Light (3)

For no particular reason, the light caught in my eyes.

It may not have been irritation or jealousy so much as something closer to longing.

I closed my eyes a few times, then opened them again.

A girl came into view.

A golden bob that scattered pale radiance through the dark, lighting the space around her. Clear, pure-white eyes that seemed to permit not even a speck of impurity. Her face was flushed deep red, and the mana rippling around her seemed to speak for everything she felt.

"Your companions?"

"Get away from them. Now."

The girl's dark uniform swayed as a sword of luminous light leveled toward me. Space shuddered, and a straight line carved itself through the air.

I twisted my body and raised a knife. The blade traced a curve and swallowed the sword strike whole. The line sheared apart and warped. Residual force swept outward in a violent rush.

I watched the girl stagger with a small whimper, then flicked at the hair by my temple.

That nauseating Association mark.

Awakened and Hunters slumped against the walls.

Had the Association thrown a team together and sent them out? The rankers from the game days—yeah, come to think of it, aside from a handful at the very top, I'd never paid enough attention to know any of them.

That girl, though—I felt like I might have seen her somewhere, once.

With numbers like these, they still hadn't decided I was a real threat.

I spoke again to the golden-haired girl clutching her abdomen.

"You planning to fight?"

More to the point—

I didn't want to stay outside any longer. I'd burned through too much power today. My body felt heavy and exhausted. Maybe because I hadn't injected today's blood yet.

Above all else, I needed to get home before the madness flared up again.

I'd already killed three people.

"You've got to take these ones with you, too. To a hospital. They won't die, but the injuries are pretty serious."

I pointed at the Hunters hanging limp with blades still buried deep in them.

Because of the three-a-day limit—or rather, thanks to it—

I'd deliberately avoided their vital points throughout the fight. Wrestling them down without killing them had been a headache, but well. They were still breathing, so it hardly mattered.

"……"

She gripped her sword hilt tight, glancing at them, then glared at me.

When I slowly stepped back and made it clear I had no intention of attacking, she hurried over to the Hunters moaning against the wall and reached out her hands.

Swift and sure.

The moment she laid her hands on their arms and the backs of their necks, a faint light bloomed.

First aid, then.

"Bloody."

I raised a magic circle in the air from the blood spilled across the floor. Whirling, rotating strands of mana gathered, and with Bloody's power behind them, the circle began preparing a ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠transfer.

"Why…."

Just as I registered the faint taste of blood lingering in my mouth, a clear, small voice pulled my attention.

"Why would you do something like this?"

Why, she asks.

Because this body can't endure without killing.

Because if I go even a single day without tasting their blood, without hearing their screams and their breathing and their moans, I lose my mind.

"……"

But what ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠would change if I said any of that?

No matter how many drugs I swallowed, how many cigarettes I smoked, how many narcotics I chased down every method I could find—what always rose to the surface of my mind in the end was the cheap little lives of people like them, and the thin taste of their blood.

You mustn't kill people, I told myself. I'm still human, I repeated—and still I could never hold back the hunger boiling up inside me.

I was that kind of species. A pathetic race dragged around by instinct and powerless to do anything about it. A Damphir.

And so the only thing left for me was to quietly accept my suffering and my fate.

In order to die.

"Because I want to kill."

Standing right beside three corpses and the Association scraps who still had breath left in them, she looked at me with an expression that somehow mixed fury and hollowness in perfect measure.

"Because when I torture weak Awakened, the fear they show me feels too good. Because the scent pouring off their trembling bodies is exhilarating."

So the blood had been secondary, had it?

When had I started admitting things like that so calmly?

Maybe my whole body was already bound in chains that went by the name of madness.

"Trash…."

"Hm?"

"You trash of a bitch…."

Anger, it seemed.

But it felt nothing like the emotions I'd sensed from the Association's hunting dogs who'd faced me until now.

To the girl whose eyes had gone red at the rims, fists clenched tight, I answered evenly.

"You're right."

Weak.

"I am a trash of a bitch."

"I'm going to kill you."

