Episode 0-b. The Tumbling One. (4)
To be honest, I often wondered if the people living in this world weren't just puppets on strings pulled by some god.
They all despised and scorned the gray, shunned and belittled it, insulted and sneered at it with a belief that could be called fanatic or blind.
Acting and believing only as if following someone's command, like zealots to a single creed. Or perhaps there was a god tossing out gray as bait to observe crowd psychology.
As the person in question, I always harbored such thoughts deep in my heart.
Of course, that was possible only because I, a gray one, was pretending to be normal and burrowing into the world to survive.
In truth, newspapers often carried stories of gray ones strung up and executed.
The cases were quite varied. A child gray found in an alley of the Brahm Holy Kingdom had its throat slit right there. Several gray ones discovered in the underground sewers of the Haven Kingdom half-destroyed the city before being executed by knights. Even in the Saravati Duchy, a gray one hiding its identity killed its lover and rampaged uncontrollably due to overwhelming emotions.
Newspapers always had all sorts of stories, but never once a good one about gray ones.
So I often thought—maybe people's hatred and contempt were justified.
This was surely the product of a curse. An instinct too hard to suppress kept boiling up. Just one tiny mistake, and I'd end up slaughtering everyone around me.
Unjust as it felt, I resigned myself to it.
Honestly, I'm afraid.
What if someday I turn into a beast like those in the papers and tear into Ain's throat?
What if I become one of those gray ones, harming people and ending up strung up in the square?
Me...
"…."
Can I never be normal?
Can someone like me, bearing this gray, ever live among people?
Now even I doubted, hated, scorned, shunned, insulted, and sneered at myself.
I thought maybe I'd crumble like this.
That the time had come to end my own life.
Better to vanish quietly and meet death alone than to tumble, bare my emotions, harm those who cherish me, and drown in regret and despair.
And yet.
They tell me otherwise.
"Asha, you're definitely a good kid. If some rotten bastard dares call you bad, this uncle'll give 'em hell!"
That was from the uncle who finally climbed over the fences I'd wrapped myself in.
"Sorry. I'm sorry for hurting you. Asha, I want you to be happy. This is sincere."
It was Rain, regretting a distant past and pressing forward to embrace me at last.
"Asha, hold your head high. You haven't done anything wrong—what's there to fear? I'm helping you. You can definitely become normal."
It was also Idrin, gazing at me with those mad eyes that never wavered.
"Still young, huh? Doesn't know that in front of money, race, age, gender, or whether you're gray or not means nothing."
So I couldn't ignore those who spoke like that.
Even in the landscape Ain had left behind, I had to grit my teeth and endure, hold on somehow.
Even if I had to drop to my knees and press my hands to the floor, I had to stand again.
Even if I carved wounds into myself and vomited blood until I was drenched, I had to be a good kid.
Just to help Ain's happiness, even a little.
That was the wish I harbored.
A tiny breeze captured in my bracelet, laughable for someone as loathsome as a gray one.
But though small in form, it was too vast for me, and even a single step toward it felt overwhelming.
I, who had endured and pushed forward, was tumbling down once more before I knew it.
Time in the Empire flowed on like that.
The grocery store was always busy, Uncle and I bustling about together. The library was always quiet, our conversations with Idrin stretching long.
Rain and Zuben's affection never wavered toward me, so we'd eat dinner, play board games, and inevitably get held late into the night.
If you ask whether those things gave my life meaning, I'd say they absolutely did.
My life revolved around Ain as its greatest meaning, but the branches extending from that touched many others too.
I couldn't deny Ain was my biggest happiness, but the time spent with Uncle Rendo, Idrin, Rain, and Zuben brought me small joys as well.
That's why I could endure with such long-suffering patience.
So I thought I needed to try a little harder to protect that scenery.
"I'll be back, Uncle."
"Yeah, it was a place Ain frequented, so the owner there ain't a bad sort."
"Yes, don't worry."
With that resolve, I straightened my clothes, bowed my head, and stepped out of the grocery store.
In my hand was a thick money pouch. My wages that Ain had told me to save for when the time came.
I finally felt the need to use it, nodding to myself that Ain's words were always right.
Idrin had mentioned an adventurer's shop selling all sorts of wondrous things, so I planned to visit there today.
I arrived at a corner of the market street, in front of a shop dusted with grime.
Knock knock. I swallowed hard and stepped inside.
"Excuse me."
"Welcome... what the? Gray?"
"…, Ah."
And just like that, my identity was exposed.
The owner noticed the moment I entered and scowled immediately.
I'd never been caught by anyone before, so only then did I suddenly grasp what Ain had worried about.
I wondered if I should just turn and flee the shop right away.
"Never heard of a crazy gray wandering the Empire bold as brass, relying on just one recognition spell... wait a sec."
"S-Sorry…."
But it wasn't a look of hatred.
"That necklace. The sapphire one I sold here. Gotta be the one that damn kid Ain ripped off at half price seven years ago."
The scowl was just to inspect the blue necklace around my neck closely.
No drawing weapons or threats to kill—he just sat there, staring intently.
