Frail (1)
Piece by piece.
This should be enough.
I gathered a thin thread of mana and traced a blue outline in the air. The gothic lolita dress I was about to wear.
I laid out the clothes I'd scavenged from outside, along with a few dark ornaments, arranging them neatly.
With the broad shape set, I floated a scrap of fabric of suitable size into the air to serve as the foundation. I wove thread and cloth this way and that, reshaping it, puffing it out.
The colors blended; the form took shape. I fastened on tiny flower ornaments and ribbons.
Crimson mana scattered and refined itself.
Done.
I stepped into the center of the dress and pulled the zipper closed up my back.
Standing demurely before the full-length mirror, I lifted my face.
"........"
I...
really became a girl.
Voluminous, wavy silver-white hair cascading all the way past my waist.
Brows that looked faintly sharp at the outer corners, and deep blue eyes that shone with a quiet elegance.
Skin so white it bordered on pale.
And crowning it all, the black gothic lolita dress that sharpened the whole atmosphere, set off by silver floral ornaments.
No wonder last night had brought such searing pain. I never imagined I'd come down with a chronic condition like this.
"Orly."
The tiny life floating beside me called my name.
A soft little sphere small enough to fit snugly in one hand, with nothing but a pair of white eyes, wrapped in a miniature dark cloak—a cute little spirit.
"Thou art lovely."
"Thanks."
I'd lived twenty years as a man, and yet.
Even you, who'd watched me for years, were taking this so calmly.
Just "lovely." That was the whole of her appraisal.
It would be nice if both of us could simply be happy about it, in an ordinary way.
As I studied my reflection in the mirror, the girl in the glass began to grow faint.
Maybe because it was an ordinary mirror—it seemed to struggle even to recognize me.
With thin, slender fingers I could never have possessed as a man, I pointed at the lower edge of the glass and gathered power.
With a sharp crack, the glass shattered into a hexagonal spiderweb of fractures—and then the mirror reflected me clearly once more.
I nodded in satisfaction at the phenomenon. Only for a moment.
"Orly."
"What is it?"
The red sphere drifting around my shoulders—Bloody—had been hanging her head for a while. Her eyes, nothing but white light, carried a faintly worried tone as she asked,
"Last night... wast thou well?"
I was fine. Of course.
"Doth aught pain thee?"
Always so full of worry, Bloody.
Tick. Tick.
Tick.
There's nothing wrong with me.
"......Orly."
"I'm going out today. It's been a while."
Ignoring the cute little spirit as she sighed, giving up on whatever else she'd meant to say, I turned and strolled unhurriedly through the living room.
This wretched house—or rather, calling it an underground base would be more accurate.
It had been over a year since I'd left this place for a proper outing.
I needed some fresh air, after all.
More than anything else—
I needed blood.
The supply I'd been comfortably drinking while living in seclusion had finally run dry.
I left the vast living room, walked the long corridor, stepped out to the entrance, and boarded the iron-doored elevator waiting right in front.
Even though I lived here alone, I'd gone and decorated it like something luxurious—soft bulb lighting and purple leather finishes.
Standing still in the elevator as it hummed its way toward the surface, I suddenly wondered whether the change in my body had altered the structure of my mouth as well.
"Mmngh."
I forced my trembling lips apart and shoved my index finger into my mouth, feeling for the fangs I hadn't checked in the mirror.
With a soft pop-pop, a sharp sensation registered through my fingertip.
Good.
I can't do without these.
They're my identity, after all.
"Yet thou dost not suck blood with those fangs, dost thou?"
"You're right, Bloody."
But they're cool.
I've turned into an atmospheric girl—shouldn't I be allowed a little vanity?
I already knew that what I was about to go do was anything but cool.
The elevator reached the ground floor, and I emerged into a small, ordinary-looking house.
A quiet corner of the outskirts, well away from the bustling city center—a house that kept its silent vigil there.
For someone who'd been thrashing about in the open and then gone into hiding for a full year, there was no better place.
I'd slipped into the city a few times in a hurry to secure blood and handle business, but now even the last of the blood packs I'd stockpiled were gone. I had no choice but to resume activity.
Besides, I needed something—anything—to move my body right now, if only to get used to the strength and agility of this girlish frame.
"Do it."
Bloody nodded wordlessly at my request. Her cloak fluttered as her body glowed faintly.
The air rippled. Crimson viscous threads formed in the empty space, then linked together into an elliptical magic circle.
The process of searching for nearby Awakened.
Their blood was high quality, after all.
I rolled the sleeve of my right arm halfway up past the wrist and drew a small knife from my pocket.
