014. Dream
014. Dream
Dawn.
Laika opened her eyes.
......Why had she woken up?
She'd thought her insomnia had more or less improved.
Laika cautiously peered out from under the blanket.
Then the room came into view.
An old bed, a desk, curtains drawn over the window......
The fish tank light was on for no apparent reason.
That was probably what had woken her.
Most likely the timer had malfunctioned.
There was nothing particularly strange about that.
It was a timer she had scavenged from Krädel's warehouse and installed herself, and as she knew well, there wasn't a single thing in Krädel that worked the way it was supposed to.
That aside.
In a way, Laika even thought it was fortunate.
Because of the dream she had been having just moments before.
The dream had followed the events of the day Laika first met Seo Se-rin, her first commander, exactly as they happened.
A platform at some train station.
Laika was mixed in among biodroids in the same situation as herself, searching for the person who would become her first commander.
At that point, the only information Laika had about her future commander was the commander's gender and name.
In other words, nearly every woman at the train station was a potential candidate to be Laika's commander.
—Gulp.
Laika swallowed hard.
It was no exaggeration to say that a military biodroid's fate was determined by their first commander.
Meeting a motivated and capable commander would mean a meaningful life; meeting a sloppy and incompetent one would mean wasting it.
And simply wasting it would be the lucky outcome. If a commander found fault with her and returned her, she was almost certain to be dumped at an even worse base under an even worse commander.
So searching the crowd for the person who would become her first commander was nerve-racking.
Just who could it be?
Was it that older woman in uniform?
She looked like she might have a loud voice.
Still, she looked like she'd at least make sure Laika ate properly.
......No, she might actually steal my share.
Still, she looked nice enough. I should ask. As loudly as I could.
E-excuse me! Are you Commander Seo Se-rin?!
......Ah, you're not. I'm sorry.
Then what about that incredibly stylish-looking lady over there?
Her posture was so rigid and precise that being her subordinate looked exhausting.
Still, she was better than a sloppy commander. She looked experienced, which was a plus.
I should at least ask.
This time, not so loud that the people around me would be startled like before, but loud enough to convey ambition.
Are you Commander Seo Se-rinh?
......Ah, not her. Good thing, too—my voice cracked.
But who was it?
If it wasn't this person or that person.
Could it be that person?
......Not her.
Then what about that lady over there?
......Not her either.
Even that older woman? She was the best one left.
......Why wasn't it her?
......Then who on earth was it?
It couldn't possibly be that woman over there, wearing a stretched-out T-shirt and baggy track pants.
Never mind that she wasn't even in uniform; her leisurely movements and blank expression didn't make her seem like a commander at all.
She just looked like an unemployed woman from around here who lived comfortably by dumping all the work on biodroids.
But then, why was that woman approaching her?
Why was she grinning while looking at her?
Why in the world...
had she asked her that?
—Euyeng? You must be Laika, right~?
Unable to process the situation, Laika asked back.
—Huh? Then who are you—— Eugyak.
Correction.
She tried to ask back, but failed.
Because the other person had shoved something into her mouth.
What was this? Poison? Truth serum?
For something like that, it was a little tasty.
No, actually, it was incredibly tasty.
—Umul-umul...... What in the world was this......
—It's bungeoppang~
Bungeoppang?
The strange woman answered Laika's murmur brightly.
—Yep, yep~ I bought it on the way here~ I heard that if your body is an Angela, you tend to like sweet things~
—Ah, no. I don't particularly....... More importantly, how do you know my body is an Angela......?
That was when Laika suddenly realized something.
—No way, you're......?
—Yep, yep! I'm your assigned rookie commander, Seo Se-rin~ Nice to meet you, Laika~
Seo Se-rin answered brightly, finally setting Laika down and holding out her hand.
It was a strange-looking hand.
So white and fine that Laika wondered if it had ever held a shovel, but the fingernails were completely neglected.
In short, the typical hand of a total deadbeat.
In reality, it was Laika's commander's hand, though.
Of course, judging people by their appearance was not a good thing.
With that faint hope, Laika asked about Seo Se-rin's grades and philosophy on running a base, but if anything, the answers were worse than her appearance.
No Academy background.
A supplementary commissioned officer who hadn't even gone through the qualification exam.
Assigned base: a tiny forward base in the 3rd Theater.
Naturally, no prior military experience. No relevant expertise. No meaningful connections with major biodroid manufacturers. Not even a penny in funds.
And above all——
—Now! Introductions are over, so let's go eat something tasty~ Work can start slowly~
No motivation.
Just none at all.
—Euyeng? Laika? Why the despairing face?
Was she seriously asking that?
Laika answered with her shoulders slumped.
—......I thought you were the type of person who wouldn't have much interest in my dream, Commander.
—What kind of dream?
That was simple.
—Even if I have to wear myself down to do it, I want to save and protect people in danger...... that's my dream!
Laika said it shamelessly, without the slightest awareness of just how embarrassing it sounded.
She was able to do that because, at the time, she was full of what you might call 'military fervor.'
In short, Laika was thinking like this.
By fighting, she could protect someone. And thanks to her protection, that someone could live a happy life.
To simplify it a little, Laika believed she had the ability to make someone happy, and she didn't want to waste that power.
She wanted to be useful to humanity, and to the precious people who would someday come into her life.
It was a phase most biodroids went through fresh off the production line.
Because for them, created without family or friends, the war against the Legions was the sole meaning given to their existence.
Of course, there were plenty who couldn't accept that birth and became twisted, but,
at the very least, Laika dreamed of serving with everything she had.
But the pathetic-looking woman in front of her didn't seem remotely like someone who shared that ideal.