The girl's pupils shifted. Her golden bob whipped through the air as the space brightened. Before I knew it, barriers had risen around the Hunters she'd been cradling.

"I'm going to tear your body apart right here!!"

Three swords took shape behind her back—so densely condensed they looked ready to explode.

No.

Don't.

Don't test my patience any further.

Blood screamed and thrashed inside my ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠mouth. I hurriedly pulled out a reserve dose, dumped it between my lips, and drew my knife.

The girl kicked off the ground and charged. Condensed mana detonated, and dozens of blade edges came hurtling straight at me.

I unfurled my wings and half-vampirized my body. Rising into the air, I seized the currents. I poured mana into the knife, swung it, and locked onto a trajectory toward the girl. A curve flashed along the blade and a line was drawn. Everything in my path shattered, and I dragged an explosion out of the wreckage.

The girl staggered, swallowed by the aftershock, then set her stance again. I swept my arms and drove two massive scythes down toward the ground. Her greatsword flashed. Sword strikes crashed against the scythes, held them, then broke. The air shook and wind burst outward. Everything nearby was smashed and destroyed.

I scattered droplets of blood through the air. The drops mixed with mana and, in an instant, transformed into five machetes. They slammed one after another into the abdomen of the girl still reeling from the blast. A thick scream tore free, and the scent of blood filled the air.

I dropped straight toward her, beating my wings. Gathering every drop of blood hanging in the air, I condensed it into the knife. The crimson blade flashed and blazed. It carved a deep line across the girl's chest as it passed.

Space split, and a fleeting silence fell. The moment I touched down, time moved again. The ground shuddered and the air convulsed. Wind howled and mana punched through the empty sky. Everything around us shattered, erupting into noise.

With a short moan, red blood soaked the ground thickly.

I looked back. The girl staggered on her knees, then crumpled.

"Still alive."

I'd opened my wings, but I hadn't meant to kill her. I'd hit a little hard, sure—but I hadn't had a choice. Time was running out.

More than that, though—impressive. That would have finished most people on the spot.

"Ughk— hhhk—"

The fallen girl twitched, moaning. Her greatsword lost its balance and clattered down. A clear ringing sound carried through the street.

When I turned my gaze, the magic circle before Bloody had finished taking shape. The transfer would be ready soon.

I walked over slowly, crouched in front of the collapsed girl.

"Does it hurt?"

The dark-red blood leaving her body trembled. The urge to bury my nose in it and drink every last drop hit me hard.

No. Don't. Hold it back.

No—why should I hold it back?

The thought surfaced out of nowhere.

"Ughk— hhhuuuk…."

Before the structure of my thoughts could wear away completely, the girl clawed back a fragment of life first. A faint moan, then a small voice. Her body was shaking hard. But I felt no fear from her.

"I sw— cough— uuph— pwah…! I swear…!!"

The way she tried to push herself up with her face still pressed to the ground was almost pitiful.

Her hair was a tangled mess, growing filthy—it almost felt like a waste.

"I swear I'll— hah— hah— kill you…."

She collapsed a few times under her own weight, then finally drove her trembling hands onto the greatsword planted in the earth and forced her upper body upright.

Our eyes met. They were beautiful all over again. Round jewels shining with the quiet elegance of white amethyst flooded my vision.

Even with her whole body shuddering as if it might come apart, her face was still lovely.

Fine skin slick with sweat, long eyelashes—and those cheeks, flushed with heat as if burning with resentment—pulled my attention in even harder.

"I'll kill you— I'll tear you apart…!! To the ends of the earth— hhk— uuuph…! I'll hunt you down, rip your limbs off, and tear out that damned brain and mind of yours…!! You insane piece of trash!!"

There was no fear. If anything, it was a presence that looked ready to devour me.

Resistance, right in front of my eyes—something I hadn't seen in a long time. Nothing like the faces of those who begged me to spare them.

Her body, carved open and spraying blood, shook even harder. The massive scars left across her, bones faintly visible underneath, spreading as if breeding over her flesh—it would have been kinder if she'd just passed out.

