10. What Happened One Night - 10
One night, Sarah sat gazing vacantly at the night sky outside her window.
"...Hah."
The weather was now fully into spring and already edging toward summer, but the nighttime air still carried a lingering chill. There was a certain charm, she thought, in taking in the night sky while feeling an eerie coolness this late in the season; Sarah simply pulled a small throw over her shoulders and looked up at the moon.
The stars and moon that had risen in the night sky were truly beautiful. By any measure, it was a lovely sight.
'...Ah. Right.'
The thought surfaced unbidden. Once, she had gazed at a night sky just as beautiful as this one, moved by a brilliantly clear moon and twinkling stars lighting up the heavens. She was sure of it.
...Yes. A few months back, at the banquet hall in the imperial capital, when she had happened across him and secretly arranged a tryst—whispering private words to him on a deserted terrace in the dead of night.
Back when she had been cornered with nowhere left to run, gambling everything on him with a last shred of desperate hope.
Back when she was far from loving him, back when she hadn't yet placed even the slightest trust in him.
While the moon and stars bore witness, on that terrace where their breath had mingled and she had let out a sorrowful sigh—surely, the moon that shone on them then must have been just as beautiful as tonight's.
Now, she found herself smiling unconsciously as she traced those memories. For the simple reason that they were memories of him, they had become so deeply precious to her.
...Why was that? Every time she pulled out a memory of him from some deep place in her heart and turned it over with care, this faint, buoyant feeling stirred and she had no idea what to do about it. She'd thought she yearned for beauty, but beauty was everywhere. For the woman named Sarah Sernad, every moment she had spent with Kain was radiant beauty itself.
There was a touch of regret too. If she'd known she would end up regretting it like this, she would have spent more time with him from the start. She would have made more memories. She would have tried to share more with him.
...She would have let herself love him sooner, and more deeply.
But it was too late now. Soon, everything would be over. No matter how she regarded him or what she held in her heart for him, her journey was about to reach its curtain call.
Because just a little while ago, the man who was her uncle had entered her room without notice and left behind these words.
- Go to Young Duke Dekaraznan's chambers before daybreak. All the preparations have been made. The only thing left is the resolve of my dear niece.
- .......
- I trust you'll make a wise choice, Sarah. You're a clever girl, so surely you understand the correct course of action?
She hadn't asked what kind of preparations he meant, or what filthy scheme he'd laid. What would come out of his mouth would be so foul she'd want to scrub her ears clean. And even if she did learn the details, there wasn't much point.
The fact he had left her with those words and no further explanation meant that all she had to do was walk into Young Duke Dekaraznan's bedchamber, spread her legs for him, and it would all be over.
...Yes. When you got down to it, it was a simple matter. Step onto the Young Duke's bed and lie with him. Once daybreak passed, everything would come to an end.
The silent pressure her family had heaped on her would lift. The nameless anxieties occupying her mind would lift. And though she had never let it show, this secret affection for Kain that she'd kept carefully hidden in her heart—that, too, would finally end.
...Truthfully, Sarah had one girlish, embarrassing wish—one she had never told anyone and never would.
Sarah wanted a child. She wanted to have the child of the man she loved. She wanted to bear a child who took after the man she loved, and she wanted to raise that child wrapped in love.
She wanted to watch the child grow. She wanted to teach the child many things alongside the man she loved. She wanted to live an ordinary life, love in an ordinary way, and be happy in an ordinary way.
She wanted to grow old together with the man she loved and the child she loved, and someday become a grandmother.
...But now, it had become a dream that would never come true—an extravagant dream someone like her could never have been allowed to harbor.
"...Kain."
A sigh escaped her. And she felt a little sad. Gazing up at the same night sky as that night, she found herself recalling the promise they had once exchanged on the day of their betrothal ceremony.
On that very day, Kain and Sarah had made a pledge. She remembered it now—the vow that they would cherish each other, love each other, and look only at one another until the day their lives came to an end.
She knew. It was nothing more than the ritual promise spoken at every betrothal—a vow without any real meaning. She understood perfectly well that, now that things had reached this point, there was no chance for them to be together. So why did that oath she'd made with him keep rising to the surface?
...She had let herself imagine it, just for a moment. As if he were a prince from a fairy tale, she pictured him appearing before her, rescuing her from danger.
