Summer Vacation (5): It's Hard
It was tough. Yuuya had wanted to help Tae-il, but she slammed headfirst into the towering wall called reality.
Yuuya lifted her head. It's so high. Before her eyes stretched lush green fields rare to see in Tokyo. But if she directed her gaze toward the endless horizon, there loomed a wall so tall it made her neck ache. The wall was so immense that the more she stared, the closer it seemed to draw. No. It wasn't an illusion. The wall was actually inching nearer. With every blink, it advanced with a jolt, closing in step by step. Before she knew it, Yuuya found herself huddled in a tiny space barely big enough to crouch, surrounded by endlessly towering walls. It was as if the psychological pressure she felt had taken physical form as an insurmountable barrier, cornering her.
Now, with even light unable to seep in, Yuuya sat curled on the floor, blankly clutching her thumb tight.
"YouTube's probably a bit too tough, right?"
"Huh?"
Tae-il's uncertain voice pulled Yuuya's consciousness back to reality.
Family restaurant? There were no walls hemming her in. Yuuya floundered in panic, searching for Tae-il sitting across from her. Even after she'd been sunk by the vast ocean of YouTube, Tae-il was still smiling carefree, as if nothing had happened. At his natural demeanor, Yuuya twisted her lips and nodded.
"Yeah..."
"Well, it's a tough neighborhood to make it big in."
But Yuuya had succeeded. Impressive. Tae-il praised her. Yuuya, having abruptly lost all motivation, stuck to one-word answers like "yeah" despite Tae-il's efforts to keep the conversation going. Dialogue needed back-and-forth to work. Tae-il gradually turned his attention to Ayane, who naturally caught every topic with witty responses. Had he never really expected much from the start? The Tae-il who'd sparkled with excitement asking about YouTube was gone. He conversed with Ayane in his usual flat tone throughout. Unbeknownst to herself, Yuuya deflated, biting her thin lower lip.
Sakurako, who'd been watching Yuuya's change all along, offered subtle comfort.
"Don't take it too hard. It's not like he thinks you're unreliable or anything. You know that, right?"
"Yeah..."
Yuuya knew better than anyone that Tae-il didn't resent her. If he did, she'd have noticed right away. His gaze would have changed. She knew better than anyone what eyes filled with resentment looked like. It was just... her pride was hurt. That was all.
Yuuya stayed silent like an audience member watching a play, quietly listening to Ayane and Tae-il's conversation.
Ayane asked Tae-il playfully, full of charm.
"Shin-nyang, why'd you wanna do YouTube?"
"Huh? Oh, nothing big. Just thought I'd upload some videos early to promote our band and see the reactions."
No. That's not it. I wanted you to be loved by people, to have fun like I do... Yuuya hid her timidly trembling hands between her thighs and gripped her thumb hard.
"Oh? Then should Ayane help?"
Yuuya flinched hard at Ayane's offer to help Tae-il. Fortunately, Tae-il didn't take it too seriously.
"Ayane?"
Tae-il smiled mischievously, poking her chubby cheeks with his thumb.
"Mmph! Shin-nyang treats Ayane like a kid too much!"
"You gonna help for real?"
"Ayane's in the same band, why not?"
"You sure? Your playing skills might get preserved forever like this."
Forever. Years later, when Ayane's skills soared to rival pro bassists, Tae-il—and countless interviewers in their neighborhood—would tease her by showing that video. Ayane squirming in embarrassment at her black history exposed would surely be adorable. Tae-il chuckled, already amused by the thought.
"Hmm. Thinking about it now, it might be okay...?"
"Shin-nyang?"
"If we get famous and go on variety shows, having one black history like that would be..."
"Shin-nyang!"
"Puhahaha!"
Ayane punched his arm in anger at his teasing.
Ayane asked anxiously.
"What if people hate my playing and curse me out super harshly...?"
"If we're famous?"
Fame draws all kinds of pests, and gripes about skill were a dime a dozen.
"That's life for celebrities. Izumi gets hate for her vocals, Yahiro-hyung for his bass playing."
Tae-il comforted her not to worry.
"Or maybe just make a promo video for the school festival?"
"Us?"
"Might not be bad as a debut video."
With Iris and Sakuya—practically the faces of the school—starring, even the chairman would approve in a heartbeat. The video topic was veering into weird territory. Every time Tae-il chattered about it, Yuuya instinctively shrank her neck, digging into her psychological burrow. The video's stars were filling up with Ayane and the other members instead of her. Every time Tae-il hyped someone else in her place, Yuuya vented by squeezing her thumb in protest. But she couldn't bring herself to butt in.
