Yulia (3)
The weather is truly lovely today, my lady.
"It really is."
Yulia gazed out the window where the curtains had been drawn back. Though they hadn't even eaten dinner yet, the sun was already sinking low, a clear sign that summer was drawing near. The flowers that had nearly all withered further signaled the end of spring.
"Could you bring the wheelchair?"
"My lady! You can't mean—"
"Yes. I thought I'd go see the flowers before it's too late."
"......!"
Seeing the faint smile on Yulia's lips, the maid was so overcome with emotion that she couldn't speak. The young woman who had always remained seated in bed with nothing but books for company was now saying she would venture outside on her own. This was the same person who would stay shut away in her room unless someone forcibly dragged her out.
"I'll bring it right away!"
"I'm not going anywhere. Take your time."
Fearing Yulia might change her mind in the interim, the maid lifted her skirt slightly and dashed down the hallway. Giving Yulia's face—which had grown so pale it was nearly translucent—even a little sunlight was the earnest wish not only of Lady Lichtenburg but of every servant working in the mansion.
"Hehe. What would you like to wear?"
"Why are you so excited......"
"Well, the chance to dress you in outdoor clothes doesn't come often. It's only natural to be happy about it."
"......"
Watching the maid pull clothes from the wardrobe, Yulia let out a sigh. At some point she had come to be treated like a dress-up doll.
The maid agonized for a long while before lifting up a white dress.
"I'll wear that one."
"This? It's from quite some time ago, so it probably won't fit anymore......"
"No. It will fit."
Yulia spoke in a tone that left no room for argument. She could say so with certainty. Her body had barely grown at all over the past several years.
"Oh my. It really does fit."
"......"
As she was dressed, Yulia felt even more wretched. Now I've reached the point where I can't even change my own clothes. The realization that this body had less than ten years of life remaining kept circling through her mind.
What meaning could there possibly be in this repeating existence? In this life where she lived alone for eternity. And one where she had to remain shut inside a room for her entire life, at that.
Why on earth had she been born with such a fate?
"Shall we go out now?"
"......Let's."
Such self-pity was meaningless. Over dozens of lifetimes she had already attempted every possible method to end this cycle of reincarnation. From that, she had learned one thing: there was no solution other than resigning herself to this hellish life.
"Ah...... The cherry blossoms have all fallen. Still, there should be some flowers that haven't withered yet."
"......"
The wheelchair rolled slowly forward. The flowers that had been vibrant in the garden only days ago had all withered and now tumbled across the ground. Yulia rested her chin in her hand and let out a languid sigh, wondering if coming outside had been pointless. After decades, she had finally gone out to view flowers. If she had known it would be like this, she should have just stayed in and read.
Should she turn back even now?
That was what she was thinking when she turned her head toward the main gate. And when her eyes met an unexpected figure.
"My lady! Over here! There are still some flowers that haven't fallen!"
The maid's voice calling from afar no longer reached Yulia's ears. Every ounce of her attention was fixed on the man beyond the gate.
Schluss Heinkel.
He was the boy she had known in her previous life, back when she had been Yulia von Iceburg. At the time he had been a child of about ten, while she had been twenty. Now the roles were reversed—she was a girl of around ten, and he had become a young man of twenty.
"Yulia......"
A trembling voice slipped from the man's lips.
What would happen next was painfully obvious. An event she had experienced so many times she had lost count was about to unfold. Schluss had seemed to like her greatly in his previous life, so the shock he must have felt at her death would have been immense. The closer someone had been to her before, the more obsessively they clung to her upon reunion.
Any moment now Schluss would grab the bars, weep, and repeatedly call her name. He would demand to know if she wasn't Yulia von Iceburg. Or whether she was that reincarnated person. He would cause a disturbance until the guards intervened. Just as everyone who had known her had done......
"......"
Huh?
But Schluss couldn't finish speaking. He bit his lip hard, as if he had accidentally uttered a name that should never be spoken. His eyes remained locked on Yulia. He even looked as though he were swallowing back tears.
"My lady? Ah......!"
The maid, who had belatedly raised her head from the bushes, grasped the situation and came running. She immediately positioned herself in front of Yulia, shielding her. This was due to Lady Lichtenburg's strict orders to prevent today's guest from encountering Yulia at all costs.
The carriage wasn't supposed to arrive for some time yet—why was he here already......
Regardless, the maid swallowed hard and steeled her resolve. She was prepared to shatter the young guest's delusions. She would have to tell him plainly that the Yulia he knew and her lady were completely different people. Though it was obvious he wouldn't believe her.
"Excuse me. Listen carefully. This person is—"
"I received an invitation. I arrived early since I had time to spare. Would you let me in?"
"Pardon?"
The words that emerged from the young guest's mouth were entirely unexpected. He appeared to pay Yulia no mind whatsoever. No, it looked as if he were deliberately ignoring her.
She had definitely heard that he knew Yulia von Iceburg......
"Do you intend to make me wait out here standing?"
"Ah, no. You are Schluss Heinkel, correct?"
"Yes."
"Guard. Open the main gate."
The gate slid open smoothly. Schluss stepped into the garden with perfect composure. As he advanced, the maid shifted sideways bit by bit to keep Yulia hidden, but Schluss simply passed the pair without a glance, as if they held no interest for him whatsoever.
It was bizarre. Had Schluss forgotten Yulia?
That can't be possible.
That snot-nosed boy who used to visit her room almost every single day?
