A Windfall Side Hustle - 4
"Gwhek!"
The black boulder seemed to move—and then a pair of yellow eyes glared at me as if to skewer me on the spot.
The real problem was that what the boar had been poking at with its snout wasn't just some object. It was Spirit No. 1's first wife and second wife.
What kind of boar grows that big?
It was the size of something you'd believe was a bear.
And in this state, I can't just attack it!
First Wife and Second Wife were hissing and baring their teeth, putting up what resistance they could.
If I couldn't take the enraged boar down in a single blow, those two were going to get seriously hurt. One kick from a boar like that, and a pair of cats might not survive it. Pregnant cats, at that.
I glanced down at the broom in my hand.
Yeah, this isn't going to cut it.
I hurled the broom off behind the boar. The instant the clatter made it whip its head around, I snatched up First Wife and Second Wife and dove through the door into the house.
Thud! Crash-crash-crash!
Came the sound of things being smashed to pieces out in the sunroom—and then the boar slammed itself against the door leading inside.
"Agh, my house is coming apart."
More importantly—were the cats okay?
Cradled in my arms, First Wife was a Holstein-patterned tabby and Second Wife a mackerel tabby. Both stared up at me with wide, startled eyes and wailed their little heads off.
"It's okay. It can't get in here."
I carried them to the study. To them, the inside of a house was unfamiliar territory. Cats are territorial animals—they might think they'd been kidnapped. They needed somewhere enclosed where they could feel safe.
"Here… this is a wool blanket I really love… but you two use it."
I fetched the throw I kept over my knees and spread it out on the floor for them.
"Mrow?"
"Mrooow."
Both of them climbed onto the wool blanket, kneading it and rubbing their bodies against it.
Does leaving their scent on it make them feel at ease?
I set out food and water, then readied myself for battle.
"I need to keep my head on straight, or the evening news is going to run a story about a Mr. Kim critically injured fighting a wild boar."
I'd felt it when we crossed paths earlier—one proper charge from that thing wouldn't just break bones. It could kill me. That's exactly why boars are designated as harmful wildlife in the first place.
All those news stories: boars rampaging through city streets, injuring pedestrians, smashing through restaurant windows and wrecking interiors.
I was about to become the setting for one of them.
Slipping out the front door, I went to the storage shed and picked up the axe. It was for splitting firewood, but nothing made a better weapon on hand.
"Phew. I can do this."
I moved to the back door by the kitchen and steadied my breathing. In the meantime, more glass-shattering crashes rang out—the sunroom windows were clearly being destroyed.
Pricking up my ears, I sketched the boar's movements in my head.
It's sniffing the scent of roasted sweet potato traces inside the wood-burning stove.
Salivating over the sweet smell of baked sweet potato, the boar began butting the stove.
Something delicious is in there! Gotta smash it open quick. That seemed to be the conclusion it had reached.
Thud-thud-thud-thud!
A cast-iron stove wasn't going to break, so the boar backed off, then charged again. It looked like it planned to try the same thing one more time.
"Now!"
The moment the boar launched itself at the stove and slammed into it with everything it had, I kicked the door open and swung the axe with all my strength.
Whack!
The axe bit squarely into the middle of the boar's skull.
"Gwheeehek!"
And it still wouldn't die. It snapped its head up, locked eyes with me, snorted steam from its nostrils, and came barreling at me.
"Uh—aaagh!"
Wall at my back, boar in front of me. Trapped with nowhere to run, it was do or die.
I drove my fist into the boar's jaw with everything I had.
My freakish strength—the kind that cracked rocks—would figure something out. That was the hope, anyway.
The jolt of impact ran across my knuckles and zinged all the way up to the crown of my head.
At the same time—whump!—the boar collapsed in a heap like a sack of straw.
"Y-you… actually did that?"
I wasn't exactly One-Punch Man.
I had just knocked out a wild boar with a single punch.
It's not dead, right? It's still breathing, at least.
I turned my own fist over in wonder, examining it from every angle. Aside from a bit of the boar's slobber left over from punching its jaw, my hand was perfectly fine.
Then—
[Master, you're not hurt, are you?]
Spirit No. 1 came tearing into the sunroom, and the moment our eyes met, it launched into a flurry of praise.
[How did you take down a boar barehanded? Turns out our Master is the strongest man under heaven. That was so cool, Master.]
Was it my imagination, or was all this fussing a little too forced?
You. You dropped off First Wife and Second Wife—where exactly did you run off to?
If I'd been even a little late, the one lying unconscious right now probably wouldn't have been the boar.
Boars are omnivores. They eat acorns, wild roots, chestnuts—but they'll also catch and eat frogs and snakes. If a stray cat can't put up a fight, there's no reason not to make a meal of it.
Evil spirit or not, you wouldn't just leave those girls behind and go gallivanting.
[W-well, you see… the truth is… it was just so cold…]
Spirit No. 1 turned its head toward outside the sunroom.
"Mrow!"
It called to someone—and a calico cat poked its head out timidly.
"No. No way!"
[She's family too. So… you can go ahead and name her Third Wife.]
"You little—why, you dirty dog!"
I knew you weren't supposed to curse at a cat, but the words just burst out of me.
"How do you just make a Third Wife?! Don't tell me she's pregnant too?!"
[For the greater good of all catkind, I am spreading my descenda—]
"Get over here and take one hit. Because today, I don't think I can hold back!"
"Hey there, young Yunho! Who are you fighting with?"
The Village Head's voice carried over as he came walking around the back yard. Had he heard I was back and come to talk things over?
Hold that thought—
I looked at the calico Spirit No. 1 had brought along. She was smaller than First Wife and Second Wife, and looked like she hadn't had a proper meal in a long time.
We didn't know about a Third Wife, so there was no way anyone could have looked after her.