She just...
"..."
...fiddled silently with the tablet. Reflected in Yuuya's eyes were performance videos of the bassists Tae-il had shown her.
Restroom. Yuuya washed her face with cold water and sighed.
"I don't know..."
Her reflection looked like a lost child wandering. A girl adrift, uncertain about everything. One thing was clear: as a member of the Light Music Club he'd created—not as the Animal Husbandry Club president—she wanted to help Tae-il. She had some confidence in video editing. With her moderately successful YouTube channel, she figured she could help him plenty. But no.
Whoosh. As the water stopped, the stall door behind her opened. It was Ayane inside.
"Ah."
Yuuya let out a sound close to a lament without thinking. Their eyes met in the mirror, but without exchanging words, they stood side by side at the sinks washing their hands. Ayane shook water off her hands and spoke.
"Mori-senpai..."
"Huh?"
Yuuya, half-zoned out, reacted a beat late. Which made the damage worse.
"Likes Shin-nyang?"
"..."
Ayane's question landed a critical hit on Yuuya's head. Yuuya didn't answer. Her mind rang. Her thin lips stuck shut like they'd been glued. Ayane's intent wasn't simple friendly "like" between pals—it was clearly the romantic "love" between man and woman. Knowing that, Yuuya couldn't open her mouth rashly.
Well... She didn't even know her own feelings clearly.
As Yuuya hesitated, Ayane spat coldly, sounding disappointed.
"What? You don't even know your own feelings, but you acted like that in front of me?"
"Eek!"
Yuuya shuddered at the icy stare. She could tell. Ayane harbored clear hostility toward her. A razor-sharp emotion sliced at her skin, aimed at her throat. The girl's eyes, dull and hollow unlike the charm she'd shown Tae-il, stared blankly at Yuuya.
"I'm so tired lately? With all these bitches sticking to Shin-nyang..."
Ayane was stressed out. Izumi and Sakuya were overwhelming enough, but Rena showed weird signs too. Bass study alone to match Tae-il was killing her, and now petty issues like Yuuya kept piling up—her body couldn't keep up even if split in two.
"Stop making me have to care."
"You..."
"I'm getting tired too."
Ayane tousled her hair, slicing through Yuuya's timid voice.
"Shin-nyang's an idiot."
"Idiot...?"
"An idiot chasing impossible dreams. So he knows people care but can't give them proper attention."
Tae-il seemed laid-back, but he wasn't. He just didn't show it. He was probably under more pressure than anyone. That was why Ayane's feelings went unrewarded—he had no room for it.
Shin-nyang's a stubborn dummy.
A rare sincere curse at Tae-il from Ayane, meant only for her ears. His goals were ridiculously high. If he failed and crashed, Ayane couldn't even imagine the despair.
So. What Tae-il needed now was someone devoted like her to support his dream.
"Shin-nyang has no time to date some girl leisurely raising animals like you."
Ayane dropped a long strip of tissue paper between their sinks, drawing a line soaked with water. Her point was clear.
"Senpai, know your place. If you're thinking of getting in the way of Shin-nyang's dream, I won't let it slide. Get lost."
"You..."
Yuuya gripped her thumb tight and asked.
"You're different from me?"
"Of course."
No hesitation. Ayane smirked at Yuuya's shocked face, hand on her chest.
"Unlike you busy playing house with animals, I decided to sacrifice my life for Shin-nyang."
"Your life...?"
"I'll learn bass for Shin-nyang, compose music. I'll get even prettier so he falls for me. And I'll make his dream of a world-class band come true. Right by his side."
Ayane flashed a bewitching smile in the mirror, vowing not to miss a single glorious moment of Tae-il achieving his dream. Chills ran down Yuuya's spine at her sincerity. Whether by choice or force, Ayane's life was already bound to Tae-il.
"Like a devoted wife, I'll stick to Tae-il and make him succeed. No matter what."
If needed for his success, she'd kneel to Sakuya or Izumi. Ayane was ready to give her all. To Yuuya, it was an obsessively blind love unfit for her age.
"Good thing Shin-nyang's dense. Don't flit around bothering him—give up quick."
Before you get hurt more. With that warning, Ayane left the restroom first.
"..."
