Episode 1-b. The Follower of the Reverse Journey (3)
Magic is awfully convenient.
Thanks to the gray swirling around me—a curse I'd always had to hide—those days were now in the past. I could use simple spells and low-power magic just like any ordinary mage. With familiar hand gestures, I'd sketch patterns in the air and mutter incantations, and wondrous things would happen around me.
In other words.
Magic might be familiar to me, but to others, it was wondrous and rare. Sometimes, I even felt like I was living in a dreamscape myself. I regretted that such powerful magic couldn't completely erase the gray, and after lamenting it over and over, I'd stare at the mana pooling in my hands and scatter it around with a flick.
So.
"Waaah~ Can't you show me one more time?"
"…."
"Just once, one time, and I promise I'll shut up and stay quiet, okay?"
"It's a waste of mana. And don't make promises you can't keep."
There was one voice that kept pestering me, inching closer to the driver's seat. Ever since we'd wiped out all the Imperls and driven them off, this ragged-looking adventurer had been gazing at me with eyes sparkling like stars.
"But you just used magic, right?"
"I was checking for wild beasts or Imperl packs nearby."
"Then you can just use it again in five minutes, yeah?"
"…."
The forest was quiet as the carriage rolled on, but she handled all the noise herself. My head was full of swirling thoughts and worries, yet she kept chattering from behind, disrupting me.
So.
I.
"Mage! Mage!"
"Sigh… Sorry in advance."
"Huh? Sorry for what?"
"Shut up."
"… Okay."
Thanks to her, I uttered my first curse in life. After swearing, the air grew as heavy and silent as if under a spell, and seeing her slumped pitifully among the luggage made me feel a twinge of sympathy.
But maybe a single curse word had a more magical effect than my mana or spells.
Truth be told, I knew plenty of swears. They'd been the first words I heard as a child, mixed into customers' chatter at the grocery store, and always woven into the rambling talk of old folks at the market.
It's not wrong to say language starts with curses. I'd just held back, wanting to be a good person and not disappoint Ain.
So.
Shut the hell up before I say something worse, Eileen.
Anyway, the worry churning in my head was how to travel through the duchy and other cities without getting caught.
For starters, I had no ID. Born an orphan, abandoned at birth, I had no official status.
Yansen had given me a perception-lowering robe, necklace, and crystal orb to hide my identity, but an ID was a different matter.
When I'd asked Yansen and Idrin about it.
"Hm, the best way would be a noble's guarantee. A commoner's word means nothing, but a noble's carries weight."
"But that's tough, so registering as an adventurer in the duchy and getting an adventurer's license is your next best bet. It won't be a full ID, but it should suffice without issues."
They'd scratched their heads awkwardly, suggesting options one by one.
It should fool the gate guards. With the robe, necklace, orb, and other tools fully equipped, even experts wouldn't spot me easily, Yansen had said.
So, cross the walls into the duchy, reach the guild safely, and register during a time when no powerhouses were around.
"Mage! Mage!"
If I could pull that off, it was definitely possible. It even seemed straightforward.
But I had no plan for the off-chance of getting exposed.
"Mage? Um, hey~?"
I couldn't kill innocent people. That was my unbreakable line, my conviction to be a good person.
So, knock them out and run? But then where would I get an ID? Fail in the duchy and try another kingdom? Who knows.
I'd thought staying in the empire was right, but stepping out made the reality hit harder.
"Mage~"
"…."
"A-Are you hungry by any chance? I'm feeling a bit peckish, haha…."
One thing was certain: I needed to dump this ragged adventurer from the carriage in the duchy ASAP.
Parasite. Incompetent. Noisy. Useless.
And.
Parting with Eileen came sooner than expected.
Absurdly, she'd discovered my identity before we even reached the duchy.
I'd said I'd move forward, that I'd stand by Ain's side chasing his path.
But resolve alone couldn't get me through dark nights. I endured better than before, but some nights, I had to release the emotions built up over days.
Nights when feelings piled up from traveling with Eileen demanded release.
In the forest, the campsite shaped by magic fit the word perfectly. A pot over the campfire. Tree stumps as chairs. Thorny barriers against beasts and Imperls. And, though embarrassing to say, a beautiful woman and a ragged adventurer.
