The Long-Tongued Mage
"So after that, you became a grand magic eunuch, huh?"
"Crude way of putting it, but yeah, you could say that."
"Don't you resent Airi, Media, and Zeek?"
Werner replied with an unexpectedly calm expression, as if everything in the world was a bother.
"Why would I need to resent anyone?"
"What?"
"I got stabbed because I let my guard down. Those two were parents worrying about their daughter first. There's nothing there to resent."
Is this bastard a saint? Even Jesus, Buddha, and Confucius would probably let this guy into their saint club.
"Back then I was too young, so I acted out. When I got pissed off I'd beat up nobles, smash national treasure vases, and even blasted the crown prince and princess with magic."
So the saint was just a villain. The kind of crazy bastard even the Joker would back away from.
Just because his story was pitiful didn't mean his evil deeds were okay. Yet this lunatic had gone around committing every kind of atrocity whenever he felt like it. At the time people let it slide because he was young, so he was basically a juvenile delinquent. What a bastard.
"Every time that happened, Zeek hyungnim supposedly cleaned up after me. Bowing his head to those trashy people and compensating for the damage I caused with his own money."
"Did he ever apologize to you while telling that story?"
"No. Zeek hyungnim just silently handled the aftermath and never scolded me."
I'd never heard that part of the setting before.
"And Media noona kept lecturing me to go back to how I used to be. Even now, the sight of her chasing after me while holding Airi is hilarious to remember."
At some point Werner, who had been hugging his knees like a child, now looked like his 29-year-old self wearing the appearance of his 14-year-old self. Thinking about what he'd gone through at such a young age made me feel a little sorry for him.
"Fuck, no matter what, if they knew what happened to you because of their daughter, any decent person would—"
"No. Hyungnim and his wife never even knew I was hurt until the very end."
What the fuck kind of Uganda launching a preemptive nuclear strike on America is that? How could they not know?
"Wait, how the hell did they not know?"
"I told the other hyungs and noonas not to say anything."
"Fuck, are you insane?"
"I didn't want those two... and the grown-up Airi to feel guilty toward me."
What a crazy bastard. A really crazy bastard. He wanted affection so badly, yet he threw away the easiest way to ask for it and just acted out instead? It made no sense. There are limits to how much a story can lack plausibility.
"You're misunderstanding, so let me be clear. What I wanted was affection. Not some guilt-ridden emotion like 'he became like this because of me.'"
Isn't love born from guilt still love? People sometimes realize how precious someone is through regret.
As if he'd read my thoughts, Werner smirked, took another drag from the pain-relieving herbal cigar, exhaled the smoke, and spoke.
"What do you think is the emotion farthest from love? Or rather, its exact opposite?"
"Hmm... hatred? Indifference? Disgust?"
"No. The answer is guilt, regret, and pity."
"You look like a kid right now so it doesn't sound convincing. Just sounds like middle-schooler syndrome."
"Regret and guilt only arise when there's a specific condition or event, and they're emotions quietly kept inside the heart. Love grows without any conditions and expresses itself loudly and roughly outward. Aren't they the most contradictory emotions?"
"Sounds hard to understand."
"Should I explain it using something from your old world—an automobile? Can you say that handing a flower to your own child sitting in the passenger seat and placing a flower on the grave of a child you accidentally ran over with your car carry the same emotion?"
Having thrown out a rather philosophical topic, Werner opened a bottle of liquor and started drinking. It looked pretty dangerous, but since his actual soul was old, maybe it didn't matter. Still, there was something I really wanted to say to him.
"You pathetic, spineless bastard."
"...What?"
"So basically, 'I'm not going to say anything, so figure out why I'm suffering on your own. And love me unconditionally.' That's what it was, right? Sure, Zeek and Media were at fault too, but if you don't say a single word and just stay quiet, how are the people around you supposed to not go crazy with worry?"
"...Don't analyze people's emotions as you please."
"If you want to be loved, you have to speak up. How is the other person supposed to know if you don't express anything, you idiot? If you're upset, say you're upset. If it hurts, say it hurts. If something pisses you off, say it pisses you off. Otherwise how would anyone know? You're quiet with the person you should be talking to and then throw a fit at the friend who's worried about you?"
Werner put the bottle down and fell into thought for a moment.
"You're right. Maybe that's true. But I..."
In the end, Werner couldn't make an excuse and just stared at the ground. Even though Werner could read my thoughts and emotions, I had no way to read his. He placed a hand on my shoulder and spoke.
"Maybe... from the moment I lost grand magic, I stopped loving anyone."
"What?"
"I already told you. Regret is one of the emotions farthest from love. So let me ask you for one favor."
Werner's body suddenly began turning into flower petals. Why the hell was he suddenly self-destructing alone? I wasn't even feeling sick.
"Hah... 'Drove nails into hyungnims' and noonas' hearts'... It was such an accurate assessment that I had nothing to say. That was the only regret I had in my life."
Werner said that was his only regret. He didn't regret getting stabbed while saving Airi, nor not living a proper happy life.
Werner placed a finger on my forehead.
"So someday, say the words I wanted to say to the people around me. No—cast a spell so that when the time comes, those words will be spoken automatically."
Werner tried to forcibly cast magic on my soul. This bastard was trying to hypnotize me?
"And what are you going to give me in return?"
"From what I saw, your magic skills are terrible. I'll give you all the combat-related knowledge I have. I'll also help out occasionally when things get dangerous."
"Deal."
Transactions were best when they were cool and straightforward. Why would I refuse when he was offering skills and proficiency as-is? There was no better deal in the world.
"So I just have to deliver the message to those hyungs and noonas?"
"No. Tell everyone who ever shed even a single tear because of me."
"Isn't that range way too broad?"
I'd been too hasty in stamping the contract.
"You should've been careful when agreeing to the terms."
Most of Werner's body had disappeared into multicolored flower petals, leaving only his upper body. In that state, he closed his eyes and began chanting a spell. I could feel an energy that seemed far removed from magic.
"My soul is your soul, your soul is my soul. All opposites are two sides of the same coin, and we are no different. According to this law, I transfer all traces engraved upon my soul to you."
Werner began transferring his power to me. Something warm and cozy passed through my forehead toward my heart. All the knowledge, skills, and emotions he had accumulated began to assimilate with me. It was a truly strange and foreign sensation, but not unpleasant. Rather, it had a strangely ticklish, almost addictive quality.
"I was truly foolish. So walk a different path from mine. Not as the sensation of a game, but live Werner Alton's life in my place."
Most of Werner's body had vanished, and with a final bright smile, he left these words.
"And show me. The best possible ending that a person named Werner Alton could reach. The greatest happiness that a man named Werner Alton could enjoy."
This was the second time someone had left me a will telling me how to live. Personally, I had felt some goodwill toward the character Werner. He was magnanimous, cherished his disciple, loved his brothers and sisters, remained humble to the end, and always put others before himself. I had thought he was just another flawless good guy you see in games or novels.
But he was human after all. He felt jealousy, got angry at innocent people, and was an ordinary person who simply wanted to be loved. He was never some bodhisattva-like figure. And only at the very end did he begin to realize his regrets. He wasn't some fictional character with only one simple facet. He was a person who possessed aspects frighteningly similar to my own.
Rest well, Werner. I'll definitely fulfill your request. I'm the kind of person who always keeps promises made to the dead, even if I ignore everyone else's.
A door appeared inside the white space where I'd been trapped, and I turned the handle to step outside. Werner was no longer someone else. I had decided to accept that I was Werner.