Friends No More
"I had a friend."
"My friend had a problem."
"I thought it was a problem because of me."
"I could have solved it for her."
"But if I did, it felt like she wouldn't be my friend anymore."
"And just like I thought, we weren't friends anymore."
"Should I have just left it alone?"
"Even knowing my friend was acting strange, should I have looked the other way and pretended not to notice?"
"Were we never really friends to begin with?"
"Was I... was I the one who got it all wrong?"
I pieced together the words as they came to mind.
Vivian just listened quietly to what I said.
As I spoke whatever popped into my head, I started to understand my own mental state.
I felt sorry.
And I was lonely.
Toward everyone living in this world.
The elements I'd added thoughtlessly for my own enjoyment, driven by my selfish desires.
Toward the people swept up in them.
Once I actually met them, I couldn't think any other way.
Lee Ji-ah, Vivian, Latynia.
It felt like everything they'd gone through was my fault.
And yet, in this world where I didn't know a single soul, the thought of losing friends terrified me.
Even thinking it was my fault, I still held onto some expectation...
As I rambled on haphazardly, something warm enveloped me.
Vivian had wrapped her arms around my head.
"Dojun isn't bad. You did it because you felt like you had to, right?"
I could hear the beating of Vivian's heart.
The erratic noise of her anxiously pounding heart reached me.
Vivian was slowly dying.
Because of me.
"Sorry... I'm sorry..."
"But Dojun saved me, didn't he? Why are you apologizing?"
Tears suddenly poured out of me.
Did Vivian know she'd ended up like this because of me?
Even if she knew, could she still treat me this way?
Vivian stroked my head.
I stayed buried in her embrace for a long while.
"Uh... could you let go now?"
"No."
As the negative emotions subsided, embarrassment started to rear its head.
What the hell had I said to this innocent little girl?
I should have kept it hidden like always...
"No need to hide."
"What?"
Vivian spoke as if she'd read my mind.
"You can show me as you are. I want to see that side of Dojun."
With that, she pulled my head even tighter against her.
Her grip was still so weak that just lifting my head would shake it off.
"Or was it because you felt sorry for helping me?"
"That's not it!"
She's cute, so...
No. It was because I felt sorry. And pity.
"Liar."
Vivian said it firmly.
She was sharper than usual today. Or maybe I'd just grown duller.
"It's okay anyway. You still saved me, that doesn't change. Dojun can do whatever he wants."
Vivian's words seeped into my chest.
Could I really?
"You can do whatever Dojun wants."
I closed my eyes, listening to her gentle words.
The sound of Vivian's heart, still beating anxiously, echoed in my ears.
The next day, I looked out the window and saw clear skies, as if the rain had never happened.
Puddles still lined the streets, but they didn't seem to hinder walking.
Having gone through the most embarrassing experience of my life, I steeled my resolve.
What was done was done; no changing it now.
All I could do was treat her better from here on out as payback.
Even if that 'her' was Latynia... well, Latynia was unavoidable.
I'd just have to treat the rest of my girls well.
It hurt to lose one of my few friends, but new connections were waiting for me.
Time to let Latynia go.
"Hello. Your expression looks a bit better today?"
"Not really hello-worthy. Feels like I've seen something I shouldn't have first thing in the morning."
"By 'something I shouldn't have,' do you mean me?"
"Here, take a look."
I walked side by side with Kim Ye-eun.
There was Ji-ah, sitting on a bench at the fork in the path.
It had rained yesterday—wonder if the bench was still wet?
"Hello, Dojun. You seem in a better mood today."
"Yeah, something like that. So, Assistant Manager Kim Ye-eun?"
"You don't have to call me so formally between us. Feel free to be casual..."
"This is how I'm comfortable. Want to sit next to Ji-ah here?"
Kim Ye-eun grumbled as she sat beside Ji-ah.
The contrast between Ji-ah and Kim Ye-eun was stark.
"See what I mean?"
"What... oh!"
Kim Ye-eun must have noticed the difference too.
She glanced back and forth between herself and Ji-ah, then shot up and glared at me with contempt.
"I'm really disappointed. How could you... that kind of..."
"What? I was talking about hair length. I like long hair."
Ji-ah had long hair; Kim Ye-eun had short.
Being an awakener herself and handling artifacts, she probably went for short hair for practicality.
But I preferred long hair.
Of course, that wasn't the only difference.
"Ah! W-well, then I'll be going!"