And still—how? How, with her face twisted and her body turning into a mess of blood, could she keep from looking away from me?

"Hahk…. Ughk…. Is this funny…? What's so funny about this, you crazy psychopath bi— pwahk!"

Funny? My face was always expressionless.

No—lying wouldn't do. Yeah.

Without meaning to, I touched my lips. The corners were turned up.

"Yeah."

I stood and moved away from the girl. Walking into the magic circle, I turned my head. Black smoke poured out and wrapped around my body. Without thinking, I looked straight at her.

Our eyes met—hers still burning—but the girl slowly lost her balance and collapsed to the ground again.

"See you next time."

But that was all.

In the end, that girl was just another of humanity's Awakened. A species that could only accept the end and resign itself. The next time she met me, she'd meet her conclusion as a cold corpse.

Like them. And like me.

So I wouldn't expect anything.

Never.

A foreign sensation closed around my whole body, and my vision went distant.

"To the ends of the earth— I'll hunt you down and tear your limbs…."

How long had it been since I'd heard words like that?

Everyone else was too busy running the moment they saw me. By the time they felt the disparity in mana and understood the situation, they were already buried beneath the ground.

And so I was always alone. That was all it was. Even as I lost ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠my reason and slaughtered people, I never thought of myself as particularly pitiful.

To them, I was a bitch gone mad for slaughter—nothing more, nothing less. I would have felt the same in their place.

So I was trash. A madwoman. A beast that couldn't hold onto reason and lived only by instinct.

If that was how they saw me, then that was what I was.

I opened my eyes.

"Cough— cough!"

Was the madness flaring up again? Or maybe my body had simply grown weaker.

Against the quiet of a dawn racing toward morning, I wiped away the saliva that had started overflowing in my mouth.

Light.

Today of all days, light sources kept catching my eye.

On the walk home, I looked around.

An empty night street. A silence so absolute it raised gooseflesh—broken only by the steps of fireflies dying as they burned themselves out against the streetlamps.

The lamps along a road littered with trash and every kind of debris flickered and died without a single one holding steady, failing at the one job they had.

I walked that street. My footsteps made no echo. Everything was simply quiet—even the occasional noise vanishing as if it had never been born at all.

That was all.

"What is it?"

"I don't know."

A halfhearted kick sent a small stone rolling down the street.

"One."

And not long after, I stopped.

"Yeah."

To anyone else, I'd look like a madwoman muttering to empty air.

Maybe that thought was to blame. A brief silence settled in.

"…."

It was fine, really.

The pain that came from the origin of my species, and the madness that crushed my whole body, hadn't ended that day. Through the next dawn, through the next morning, the aftereffects kept spreading and eating into me.

So even if someone who would only brush past this already-broken, sickly body and mind of mine spat something out at me, there was nothing in it that could truly sour my mood.

"Ah."

A sound slipped out.

The circuit switched.

What if it had soured my mood? What if I'd impulsively dumped a stream of curses at her—what do you know about anything? Maybe then I could have been glad I'd felt something human.

My chest felt heavy. I dry-heaved as if trying to bring something up. But nothing came. My body went limp and my eyes drifted shut. Worn down by exhaustion, I slowly sank into the cold air.

Still—lucky, in a way. Ever since I'd become a woman, my body tired so easily. And in the stretches when it stopped working properly and ground toward a halt, I didn't have to hunger for anyone's blood.

Right. Blood.

Blood. Veins. Nerves. Condensation. Liquid.

Hazy. Red. Metallic. Stimulating.

No, no, no.

Don't think about it don't think about it don't think about it don't think about it.

"Ah. No. No."

I couldn't lose control of my body like this.

Before the thoughts could stretch any longer, I drove my knife into my own heart.

A thick, clinging pain wrapped my whole body, and blood sprayed from my mouth. It condensed into a red scythe, split my chest open, and carved a glowing scar. Remnants of mana mixed into my nerves and rang through my brain.

My consciousness cut out.