7. The Butterfly Dream (胡蝶之夢) - 13
7. The Butterfly Dream (胡蝶之夢) - 13
The moment the words left my lips, a heavy silence swiftly settled inside the little cabin where we were staying.
"......"
Contrary to my expectations, Bianca's face remained utterly impassive. No—it was more accurate to say every trace of expression had vanished. In one light, she looked like someone who had simply resigned herself. In another, like she'd given up altogether. Yet the pallor of her face made it clear she was not unaffected.
Facing Bianca's ghostly white face, I slowly spoke again.
"And that's not all, is it? Stealing my memories... imprisoning me here by erecting a powerful Barrier around this cabin... I'm guessing that was all your doing too. Am I wrong?"
As I spoke, I took a wry look around the quaint little cottage, which looked as though it had popped right out of a storybook.
"No, I'm certain that everything defining this relationship between us was a lie. Unless, of course, my hypothesis is incorrect, Bianca?"
"......"
After a long, heavy silence, Bianca slowly parted her lips, her expression still impossible to read.
"...How did you figure it out?"
Bianca's words were no different from admitting that my suspicions were correct.
"It wasn't anything all that remarkable. At first, I didn't have the slightest clue what was going on. It all started as simple conjecture."
I decided to explain to Bianca, step by step, the line of reasoning that had led me to this conclusion. ...In truth, I was merely working backward from an answer sheet I'd already seen, so it wasn't a feat to be proud of.
"Bianca, when I first opened my eyes in this cabin, you told me I'd been in an accident and lost all my memories of my time with you. You said we were here, in this little hut, so I could 'recuperate' from the aftereffects."
At first glance, it had been a fairly plausible excuse. But upon even a little reflection, Bianca's story was clearly absurd.
There was the fact that Bianca, a noblewoman by all appearances, volunteered to stay alone with me in this cabin without any attendants. There was the fact that my body bore no wounds despite the alleged accident. And the fact that she erected a powerful Barrier around us, forbidding anyone from entering on the pretext that it might disrupt my recovery. All of it was deeply suspicious. Even with my less-than-stellar intellect, I could deduce that much.
And, most critically, Bianca had made one colossal mistake. That was—
"You were far too at ease, Bianca."
"...What?"
"If we really were lovers, as you claimed, wouldn't you have shown at least a little more concern for your injured partner? Yet, while you fretted over my memories, you showed no curiosity about my injuries—as if such wounds had never existed in the first place."
"......"
Clearly, Bianca hadn't had the time to worry about such trivial details of her own story. They say time flies when you're having fun, and it was obvious that Bianca, drunk on the game of playing lovers, had carelessly forgotten that little setup from the start.
"Lastly, your magic wasn't perfect, Bianca."
"...My magic was imperfect?"
"Yes, that magic you used. The one that wiped every last memory from my head."
I tapped my temple with my index finger.
"I'm completely illiterate when it comes to magic, so I don't know the exact cause, but as time passed, my memories started coming back one by one. Well, not all of them have fully returned—I only recall bits and pieces—but even that much was enough to figure out what was going on, wasn't it?"
...Actually, it wasn't as if I had no inkling of why I was able to break free from the influence of Bianca's magic. Over the past month, I had tried everything to recover my lost memories, and as a result, I had discovered that my body was connected to 'something' via a very fine and faint thread, imperceptible to the naked eye.
This is only a hypothesis, but could it be that the 'something' connected to my body helped me recover my memories? Of course, it was sheer speculation with no logic or proof behind it.
Bianca had listened to my reasoning in total silence from start to finish, and she finally let out a soft sigh as she looked at me.
"...You figured everything out. And just like that, it's all over."
At my words, Bianca bit down lightly on her lip, and a bitter smile began to spread across her face. Her expression was laced with an undisguised self-loathing.
"You're right. Your deductions are all correct, Kain. There's not a single mistake in what you said. I wanted you so desperately that I kidnapped you, erased your memories, and then pretended to be your lover by your side. I'm nothing but a sickening woman."
She laughed a cackling, villainous laugh, but to me, she only looked like someone desperately trying to play the villain. Bianca's demeanor looked to me like she was crying.
"So, do you despise me, Kain? Do I just look like a crazy bitch to you? Fine, I suppose that's only natural. I deceived you. I told you nothing but lies. From our engagement, right up to this moment, there wasn't a single time I wasn't lying to you!"
