Dropkicks Hurt When They Hit, Dammit

Chapter 69 - Dropkicks hurt when they land, dammit. When the hell did I even get injured? I'd always prided myself on being pretty sensitive about these things, so the shock was overwhelming. My body was the type that immediately noticed even a single bug landing on it or a speck of dust sticking to my skin. And yet I had somehow sustained an injury I couldn't even feel?

It wasn't from some protruding nail or sharp corner. So had someone sliced me with something razor-sharp? No, that was impossible unless the culprit had the eyes of a certain pirate manga character. Which meant this was... definitely the work of a ghost.

Hallelujah. I needed to start carrying around some holy water or something. There was a damn ghost targeting my neck. In the name of the Lord, I'd have to beat that bastard to death. I'd declare a crusade right here and punish every filthy ghost that dared threaten the living. I am Werner, the holy knight...

"...Hey, Werner!"

"Ah, sorry. I was lost in ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠thought for a second..."

I'd been so busy planning out the details of my crusade that I'd completely forgotten about Lorsha. These cursed ghosts were even trying to interfere with my human relationships. Unforgivable. In the name of my God, I would judge these bastards and put an end to them.

"My, my. In the time I haven't seen you, you've even picked up the habit of spacing out right in front of someone~?"

I'd never been treated like this even when I was actually being interrogated for murder. Well, I had killed people. So maybe it couldn't be helped. Still, I couldn't exactly admit that outright. Which meant I had to desperately scrape together some kind of excuse.

"I was just... thinking about what I should say to you."

"What...?"

"You know how it is. I've got a lot to say to you... or rather, a lot I should say to you."

"And the guy who knows that has been keeping his mouth shut this whole time without even apologizing? The guy who knows that hasn't sent a single letter?"

"Honestly, I was a little scared."

"...Scared of what? What did I ever do to you?"

Alright, this was the main event. Time to oil up the gears and properly tease her. If this were a rhythm game, this was the climax where I needed to focus and hit every note.

"After saying all that to you, I kept wondering what I could possibly say to fix things. Whether it was already too late. Whether I'd only make things worse by saying something unnecessary..."

"Don't lie... For over fifteen years, you never once..."

"Not a single day in fifteen years..."

I leaned in close to Lorsha's face.

"I never forgot you. Every single day I suffered, wondering what would've happened if I'd done things differently back then. What if I'd apologized sooner? Was it already too late? I regretted it and agonized over it every day."

"...Don't lie."

For a moment I thought she'd caught me in the lie, but Lorsha had averted her gaze. Even if she hadn't bought the whole thing, parts of it had landed. It was all thanks to Werner's face. Lines that would've gotten an ugly person told to shut the hell up were working because it was Werner saying them.

Maybe Werner's face was some kind of game equipment?

Goddamn, this item was broken as hell. Look at these operators, not giving a single shit about item balance. This shitty game. Items with these kinds of options were ultra-rare, so almost no one actually owned them. Not that I wanted them to nerf it. Why? Because I'd already eaten the cheat item. I just hoped no latecomers would get their hands on something this broken and ruin the in-game balance. Once everything was over, I'd send the operators a 5,700-character petition demanding they restore balance to the game. After all, I was someone who affirmed the order of the world.

"Anyway, you need to return to your post as an imperial mage now."

"Hah, what a pain... Honestly, aren't the conditions way too harsh? You know how tough it is there too, right?"

"Yeah, because you ran away... I had to handle the imperial mage duties myself until your replacement arrived. I know exactly how it feels, trust me."

I was seriously going to get cancer from this, dammit. Werner, that bastard, had taken a massive shit and left, and now multiple people were suffering the consequences. Lorsha right in front of me, me getting my ass handed to me by her, Lee Jun-young from Anyang in Gyeonggi Province, that guy who got caught trying to remove the ham from Samyang ramen and has been getting cursed out for years, Cho Jae-joong who died of drug addiction after neglecting basketball fundamentals, Joo Si-yoon who lost his parents at a young age and has been suffering ever since. They were all victims of the shit Werner had taken, probably.

