Chapter 26: Damn Cliché
……What did that woman just say?
Groom?
‘Hey, Pa Cheon. Do you know that woman?’
[As if Pa Cheon would know some random Jianghu nobody.]
‘Then what the hell is this?’
I was baffled. Dang Si Hyeok, wearing an equally baffled expression, looked at me and spoke up.
“Brother, what are you talking about? Groom? Is that Paeng family wastrel telling the truth? Did you know about the Changbi Corps too?”
“No way. Truth be told, this is my first time seeing her.”
Changbi Corps.
The relic-hunting group formed by the pampered golden child of the Northern Hebei Paeng Family, one of the Five Great Families and a prestigious name in the Jianghu.
There had been talk of relics from Un Yeop Ja and Dang Si Hyeok earlier.
“That’s right. A few years back, a ruin turned up alongside the treasured saber of the Three Falls Blade Saint, a master from three hundred years ago. Caused a huge uproar.”
“In the end, after a fierce fight, the Northern Hebei Paeng Family claimed it. Ran into some Paeng guys recently—they were strutting around like they owned the world.”
Absorbing the essence of the saber arts left by the Three Falls Blade Saint had propelled the Northern Hebei Paeng Family to staggering heights. They were an unshakeable rival, enough to make the Nangong Family—the undisputed top dog among the Five Great Families—break out in a cold sweat.
That discovery hooked Paeng So So on ruins. She’d witnessed firsthand how striking gold in a proper relic hunt could change everything. She secretly pocketed some family funds, ran away from home, and formed the Changbi Corps. The macho Paeng Family, true to form, just shrugged and let her go.
“Then why the hell is she calling you ‘groom’……?”
“Beats me.”
We were the baffled ones, but the Changbi Corps members were shaking their heads with heavy sighs.
“Sigh…… Here we go again.”
“Last time it was something about a ‘man of the sea’ and how that was her type.”
“‘A real man only needs one eye!’ or whatever. But wasn’t he way too pretty-boy for all that manly talk?”
From their reactions, this seemed like old hat for them.
“You all wanna die? Want me to make your tongues kiss the dirt?”
“Eep! Sorry!”
Paeng So So barked, and they all shut up.
‘This is weird.’
It was definitely the Paeng So So I knew. Petite build, looked like a middle-schooler. Almost no one else wielded a saber that massive at her level. Dang Si Hyeok seemed to recognize her too, so it couldn’t be anyone else.
But she was different from the Paeng So So I remembered.
The one I knew wasn’t this brash type. She was blinded by greed, dragging disaster and slaughter in her wake.
Dealing with all sorts of people in sales had honed my instincts—first impressions gave me a solid read. Someone with those clear eyes torching her own family for treasure? No way.
‘Is there some variable I don’t know about yet?’
The timeline in Murim Returner where Paeng So So appeared was still about three years off.
‘Still weird, though. Can a person change that much?’
Come to think of it, there were other oddities. Sa Wol seemed a bit more airheaded and naive; Tak Horak brimmed with unquestioning loyalty. Everyone around me showed subtle shifts from the characters I remembered.
Hold on.
Could it be—
“Hey!”
Just as a crucial realization dawned, Paeng So So strode over.
Dang Si Hyeok leaped forward in a panic.
“Stay back!”
“What’s your deal, Dang Si Hyeok? That’s no way to treat your big sis!”
“I said stay back! Brother, run! If that wastrel catches you, you’re really…….”
“Wastrel? Wastrel?!”
“I still have nightmares about that time!”
Dang Si Hyeok’s face drained of color with every word from the pint-sized woman. What the hell had happened between them?
“Come on, you had fun too, admit it. The Dang Family plays trap-dodging games from childhood, right?”
“Even so, who the hell acupressure-points both my arms useless, then dumps me in a poison pit?!”
“Tsk. Didn’t know there were that many. But you crawled out fine, didn’t you? Your poison arts even leveled up—makes me your benefactor. Hey, you should be kowtowing to your savior, not calling her wastrel. Wanna die for real?”