...No, she really was crying. Like the child I had once seen long ago, she was crying deep in her heart. The moment I understood that, I was overcome with regret. If only I had noticed her feelings a little sooner, I wouldn't have had to see this face on her. That thought filled me with remorse.
"I knew. I knew full well that I was wrong, that I was making the wrong choice! But I was scared. Even if it was a lie, the happiness I was tasting right now was too sweet, and I just couldn't put an end to it. I consoled myself with the thought that it might be better for us to forget everything and just live like this—and in the end, I hurt you."
Bianca had once said this to me: that she was used to waiting and enduring. That it was fine if I didn't love her back. Why hadn't I realized how much remorse and sorrow lay behind those seemingly nonchalant words? Why couldn't I have understood her?
"Why, even knowing from the start that everything would end in ruin, did I do such a thing to hurt you, Kain? I'm sorry. I really must be a terrible woman. So, please... never forgive me."
As Bianca sobbed out her confession, as if she were nothing but a sinner to me, I took a step toward her—
"...Ah."
—and pulled her into a gentle, but firm embrace.
"...Ka...in..."
I had already forgiven her long ago.
"I'm sorry, Bianca. For not realizing your feelings sooner. For turning away from them. For not taking your hand when you were hurting so much. I'm sorry for all of it."
In that moment, the memories of the days I had spent with Bianca flooded my mind. The small, lonely little girl from her childhood, who looked at others with such empty eyes, as if she had no lingering attachment to the world. The spiteful mage who tormented me with all sorts of complaints during the Winter Expedition.
And then, the woman who smiled so happily while playing the part of my false fiancée.
Her actions were undoubtedly wrong. What she did was clearly not normal. To lay hands on another person's mind and body just because she couldn't have them... that is a grievous sin.
...But at the same time, a part of me couldn't simply cast blame on her. If this had been the past, I would have surely been furious with her, burning with hatred. But I didn't feel that way. Perhaps the forty-odd days I had spent with her weren't so bad after all.
It's simple to hate her. It's simple to shift all the blame onto her. But that wouldn't solve anything. So, right here and now, I would resolve this as my heart dictated.
That was the choice I made. My decision.
"So, let's stop this now. Deceiving yourself, deceiving others, and in the end deceiving everyone... that only brings unhappiness in return. I don't want you to be hurt anymore, Bianca."
That was the nature of the world. If you approached others not with purity but with your own desires, everything would eventually fall apart. That was the very reason I had risked telling her the truth. I simply couldn't bear to watch her cling to a false happiness born of wrong choices any longer.
As I spoke, I tightened my arms around Bianca. I could feel our breaths touching each other.
"...Kain."
Tears welled up in Bianca's eyes and traced down her cheeks. At the same time, she whispered to me. I'm so glad I fell for you. Truly.
"...Can you answer one thing for me?"
I gave a slow nod to Bianca's question.
"If it's something I can answer, anything."
At my reply, Bianca bowed her head deeply and whispered to me in the quietest voice.
"Were you happy... during this time we spent together?"
I answered Bianca's question honestly.
"...Yes, I was happy."
At my answer, Bianca smiled brightly.
"...What a relief. Yes, I'm so glad."
If the moments we shared hadn't been happy for you, then that would have been the greatest pain of all for me.
"You know, Kain... I've been dreaming a dream."
"A dream?"
To my question, Bianca slowly raised her head and met my eyes.
"Just a what-if... but I dreamed a dream of what it might be like if the two of us just kept living on in this little cabin. I dreamed a selfish, extravagant dream where someone like me could live in your embrace, die on your lap, and be buried in your eyes."
"...But it seems it was only a dream. Because this moment we're together is, after all, a lie. Just a fake. So I suppose our story can only end this way."
Even if this love is never returned, it doesn't matter. Because in this moment, I love you. And you are loving me right now. That one fact alone is more than enough to make me happy.
"...Alright, Kain. I'll do as you say. I'll put an end to this drama of lies. But... in return, I have one request."
With a strange heat rising in her face, Bianca leaned close and whispered a breathtakingly dangerous thing into my ear.
"Hold me. Embrace me. Want me. Leave your mark on me... so I'll know you were here."