The Black Round Table's Proposition

The iron mine was thick with moisture, making everything oppressively damp. Maybe it hadn't always been this way. But I wasn't going to get the chance to find out what the original humidity levels were.

Demonic beasts charging at us, members of the miners' guild, and the Black Round Table's pawns... every last one of them died to Lorsch's water-attribute spells. And I learned two new things today. First, even ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠after seeing Lorsch's figure, there were still beasts that got horny easily.

Of course, I answered those remarks with the Hoyoung-style Rakshasa Palm and the Goewan-style Six Consecutive Fist Strikes. No pathetic attacks from a pack of horny monkeys could ever reach Werner Alton. The strikes of frivolous bastards are always shallow and worthless.

With the mindset of a ninja slicing through the necks of yakuza rampaging through the underworld, I ended their lives. According to Count Holstead, they'd had it rough at first. Terrible working conditions, pitiful wages. Yeah, it must have been hard. I could sympathize. But the moment you joined hands with the Black Round Table, you became trash. Once you walk the path of garbage, you're nothing more than vermin.

"Just drop dead already, you fucking bastards!"

Unlike me, armed with mercy and love, Lorsch answered them with a smile.

"You like women that much? You like women that much? Didn't get enough love from Mommy when you were little? Want me to let you meet her, you fuck?"

Lorsch focused blue mana at her fingertips. Honestly, when it came to water magic, even I wouldn't be able to catch up to her.

When she swept her finger through the air, the heads of every enemy in its path began rolling across the ground. The floor was soaked with blood and the water Lorsch had created. Ah... I really should have worn boots. My feet ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠were already wet.

"Go to hell and ask your moms for all the hugs you want, you pieces of shit."

Lorsch seemed to be in an especially foul mood today. Well, coming to this godforsaken iron mine packed with nothing but horny monkeys, it made sense she'd be pissed. I could understand. At least until she kicked the severed head of a Black Round Table soldier as it rolled past.

I wanted to point out how disrespectful that was to the dead, but her expression was so terrifying that I decided to keep my mouth shut. Besides, these bastards never respected life when they were alive, so they had no right to complain even if their corpses were humiliated.

Still... I at least wanted to give them a proper burial. That was the bare minimum of courtesy.

At least sleep in the dirt, you vermin bastards.

"Ugh, this is so annoying. How much deeper do we have to go?"

"The further in we get, the dustier the air becomes. And it's somehow really muggy."

My dress shirt was completely soaked with sweat and clinging to my skin. Lorsch, on the other hand, hadn't shed a single drop.

"Lorsch... aren't you hot? I feel like I'm trapped inside a steam cooker right now."

"Ah... did I never mention it? Our family received the blessing of the Water Spirit King. Thanks to that, we can block most of the heat and cold that nature produces. We don't get hot in summer, and we don't feel cold even if we strip naked in the middle of winter."

"Ah... so you have a hobby of running around naked outside during winter..."

I was trying to be respectful. Everyone has different hobbies, after all. Even if Lorsch's hobby was outdoor exhibitionism, I was prepared to respect it. That was simply the manners of an English gentleman toward a lady.

But my gentlemanly English manners were met with the same kind of violence as British imperialism. I barely managed to block Lorsch's dropkick, but my stance crumbled and I tumbled backward. She didn't miss the opening. In an instant she mounted me.

If she'd gone into martial arts instead of magic, wouldn't she have become a genius of the age?

"Hey! I don't have that kind of hobby! It was just an example! An example! It means it's cool in winter! And warm in winter too!"

Wow, her fists are seriously heavy...

"It just means there's no chance of freezing to death..."

"Yeah, you won't freeze to death, but I feel like I'm about to get beaten to death..."

There was no actual physical damage, but it hurt like hell. After the UFC match ended with my surrender, we started ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠heading deeper into the iron mine once again.

"Still, being immune to heat and cold is pretty enviable."