"Y-Yes... it's the necklace Ain gave me."
"…."
"…., Sorry."
"Hah... what a mess. That kid Ain, what the hell... hah. Never thought there'd be a lunatic hiding a gray in the Empire, and it'd be that brat."
He sighed deeply, glanced at me, and muttered.
"…."
"...Ain, thinks anything goes as long as the face is pretty, gray or whatever."
He scanned my face and necklace over and over with disbelief, then cleared his throat and spoke again.
"Welcome."
"…."
It was an ordinary greeting.
"Ask if you need something, and since you're gray, better pick quick when no other customers are around. Folks who sense mana see yours as pretty alien."
"Ah, um…."
Just like treating a normal customer.
I didn't know what changed his mind, but with a somewhat bored expression, he propped his chin and waved me on.
As if my being gray was no big deal, urging me indifferently.
"Hm, yeah. If you come back, wear the robe he bought too. Too careless for a gray—better recognize what you are."
"I-I'm gray, like you said, but is that okay…."
Even as I timidly asked,
"No money? Then no, not okay at all."
"Ah, I brought plenty."
"Then gray or not, you're a customer. What're you here to buy? Kid doesn't get that money wipes out race, age, gender, gray or not."
His answer was a bit—weird, actually very weird.
"…, Th-Then, do you have anything to help hide gray mana…."
"Hm, stuff to hide gray is illegal, can't sell."
"Ah, th... then something to help suppress emotions…."
"Got that, but no cases with gray, so dunno if it'll help. Still wanna buy?"
"Ah, yes. Please."
"Alright, wait a bit. I'll fetch it."
So.
His back as he fetched it casually, treating me like any customer, was truly bizarre.
And then.
Crack.
"Ah…."
"No, customer. Breaking the merchandise is a bit much."
"S-Sorry…."
The emotion suppressant stone he brought cracked with a snap the moment it touched my hand.
Inexcusably, my finger had just brushed it, but the magic circle shattered into powder.
"I-I'll pay for it…."
"Hm, compensation later. I'll get a stronger one—wait a sec."
And so the item-breaking relay began.
Crack.
"Ah."
"...This customer's topping even Ain for trouble. Next."
Like he'd gotten competitive, he kept bringing new ones past the ones shattering instantly.
Crack.
"…."
"..., Next."
Shattering.
Crack.
"…, Sorry."
"…."
And shattering again.
Crack.
"How much for all of them…?"
"Heh, fun watching money vanish before my eyes."
"…, I'll compensate."
Only after over ten emotion suppressants had repeated the cycle did I meet his empty gaze.
So.
I was wondering if even the pouch I'd brought wouldn't cover it, and if I'd need the one hidden in my room too.
But the owner said something a little different from compensation.
"Hey, customer. You really okay?"
"Yes…? What do you mean…."
He asked if I was okay.
"That mask you're wearing is about to shatter. At this rate, emotions'll burst and either you die or the city vanishes—one or the other."
"…."
"Looking at you now, feels like you're just planning to die. So I'm asking—are you really okay?"
"…."
He pierced right through me.
"Seen a few gray as an adventurer, but stacked like that? Bound to blow soon. Or rather, not blowing till now is the unbelievable part."
"…, I'm fine. I can endure."
His bored gaze was gone, replaced by pitying ripples holding me.
"If Ain's the cause, better chase him. Dying there or here, same difference."
"The promised time... still remains."
I glanced at my bracelet as I answered—it was still tightly bound.
"..., Yeah. Both stubborn as hell. Meet again, and they'd be soulmates."
"…."
His words mocked, but the following sigh whispered otherwise.
"Can't block that with the junk I sell. Sorry, can't help."
Emotion seeped into those words.
Sympathy, or pity. Like what Ain first felt for me.
Perhaps another trace Ain had passed on and left behind.
The silence stretched.
Breaking it was a tossed item and a voice.
"Pricing junk is for shady merchants—forget compensation. Couldn't give proper stuff, so take that as damages and go."
"Ah, what's this item…."
The small crystal orb he tossed was surprisingly heavy.
"Hides gray mana a bit."
"But earlier you said it's illegal…."
I remembered him clearly saying items hiding gray were illegal.
"Said selling for money's illegal. Don't want it? Leave it."
"…."
"Ah, get out before other customers come. Just like Ain. Customer, out you go."
He'd changed his tune, waving awkwardly for me to leave quick.
"Thank you. I'll come again."
"..., Carry it always. Don't just trust the necklace—wear the robe too."
"Yes. I will."
I gave him a soft smile and a greeting.
As I left.
"Soulmates, huh. ...A boy who saved a gray and a gray holding back emotions—what, this ain't a novel."
I stifled a chuckle at his muttering slipping out.
But now, my lips trembled clearly.
That was the quiver of emotions I could no longer hide.
Even the last scrap of magic holding them back had finally crumbled.
I.
I don't want to become a beast.
I want to be a normal person.
But the world whispers for me to become a beast.
To defy the gray's nature is to tumble and die, it whispers.
So I'm afraid.