myself.
As I was smiling bitterly, the Queen Dowager took an envelope out of her bosom and held it out to me. When I hesitated, wondering whether to take it or not, the Queen Dowager sighed and continued.
"Take it quickly."
"...What is this?"
"It's an invitation with the contents inviting you to my funeral. If you have this, even a queen who is banned from entering the royal castle will be able to enter on that day."
For a moment, my heart felt like it had dropped.
As I realized the contents of the invitation in my hand, it felt as heavy as a thousand pounds. An invitation to the Queen Dowager's funeral? The fact that she was suddenly giving me something like this, could it be...
When I looked up at the Queen Dowager, she smiled gently and stroked my cheek. The moment the Queen Dowager's rough hand brushed my cheek, a single tear rolled down and fell.
The teardrop that had been precariously hanging on the tip of my chin fell to the floor. The Queen Dowager wiped my tears with the back of her hand and smiled. Unaware that that action was only making me cry more.
"...You must live a long life. See Titania become queen, see a great-grandchild who looks just like Titania. You must live a long, long time until then..."
"Don't worry, I intend to live a very long time even if you don't say that. I don't know about a great-grandchild, but I have no intention of dying until Titania becomes queen."
"???"
No, then why are you giving me this now? As if you're someone who's going to die soon? When I stopped crying and looked at the Queen Dowager as if I were dumbfounded, she began to pull on both of my cheeks.
"No, then why are you giving this to me now?"
"Since you won't tell me where you're going after leaving here, I have no choice but to give it to you now! I don't know if I'll be able to contact you then, so I have no choice but to give it to you now!"
"Uwaaaah-"
The Queen Dowager grabbed my face and started shaking it as if she were annoyed. My head started to hurt because of the vision shaking back and forth. The Queen Dowager, who seemed tired of shaking my face, sighed and glared at me annoyedly.
"I don't know where on earth you plan to wander off to, but don't cross the kingdom's borders. If you cause trouble in a foreign country, the kingdom won't be able to help you."
"Do I look like I would go all the way to a foreign country and cause trouble?!"
"Yes, you brat of a daughter-in-law! My head still hurts when I think of your younger days!"
"Uwaaaah-"
Once again, my vision shook back and forth. Even though my face was being shaken around, for some reason, laughter came out. Seeing me laugh, the Queen Dowager smirked and let go of my face. As I touched my cheeks in a circle as if they hurt, the Queen Dowager sighed and looked at Titania's letter.
"...Write at least one letter to Titania before you go. It's too difficult to explain."
"...I don't know what to write. No, even if I write a letter, will Titania forgive me?"
"It would be better than leaving without saying anything. At least, write down the reason why it turned out this way before you go. We'll try to soothe her somehow after that."
"...Yes."
As I smiled bitterly and was lost in thought for a moment, the Queen Dowager tapped my arm.
It meant that she was going to get up now, so I should support her.
When I reached out my hand to support the Queen Dowager, she stood up, hugged me, and patted my back. Feeling like I was going to cry again, I bit my lower lip and held back the tears.
"...My child, I'm sorry I can only do this much for you."
"...No. This is enough."
"If only you had truly, truly received the 'surname'..."
The Queen Dowager stopped patting my back for a moment and let out a deep sigh. Knowing that tens of thousands of emotions were contained in that sigh, I didn't say anything and quietly stayed in the Queen Dowager's arms.
"...Really, I'm sorry."
After that, the Queen Dowager didn't say a word until I supported her back to her room. It was a short apology, but for me, it was enough. Because I knew the heart for me contained in those few words, really, that was enough.
I quietly returned to my seat, picked up my fountain pen, and looked at the stationery.
「To Titania」
"......"
What on earth should I write to Titania? Is the act of writing a letter right in the first place? Can I explain this situation to Titania with just a single letter?
The tip of the fountain pen, which had been soaking in ink for a long time without being able to write, dried out and split. Repeating that action once, twice, three times, many times, I still couldn't write a single letter.
Time flowed endlessly like that, the night passed, and dawn began to break.
The dawn of the day I was to leave the royal castle began to break.