Looked like Dang Si Hyeok had gotten the short end of the stick from Paeng So So. Made sense—the Five Great Families mingled a lot among themselves, especially the powerhouses: Paeng, Dang, Nangong, and Je Gal.
‘Explains why Mo Yong Su took such a desperate gamble.’
The Mo Yong Family was lumped in with the Five Great Families, but always last. Sometimes the Jinju Alliance or Hwangbo Family edged them out. Maybe that insecurity drove them to the extreme Soul Swap Great Law.
“Anyway, you there. What’s your name?”
Paeng So So’s question was aimed at me.
First impressions were sales gold. I cleared my throat and spoke in a steady tone.
“Kim Dong Yun.”
“Kim Dong Yun? From the East, huh?”
“How’d you know?”
“Relic dives in the East turn up tons of Kims, Lees, and Parks. Tsk…… long way from there. What about that Taoist over there?”
This time it was Un Yeop Ja. Paeng So So nodded at his introduction.
“Kunlun Taoists can’t marry, right? Spot on, like always. Hey, Kim. Marry me.”
……What the actual fuck.
“What’d you say?”
“Blade winds didn’t faze you one bit. Everyone else flinched. You were dead sure it wouldn’t reach you, huh?”
No. I didn’t flinch because I couldn’t react in time. Couldn’t freak out late, so I played it cool.
“I’ve got a good eye. Can size people up on sight. That old Taoist? Peak Super Peak vibe…… but you.”
Paeng So So squinted, appraising me.
“Nothing. Zilch. Like you’ve got no energy at all.”
“…….”
“Thought only my grandpa could hide his aura that well. Wait, you’re not some rejuvenated immortal, are you?”
My constitution naturally suppressed my energy. Dang Si Hyeok and Un Yeop Ja gasped at her words. The misunderstanding was snowballing out of control.
“……Rejuvenated? I’m just thirty.”
“I’m twenty-six. Perfect match. Four years ain’t nothing.”
“W-Wait a sec!”
That’s when it happened.
A man stepped out from behind Paeng So So, who’d been steamrolling in her own world.
A scholar type, decked out in flashy accessories. Jianghu folk dressed eccentrically anyway.
‘Who’s this guy?’
From context, another Changbi Corps member. But someone that ostentatiously dressed should’ve been mentioned in Murim Returner. As a veteran reader, I didn’t miss characters.
‘The Corps doesn’t go full throttle for another three years. New variable in that gap?’
Or maybe my hunch was right.
“Sis, this isn’t the time, is it?”
“Jo Yang? Why?”
Jo Yang lowered his voice—or tried to, in the echoing cave.
“Them reaching this hidden ruin means they’ve got business here, right?”
“Oh! Yeah?”
Dang Si Hyeok beamed triumphantly.
“Exactly. This brother here’s on a mission from the East to recover a treasure artifact. So Paeng So So, step aside.”
“Huh? Listen to this punk! Hey, Dang Si Hyeok. Wanna get beat to death? Tongue tied?”
“What! You think I’m the same kid from back then?”
“One smack and you’ll be blubbering.”
“Sis, not now!”
Jo Yang signaled Paeng So So with hand signs and mouthed something.
“Fine, fine. Nag, nag. Hold on.”
Paeng So So slammed her massive saber into the ground. It sank like a hot knife through tofu, locking firm. Arms crossed, she declared:
“Ruins have rules, y’know? First come, first served.”
“But brother’s from the East—”
“You his spokesman? Shut it. East this, East that—I don’t care. Point is, this is a ruin. Ruins got their own rules.”
Fair point. Centuries of relic wars had forged unwritten customs.
“You’ve got your claim, I’ve got mine. So let’s settle it like this.”
She jerked a thumb back.
“See that formation behind me? Scrambles your senses. One step in, and you lose all direction. Misstep, and you plummet into an endless abyss.”
Thick mist. I’d seen it earlier—the blade winds had briefly parted it, revealing a precarious cliff path.