"Hah... I've already spoken to the imperial palace, so you don't need to worry about the procedures."

‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠

"That's appreciated. But wait, I deserted. There really weren't any issues?"

Once a ninja abandoned their village, they had to be hunted down and executed no matter what. Hadn't plenty of deserting ninja teachers died because of that rule? Getting special treatment just for me felt off. Was I receiving this privilege because I was the youngest of the heroes? If that was the case, I might end up hating this country. I absolutely despised people getting special treatment just because they were someone's acquaintance, some high-up's kid, or from the same hometown or school.

"They're always short on hands over there, you know? Of course they'd welcome you back with open arms when a great mage like you is returning."

Ah, so they were welcoming me because of my skill. Well, if this was a skill-supremacist worldview, there was nothing to be done about it. The world was every man for himself, and it was only right to live by trusting in your own abilities. Using that skill to treat people this way was truly admirable. This wasn't some special privilege—it was a glorious gift I'd earned entirely through my own power.

"Shit..."

Come to think of it, it wasn't a privilege at all. The imperial mage was one of the most notorious 3D jobs in the mage world, and I was heading right back there. In my hometown's terms, it was basically re-enlistment. That military police bitch Lorsha had caught this deserter and was dragging me back into the darkness. Just you wait. I wouldn't forget today's humiliation, and I'd make sure to return the favor with tremendous pain.

"What are you thinking about now?"

"Ah, nothing..."

It would've been a bit conscience-pricking to say I was thinking about how to inflict pain on her. Besides, villains who spilled their entire plans usually got wrecked, didn't they? As someone who had inherited Zhuge Liang's soul, I wasn't about to make the foolish mistake of revealing my plans.

"Hey, Lorsha."

"Don't call me by my name so casually. I'm still not over it."

Even with Werner's face, it apparently wasn't enough to calm Lorsha's anger. Dammit, operators, buff Werner's face effect already. These operators weren't doing their jobs and were probably busy eating pig's feet instead. If I ever met them in person, I'd resolved to slap them across the face with a pig's foot bone.

"Got it. Then what should I call you?"

"Call me Tower Master Lorsha. You used to call me that before, didn't you? Instead of apologizing like you were supposed to, you just kept using stiff titles."

This dog of a bastard Werner... The moment I met him, I'd dropkick him first, then hit both his temples with palm strikes, sweep his legs out from under him, and finish with a falcon punch to the face. Looking at how this bastard had been acting, there had never been a piece of shit like him in this world. Never. Was this guy even a mage or some kind of swallow?

"Tower Master Lorsha, I have a question."

"Yeah, what is it?"

"Those imperial prince and princesses or whatever... they must really hate me, right?"

Werner had frozen the crown prince in ice or verbally eviscerated the princesses who'd confessed to him. His criminal record was ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠quite colorful, so I'd been a little worried.

"Ah, that?"

Lorsha popped a pipe into her mouth, took a drag, and exhaled a thin stream of gray smoke.

"Some of the princesses still say they like you, some are already married and treat it as a dark past, and some were ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠so hurt they still want to kill you."

It wasn't like they were starter Pokémon, but apparently they were split into three categories. With over eight princesses, this kind of mess was bound to happen. That said, even if people badmouthed the king behind his back, calling the princesses "bitches" meant Lorsha was never going to make it as a loyal subject.

"What about... the crown prince?"

"Ah, the crown prince? That brown-skinned, blond kid? I did run into him alone once before."

Brown skin and blond hair. The crown prince. Maybe this bastard's claim that he was repulsed by ordinary women was a lie, and he'd done something weird to Lorsha?

"What happened?"

"He threw up the moment he saw my face? Apparently he pukes whenever he sees a normal woman's face. Family members are the only exception, or something like that."

The future of this country looked bright. At least the new emperor wouldn't be chasing after women.

"So does he hate me too?"

"...He was busy throwing up for over thirty minutes, so I didn't get the chance to ask."

Without realizing it, I started feeling sorry for the crown prince.