She'd probably become a commander on a whim after thinking, 'If you're broke, have no connections, and still want to eat your fill, becoming a commander is the only way to exploit biodroids for free!'
Laika would be dragged into worthless labor by this Seo Se-rin, finish her mandatory service period,
and be tossed out into society without having achieved anything.
......And it really had come close to that.
Because when Laika grumbled, Seo Se-rin had said things like:
—I don't think there's anything wrong with taking it easy and going with the flow~
—Ugh......
How had she ended up assigned to someone like this?
There must have been people better matched to her.
There had been several hardcore believers in taking the easy way out among her fellow trainees, if she remembered right.
Laika sank into despair at the painfully clear future she could already see. Then Seo Se-rin said,
—But if my first soldier says that much, I guess I have no choice. I'll protect your dream.
—Huh?
—I'm saying I'll try my best, just like you want.
—......Really?
—Yep, yep~
Seo Se-rin nodded several times and added.
—On one condition. Do me one favor.
—A favor, you say?
What was she trying to say?
Seo Se-rin held out her hand again to the bewildered Laika—the hand Laika still hadn't taken.
And kindly, truly kindly, she said.
—Take good care of this inadequate commander. Then I'll do my best to protect your dream, too.
That hand.
That strangely formed, unreliable hand.
At least in the dream, she hadn't been able to take it.
It was because the fish tank light had turned on right before that, waking her up.
So, curled under the blanket, Laika thought she really was glad she'd woken up.
Making a promise she couldn't keep for a second time would have been too painful for Laika.
***
She often dreamed about Seo Se-rin, but it had been a very long time since she'd dreamed of their first meeting.
Ever since Seo Se-rin died, the image of her that appeared in Laika's dreams was always covered in blood.
The moment on the snowfield when she was covered in blood and parted from Laika.
Only that moment was replayed endlessly in the form of a dream.
So why had today been different?
Laika asked herself, without meaning to, and eventually found the answer.
It was her commander's fault.
Because she had begun to change after meeting him.
For instance, Laika's once-empty room now had a fish tank.
Her insomnia had improved, her fading combat power had returned, and she no longer went berserk in battle.
And yesterday, she had impulsively made a 'promise.'
That she would help him save at least the commander's precious person.
Even though, in truth, she was someone who couldn't protect anything.
Shamefully, shamelessly, she had promised of her own accord.
She'd had no other choice.
A man who had reached out to her even though she was already a washout.
She had found out that this man had lost someone precious, just as she had.
Just like herself, a soldier who had lost her commander, she had found out that he was also a commander who had lost his soldier.
She'd been given that connection, that sense of kinship.
Laika had already wanted someone with whom she could nurse old wounds. It was almost inevitable that she'd mistake this person for her destiny.
Deep in her heart, she couldn't help thinking, 'I want to be useful to this man.'
So, truly.
She came to wish from the bottom of her heart—— that she might fill Sion's empty place herself.
That was why she had spouted such excessive nonsense about helping and whatnot.
Since she had spouted it.
She could no longer tell herself that she was 'being dragged into this by the commander against her will.'
Everything she'd done to avoid disposal now counted as a voluntary struggle born of her own will.
For Laika, the fact that she'd chosen it herself mattered enormously.
Because Laika, at least in her own estimation, had an excessively strong sense of responsibility.
Once she chose something of her own free will, she followed through no matter what.
Conversely, if she failed to uphold it, she would suffer immensely.
She had learned that fact bone-deep through Seo Se-rin's death.
Therefore, Laika had resolved, as much as possible, not to decide on anything from the start.
Instead, she had modeled herself after Seo Se-rin, living the same leisurely, escapist, carefree life.
As long as she did that, even if something was forced upon her, she could soothe herself by thinking, 'I didn't decide this.'
It was the same when the commander first tried to rehabilitate her.
Even deciding to avoid disposal had begun as something the commander proposed to her one-sidedly.
At least in Laika's head, a defense mechanism had been at work: 'The commander is the one driving this. None of this is my responsibility.'
The promise she had made herself last night, on the other hand, left no room for excuses.
But now Laika had 'voluntarily' made a 'decision,' and with that decision came a sense of responsibility.
Of course, that didn't mean she was suddenly going to revert to her old character and become brisk and efficient again.
A personality change that abrupt would be embarrassing, and the current Laika couldn't pull it off anyway. For the time being, she planned to keep going Euheng-euheng.
But inside her head, at least, she had started trying her best.
She'd developed an obsession with 'devoting her body and mind and giving her all for the man named Han Si-hu.'
She came to engrave on her entire being the dependency that 'she could only go on living because the man named Han Si-hu exists.'
In short, a whole new road of hardship had opened up before her.
And yet, why was it?
"Hwaah......"
At this very moment, she felt at ease.
Too at ease.
How could she explain it? It felt as though her heart, which had wandered and drifted for so long, had finally dropped anchor.
That strange sense of ease was, in its own way, frightening.
Was it really all right for her to enjoy this comfort?
For that matter, what was this sense of comfort in the first place?
Perhaps Laika was making the wrong choice.
Was she turning away from the punishment she deserved for failing to keep her promise to Seo Se-rin,
and selfishly letting herself become happy when she had no right to be?
She didn't know.
The more she thought about it, the less she knew.
The only thought that came to her was a certainty: even this anxiety was something her commander would resolve for her.
......And that it was about time she went back to sleep.
Because starting tomorrow, she was scheduled to be deployed on a real mission for the first time in almost a year.
And the commander had ordered her to sleep well, too.
For now, she should just focus on living up to that person's expectations.
Dalkak. Laika pulled the plug and turned off the fish tank light.
Then she wriggled back under the blanket and tried to fall asleep again.