The Mystery of the Sober Drunks
Tae-il reflected on his past life.
Music. Doing music, in simple terms, meant you had no choice but to meet and mingle with people, whether you liked it or not. And mingling naturally led to drinks. Booze. Personally, Tae-il saw alcohol as his mortal enemy. In every gathering where trouble broke out, a hundred times out of a hundred, booze was the culprit.
But for the first time in his life, Tae-il felt utter exhaustion at a gathering without any alcohol.
"This is really non-alcoholic, right…?"
The ingredients label clearly stated 0% alcohol content. Suspicious. Just like back when sugar-free sodas were all the rage, and everyone doubted those labels on principle. Tae-il eyed the "non-alcoholic" marking with the same skepticism.
So he took a sip himself.
"Not booze, but…."
The drink had zero trace of that distinctive alcoholic bite. Tae-il glanced around again.
"Yep! That was Iris, vocalist of Tales Tail!"
"Wooow! Clap clap clap clap!"
Not content with just singing and dancing, Iris was putting on an encore performance. Sakuya, right below the makeshift stage, was cheering wildly, clapping like a fan at a full-blown concert.
"Euuup, smooch smooch! Ayane's feeling bad…."
"Pot calling the kettle black…."
A pained groan drew his gaze downward, where Ayane and Rena were locked in a lip-locking standoff, glaring at each other across Tae-il's legs.
Are my legs the 38th parallel or something…?
Tae-il couldn't help but find their growling, hands-over-mouths staredown oddly endearing.
Oh right. Where'd Yuuya-senpai go?
He scanned the room. He'd thought she was asleep on his shoulder, but she'd vanished.
"Hee hee…."
A creepy chuckle came from behind. Twisting around, he spotted Yuuya slumped behind the sofa in the dim shadows, shoulders shaking with suppressed laughter.
"Senpai?"
She didn't respond, lost in whatever had her attention. A faint glow suggested her smartphone screen.
"Hee hee hee hee hee hee. Hee hee hee hee hee."
"Senpai…?"
Whatever she was watching, the laughter was unnerving.
I'll leave her to enjoy it in peace.
Maybe it was something too private to share. He turned back, taking in the disastrously un-party-like scene. Ayane and Rena were now headbutting like sumo wrestlers on his thighs.
"Haa."
Tae-il sank deeper into the sofa. Stop them, they fight; stop them again, they fight some more. He was starting to get tired of intervening.
"For Narutouuu!"
Iris's lyrics floated softly into Tae-il's ear. Drunk or not, her emotions surged like waves. The funny part? She nailed every note perfectly amid the chaos.
Tae-il closed his eyes gently.
From here on, whenever the chance arose, they'd gather like this—laughing, chatting, and kicking back after shows.
"Pffft hahaha!"
The thought made Tae-il chuckle involuntarily. Members who got him buzzed without a drop of booze. If the band stuck together even into adulthood, he'd be over the moon.
But imagining this mess at every afterparty filled him more with dread than joy.
No, it might get even worse….
They were already this wild sober—what would happen with actual alcohol? Unimaginable. It brought tears to his eyes. For real.
* * *
In the end, they all passed out cold.
Someone had to clean up. He laid the booze-scent-free, dead-to-the-world members on the sofas one by one. A total mystery. What had gotten them so plastered? Sherlock Holmes couldn't crack this one.
"Sigh."
Tae-il started tidying up alone, feeling a bit lonely as he sorted cans, PET bottles, and plastic bags.
How am I getting home tonight?
Staying out was out of the question. He'd already felt guilty not heading straight home after discharge—crashing elsewhere? Even dutiful Tae-il couldn't shake the guilt; it was fire-attribute filial piety at its finest.
Same for the others. Sakuya lived alone, and Ayane usually cut him slack for band stuff, sure.
But Yuuya-senpai….
Setting aside her poverty, Tae-il knew zilch about her family situation. Asakura, the club advisor, was her guardian, so there was some leeway.
"The problem is the guardian's out cold too…."
Tae-il pinched his nose. Unlike the mysteriously wasted members, she'd chugged real booze like an adult, reeking of the hard stuff. Kiriko, who'd gotten roped into a drinking contest by Asakura's prodding, was the same.
"Sigh."
He sighed again. If those two had stayed sober, there might've been a way.
"Rena and Iris absolutely have to get home…."
Their family situations were special. Unless they'd cleared it with their folks themselves, he had to send them back.
