A Second Life, Not a Third
“This is the carriage going to Sohlehren, right?”
Clink.
The coin I handed the driver felt heavier than any armor I’d ever worn and lighter than the responsibility that once crushed me daily.
Over the years I had personally hurled the heavy plate and endless duties that once pinned me down straight into my own hands. Now the only weight pressing on this body was a single blade and pocket change.
From now on I wouldn’t be the Royal Knight Commander. Only the free citizen “Rigel Belheim” remained—free to wander the world as she pleased.
‘…Somehow it feels hollow.’
From the day I learned to write until the day before yesterday, the only thing my hands had ever held was a sword.
But now there was no weight in my grip.
My hand felt empty. And even more so, my heart felt empty and hollow.
When I finally left the Royal Capital I had felt relieved, almost smug, as though I had finally gotten a taste of revenge on those who once burdened me.
Now the feeling was strangely empty.
Perhaps because the lifelong purpose I had chased vanished. Or maybe because I no longer needed to grip the sword I had carried all my life.
“You were more than capable of being Knight Commander… and in skill you could have gone even further.”
“At that age you were already a complete swordsman. The only thing left was to accumulate experience.”
“Rigel, you might even be the one who will crown the last page of this history.”
The glittering titles, the fame, the expectations that had been showered on me—all of it I had personally kicked away with my own feet. No regret remained, and there never would be.
Because I had been bitterly disappointed.
I had been disappointed in the mages, disappointed in the Heroes, disappointed in the Kingdom, and eventually even disappointed in Drex Valefor.
“…Hoo.”
What was I going to do now? I had spent my entire life swinging a sword. Could I even live without it?
Of course I had a decent sum of gold left… but I couldn’t survive on it forever. And I had no desire to drift through life with nothing to do.
First, travel. Even in a world where endless wars with monsters continued, the rear lines were peaceful. Most adventurers started in the back anyway.
Well, living the life of an adventurer sounded fine… but I wasn’t thinking of that yet.
Combat ability was essential for adventurers, but strength didn’t automatically make a good adventurer. And if I formed a party, there would definitely be a mage who hung back and played it safe.
I knew that. I knew it very well.
Mages had to play that role. Magicians without close-combat skill were sent to the rear, while knights had to tank the front lines.
Yet I resented it. This was all because of that damned Rongo.
If it weren’t for Rongo, I would never have developed this hatred for mages.
Ugh, why was I even thinking about it?
Crunch. I clenched my teeth and stopped the train of thought.
Even after retirement, I had nowhere to go. I had no memories of home, and the few memories I had accumulated had long since vanished after years away.
As someone who had grown up in the Knight Order with rough, burly knights since childhood, I had no place that could call itself home.
Except for one.
But it wasn’t because I had any connection to that place.
I was simply heading there right now to meet the one person I could still call a friend.
Our age gap was small, nothing like the fifteen or twenty years the other uncles had with me.
“I wonder if he’s living properly. Still, he must have saved up a lot to come here.”
His blood brother.
A senior who was more like family to me—an orphan with no relatives—than anyone else.
Unlike me, who had stayed in the Order until now, he had quit a few years ago because of an injury.
And I had heard he had settled in a remote territory called Sohlehren. After that I was pulled back and forth across the front lines so often that we barely had time to write letters… but this time I was making the trip to meet him.
“I hope he’s doing well. What will he say when he sees me like this?”
Would Grandfather or the old man scold me? Or would the uncles listen to my story with a straight face?
Or maybe we’d drink and trade useless jokes until my mood lifted.
Any of those would be fine. Meeting a friend was all about opening up to each other’s hearts.
But if I could ask for one thing, I wanted Rongo and Drex Valefor to suffer the same punishment for what they had done.
***
Clunk, clunk.
The ride to Sohlehren was far from smooth. On the map it was only a short distance from the capital, but the road twisted endlessly along mountain ridges because it was too narrow.