How had she survived this cold at all? I was just glad she was safe.
First Wife, Second Wife, and now Third Wife. When they all give birth, how many kittens is that going to be?
"This is insane."
I should have gotten him neutered back when the body he was possessing first got healthy. One percent my fault, and the other ninety-nine percent squarely Spirit No. 1's.
But Third Wife the calico is blameless.
They're just ordinary cats, faithful to the instinct to pass on their lineage.
I groaned and spoke to Spirit No. 1.
Take Third Wife to the study and stay there.
[See, Master really is kind.]
Spirit No. 1 flicked his red tongue and slunk past my legs.
What is this feeling? Like I've become a total pushover?
[What pushover? You're just kind.]
No, that's not what I mea—
I couldn't shake the feeling that Spirit No. 1 had known all along I'd say yes.
Don't tell me you led that boar here on purpose?
[Me? Why would I?]
So that I'd take your wives into my house. And if they were ever in danger, you'd have possessed the boar to stop it from attacking—watching from real close. Am I wrong?
And then, right after I knocked the boar down, you show up with impeccable timing?
When I finished laying out my case, Spirit No. 1's whiskers trembled.
[N-no, that's not it.]
Your whiskers just twitched. Wow, seriously! You actually schemed this?
[Master, it's a misunderstanding. A real misunderstanding! Oh—look, the Village Head's here!]
At Spirit No. 1's words I looked up, and sure enough, the Village Head had made his way over to the sunroom at some point.
Even that timing feels staged…
But what was I going to do about it? What's done is done.
I went out to greet the Village Head, saying as I went:
You are absolutely never getting on my desk. And you're staying out of the bedroom.
[Got it. Heheh!]
Spirit No. 1 slipped into the house with the calico Third Wife in tow.
[Welcome. This is my home now. You can live here in peace.]
Why, you little—!
"I heard you were back from Seoul, so I came over—and who on earth were you fighting? The glass is all shatter—wait. No! What is that?"
The Village Head spotted the boar sprawled out in the sunroom and his eyes went saucer-wide.
"Isn't that a wild boar?"
"Yes. It probably came down from the mountains because there's nothing to eat."
"That's what they say on the news. There's more food on our back mountain than it knows what to do with. They've just gotten used to eating what people grow."
Apparently boars don't only come down in winter. In spring and summer too, they regularly wander into the village and gobble up every crop planted in the fields.
"And the way I see it, they've gotten even bolder because they've got no natural predators left."
"Natural predators?"
"Their natural predator used to be people. When I was young, times were so lean the grown men used to go out hunting boar. Back then, those things would bolt the second they saw a human."
Nowadays, the humans kept dwindling and the boars kept multiplying.
"Actually, that's why Grandfather Sang-jong and I already filed a boar capture report. I was going to tell everyone at the general meeting tomorrow."
Grandfather Sang-jong, the second-wealthiest man in our village after me. The stubborn old man couldn't stand cats, but he'd been a hunter since his younger days. He even still held his license, with his gun kept at the police substation.
"Once you submit a boar capture application, you've got five days to hunt it down and handle it yourself."
"H-handle it yourself, meaning…?"
"Eat it, of course. Well, look at that—this one's a male. Probably going to be a bit gamey."
Male boars carry a musky odor. Plenty of people love them for it anyway, apparently.
"Braise it in soy sauce with Sichuan pepper and star anise, or boil it long and slow with aged kimchi for a kimchi jjim—either way it's delicious. These fellas are lean, and the meat's wonderfully springy."
"Um… but it's not actually dead yet?"
Between the axe blow and taking my fist squarely to the jaw, the thing was out cold rather than dead.
"Is that so? You knocked it out with one swing of an axe? That's fine work, my boy!"
"I-I just got lucky."
"Hahaha. What's all this false modesty for? Everyone in this village already knows how remarkable you are."
The Village Head, under the impression I'd felled the boar with a single axe stroke, heaped praise on me.
For a little while, anyway.
"Best string him up before he wakes."
"String him up, you say…?"
"Got to bleed him, don't we? Go fetch me a knife."
What a terrifying man.
I swallowed dryly and went inside to get the knife.
That night, the boar-butchering operation began in the Village Head's yard.
Every year, Grandfather Sang-jong and the Village Head caught a boar together. Back in his prime, Sang-jong had reportedly shot boars on the run—could hit them from horseback, or so the story went. He used to keep hunting dogs too, though all of them had long since passed.
These days, Grandfather Sang-jong carried around a little ball of fluff named Ppori instead.
"Goodness, what did this thing eat? Its belly's stuffed to bursting!"
Escaping the smell of blood, I ducked into the kitchen and asked Mrs. Han Su-ja.
"Is boar meat actually any good?"
"Tough and gamey, mostly. Though the elders who grew up on the stuff swear butcher-shop beef doesn't hold a candle to it."
"Ah, I see."
The taste of nostalgia, I supposed.
Anyway, moving on.
"Mrs. Han, uh—I heard there was a fight over in Ugok 2-ri over that solar farm project."
Solar projects breed conflict. One faction welcomes them: approve the panel installations and monthly subsidy payments come in. The other faction opposes them: the panels scar the natural landscape and the village will quickly turn into a ghost town.
Those two camps couldn't reach a compromise if their lives depended on it. Their interests were simply too far apart.
They say our village won't see fistfights, since there are no young people left to fight…
But shouting matches were a sure thing. The elders who needed money right away would vote yes.
And honestly—if I opened my window and saw solar panels standing black where the trees used to be…
I didn't think I'd want to live in this village anymore.
It's my land. This is the only place I've ever found peace.
I asked Mrs. Han Su-ja carefully.
"The solar project isn't coming to our village too… is it?"