Episode 0-b. The One About to Tumble

In other words, the paths I could take were limited—either the easy one that ended right in front of me, or the narrow, thorny one that stretched on despite the hardship. And so, with unsteady steps, I trudged along that faint, prickly trail.

Thus, Ain's clear purpose, the goal he spoke of... it gradually changed and warped because of me, eventually twisting into something entirely different from what it once was. Before I knew it, he had become a man living his journey for my sake, pathetic as I was.

Even that dragged on too long. Three years had already passed, yet his letters and gifts were filled only with apologies. So... I thought I had to die. I believed I needed to end this wretched life to grant him his freedom.

But the memories we'd built together, every single one of those recollections—they were so precious to me. Even as I resolved to take my own life, I kept pushing the sorrow back, delaying it, letting three whole years slip by.

And then... what held me up, propping my back so I wouldn't tumble over, was another bond. These people who unwaveringly cheered me on, even as I wailed, fixated only on Ain.

So I must press on. Crashing into walls time and again, tumbling over at last... even if I end up alone once more, howling in despair. The fact that they are always behind me never changes.

A vast ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠world, the choices laid before me. And the traces left by Ain's path. I will follow them, and in the end, seize that brilliant light.

Like that, after crying for so long, I came to my senses only after those around me began bustling about.

"Wouldn't it be better to pack mostly the long-lasting stuff?"

"But then it won't taste good."

"Exactly. We should at least feed her hearty meals, sir."

Rendo, Rain, and Zuben were crouched together, chatting like that.

"Why state the obvious? We can buy tasty stuff in other cities... Ah. But going into cities every time would be tough... Hmm, then what should we do?"

"How about we get some seedlings? That way she can pick fresh veggies whenever."

"And seeds too, just in case they wilt?"

"Hmm, good idea! I'll handle the jerky and such, then. Go buy the seedlings and seeds."

With the conversation wrapped up in a flash, Rain and Zuben flashed me bright smiles before heading out of the grocery store. Rendo grabbed two massive bundles and started sweeping all the jerky and preserved goods from the shelves and storeroom.

"Ah, no... You don't need to give me this much. I can manage just fine..."

"What're you saying! There could be any kind of emergency! It's not easy getting into other cities on a whim, so we gotta stock up on emergency rations!"

"Th-that's true, but... Uncle, please calm down a bit..."

No matter what, he should leave enough for his business—that would put my mind at ease. But Uncle ignored my pleas and packed every last bit of jerky and preserved food.

Letting out a deep sigh, I turned my head to the side.

"There aren't any good wagons available right now. What do we do, Rini?"

"Hold on a sec. I'll ask around the members and snag a good one. Skip a few months' fees, and it'll be fine."

"Hmm, wagon's yours then. I'll focus on tools to hide her identity as much as possible."

Over there, Yansen and Gym Master Rini were scratching their heads, trading words.

"If you hand over some junk and her ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠identity slips, you're signing up as a member too."

"...Are you insane?"

"You've lost a lot of muscle. Sign up anyway, even if she doesn't get caught. I'll give you a discount."

"Get lost before I kill you."

"Sorry, but those scrawny muscles won't do it."

This conversation wasn't entirely for my sake, but they were gathering gear and heading out anyway.

"Um... You don't have to push yourselves so hard..."

I tried timidly speaking up, but...

"We'll put it on Ain's tab, so no worries. Hmm, yeah. Gotta bleed that guy dry, so only the best stuff."

"When you see Ain, tell him he's got ten years' membership fees overdue. Tell him it's up 10% from the regular price since he's a regular."

"Ah... Um. Okay..."

The two grinned wickedly and vanished outside.

Ain. I'm sorry. It wasn't on purpose... but for leaving me behind, that should cover it, right?

And then, Idrin—who'd been quietly watching—approached once everyone else was gone and poked my side.

"Finally quiet. It was getting annoying."

"...That's rude."

"So what? People curse the Emperor behind his back too. That damn Emperor—there's still so many books in the imperial library I haven't read."

"..."

As always, she stuck close in her odd state of mind, spouting such things.

"Anyway, I'll prepare the books you might need. Revised Gray Magic tome and notes on precautions for each country and city. Hmm, anything else?"

"Th-then... info on people to avoid? Or books on edible wild plants and animals?"

By now, I knew those words were meant to ease my tension.

"I'll get those too. It'll take time, so don't leave till evening."

Her lips, curved upward despite the gruff tone, proved it.

"Thank you, Idrin."

"It's payback for helping my research all this time."

Her creepy hand was slyly groping my belly fat again.