"It's not complete immunity. There's a limit to how much it can reduce natural heat and cold. If I go to the snow mountains in the northernmost part of the continent, even I feel the chill. And if I head to the volcano in the southernmost region, I feel the heat too."

"Normal people would die before they even had time to feel hot or cold..."

A snow mountain where torches froze solid. A volcano where torches melted. There were rumors that the Spirit Kings lived in those places, but no one had ever confirmed whether they were true. Truth or nonsense, you had to survive to give testimony. Everyone who went there either froze to death or dried up from the heat, so how could anyone prove anything? The existence of the Spirit Kings living there was like Schrödinger's cat. They might exist, they might not. No one knew.

"So that's all the blessing does? Kind of anticlimactic."

"Ah, when I make dishes that use a lot of water like soup or drinks, they always turn out delicious. Even if I deliberately use weird ingredients or completely mess up the seasoning, it always comes out tasty."

".... That's actually amazing. No, that might be the most amazing effect of all."

"Right? I think so too. That effect is the most convenient. Even when I'm working alone until the crack of dawn, I still need to eat something. It's incredibly handy then."

The chains of guilt began tightening around my heart. Werner was me, and I was Werner. After the original Werner threw everything away and ran off, the fact that Lorsch had barely rested eleven days in twelve years was partly my fault. Hearing her casually talk about her hardships made it impossible not to feel a little ashamed.

"Hey, Lorsch, about that story from before..."

"Shh!"

Lorsch pressed a finger to her lips and covered my mouth with her other hand. I could clearly feel the slightly salty, warm touch of her palm. She quietly infused the message with mana and sent it flowing into me.

Only then did I sense the footsteps. Three men... and one woman. All of them were formidable experts. Strong enough that I wasn't sure the two of us could handle them.

As I kept listening, I could faintly make out fragments of their conversation. It wasn't clear enough to catch every word, like a broken radio, but I could understand the general meaning.

What the hell? Did these bastards have broken internet installed in their heads? Why did every sentence cut off like that?

I quietly moved closer, trying to eavesdrop more clearly. But I accidentally stepped on a small pebble, crushing it underfoot, and we were discovered.

A frivolous voice stabbed at both Lorsch's and my ears.

"It's not like we only noticed you just now, so come out. We knew you were hiding the whole time."

So these bastards had been showing consideration in their own way. The ones from the Round Table present were...

"It's you. I've been seeing your face quite often lately. I can't say it's pleasant."

"I didn't particularly want to run into a bastard like you either."

And then the blond man.

"Hmm... the Imperial Mage and the Water Tower Master... This should make for decent warm-up exercise before I get entangled with the other Tower Masters."

The one sending me a look of complete contempt was Gawain.

"...."

The woman and the young man who appeared to be with them simply said nothing. Wearing masks, they melted into the darkness of the iron mine as if the shadow of death itself had claimed them.

Gawain looked me up and down, then spoke in an intrigued voice.

"You're interesting. That damn goddess's... No, never mind. That's not what's important. Join our Black Round Table."

"Fuck off."

I had zero intention of joining an organization with the pathetic name Black Round Table. If it had been something like 'Red Moon' or 'Night Crow,' maybe I'd consider it... but Black Round Table? Their naming sense was absolute garbage.

"Then it can't be helped. We'll just have to brainwash you and make you one of us..."

What a load of dogshit. But the one who formally protested against that dogshit wasn't me.

"What a load of bullshit, you crazy bastard."

Lorsch grabbed my cheek and pulled it hard.

"This guy owes me twelve years. What, you think you can just take him? Until he pays back the original twelve years plus seventy years of interest, he's not going anywhere."

The twelve years had ballooned into eighty-two. What is this, some isekai Ushijima the Loan Shark?

"Hah... how bold for a little girl who hasn't even lived long."

"Oh, so being old is something to be proud of? Then your mom must be ancient as fuck, right? Is that why her breast milk comes out as baby formula?"

Lorsch really did seem to come from the streets.