They all suited the lush woods well, and the day was set to end that way.
"Nyaaam…. So good again today, mage!"
"If you're done eating, go to sleep."
"Yeah, gotta sleep quick to head out early tomorrow!"
I told Eileen—who'd scraped her bowl clean—to sleep first, waiting as she patted her belly and closed her eyes.
Only then.
Could the time come to pour out the emotions I'd bottled up for days.
She fell asleep. I watched her a moment, then stood and headed into the woods. The thorny bushes parted smoothly at my steps with a nod, and I went a bit farther.
The moment the campsite vanished from sight.
"Haa…."
Emotions spilled with my breath.
"Huu…."
Ash rose slowly, cold sweat dripping plink-plink.
Before long, gray enveloped me.
"Huuu…."
But.
I didn't dig nails into my arms or thighs right away. A cry echoed from the misty woods, so I extended a hand that way.
I didn't have to release emotions through self-harm. The capital was too peaceful, with nowhere but my body to vent, but beyond the empire—like those things I'd seen last night—there were plenty of outlets.
Beasts knelt to survival of the fittest. Poor Imperls sought rest too.
So.
Lips trembling, I intoned.
"Ash particles."
"Spreading hues."
"They leave no trace."
⟨ [Gray Magic] ⟩
A massive burst of ash surged out, pouring toward the sound.
Nothing remained where it passed. Not trees. Not grass. Not beasts or Imperls.
No sawdust, no dry blades, no bone dust—just ash, gone.
So tonight, the mana I'd saved would fuel a slaughter in the dark.
I thought that as I removed my robe and necklace. Simple magic was fine, but pouring mana like water could ruin the engraved arrays, so I carefully set them down.
My gray hair and eyes, exposed after so long, shimmered vividly in the moonlight.
"Ain."
The word from my lips always carried sticky, fluffy obsession.
"Ain."
Those two syllables expressed every emotion, soon revealing gooey shyness.
"I love you."
I love you.
"I like you."
I definitely like you.
"Ain."
I wasn't sure if he could handle these feelings fully.
"Ain."
But I'd pour them out. Ain had told me to do as I wanted, so I would.
I.
"Ain."
Calling his name again, I sought to unleash the piled-up emotions.
"Ah…? Uh, E…?"
A voice that shouldn't have been there rang out amid the ash-choked scene.
I whipped my head that way.
Gray hair swayed in the wind, my eyes gleaming coldly in the moonlight.
"M-M-Mage…?"
"…Eileen."
"Y-Your h-hair… it's a-ash… g-gray…."
Her face paled by degrees.
Pure fear.
She didn't spew hate right away, probably sensing she could vanish like dust in this scene.
"I told you to sleep."
"P-Please… s-spare… urk. Urp…"
"…."
Revulsion toward the gray? Or guts twisting from terror?
She was vomiting and crying, her steps stumbling back in fear.
"Ah, uh…. Uwaa… p-please… spare me… I-I… urp, hic…"
"…."
Extreme fear led to panic; her legs gave out, tears and snot streaming like a child's.
"Urp, uwup…! I-I w-won't t-tell a-anyone…! Uh, ah…."
No one would believe her anyway, judging by her state. A cowardly, frail, ragged adventurer couldn't bear such weight.
So, scattering the ash, I spoke.
"You can run. I won't chase and kill you. You won't trust a gray's word, but grab some food from the carriage and your stuff, then go."
Again, I had no intent to kill the innocent. I had to be good. I couldn't disappoint Ain.
"Uh, ah…. A- hic…"
"…I'll stay here one more day, then leave. Go."
To Eileen, trembling as if she couldn't believe me, I repeated myself.
Only then did the ragged adventurer drag her shaky legs, crawling away from me.
"…."
I watched her back, scattering mana to kill the growling beasts and Imperls nearby.
My final consideration for someone too weak to survive long.
In other words.
That's normal.
Those who'd surrounded me were the anomaly.
So it was fine. I shouldn't expect anything from people anyway.
This journey started expecting to shoulder it all alone.