We had to carefully cross paths blocked by tree roots and scattered rocks, so the carriage moved at a snail’s pace.
According to my estimate we should have arrived in two or three days, but five days in we were still camped by the roadside.
The carriage was cramped and uncomfortable, so the driver and I built a small fire, spread out a blanket, and lay down together.
“Guest, what brings you to Sohlehren?”
We crossed hills and mountains together, ate the same meals, and soon grew close.
I stirred the thick soup bubbling in the pot and offered it to the driver, who looked a little older than me.
“I’m going to meet a friend. Actually, I quit my post and came here. I figured I’d check out this place too, to look for a path forward and see my friend.”
The driver let out a soft laugh and spooned up the thick, hearty soup. The flavor was savory and satisfying.
Even though the wind was cold and we were eating in the woods where anything could appear at any moment, the sense of reality made the taste feel even more real than the one I remembered from the Knight Order.
“You must have a lot on your mind. But you look young, and you seem to have fought hard. There’s probably a lot you still have to do…”
Cough, cough!!
Eh? Why did he cough like that? Did he have a cold?
The driver coughed a few more times, then gave me a strange look.
‘Was it too thick? It was delicious.’
I had stirred it perfectly. I took another spoonful, but it tasted exactly like the soup from the Knight Order.
“I was with the Knight Order. I even made the soup with the same recipe I ate there. It came out fine, luckily.”
“…Ah, I see. The Knight Order. So…”
The driver stared at me for a moment, then added salt and simple seasonings to his soup.
His face relaxed once he seasoned it properly, and he began sipping slowly.
“What about you, driver? Why are you going to Sohlehren? I haven’t seen another carriage on this road, and this is such a remote place.”
“It really is remote. I only come here a few times a year. It’s not the capital, but a place with a lot of ties to Heinpen in the north.”
Interesting.
How had my senior learned about such a far-off place and managed to squeeze in? I didn’t think there was any connection.
Maybe he was there for some rural settlement? We hadn’t met in years, and while we had exchanged a few letters, there were many stories we couldn’t tell in writing.
Probably by tomorrow or the day after, my throat would be hoarse from all the stories I wanted to share.
“Was I the first night watch today? Yesterday you were the last one, weren’t you?”
“Yes, that’s right.”
“I’ve got a lot to think about. I don’t need a watch. I’ll take the first watch for you.”
“It’s no problem to ask the guest to take the watch…”
“It’s fine. I don’t sleep much anyway. I haven’t had a proper night’s sleep for five days. I sat comfortably inside the carriage the whole time.”
Part of it was courtesy toward the hard-working driver, but I had plenty to think about myself.
I decided to stay up all night and sort out the few years of memories I wanted to share. It would take some organizing first.
***
Tac, tac-tac.
The driver has been snoring the whole day from driving the horses. Not far away, a horse was also lying on the ground and sleeping.
While the others rested, I thought about settling down in this remote backwater.
I had absolutely no intention of doing it.
I didn’t remember much about the old days when our family used to farm. I had been holding a sword since before I could walk; I didn’t even know how to properly grip a hoe.
‘Of course not.’
My senior in the same position would feel the same. It was unthinkable that someone who had lived their whole life in the Knight Order would suddenly be plowing fields.
Probably he’d be doing something like guarding the lord’s estate or the village… or whatever.
I personally had no interest in that kind of life. I never liked narrow, rural places.
‘People should live in cities.’
I brushed back my slightly long hair with one hand and exhaled.
I had considered trying to start over in the border regions a couple of times, but the stagnant, boring countryside just didn’t suit me. I could tolerate a short stay, but nothing more.
I decided to stop thinking about my future plans and focus on the stories I would tell him.
When I reached deep into the air to stretch, an unfamiliar scent wafted from my nose.
It was a familiar scent. One I had smelled almost every day for a year, yet it was never a pleasant one.
Of course.
“The scent of magi.”
The forbidden odor prickled my nerves.