4. Imperial Capital Lumentium - 11
4. Imperial Capital Lumentium - 11
...Take me in? Me?
"...Just what exactly does that mean?"
"Heh heh, who knows?"
At my question, Sarah simply smiled and offered no reply.
Could it be that Sarah still held feelings for me? Could there be some dramatic backstory where she'd been acting cold and distant on the outside, but deep down she truly loved me, worried about me, and threw that breakup letter in a fit of rage after seeing Aria on the bed?
'...There's no way.'
If I were ten years younger, I might have actually believed a delusion like that and taken her words as some kind of signal to get back together. But not anymore. I could see Sarah more objectively than anyone in the world. I looked at her calmly, without revealing my inner thoughts. She was speaking sweet words, but her expression wasn't romantic, nor did she look like a woman in love. Crucially, there was no emotion in her eyes when she looked at me. Her eyes were extremely cold and detached.
I let out a short laugh and shrugged at her.
"No matter how I hear it, it doesn't sound like a sweet confession wanting to maintain our engagement."
"What, you saw right through me? You caught on already?"
Sarah giggled as if she found the whole situation amusing and readily admitted it.
"Good. I like you even more. Honestly, I was on the fence until just now, but I'm sure of it now. You've become a dependable man, Kain."
"...Are you saying I wasn't dependable until now?"
"Oh? Do I really have to say that with my own mouth?"
"....."
No, I'd rather die than let my dark past spill from Sarah's lips. I'd rather throw myself off the terrace railing than stand by and let that happen.
"...I'd appreciate it if you stopped probing me. Surely you didn't call me out here just to play word games?"
When I raised an eyebrow slightly to show my displeasure, Sarah wiped the playfulness from her face and put on a serious expression.
"Of course not. Fine. I apologize for testing you. But what I just said wasn't a joke. I meant it, in my own way."
"...You meant it?"
"Yes, what I wanted to say to you was exactly what it sounded like. When the time comes, I want to entrust myself to House Estel. Please, take me in, Kain."
"....."
At those words, I looked at her again. She was definitely different from before. There was a firm resolve in her eyes now. I don't know if she was aware of it herself, but I could see the tips of her fingers trembling ever so slightly. It reminded me of a baby bird soaked by the rain. That pitiful sight of a small body shivering made one want to embrace her.
But.
"Why should I?"
"...What?"
I put on an exaggerated smile. I lifted the corner of my mouth and revealed the sneer I had for her.
"Sarah. You should know this better than anyone. There is absolutely no reason for me to accept your proposal."
"....."
"Isn't our engagement literally nothing more than an old, boring story? Since the engagement was broken off between you and me, our relationship is worse than being strangers."
As I said that, I took a step closer to Sarah. I wanted to put pressure on her. But she didn't bat an eye. Rather, she looked me straight in the eye and didn't avert her gaze. Seeing that, I clicked my tongue inwardly.
"Furthermore, House Sernad committed a discourtesy toward House Estel. Wasn't it House Sernad that sent a single letter demanding the dissolution of the engagement without any prior consultation? This is almost impressive. Sarah Sernad. Do you see House Estel as that easy to handle? In your eyes, does House Estel look like a corner shop you can walk in and out of whenever you please?"
"....."
"So why exactly should House Estel accept you, hm? Objectively speaking, it's true you're quite beautiful, but don't you think accepting you for that reason alone is a bit of a stretch? You know as well as I do that House Estel is quite cramped. We lack the space to keep you as an ornament."
When I spoke in a sarcastic tone, Sarah's eyes changed, if only slightly. The corners of her eyes went up. Seeing her shoulders tremble in a different way than before, I honestly regretted being so harsh. I mentally prepared myself to get slapped by her at least once.
But she didn't get angry at me or slap me. The path she chose was a completely different one.
Swish.
With the sound of clothes brushing, Sarah took a step toward me. Soon, we were standing close enough to feel each other's breath. We looked into each other's eyes at a distance where one more step would make our lips touch. I suddenly noticed a subtle scent of roses coming from her. Staring into each other's eyes at such a close distance, it felt as if all the time in the world that confined us had stopped.
But no matter how hard I looked, the word "romantic" was nowhere to be found between us. The only thing filling this space was tension, pulled taut like a string. For a long time, we just stared at each other in silence.
"....."
It was Sarah who raised the white flag first. She stepped back and answered my question.
"...You're completely right. I won't deny it. I am also a member of House Sernad. Even if my will was not involved, as long as I bear the name Sernad, I believe their mistakes are partly my responsibility."