And he would hold out his hand to her, and she would take it. Just like an old story, everything would end in happiness. For the briefest of moments, she let herself entertain the absurd fantasy.
"...Tch."
At the sheer ridiculousness of the thought, Sarah let out a laugh. There was no way something like that would ever happen in real life. In the end, she was nothing but a commodity raised by House Sernad, and her fate was to spread her legs for a man she didn't love, smile coquettishly, and simper her way through life. How was she any different from a whore in the red-light district? A self-mocking smile crossed her lips.
For a woman like her, the wish to be with the man she loved was simply too much to ask, wasn't it—
"...I want to see you."
She quietly wiped away the moisture gathering at her eyes as if nothing had happened. Crying was useless. Sobbing was useless. Fine. Smile. Better to smile. If it was unavoidable anyway, she might as well laugh.
Even if she had to sell her wretched body to others, she swore firmly to herself that this feeling in her heart would never be broken. Sarah drew another deep breath.
She glanced at the clock on the wall. It was time now. Time to go. Letting out a soft sigh, Sarah turned from the window.
...No, she started to turn. If only she hadn't heard someone calling her name, she would have.
"Sarah."
A voice came from outside the window, calling for her. The instant she realized who it belonged to, her lips parted before she knew it and formed his name.
"...Kain."
She slowly lifted her gaze toward the window. There he stood, leaning against the very window frame where she had been gazing at the night sky moments before. The sight filled her vision.
...Why was he here? Why now, of all times? Why had he come to her at the very moment she had resolved to abandon and let go of everything? Was this a dream? A delusion conjured by her own fragile heart?
"...Ah."
It wasn't a dream. There was no doubt. That man was most definitely Kain. In an instant, her chest swelled with emotion. There were mountains of things she wanted to say, but only one word made it past her lips.
"...Why did you come?"
She had ached to see him, yet at the same time, she couldn't bear for him to see her being sold off to another man. The woman called Sarah Sernad wanted Kain von Estel to remember her in a good light, right until the very end.
"Why did I come? To get you out of here, obviously."
"What?"
The moment his offhand reply reached her, Sarah's heart once again began to pound wildly. For an instant, she sank back into that blissful delusion—that he really might save her.
...But the words that actually came out of her mouth were bitter.
"Reckless. It's completely reckless, Kain."
She was happy. Overwhelmingly happy that he thought of her. Overjoyed that he had come to keep the promise he'd made that day, the promise to save her.
...But she was also worried. This was insanity. She knew all too well how relentless and vicious Sernad's hunting dogs were as they circled her. If she fled with him, they would pursue her without fail. And if that happened, he would surely be hurt. He might even die.
...Whatever else she could bear, that future—the one where he might be wounded—was something she absolutely could not. So—
"...Kain. There's no longer any place for you to step in now. I'm here by my own will."
With her expression as cold and detached as she could make it, Sarah delivered her dismissal.
"When did I ever ask you to save me?"
The truth was, she was so happy he had come.
"Forget it and go back. You know as well as I do, Young Duke Dekaraznan is a very handsome man. Becoming his concubine doesn't sound so bad. This is how marriages among the nobility often work, after all."
The truth was, somewhere along the way, she had fallen in love with him.
"I'm sorry, but let's pretend what you said before never happened. So you don't need to concern yourself with me anymore. Go back to your room before someone sees."
The truth was, she wanted him to save her.
But that would be unspeakably selfish. She couldn't drag him into something that only needed one person to be miserable. Because at some point, Sarah had begun to put him before herself.
And as he silently took in Sarah's icy demeanor, Kain—
"...Ah."
He seized one of her hands, slipped his other arm around her waist, and swept her up off her feet.
"Enough. You can complain later. I've temporarily disabled the alarm magic, but it's going to reactivate soon. Before we pick up a tail, let's get out of here quickly. I've already made most of the preparations, so our odds are decent. No more arguing—just follow me."
"...Ka—Kain...!"
Scooped up like a princess, Sarah flushed bright red and flailed her arms and legs in embarrassment. But the moment she realized it was pointless, her head drooped low.
"Let's go, Sarah. As of today, I'm putting an end to the nightmare that's been binding you."
Gazing blankly up at Kain as he spoke, Sarah bit down gently on her lip.
"...You idiot. An effort like this is clearly going to be for nothing."
Even as she said it, all Sarah did was lean a little more of herself into Kain's arms.
As if, somewhere deep inside, she was truly happy.