I Want to Die as Olivia Reinhardt
If I were still the person I used to be — if sacrificing everything I was could save the world — I would have made that choice without a second thought.
Ask anyone to choose between one person's entire existence and the world itself, and the latter would clearly be the one of greater worth. And if the one being sacrificed was me, the Hero, then surely there would have been nothing wrong with it. I would have said as much, accepted any condition, and made myself into a kind of guardian of the world — spending a lifetime, and then more than a lifetime, cutting down monsters and cutting down the wicked. If that was the right thing to do, if that was the ultimate pinnacle of being a Hero, I would have admitted that was what I wanted.
But.
I don't want that now.
Because I am not a Hero before I am Olivia Reinhardt. I am Olivia Reinhardt before I am a Hero.
"I'm grateful you went out of your way to make the offer, but... oof. That's a bit much. I don't want to become something like that."
"......Would you be willing to tell me a little more about why?"
I had clearly refused the proposal, and yet the Goddess didn't look displeased — if anything, she seemed faintly pleased. I'm a poor judge of people, so maybe I was imagining it. Maybe I was being completely taken in by whatever she wanted me to see. But at least to my eyes, that was how it looked. It was not the face of someone disappointed.
She'd asked a question, so I had to answer.
"I want to save the world. I just don't want to sacrifice everything I am to do it. I want to die as myself. As Olivia Reinhardt, a human being......"
I smiled.
"Is immortality not the most precious miracle of all to humankind?"
"Death is tragic, and it hurts so much it can drive you out of your mind — but that's exactly why people can hold life as something sacred."
Because death exists, we cling to life. Because there is an end, we run toward it.
"Of course, it might be the most valuable thing in the world to someone else. But not to me. Goddess, I take pride in the fact that I live as a human, and that I will die as one."
"......"
"And don't worry."
What the Goddess was worried about, I suspected, was that I didn't have the strength to save this world. If it were the days of my prime, perhaps. But as weakened as I was now, she wasn't wrong. I wasn't weak, not by any means — but I was too weak to face the crisis coming for the world. Even if the Elixir restored my body, I might still fall short.
Even so, I smiled.
Was it a bluff? Or was it conviction? I couldn't tell myself. I simply spoke.
"I won't lose. I will save humanity, I will protect this world, and I will even defeat the God of Death."
"......I see."
"Maybe it's just me, but you don't look all that disappointed."
"Is that so...... When the First Hero turned his heart toward the monsters because of the God of Death, I felt afterward that humanity needed me."
"......"
"I believed I had to lead humanity in the right direction, teach them morality and ethics, and — watching them ostracize others simply for being overwhelmingly strong — change them through education."
In other words, once she was freed from the seal and everything was resolved, that was how she had intended to live. She had planned to reveal herself the way she had when she first created humanity, and make her presence as a Goddess known in a great way.
"And indeed, after I disappeared, they committed the sin of betraying the First Hero in just that way. They fall easily into sin, they are easily stained by malice, and their hearts are far too weak in the face of temptation."
"......"
The Goddess had probably never even conceived of such a situation when she first created humanity. She had made them so they could live smiling together — not so they would harbor malice. That they were vulnerable to it was, perhaps, only natural. And at the time of their creation, she had assumed she would always be by their side, so it wouldn't be a major problem. She had believed that as long as she stayed beside them, she could immediately set them right even if they strayed down a bad path.
But the Goddess had been sealed alongside the God of Death after both suffered fatal wounds, and her presence in this world had grown so faint that some people now questioned whether she even existed. No matter how much she had helped, unless she had descended in person, people could always force the argument that it was coincidence — that it was nothing more than a lucky miracle, and that would be the end of it.
"But as easily as humans fall to wickedness, they wished even more to live righteously. Olivia and Lois — the two of you are the proof of that."
"......"
"......"
"You saved people as if there needed to be no reason to save a life, no reason to rescue someone. Even if you were betrayed and hurt today, that was no reason not to reach out your hand tomorrow — that is how you saved people."
At those words, Lois let out a small breath and spoke.
"Forgive me, but I merely hoped that goodwill would be returned with goodwill. It isn't as though there was no reason, as you said, Goddess."
I had heard that story too. Lois had saved me out of genuine kindness, of course — but more than that, he couldn't accept that I, who had saved so many people as a Hero, would meet an end like that. He wanted to believe that it was goodwill, not malice, that circulated through the world. That was why he had saved me, or so he had said.
"If we're talking about that...... I didn't have no reason either, even though I saved so many people."