After saying that, she bowed her head slightly toward me.
"I'm sorry, Kain. I apologize for our discourtesy toward you and House Estel."
"....."
"And this is a continuation of what I said earlier, but I could be quite useful. It may be insignificant, but I pride myself on having a talent for arithmetic. I think I'd be at least a little more helpful than just being planted next to a flower bed."
"...."
I know that as well. The Sarah Sernad I know is an intelligent woman who could easily be called a brilliant prodigy.
"...So please. I'm asking you. Can you take me in, Kain?"
But right now, none of that mattered.
"...Sarah. You..."
Sarah Sernad bowed her head to me. Sarah Sernad, who was always proud and never lost her self-esteem, lowered her pride to me. As if she were a merchant, she was assessing her own value and begging me for mercy.
It didn't feel cathartic. My mood soured inexplicably. I hadn't provoked her to see her like this.
"...Sarah."
There was no point in provoking her or testing her any further. I let out a sigh and threw a question at her.
"...Why on earth? Why are you trying to entrust yourself to House Estel, even if it means discarding everything else? Is that reason more precious to you than everything that supported you, Sarah?"
The you I knew wasn't like that.
"Kain, you're misunderstanding something."
She gave me a self-deprecating smile.
"You don't know anything. What kind of feelings I'm standing here with. What I can give up to live as myself. And how fake the image of me you used to know was. All of it."
"....."
"And even after letting all of that go, I still ended up with a reason to go to House Estel. Because the current House Estel—no, the current you—could serve as a screen to deceive the world."
...A screen.
Those words reminded me of the act she put on at the banquet hall earlier.
"...Did you act that way on purpose at the banquet hall?"
"Yes. To let everyone know that I have nothing to do with you, and that I will never go wherever you are. To completely separate the woman called Sarah Sernad from the man called Kain von Estel."
"...Why? What on earth is the reason for hiding your own tracks to the point of putting on such a performance?"
"....."
Sarah was silent. Even after waiting a long time, no answer came. Was that her silent way of saying she didn't want to answer?
...No, it was something else. This silence felt unnatural. I realized it was different from the silences I had shared with her until now.
"Sarah."
"...Yeah?"
"Close your eyes. For a moment."
"...You're not thinking of kissing me, are you?"
Even as she made that joke, Sarah obediently closed her eyes. I swept her hair aside. Of course, I'm not doing this with any impure intentions. I placed my hand on the back of her neck and quietly invoked 'Flowing Star'.
"....."
I felt a flow. A black curse originating from the heart and creeping through her entire nervous system via her blood vessels. There was no doubt. I was certain that this black curse was the damn thing that had robbed her of her freedom of speech and action.
"...It's a rather nasty curse. I've gotten a rough understanding, so you don't have to force yourself to speak."
"...Kain, that's impressive. It's a curse that most mages can't even notice. Looks like you've picked up a few new tricks while I wasn't watching."
Sarah widened her eyes in surprise, and I answered boastfully.
"The more popular a man is, the more secrets he tends to keep."
"...Pfft. What's that about? Why didn't you show that side of yourself sooner? If you had..."
A bitter smile crossed her face.
"...I might have really been able to love you."
Sarah said it like that. But we were already too late. Our paths had diverged too much. The relationship between us had ended up as a broken mirror a long time ago. Just like you can't perfectly piece together broken glass, and you can't scoop up water that has already spilled.
"Don't look at me with those eyes, Kain. It was just something I said because of the mood."
Saying that, Sarah changed the subject as if trying to lighten the atmosphere.
"Ah, right. That engagement ring I gave you. Consider that as payment. Or you can think of it as a bribe. A bribe to get on House Estel's good side. It's incredibly precious, so don't lose it, okay?"
"Just what is this ring that you keep talking about it?"
"....."
Sarah answered my question with silence. Was it also a question that fell into the realm of things she couldn't answer? Well, fine. It's an item personally guaranteed to be 'precious' by the lady of House Sernad, which is known for its wealth rivaling the best on the continent. There's no harm in holding onto it. I put the ring back in my pocket and spoke to her.
"Fine. I don't know when this 'time' you speak of will come, but I'll agree to take you in, in the name of Young Duke Estel. However, I have a condition."
"A condition? What is it?"
It's nothing much. I don't think it's a big deal. Just a trivial matter that requires a bit of resolve.
"Sarah Sernad."
"Yeah?"
"Can you die for me?"