Mama
So you're fucking telling me I'm the son of that goddess bitch or whatever?
Not just a golden spoon—a divine spoon. Well, if that was the case, I could at least accept why Werner—no, why I was compatible with every single attribute. But come on, I'm not Jesus. The son of God? Or would that make me Jesus-hyung?
At that, Armadura looked distracted and began focusing his consciousness somewhere else. At first I thought the bastard was ignoring me and nearly slapped his cheek. Ignoring someone while they're speaking is a breach of etiquette, after all.
But Armadura started breaking out in cold sweat and trembling like a leaf.
"Th-the Mother has just sent a message."
"What, that person is watching us right now?"
"The Mother of the Beginning always observes every world."
"So what does that person say?"
"You're thinking about it all wrong, so stop thinking about useless shit."
It seemed the Mother was trying to avoid any unnecessary conflict with the religious world. But why had I never once seen the face of this so-called mother? Maybe she was the type who gave birth for fun and then abandoned the child without a second thought. Like a reptile.
Was our mom a fucking lizard? Was childbirth nothing but a game to her? Was "Birth Day" just another play day in her book?
"The... Mother of the Beginning... instructs me to convey the following. If you don't want your head smashed so hard your neck spins 1980 degrees, stop having those idiotic thoughts... And it wasn't even birth. She made you by hand..."
"Yo, tell our mom I want to meet her right now."
I wanted to meet and settle things once and for all. I even kept in mind the possibility that if the conversation went south, I might have to pull an Arthas. If your parents are walking the wrong path, it's a child's duty to stop them. I kind of wanted to introduce that goddess to the fine tradition of Goryeo-jang.
"The Mother of the Beginning says it's inconvenient..."
Fuck, had she already figured out what Goryeo-jang was?
"Why? Is she busy giving birth to someone else again?"
".... The Mother of the Beginning conveys this. If you make me a birth addict one more time, I'll pull out all your teeth and rearrange your dental structure. Right now I'm busy managing the Apostles."
"Apostles?"
I had heard of them. The goddess of this world shared her power and authorities with her Apostles, who handled all the minor tasks in her place. But what kind of management kept her that busy?
"What do you mean, managing?"
".... The Mother of the Beginning... to explain it simply in the words of the world you know, it's like carpet-bombing and then beating them with a bat... she says."
"That industry isn't easy either, huh."
"Our Spirit Kings get called in frequently and beaten as well. That's why a certain section of the lily garden Mother tends is called the Red Lily Field."
"Why the hell do they get beaten?"
"For slacking off at work... causing harm to humans... or if they get caught badmouthing the Mother of the Beginning... they get dragged away without another word."
An unreasonable evil deity who preserved all the worst practices of the old Japanese army. Punishing a god like that must be the heroic path Werner had to walk. Even if it meant personally teaching her the greatness of Taekwondo, I would still walk this path.
"The Mother of the Beginning says..."
"Again, what."
"If you have foolish thoughts, she'll impale you on a stake and deep-fry you in boiling oil..."
"Hey... this is a personal question, but if I fought our mom, who would win?"
Armadura said nothing. That silence alone told me everything I needed to know.
"Our mom is insanely strong, huh."
"... To be honest, we Spirit Kings are like her fingernails."
Yeah, hitting your mother was something only trash would do. As the successor of Confucianism, I could never commit such a trashy act. It was absolutely not because I feared her power. I was simply a filial son who loved his mother more than anyone else.
"The Mother of the Beginning... says she can meet next week."
"So the Apostles get beaten with the bat for a whole week?"
".... There are those who get beaten all year round."
"I think I'm starting to see who my temper takes after."
I decided I should think about a gift before going to meet Mother.
"Master, you don't look well. Is it... because of Count Holsted's matter?"
"No, it's not that. A man risked his life for his convictions and fought a powerful enemy. Calling that pitiful or sad is an insult."
I truly respected the way he had ended his life. His spirit in dragging a foe hundreds—no, thousands—of times stronger than himself into mutual destruction. The courage to throw away his own life for the sake of others. And that kind of courage... was something someone like me could never possess, which made me respect it even more.
"Then why do you look like someone who lost money gambling?"
Surprisingly sharp about these things. This is exactly why I hate quick-witted brats.
"Your expression right now looks like 'That's why I hate quick-witted brats.' ... Or is it just my imagination?"
Fucking ghost.
"You could at least tell your disciple what you're worrying about."
"Haa... Yeah."
For now, I should hide the fact that our mom was a goddess. If I said it wrong, I might be mistaken for a lunatic.
"By the way, where's the crow that always sits on your shoulder?"
"Ah, today he seemed tired so he's sleeping in his cage."
"I see..."
I cleared my throat and decided to share my worries.
"Disciple... If someone you thought was dead... no, thought never existed in the first place, turned out to be alive... what would you say to that person?"
"Hmm... Wouldn't that depend on how that person is living now?"
"Well, it seems like she's living well. She has a ton of land, capable subordinates... and she's living while creating this and that as a hobby."
I couldn't bring myself to say she ruled multiple planets, kept Spirit Kings and Apostles as subordinates, and when bored called them over to discipline them with a bat.
"Hmm... So that person was living well without you, Master?"
"Yeah, pretty much."
"Then just tell them to keep living well on their own."
"After all, you've both been living fine without each other until now. It doesn't seem like there'd be any good in interfering in each other's lives. It might just cause unnecessary problems."
That was certainly true. In the past I had missed having a mother, but now it didn't stir much emotion. If anything, the fact that my immunity to mother-related insults had disappeared left me feeling a bit melancholy.
Should I just meet her and curse her out? I didn't feel like asking trivial things like why she abandoned me. She must have had her own circumstances.
"The story you've been telling... it's about your parents, isn't it, Master?"
"... How did you figure that out?"
"Among relationships that would cause this much agony and fit all the conditions you've described, there's only one."
"Yeah, it's about my mother."
It was a bit embarrassing. I had been confident I could hide it well, yet I got found out like this. It seems when talking about these things, I show a lot on the outside without realizing it.
"Well, I'm planning to meet with Mother privately next week... so I can just roughly say that I don't have any business with her."
"Yes, and if it's a strange person, there's the possibility they approached again after seeing Master's position."
"That definitely won't be the case."
She wasn't someone who would be enticed by the position of Imperial Archmage.
"By the way, do you know where Miss Glacia went?"
"You never look for me, but you look for her quite often."
I was impressed by how well "look for" and "often" rhymed.
"Well, she's gone out to buy clothes."
"Why clothes?"
"Have you forgotten, Master?"
I had no idea what I had forgotten.
"You originally said after going on a date with me, you'd go on a date with Glacia. There have been a lot of things going on recently, so it's understandable that you forgot... But now that Master has returned, she says it's her turn..."
Ah, that's right. With so many complicated matters lately, I'd completely forgotten.
"Ah, when was that again..."
"The date you promised is tomorrow."
Haa... This is why being handsome is such a pain. What a sinful man I am...
At that moment, a maid working at the mansion approached me.
"Um, my lord... A letter has arrived."
"A letter? Who sent it?"
"There was nothing written on the envelope. And it would be rude of me to open my lord's letter..."
"Yeah, I understand. You may go."
If it was an important letter I might have to kill her, so it was quite a reasonable decision.
We will visit you tomorrow.
— Your Comrades
"...Fuck."
"Why? Who sent it?"
"My older brothers and older sisters... No, to be exact, my comrades."
"But why are you cursing..."
"Two of them said they'll come tomorrow."
And of all people, the two most uncomfortable ones.