Kim Ye-eun, embarrassed by her assumption, left earlier than usual.
Probably exactly what you thought it was.
"You like long hair?"
"Yeah. That's why I like you, Ji-ah."
"I... I like you too, Dojun."
Ji-ah's face turned bright red as she took the hand I offered.
We headed to the lecture hall, both feeling awkward and looking away—but we didn't let go of each other's hands.
The basic magic lecture proceeded without regard for my will, as always.
Guess this wasn't a matter of my mindset after all.
I tore my eyes from Professor Nephrian, who had started speaking in what sounded like alien tongue, and looked at Ji-ah beside me.
Her eyes fixed on Instructor Nephrian, she scribbled furiously in her notebook.
Peeking at it, I saw her jotting down incomprehensible symbols.
My notebook from our shopping trip was still pristine...
As Ji-ah reached to flip the page while staring at the instructor, her hand fumbled repeatedly.
Already filled it up?
"Here, take this."
"Thank you. But what about you, Dojun...?"
"You learn it and teach me later."
It was a line I'd prepared, but Ji-ah took the notebook without a word.
Might as well give her the pen too.
For the rest of the lecture, I just watched Ji-ah.
Feeling my gaze, her cheeks flushed red.
"Seriously... staring at me the whole lecture, what am I supposed to do?"
"Why? Don't like it?"
"It's not that I don't like it, but..."
"Then we're good."
I spouted nonsense as we arrived at the cadet cafeteria.
Latynia was still nowhere in sight.
"Speaking of, where's Latynia?"
"Who knows... maybe she went off to find her own path?"
"Did you do something to her, Dojun?"
I... did do something.
My mood soured without warning.
One friend's empty spot felt so huge...
I shook my head to chase away the bad thoughts.
Decided to think positive, remember?
"Dunno... no idea."
"Is that so?"
Ji-ah seemed convinced I'd done something.
That bottomless trust was burdensome, but right now, I was grateful.
Thanks to it, I could shake off the gloom a bit.
We finished our meal alone and headed to the Understanding Other Races lecture hall.
Along the way, I thought about the report topic Instructor Olivia had mentioned yesterday.
"What do you think?"
"Hmm... I figure we just do what the instructor said. What about you, Dojun?"
"I think it's about saying other races aren't that different from humans. Maybe emphasizing not to discriminate or treat them separately just because they're other races?"
"That makes sense when you put it like that. As expected of Dojun."
The impressive one wasn't me—it was the mod creator.
The issue was that a witch, Olivia Sangri, was teaching it, plus her usual lecture style...
"Who's sitting next to you?"
"A dryad. She said her mother asked her to find someone, so she came to Korea."
"A dryad, huh."
In Prism Arts, dryads weren't treated well.
People usually pictured beautiful girls, but in this game, dryads were monsters wrapped in tree roots.
With the appearance-mod applied, maybe she was fine...
"Know anything about dryads?"
"Never seen one in person."
"Even Dojun doesn't know everything."
"If I knew it all, I wouldn't be stressing like this."
As I joked around, we arrived at the lecture hall.
Neither Latynia nor Ruphus was there.
"So, after lecture, heading to the library again today?"
"Dunno... my usual library buddies are all gone now."
"Ah..."
Ji-ah looked awkward.
Everything she said today stabbed right at my heart.
Thankfully, Instructor Olivia arrived on time, preventing things from getting more awkward.
"From today until the semester ends, no regular lectures. I'll be in the lecture hall during class times, so come if you have questions."
Willfully arbitrary to the end.
But thanks to that, no more staring at Latynia's empty seat. A silver lining.
She was an instructor I could respect to the last.
A few students approached her after her announcement.
Instructor Olivia explained things, making no effort to hide her annoyance.
She still did her job, though.
Anyone could tell she hated it...
No interest or anyone to see, so I just left the hall.
Surprisingly, Ji-ah followed without a word.
I'd figured she'd stick around to learn more.
"Unexpected. Thought you'd go to the instructor."
"Didn't want to leave you alone and lonely."
"I've always been alone."
"Ah..."
The mood sank again.
I took Ji-ah's fidgeting hand, and she looked up.
Her face was full of apology.
If you make that face too, it puts me in a bad mood.
Positive thoughts only, remember?
"Anyway, let's think about what to do next. We've got time."
"Okay!"
Yeah. Plenty of time.
The empty spots would fill eventually.
I left the building with Ji-ah.
From beyond the lecture hall, it felt like someone's gaze lingered on us.