7. The Butterfly Dream (胡蝶之夢) - 06
7. The Butterfly Dream (胡蝶之夢) - 06
Outside the hut where I had lain unconscious for three days was, in a word, a paradise on earth.
Around the hut, flowers of every color imaginable bloomed with a shy delicacy, each unfurling its petals in quiet splendor. A warm spring breeze drifted in from somewhere.
The flowerbeds were carpeted with all manner of rare blossoms, and right beside them, a little stream burbled along. Lifting my gaze, I saw an open, verdant grassland stretching before me. On the far side of the meadow, every tree hung heavy with lush, ripe fruit. The sky above was spotless, without a single cloud.
The scenery was so beautiful it made me wonder if this was what people called a land flowing with milk and honey. It looked like paradise itself—the kind of scene you could pull straight from a children's book illustration, perfectly unabashed in its beauty.
And yet, as I looked at the landscape around the hut, a shiver ran down my spine before I even realized it. On the surface, the view might seem breathtakingly beautiful, but from a slightly different perspective, it was nothing short of a ghastly sight that made my skin crawl.
The profusion of flowers all around were in full bloom, utterly ignoring time, place, and season. Flowers that should only bloom in spring, flowers that belong to autumn, flowers that need a marsh, flowers that grow only in the desert—every single kind was gathered around the hut where I was staying, bursting into bloom.
The fruit hanging from the trees was no different. As if the very concept of seasonal harvest had been cast aside, the abundant clusters of fruit looked merely uninviting, and I felt oddly reluctant to put any in my mouth.
This brazen defiance of the laws of nature was nothing less than a horrifying spectacle that sent a shudder down my spine. At the very least, I couldn't help but frown at those flowerbeds.
"...Did you use magic to artificially create this environment?"
I asked, barely managing to hide the tremor in my voice. The woman following a step behind me smiled brightly and answered.
"Mm. Yes. But why? Don't tell me you don't like it? I tried to make it as pleasant as possible for a person to live in. Is it not to your taste?"
The way she tilted her head as she answered was very childlike, carrying an innocence that didn't grasp what she had done wrong. Seeing her like that, I caught myself thinking she was, for reasons I couldn't quite place, adorable.
At the very least, it seemed true that even if we hadn't been lovers as she claimed, there had been some mutual affection between us. Unless, of course, I had simply been smitten the moment I saw her ridiculously beautiful face and body.
"...What did you say your name was?"
Trying to hide my own feelings, I asked her the question in as blunt a voice as I could manage. But she paid no attention to my tone and replied gently.
"Bianca. My name is Bianca. If you don't like that, you can call me Bia. Sometimes lovers shorten each other's names, you know."
"...Bianca."
The instant I heard her name, my head throbbed with pain again. It was certain now. This woman—Bianca—and I, before I lost my memories, had not been in an ordinary relationship.
"...Then, what's my name?"
At that question, Bianca wore a faintly bitter smile and answered me.
"Kain. The name of the person I love most in this world. Kain."
"...Kain."
Bianca's words were simply filled with a distant, wistful sorrow and a bottomless bitterness that I couldn't quite place. From her answer, I could be certain of one more fact. This woman, Bianca, loved me very deeply.
...And at the same time, I knew very well that she was hiding something. Because right now, Bianca had only told me her given name; she hadn't told me her family name.
Judging by the clothes Bianca wore, her way of speaking, and the gracefulness in her actions, she was clearly of noble birth. And if she was a noble, then I, who had been in a romantic relationship with her, was also very likely from a noble house. Love that transcends social status is a concept found only in stories; it's something you rarely see in reality.
So questions were all that remained. If she was of high noble birth, why, instead of taking me to her family estate for treatment after my accident, was she nursing me in a hut located in such a secluded place? Why did she feel the need to keep me here without even revealing who she was or what house she came from?
...But even with those questions, I couldn't just throw them directly at Bianca. Right now, I was nothing more than an ordinary person with no power at all, while Bianca was a mage capable of wielding magic powerful enough to make all sorts of flowers bloom in defiance of the seasons and environment. The balance of power was far too clear. For now, it would be wiser to find ways to gather information rather than challenge her head-on.
...However, there was something that took precedence over drawing information out of her, over uncovering the truth. It was a question I had wanted to ask her ever since I first opened my eyes in the hut and faced Bianca.