Yulia tilted her head curiously and craned her neck to peer past the maid. There she saw Schluss's broad back. The small boy had grown into such a dependable figure.
"......"
Schluss turned around, and their eyes met once more. His deathly pale eyes showed no emotion at all. After a moment of silence—
"Ah! I'm sorry! The master isn't ready yet! Would you wait in the reception room and have some tea?"
"That would be fine."
"I'll show you the way! This way, please......"
Another maid came hurrying out from the mansion, and Schluss turned away again without a word. In that brief instant, Yulia saw it. The way Schluss was clenching his teeth. How his lip was bitten until blood beaded up.
Schluss hadn't forgotten her. He had definitely seen her and recalled the Yulia from his previous life. Nevertheless, he was deliberately pretending not to know her.
Then what was that reaction......?
She couldn't understand it at all. Despite repeating dozens of lifetimes, this was the first time she had encountered someone like this. But strangely—
Why does my chest feel so tight?
An inexplicable pressure weighed down on her. With a vague, stinging sensation, Yulia clutched the fabric over her heart. Hard enough to wrinkle the cloth.
It was an emotion she had never felt before. An emotion she could not comprehend.
......And that was precisely why she felt so confused.
I only relaxed after the maid left the room. My previously upright posture collapsed as if the tension had drained away. My vision and hearing kept flickering on and off—perhaps from the shock—and my hands wouldn't stop shaking.
This can't be......
Yulia had reincarnated into the Lichtenburg family? Did that even make sense? I was certain the original story never revealed Yulia's surname......
Damn it. So that's why. Because I had never decided on Yulia's surname, it wasn't strange for her to be the daughter of any house. Moreover, according to the setting, Yulia almost never left her room and exerted zero influence on the plot, so even if she was the heroine Erika's sister, it wouldn't break plausibility......
I truly never imagined it. That I would run into Yulia in a place like this. If possible, I wanted to avoid meeting her forever. Until the very ending.
But why did she have to appear here, of all places......
This is driving me insane......
Yulia's appearance was exactly as I had imagined. That fine black hair. Those small hands. Even the sharp eyes. Every detail was the spitting image of her. No—it was identical. As if this was how she must have looked when she was young.
And that appearance stirred far greater emotional turmoil in me than I had anticipated. Even though I knew perfectly well she wasn't her. Even though I knew she was nothing but a fake modeled after her, my body gladly let itself be deceived. My heart pounded as wildly as it had the day I first met her. Sweat broke out on my hands and feet.
If possible, I wished even my reason would be deceived. Then it would be easier. My chest wouldn't ache like this.
"You came early."
"Ah."
At that moment the door opened and a gentle voice reached me. Even without looking up, I knew who it was.
"I am Erika's mother, Irene von der Lichtenburg."
Lady Lichtenburg. The Philosopher of Lichtenburg, who served as both countess representative and family head. I shot to my feet to greet her. No matter how rude my concept was, I still maintained basic courtesy. Just as I had learned from Emilia, I started to kneel to kiss the back of her hand, but the lady extended her own hand toward me instead. A handshake. I had heard handshakes were greetings between equals. Why would this woman, who despised commoners, offer a handshake to me......?
"It's a pleasure to meet you. Thank you sincerely for inviting me to dinner today."
"Not at all. You saved my life, after all. It's a debt I could scarcely repay in a lifetime."
Fortunately she was a woman capable of distinguishing right from wrong despite her aversion to commoners. At least for today, she would treat me with the utmost hospitality as a guest. I would forget about Yulia, enjoy a delicious meal, and leave with a full stomach.
"May I call you Schluss?"
"Please do, my lady."
"Yes. Schluss, you...... knew someone named Yulia von Iceburg, didn't you?"
"......"
Fuck. The moment I tried to forget, she dragged it right back out. Even I had only learned today that Schluss knew Yulia. It was because the Memory of the True Body had activated earlier and shown me Schluss's memories in a hazy blur. The image of Yulia sitting on the bed reading, and Schluss—who couldn't even read the letters—happily peering at the book beside her. They must have been quite close.
What a maddening coincidence.
"Yes."
"I'll speak plainly. The daughter you saw in the garden earlier is a completely different person from Yulia von Iceburg."
"Yes. I am aware."
"Oh, you are?"
"Lady Yulia has passed away. I saw it clearly with my own eyes."
I had confirmed it myself. I had touched her cold hand to confirm it. Many times. Without any doubt. That she was dead.
"She does resemble her, but...... that's all there is to it."
No matter how closely the girl resembled her, she was not the same person.
"The dead do not return to life. Unless I've gone mad, I wouldn't mistake your daughter for the deceased, would I?"
I was half-mad, it seemed. Even though I knew it wasn't her, seeing Yulia had made my body mistake her for the real one.
"......My apologies."
"Not at all. It must have been unpleasant. If someone were to overlap your daughter with the deceased."
"I'm relieved that you don't do so, Schluss."
I did, though. I was exactly that kind of bastard.
"My lady. Dinner is ready."
"Shall we move to the dining room, then? Erika is waiting."
"Yes, let's. By the way, the other daughter I saw earlier......?"
"Ah, that child said her stomach hurts. She won't be joining us."
Thank goodness. I wouldn't have to see that face again. Yet even as relief washed over me, my chest ached. Just the thought of never seeing that face again......
As I walked down the long corridor, I suppressed my inner turmoil as much as possible. I had to forget everything now and stay focused. The reason I had come here today was not merely to receive a meal. There was something I needed to settle with the Philosopher.