———Thuk. Skritch—
Blood sprayed from the wound I'd cut into my arm with restrained precision. The beaded droplets coalesced into a single red orb. The moment the orb slotted into the hole at the center of the magic circle, a faint energy crackled outward with a soft burst of static.
"Range?"
"About a one-kilometer radius."
I nodded at Bloody's words. Using more blood would widen the search range, but I'd only just resumed activity—no need for that. Besides, my precious blood was too valuable to waste.
That aside—what was this foreign sensation in my hand?
Huh.
I was still holding the knife.
Can't have that. Not already.
I hurriedly sheathed it and squared my shoulders.
"Two.... nay, three, perhaps. They are rather close."
Good.
I sharpened my senses and started walking. Through a few alleys, around a corner.
Following the thickening mana, my vision expanded; my neck twisted this way and that.
Thought grew shallow.
"Hoo.... hoo...."
I couldn't focus. I forced my brow to furrow. A faint noise wavered in my ears, and a small shop with a shattered window glass flickered across my sight.
— If you don't wanna die, get your head down!!
— Man, today's my lucky day!
Ah. I can hear them.
Their voices and their lives, sparking every nerve in my body.
The flesh that would tear under a swinging knife. Their bodies convulsing as if about to crumble. Their breath shattering hollowly under terror.
All of it gathered and woke my brain.
The more it did, the deeper the noise and the presence of life drove themselves into my mind.
— Th-this.... that....!
— Thud. Thunk. Crash!
How long had it been since I'd met people's eyes?
Since I'd swallowed their fear and felt the thrill?
Since I'd swung a blade and played with them for fun?
I was truly curious.
"Heh-heh-hehk, hhk...."
"Orly."
A long breath, and my mind came back to life.
I swallowed the saliva that had pooled past the point of overflowing and clamped my mouth shut.
I clutched my chest and cut the thoughts off.
My name.
My name is Seo Han-gyul.
Orly is just my character from the place that used to be a game, before it became reality.
She's not me.
I'm normal.
The problem is this damn character's instincts.
I repeated it over and over.
Clutching my thrashing heart, I approached one step at a time.
Shapes wavered in my blood-reddened vision. A boy swinging a knife, laughter spilling from him. Black shadows being carved apart. Blood soaking his entire body.
I couldn't read his expression. Crying or laughing? He looked like he'd lost his reason long ago.
Like a monster.
"Heeheeheehee...."
Ah. That's the me of the past.
He looks happy. Like he's finally gotten the thing he wanted so badly.
Like a fire that found a mountain. Like a great white shark that found the sea.
Beautiful.
And then he was gone.
Vanished before my eyes. What I saw again was reality.
A place thick with the scent of life. An ordinary shop vibrating with the smell of skin.
"Ahaha....?"
The faint taste of blood beginning to coat my tongue hunted for pleasure. The blood-rush racing into my brain ran wild and screamed.
It commanded me.
Hurry and find them. Hurry and find flesh. Hurry and find delicious blood.
"I can't take it."
That wasn't me speaking.
"I can't take it, I can't take it, I can't take it."
Huh. That one sounded like me.
Hm? What?
Just a few more steps. I can swing the knife.
Cut off reason, and I can hear the screams I used to love so much, right? Yeah?
"Hee-hik.... heeheehee...."
Broken window glass, shards, piles of trash, a wrecked—
floor.
"Huh? What."
"What's with you?"
Inside the shop, two men—hideous faces, cracked-looking skin, filthy. The bloodied bats in their hands, and one man crouched before them, cradling his skull, trembling.
"There were three Awakened."
I know, Bloody.
But it doesn't matter.
A hunter slaughtering prey cares only about the taste.
The fragments and shards of emotion they were pouring out.
Sorrow. Despair. Terror. Self-mockery.
And—
resignation.
Right?
"It's a kid?"
"Whoa, what. She's cute. We could snatch her and use her as a cumdump."
How thrilling would the screams of a weak life begging to be saved feel?
How addictive would the hot, electric pleasure soaking my whole body be?
I observed them all, and in doing so made the existence of my own life that much more solid.
By killing them.
"Ah, uh. Stop, stop."
My name is Seo Han-gyul.
My name is Seo Han-gyul.
I repeated it again. If that wasn't enough, I'd mouth the words.
I absolutely do not want to murder anyone.
I'm only sacrificing my intact mind as a scapegoat to quiet this body that boils up whether I want it to or not.
That's all it is. Please let that be all it is.
"The Association's gonna show up any second. Let's bounce."
"Who cares~ How long does it take to grab one kid?"
Voices.
Ringing filled my ears and crushed them. A dizziness strong enough to make me lose consciousness stabbed into my cerebrum.
My body hunted pleasure and thrilled at the thought of rewriting the strange fates of the lives right in front of me.