"...Not grateful at all, Idrin."

"What, suddenly?"

I flashed her a bright smile.

And one more thing. The bracelet is broken.

"But the bracelet hasn't broken yet... so the promise with Ain..."

Snap.

"Aigoo! It broke, Asha. Guess you have no choice but to set off!"

"..."

"This wasn't you breaking it, so it's totally natural."

"..."

Yes. Uncle's handiwork.

Time flew by like that. Noon became afternoon, afternoon became evening. Astonishingly, everything they'd promised was ready.

A sturdy wagon sat in front of the grocery, its cargo hold stuffed to bursting with their packed goods. Enough food for a year, various books, tools to hide my identity, spare robes and necklaces. Two fat pouches Uncle called "severance pay," plus ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠all the savings I'd amassed. And... exercise gear that only added weight, plus ten boxes of protein.

I climbed into the driver's seat and looked at them.

"Your lips are chapped, Asha. Lean out a bit."

"Ah, I can do it myself—mmph..."

"Just like Ain, so careless."

Rain was always the closest, grabbing my face to apply ointment to my cracked lips.

"Come back safe, Asha."

Zuben stood beside her, gently stroking my hair.

Idrin waved indifferently, Yansen scratched his head awkwardly. Rendo... had turned away to wipe his tears.

And...

"Eat that protein. At least 30 minutes of strength training daily—mandatory."

I wished the gym master would just stay quiet.

Anyway. They all waved as I sat in the wagon, and I smiled warmly back.

Farewell seemed at hand.

But.

"Take care, Asha! When you return, you'll marry Ain, right?!"

Rain's words made my body jolt to a halt.

"P-pardon...? M-me, m-marry A-Ain...?"

"Huh? ...Weren't you two already dating? I thought you were in love."

"..."

That was clearly off-base. Like. She defined my feelings that way, but I couldn't grasp it right away. Seeing her tilt her head as if it were obvious, and everyone else nodding along...

Only then did the pieces start falling into place.

Ain. When I think of him...

"Look. Your face is red again."

"Ah..."

My face flushes. My heart pounds thump-thump. My eyes tremble, my fingertips twitch and grow hazy. Everything inside turns to mush.

Thinking of him tightens my chest, aching like it's tearing apart. They call this unknown emotion like.

"Liking... Is that what I feel?"

"That's how it is when you think of a lover. What else could it be but love!"

Lover. They define the swelling feeling for such a person as love.

So...

"...Then, can I like Ain?"

I asked foolishly. Laughably, I wondered if someone like me could love him.

Despite all their affection lifting me up, I still couldn't shake the doubt and anxiety about my very core.

"Does someone like me... really have the right to love Ain...?"

Even knowing the truth of my feelings for the first time, worry was all that came.

I asked the people filling my vision if a gray one like me could love and like him.

And...

"Asking that now is funny, Asha. Do what you want."

"..."

They all smiled gently at me. Nodding, waving me off to go to Ain.

So.

I smiled brightly and spoke.

"I hope the world changes."

I revealed the truth I'd hidden, sharing it with them.

"I want to live together in the world Ain will surely change."

It was my innermost wish, the brilliant light I saw.

"Because of Ain, and because of all of you, I could endure, hold on, and strive to be normal."

I know. The light I hold is still dull, shrouded in ashen dust. It should be rejected by all.

Even so.

"So when I and Ain return to the ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠Empire, it will surely be a changed world."

I believe. I believe in Ain's steps and their love.

And the gazes on me as I spoke were still brimming with affection.

So.

I can move forward. I received a dream. A dream hoping the world changes—and I set off with it.

I can't tumble like this. Clutching that dream, I stepped into the wider world.

The broken bracelet is in my arms. My feelings for him, their supportive love. All of it, fully embraced in my bosom.

And.

Villainess. Fertilizer for the world. The scenery wrapping the woman who should have been that scatters colors beautifully, mismatched to her role.

She seizes a role.

The girl sprawled in the alley became a beautiful woman as time passed. The woman who should have been wicked discarded her original role over three years, claiming a tiny piece.

The name recorded in the world warps.

Bellia's name fades into the distance. Only Asha remains in the records.

And.

A new □□. What she gained moving forward. That new role is.

One who receives selfless love.

No matter how many times she tumbles, the woman who discards her original role can claim it. Surely, the possibility of advancing to change the world.

So move forward.

Tumble if you must, but rise again and continue the journey.

Now, the Empire won't fade into the back alleys. One light has reignited, shining clearly on a single place.

That is the home to return to. The settlement where the gray-bearing woman and the man on a journey for the gray must come back.