"...Bianca."
I turned my head and asked the woman who was just smiling brightly at me.
"Yes? What is it?"
"Are you really okay with this?"
"With what?"
"You gave me an explanation, remember? That we were in love, and that I lost all my memories because of an unavoidable accident."
At my question, Bianca hesitated for just a moment before nodding her head slightly.
"...Yes, that's right. That's what I told you."
"That's why I'm asking you. Are you really, truly fine with this situation I'm in? Even though I might not love you at all right now."
"....."
At my question, Bianca's eyes wavered greatly. In one way, she seemed sad; in another, she looked shaken.
"I've lost my memories. Because of that, I can't remember anything. I couldn't even recall my own name until you told me. Naturally, I can't remember the time we spent together either."
"...That's."
"The person I am right now can't remember anything. No, I'm incapable of remembering. Since I have no way to recall the time we shared, you'd have to conclude that I don't actually love you at this moment. It's truly unfortunate, but looking at your face doesn't stir any feelings of love in me. Maybe I'm not even the person you once loved."
"....."
"So, I want to ask you. Bianca, are you really okay with that? Even if I can't remember the memories we made together, even if you might end up loving me in solitude, are you truly all right?"
This question wasn't for my sake. It was for Bianca. I wanted to know the true feelings of this foolish woman who, though I couldn't fathom her heart, loved me so very much. And I just wanted to ask whether she could still love me even if I didn't love her back.
At my question, Bianca shook her head. A faint smile lingered on her lips.
"...Kain, you really don't know anything about me as a woman."
Swish—
Bianca stepped softly toward me, then whispered in my ear in reply.
"...It's fine. I'm really, truly fine."
"...What?"
"The truth is, I'm used to it. I'm used to waiting patiently until someone comes to love me. So it's fine. Maybe memories of you loving me don't matter at all."
"...They don't matter?"
When my eyes widened and I asked her that, Bianca gently took my hand and murmured in a very small voice.
"What matters, I think, is this moment right now. So please don't worry too much. We can just build new memories together from now on."
As she said that, I felt something warm silently touch my lips and press gently against them. It had happened so suddenly that I had no time to avoid it.
Her lips were warm and soft, moist. For an instant, I felt as though I had tasted something sweet. It was Bianca's taste.
"...Ah."
While our lips were pressed together, I could feel Bianca's breath and catch her scent. Our eyes met. We looked at each other, and neither of us tried to avoid the other's gaze.
But then, I found myself gently closing my eyes. Keeping them open felt like it would have killed the mood.
Only after a time—I couldn't tell if it was a moment or an eternity—did we part our lips. The moment our lips separated, I felt a strange sense of regret.
"...You know what?"
Bianca's voice was somehow shy.
"That... just now, that was my first kiss."
"...First kiss?"
...Did that even make sense? Weren't Bianca and I in love? Then how could that be her first kiss? Had I been some kind of ascetic monk before losing my memories?
"...That's a secret. Let me just say, you were a fairly ascetic person. And also, completely oblivious."
As if finding it terribly amusing, Bianca giggled to herself, then quickly came to my side and wrapped herself gently around my right arm.
"Let's take a walk. Honestly, I've always wanted to go for a walk with you like this."
Bianca's voice had brightened considerably.
"...We've never taken a walk together before either?"
At this point, I was genuinely curious about what kind of person I had been before losing my memories. To never have kissed such a stunning beauty, and on top of that, never to have even taken a walk together. Had my future ambition been to join the clergy or something?
"No, we have walked together before. Twice. It's just that we've never walked arm in arm like this."
As she answered, Bianca plucked a single hyacinth blooming near the hut and handed it to me, saying,
"If you really don't like it, I'll change the surroundings back. Honestly, I thought it might have been a little too much myself. I'd always wanted to make a flower garden like this if I ever got to be with you, but I guess my greed got the better of me. We have plenty of time, so there's no need to rush," Bianca murmured.
I tilted my head and asked her,
"...You wanted to make a flower garden? You must like flowers, then?"
To me, it was just a casual question. But the moment I asked it, Bianca's eyes grew distant and wistful, as if she were recalling some far-off memory, and then she murmured in a very tiny voice.
"...No. Actually, I don't like flowers at all."