My frail mind was trampled underfoot, reduced to repeating ordinary motions.
My vision went red. My whole body craved blood. The knife was already in my trembling hand.
Carve their flesh. Soak myself in their blood.
Hurry.
"Just pass out for a bit, little girl~ When you wake up, I'll show you something real nice~"
A black bat swinging into my field of view locked into place.
I gripped the knife and raised my arm.
———Seok.
A split second of silence—
and then the uproar rushed in.
"GYAAAAAAAAAH!!!"
"Wh-what the fuck?!"
"My arm!! My arm!!"
Luminous red liquid filled the air far and wide. A longed-for scent set my whole body burning.
My reddened vision thinned and grew sharp.
"Haa...."
Any second now.
It felt like I could take flight at any second.
"Good grief...."
What is it, Bloody.
You like this too.
You can't live without these thrilling screams either, can you.
"It hurts!!! It hurts!!! It fucking hurts!!"
"F-fuck!"
One pitiful body thrashing on the floor with an arm severed, wailing.
And in an instant, the second man, his face overlaid with every pitch-black emotion imaginable.
Panic. Grief. Denial. Resentment.
All of it blended together and lifted my spirits.
I felt like I was going insane.
"H-how the hell does one knife take an arm....."
"Fuck!! Fuck!! It hurts!! It fucking hurts!!"
Through the fountain of blood spraying upward, I saw a pair of wildly trembling eyes.
What are you going to do?
Write off your idiot colleague's fate and run?
Or—
cling to some worthless sense of camaraderie and meet the same end yourself?
"D-damn it!"
Blue lightning crackled and lunged for my body.
I smiled faintly and swung my arm.
I slashed my own chest with the knife; blood welled up as if exhaling, and the masses of it condensed into a sharp crimson scythe.
I spun once and swung the scythe.
The bolts of lightning tore and split apart.
The man staggered.
The scythe shattered, filling the air with thick droplets.
I thrust my hand forward and twisted my wrist. My blood, scattered through the air, gathered again and shaped itself into the maw and fangs of a massive beast. Roots spilled from it and coiled around my wrist, locking it in place.
I closed my hand in a small fist.
The maw swallowed the countless magic circles hanging in the air and charged.
"Fuck!! What the hell is that thing!!"
Running away?
All of you.
You're all the same.
This one, that one.
The moment they see me, all they can think about is running.
———Kwaduk! Kkak! Kwaak!
"GYAAAAAAH!!"
Weak.
Not even trying to resist—just being dragged along wherever the pain leads.
A daily life that hadn't changed by so much as an inch from a year ago.
Them and me—we're the same.
———Kwak! Crunch-crunch, ghk!
The sound of bones crushing. A sickening face and scent. A red fountain spraying free.
"Orly. As I have said before—three a day."
I know.
You don't have to stress it. I'll keep to it.
Three a day. The limit you and I set.
The standard that proves I haven't given up on being human.
"Heh-hit.... heehee...."
So I'm fine.
I haven't lost my reason.
Really.
"Eck, uugh, ukh."
The one-armed man who'd been half-conscious and sprawled on the floor was chewed up as well, and silence returned once more.
I'd held out for so long, and then a few people's voices turned me into a raving bitch.
Look at this. This garbage of a mind.
The way it goes extremely calm the instant people die—it makes me afraid something's wrong with me.
Just how am I supposed to let go of you.
My mind, invaded by desire against my will and gnawed hollow, gave no answer.
Separate from that, if I wanted to keep my reason for a while, I had to collect my beloved blood.
I gave my hand a light sweep and scraped up the blood scattered across the floor. I compressed the enormous red orb I'd formed into a sphere of ultra-high density.
I took a small beaker from my clothes, dropped the sphere inside, and turned my head again.
"P-please save me.... please save me...."
The man bleeding from a couple of bat strikes to the head.
I'd been worried he might have run—fortunately, he didn't have the strength.
In that state, he wouldn't last long anyway.
I'll make it easy for you soon.
With you, that makes three.
"H-hiiik!"
I raised the knife, stained scarlet with blood.
———Shwiik!
"———Stop!!"
At the voice that rang out without warning, I stopped my arm without meaning to and turned my head.
A girl. Gray bobbed hair. A sword. A cold aura.
And—
the rotting stench of old memories.
"Association Hunter. Drop your weapon immediately and step back."
The girl's sharp voice rang through my brain.
Her eyes flicked urgently, reading the surroundings—and on her black uniform was the Association mark that made nausea rise in my throat.
A long sword leveled at me.
"As of this moment, you are under arrest on charges of murder and attempted murder. Noncompliance will result in immediate lethal force."