Especially Iris—who knew when her family might suddenly ban her band activities? It was inevitable eventually. The engagement. Pressure from the Arisugawa clan.
In the original story, she'd run away. Like Shoko, wandering the streets with just her guitar until she met her. Asakura Sera. The student teacher who'd come to Yuuma High, fallen into Iris's trap, and ended up as temporary advisor.
"Ah."
Tae-il pulled out his smartphone. There it was. Sera's contact.
* * *
"Thank you so much."
After getting out of the car with Ayane on his back, Tae-il bowed deeply to Sera, who'd played chauffeur. Without her, he'd have been lost.
He thanked her profusely, his voice thick with genuine gratitude.
"You really went through a lot."
Sera chuckled at Tae-il's face, which looked five years older than she remembered.
"Pfft, come on. It was just driving."
"It was the biggest help."
Was it club activities on his mind? Or was he just efficiency-obsessed? Asakura's personal ride was a massive van, unladylike for a modern female teacher. Sat eight easily, from what he'd heard. Obviously for hauling lizards and other critters en masse when needed.
And….
Tae-il felt oddly familiar with this van. In the original story, Sera had used it to shuttle the members to performance venues.
Local live houses were doable by public transit. But for serious band gigs, reliable transport was key. Enter the van.
Didn't expect her to have her license already, before the story even kicks off….
Tae-il counted his blessings. Without Sera, post-party cleanup would've been a nightmare.
"Sorry."
He was about to bow again in thanks when Sera apologized first.
"My cousin's kinda hopeless, huh?"
"Huh? Ahaha…."
"Fuyuko-nee looks tough, but she's a total lightweight."
"Really?"
If so, what were those mountains of beer cans on the table?
"For real. But she loves booze, so she drinks whenever she gets the chance."
"Haha. Worst combo ever."
She never turns down a drink if offered, apparently. Less now as a workaholic, but in college, Sera had to fetch her drunk ass all the time, she grumbled.
"Even got her license because of this sis. Drunks like her are exhausting."
"Ahaha."
Tae-il laughed awkwardly, glancing at Asakura snoring half-sprawled in the back seat. He'd never dreamed she was a lightweight. She'd shopped for beer separately, so he'd pegged her for a heavy drinker.
"At least she doesn't get rowdy."
"Yeah, she was super chill."
"Blessing in disguise."
If she got messy, Sera couldn't even play cousin duty, she laughed.
"Usually she drinks alone at home, though. Weird for her."
"Maybe she was really stressed?"
"Maybe? Anyway… never mind."
Sera shook her head.
"Tae-chi-kun, you must be beat. Head in. You carried all the kids solo."
"Nah, they're all light. No biggie."
"Is that so?"
Sera shot him a side-eye. She vividly remembered him grunting extra hard while hauling Sakuya.
Eh, I'll kindly forget it today.
Sera knew men lived and died by their pride, learned the hard way at drinking parties.
"Men these days…."
Low tolerance yet pushing limits. Tae-il was better than most.
"Alright, off you go. It's late."
"Yeah. Drive safe, Sera-san!"
"Will doo~."
Leaving Sera waving enthusiastically, Tae-il headed through the front door with Ayane on his back.
"Son's home?"
A voice from the entryway. Yu Hana, who usually lounged on the living room sofa to greet him, had come all the way out—a rare occurrence.
She blinked at Ayane piggybacked on him.
"Did you kids drink or something…?"
"No way."
"Sniff sniff. Huh, no booze smell at all?"
"Tell me about it."
Would've been nicer if there was a booze smell. Still, Tae-il inwardly sighed in relief that his nose wasn't playing tricks.
"I'll take her up and tuck her in bed."
"Okay, go ahead."
Yu Hana nodded, and Tae-il readjusted Ayane before climbing the stairs. Arms crossed, leaning against the wall, she watched intently and blurted,
"You're so natural at this."
"Ah."
Tae-il flinched mid-step.
Yu Hana giggled slyly.
"D-don't tease!"
"Ahaha!"
She burst out laughing. Really. It was the kind of natural ease that begged to be teased.
"Want Mom to buy you some condoms, son?"
"Don't need 'em!"
"Oh? Speeding ahead?"
"Cut it out!"
Tae-il huffed. A petty revenge prank from Mom for him gallivanting with girls instead of coming straight home post-discharge, arriving late.
"But seriously, don't do anything while she's asleep, okay?"
"I won't!"
Probably.