Yuuya soaked her unusually swollen red thumb in the faucet's cold water. Her mind was blank, bleached white like paper, feeling utterly foolish. Yuuya needed counseling.
The sun had dipped a bit. Not evening yet, but Sakurako, whose excitement fizzled first from all the chatter, announced she was heading home, naturally dissolving the impromptu gathering. Before parting, everyone hit the restroom first, victims of the unlimited refills. Tae-il, being a guy, finished quick and loitered quietly around the restrooms. But the others took forever, and pacing felt conspicuous, so he texted and stepped out first.
Outside, Sakurako emerged from the restroom after just a quick hand-wash. Her signature pink twintails stood out eye-catchingly, even accounting for the manga-like world.
"You're fast."
Tae-il approached her leisurely stride.
Sakurako, fiddling with her smartphone like a modern kid, looked up at his presence, met his eyes, and burst into giggles.
"What, you came out alone already? Guys are quick at that. Don't know about the rest, but that's enviable."
"That's sexual harassment."
"Huh? I didn't say premature."
"..."
Tae-il dry-washed his face to hide his grimace. Silence felt torturous for once. Oblivious, Sakurako poked his side with her cute elbow.
"What, you mad? Sorry, my bad. Premature does hit male pride, huh?"
"I'm not mad, stop."
"Ehh? Anyone can see you are."
"I'm not! And outside, people are walking by—think before you speak, please!"
"Okay, okay! I get it already. Geez, like childhood friends—same nagging."
Sakurako plugged her ears with both hands to block his impending lecture.
"Ayane'd love hearing that."
"Yeah. She melts if it's like you, even curses. How'd you charm her?"
"Never charmed her...?"
"Liar. First childhood friends like you I've seen."
Sakurako had seen more drifting apart in puberty. Tae-il corrected her misunderstanding.
"We fight too. Almost drifted apart a few times before."
"Really?"
"Ayane's moods swing a bit big."
"She has that side, yeah."
"I'm human too—can't always indulge her."
"And it blew up a few times?"
"What."
Tae-il shrugged instead of answering. Ten years surely brought trials. Tae-il spared Ayane's honor by not detailing, but Sakurako intuited.
He's no stranger to hardship.
At first, his overt jealousy pissed her off. Now she saw it as his way of handling Ayane. Ayane was sharp—she probably knew why he indulged her whims. Sakurako eyed Tae-il wearily.
"You two are soulmates, huh?"
Did Yuuya have any shot? Sakurako felt bad.
"Think so?"
Tae-il, brutally self-deprecating, tilted his head at her assessment.
"Yeah. So invite me to the wedding later."
"For a gift?"
"If the bride you're putting a ring on is Ayane?"
"If not?"
"I'll come punch you instead."
At the fist threat, Tae-il paled; Sakurako cackled.
"Too early for high schoolers, but treat her well. Rare good kouhai these days."
"I know."
Tae-il nodded, a bit sulky. He knew Ayane was too good for him.
"Promise? I'll watch."
"Do what you want."
Her constant ribbing got to him; his tone turned prickly. Sakurako grinned at his childish side.
"Fine. Pizza was good. Even if just one slice."
"Next time, more."
"Nah."
Sakurako bluntly refused, chopping his side with her hand.
"I'm senpai, y'know?"
"Huh?"
"Don't act like the old fogeys at my house."
What? Tae-il tilted his head, confused.
"Don't act grown-up when you're younger than us."
"Did I?"
"You look at us like kids. Ayane's one thing, but us senpais too."
At her point, Tae-il blinked blankly, clueless. Sakurako belatedly tsked.
"Tch. So dense..."
"Did I offend? Sorry if..."
"Nah. Wasn't malicious."
"Still..."
Tae-il rubbed his nape, feeling inexplicable guilt others wouldn't get. Sakurako shrugged it off.
"No need to dwell. Used to kid treatment 'cause of looks. Not upset."
People adapt. Hate mascot vibes, but after near ten years, it sticks.
"Next time, I'll treat to show senpai dignity. Bulk up till then. Got it?"
"Haha. Looking forward."
"Good."
Just then, Ayane appeared, back from the restroom with Yuuya.
"Shin-nyang!"
Ayane scampered over, clinging to his arm. She glared at Sakurako.
"Senpai, you bullied Shin-nyang while Ayane was gone? Ayane saw."
"Oh please. Who do you think you are?"
"Ayane doesn't bully random people at school."