“We already cracked it, thanks to Jo Yang.”
Jo Yang was the formation expert, apparently.
“Tried blowing it away with blade winds, but no dice. So here’s the deal.”
Paeng So So grinned brightly.
“Wait here nice and quiet, I’ll grab the treasure inside and give it to you. In return, marry me.”
“Why’re you so obsessed with marriage?”
“Wanna pop out eleven kids and build a nation. My dream.”
“…….”
“I know, I’m hot. So quit staring like that.”
Her bluntness matched her speech—utterly insane. The Corps seemed to agree.
“Sis! No way!”
“We busted our asses breaking those traps!”
“Quiet! I did most of it, not you lot!”
Paeng So So whirled on them.
“Got beef? Fight me. Winner takes all. Our rule, right?”
The Corps fell silent again.
[That woman a Demon Cultist?]
‘No chance.’
[Fine mindset for a Jianghu denizen.]
‘Like her enough to marry?’
[Suicide?]
‘Can’t even joke.’
Marry into Northern Hebei Paeng as Sado Hwan, the Mad Demon Six Families’ heir? Even tangling with them was risky.
I wasn’t even from this world. I could talk, feel emotions, but it all felt like an illusion.
“Brother, you’re not seriously considering this madness, right?”
Dang Si Hyeok looked worried. Obviously.
“No need.”
“What?”
“I can cross that formation too.”
‘Right, Pa Cheon?’
[Possible. Pa Cheon sees through it. Altar ahead.]
The formation clouded human senses. But Pa Cheon wasn’t human—a soul-bound sword, third existence. Immune, it seemed.
Plan was simple: No walking. Grab Pa Cheon and fly. It could easily carry a few people.
“Don’t get cocky. Good groom prospect like you dies, I’m in trouble.”
“Won’t happen. Either way.”
I walked past Paeng So So. My eyes met Jo Yang’s briefly. He looked away quick.
……Sinister.
Those unreadable eyes screamed danger.
The other Corps guys, though:
“Damn, he’s hot.”
“How’s he that pale and still a martial artist?”
“We really letting him go?”
“Sis says he’s stronger. Can we stop him?”
They grumbled, then whistled innocently when our eyes met. Dim but decent folk.
‘Jo Yang’s influence on Paeng So So? Or…….’
Anyway, I stood at the mist’s edge.
‘Ready?’
[Prepare thyself, demon.]
‘Always so eloquent. Here goes.’
I stepped into the mist.
Instantly—
‘Urk—!’
My gut twisted. Zero visibility in the thick fog—not just ahead, my own body vanished.
Directions warped wildly. No up, down, left, right. Total disorientation.
[Snap to it, demon.]
Pa Cheon unsheathed itself. I grabbed the hilt desperately—unsure if I even connected.
[Grip tight.]
I clenched with all my might. Eyes shut—nothing to see. Only my robes flapping wildly.
Soon—
[How long you gonna stay like that? Open your eyes.]
Opening them, I realized I was ass-up on the floor.
[Don’t disgrace Pa Cheon’s form with such ugliness, demon.]
“Ahem.”
I scrambled up. Good—no audience.
Regaining my bearings, I scanned around.
Not a narrow cave—a vast cavern.
Four colossal statues stood armed: sword, saber, spear, axe. Each near 20 feet—two zhang in local terms. Arrayed in a semicircle, an altar sat at their center.
“This feels ominous.”
[What does?]
“Those statues. Look like they’re at attention, no?”
[Indeed. Most lifelike. How did they sculpt such?]
“Not how. Why they’re posed like that.”
As I backed away cautiously—
Clank—
I’d stepped on a floor tile flying over earlier.
Grind—clatter—
“……Saw that?”
[……Aye.]
“We’re fucked?”
[Crude, but agreed.]
The statues’ heads turned in unison. Ghostfire blazed in their eyes. All aimed at me.
“Damn cliché.”
The statues’ weapons surged toward me.
Pretending to Be the Heavenly Demon