I was even more pathetic than Lois. I hadn't even wanted to save people. I hadn't wanted to do anything for the world. I had just been a fake Hero, swallowed up by the title of Hero, saving people because of it. A girl whose only talent was swinging a Holy Sword — what right did she have to be so arrogant? The shame of it washed over me all over again.
"......"
But having heard both Lois and me, the Goddess smiled.
"Those who harbor malice look for excuses for what they've done. Those who harbor goodwill look for the flaws in it. It's almost too ideal."
"......Goddess?"
"I had done nothing, and yet the humanity I wanted — the ideal humanity, as I saw it — had already been born, and was already growing."
The Goddess looked at Lois and me.
"Perhaps I was too arrogant, simply because I created you. You may have needed guidance, but it didn't have to be mine."
The Goddess laughed, truly delighted. It was the smile of a parent watching their child stand for the first time, and I lost my words, simply looking at her. It was a strange sensation, as if all the discontent I had wanted to voice was melting away and vanishing. The human blood flowing through my body seemed to recognize this Goddess as a parent.
"When this is over, it might be best if I simply step back. I'll help only with crises that truly cannot be handled any other way, and the rest... you may well be able to manage on your own."
"......"
"Something transcendent might actually hinder your evolution. All the things I thought I had helped with... perhaps you would have resolved them even without me."
"Even so, if you hadn't stepped in, far more people would have died. And human beings are creatures who live tangled up in one another. If even one life you saved had been lost, it might have been impossible for Livia or me to even be born."
Whether that was truly the chain of cause and effect, I don't know. But if you fail to save one person and let them die, everything that person might have saved, every bond they might have forged, ceases to exist. There would have been people who were never born because of it. It happens over the smallest things, and like a tiny flap of wings stirring up a storm, it can bring everything crashing down.
A small action, a great change. That was causality. Everything the Goddess had saved had led to this present, had given birth to someone's life — and among those lives, perhaps, had been Lois and me.
"......"
"Huh?"
The Goddess suddenly began to cry.
Huh? Wait?
"Um, uh! Goddess?!"
"This is... a little alarming......"
"I-I'm all right...... I was simply a bit overwhelmed. I praise your nobility."
"I don't know about that. It's not like I never have bad thoughts, so calling me noble feels a little off."
"That is precisely why that goodness has value. A being who knows nothing but goodness is admirable. But if one knows wickedness and still chooses to be good — that is what I wish to praise all the more."
It was a difficult matter. A story that was hard to put into words.
"Then let's leave this conversation here and talk about what comes next."
"Before that, may I ask one thing?"
"Yes, Lois."
"It's been on my mind this whole time. Is Livia alive right now because you did something, Goddess?"
"Lois?"
Ah. Everyone I met kept telling me I shouldn't be alive in this body. So was it possible the Goddess had done something to me? It certainly seemed plausible.
The Goddess smiled and answered Lois's question.
"I don't know either."
"Pardon?"
"Injuries that severe would be dangerous even for me or the God of Death."
"......"
"And on top of that, she swallowed the Curse of the God of Death with her own mouth, lost the heart and arm through which her mana flowed, and even took a blow to the head. The moment I saw those wounds, I thought it was over."
"......"
"......"
Hmm. Well. The Goddess was looking at me with the same how are you even alive? expression as everyone else.
"Doesn't that mean if she received your blessing, she'd become stronger than you, Goddess?"
"Come on, it's not that extreme. Lois."
"It's entirely possible."
"What?!"
"Children surpass their parents with time, and they say no parent can defeat their child — but I never imagined it would mean something like this."
"No, I don't think that's what that saying means......"
"Fufu, how about it? You could become stronger than a Goddess, you know. Has receiving my blessing started to sound appealing? Would you take this seat in my place? You would do better than I would. While I'm at it, I could give you everything I have."
I trembled and hid behind Lois. Those eyes. They were similar to the way Titania looked at Sylphy, and it was somehow a little scary.
"I'm going to grow old and die ordinarily with the person I love! Surrounded by my children and grandchildren! Right?! Lois!"
"......That's a rather difficult thing to respond to."
"You didn't deny it, so that's good enough. Hehe."
"What a happy wish. Are you truly that charming, Lois?"
"At least I seem to be, to Livia. Well then...... my question is finished, so let's talk about the future in earnest."
"Very well."
Lois ran his fingers along his neck for a moment, then spoke.
"......"
At that name, my eyes went wide as well.
"Let's talk about him."
"......Very well. Let us do so."