Tae-il eyed Ayane shocked. Ayane bullying? Not victimized, but perpetrator? Impossible in canon or real life. Ayane assumed Sakurako's usual teasing, but Tae-il's surprise flustered her.
"N-no, Shin-nyang! For real! Ayane's innocent!"
Sakurako snarked.
"Childhood friend and you didn't know? She's sly. Uses morals committee power perfectly."
"Ayane, you..."
"All frame-ups! Senpai's lying!"
Ayane desperately denied. Tae-il watched her aggrieved flailing, met Sakurako's eyes, and let out a short "kuk" laugh.
"Shin-nyang...?"
Ayane's voice chilled at Tae-il obviously holding back laughter. Sakurako wasn't much different.
"Hahaha! Sorry, Ayane. Senpai said just play along when you show up."
"Senpai...?"
"What? Jealous? Be senpai then."
"..."
Ayane strode to Sakurako. The cackling Sakurako panicked as her shadow loomed.
"Huh? H-hey, why me...? Eek? Hands off a sec? Hihahaha! Kyahaha! S-stop... hahahaha!"
Hidden camera got payback. Sakurako fled Ayane, yelling.
"See? This is her! No respect for senpai!"
"Anyone sees senpai started it!"
"Ugh, surrender! Stop tickling... kyahaha!"
Even seasoned karate assistant was helpless to tickles.
Moments later, Ayane finished tickle punishment, hands on hips, scolding Sakurako.
"No more fake news!"
"Not fake..."
"Ayane's kind and gentle, unlike senpai—doesn't bully."
"Kind and gentle my ass. They froze to death."
"Eek!"
"Kyaa! Witch incoming! Run!"
Ayane lunged for more tickles, but Sakurako dodged behind Tae-il, sticking out her tongue sulkily.
"Shin-nyang! Grab senpai!"
"Uh? That's... whoa!"
"Eek!?"
Ayane, reaching for Sakurako behind Tae-il, reflexively caught him as he lunged, half-embracing awkwardly. Knowing it was an accident, her mind still tilted that way.
"Sh-Shin-nyang, people's watching outside..."
"No! I wasn't lunging—you got pushed by Hiiragi-senpai!"
"Forgot! Senpai, that's cheating!"
"Jealous? Get out then."
Sakurako's ploy worked. Ayane showed zero intent to leave Tae-il's arms voluntarily. Using him as bait, Sakurako sauntered off, reuniting with Yuuya.
"Late. Nothing happened, right?"
"Uh, y-yeah..."
Yuuya forced a clumsy smile to reassure. Something went down. Sakurako intuited restroom drama but spared Yuuya deeper probing.
With Sakurako dragging Yuuya back, real parting vibes formed. Coincidentally, only Sakurako lived opposite.
"Neighbors, right? Stick together home."
"Bleh. We got it."
"What sin did I commit last life recommending that brat to morals committee..."
"Ahaha."
Sakurako shook her head at rebellious Ayane, exaggeratedly disappointed, then hugged Yuuya tight.
"Mori, get home safe."
"Yeah. You too, Hiiragi."
Sakurako patted her back.
"Sigh. Sucks we can't go together—opposites. Right?"
"...Yeah."
"You hesitated."
"...No?"
Sakurako glared; Yuuya averted eyes slyly. Obvious lie.
"Can't lie for shit. Anyway, hang in there. I'll cheer you on too."
"Huh? Ch-cheer what...?"
"Who knows? What could it be?"
Sakurako grinned mischievously, backing away, pointing at Tae-il.
"Hey! Escort Mori home proper?"
"Yes. I'll see her safe."
"I'll call Ayane to check!"
"Shin-nyang, Ayane take phone out okay?"
"Dead?"
Sakurako brandished potato-fist, growling, then bolted yelling about missing bus. Tae-il watched her back, suddenly shouting.
"Hiiragi-senpai!"
"Huh?"
"You're a great senpai too! As much as Ayane!"
"Wh-what... argh!"
Sudden praise got shy potato-fist back. Tae-il laughed. Too far to see, but Sakurako's face was surely beet red.
"Consistent as ever."
"Consistently loud? Ayane hates that."
"Really?"
"That senpai's a boomer—calls Korea Joseon in the 21st century."
"Just one year older..."
"That's why boomer."
Ayane freely badmouthed Sakurako; perfectly timed, her phone buzzed.
Bzzz.
"Huh? Hold on."
Ayane checked: messages from Sakurako.
"Eek. Ghost..."
"She's a real ghost..."