Valley of the Fallen (3)
To put it simply, we passed through the wide-open gates without any interference whatsoever. They flung them open remarkably quickly, as if they were genuinely welcoming us.
“Bloodless entry.”
“Hmm, even though I planned to smash everything to bits before coming in, they’re counting it like that?”
“But in the end, we didn’t break anything, right, old man? It’s a bloodless entry through mutual respect.”
“No matter how you slice it, it looks like nonstop mutual rudeness.”
Right before Asha’s magic could activate, she’d called it off, so the walls and gates were unscathed. Sure, that taunting mage who’d greeted us with mockery had gotten under my skin, but I wasn’t idiot enough to wreck the place we’d be staying in anytime soon. Plus, I had zero desire to deal with the fallout from screwing up our relations with them from the get-go.
So the carriage crossed the gates into the Valley of the Fallen, and the moment we were inside, they slammed shut with a resounding thud.
And then.
“Open the gates, you sinners!!”
“We’ve come to arrest that gray witch and her companions who just entered—cooperate!!”
It was a close call, or maybe just barely—they were shouting from beyond the gates. The Holy Kingdom’s pursuit squad, paladins included, had reached the entrance and were bellowing loud enough for me to hear clearly.
Of course, that didn’t mean the gates would open. Reinforcements were already gathering near the walls and gates, and that same mage who’d welcomed us was now aiming his spells at the holy knights.
“Back off already. If you keep threatening us, we’ll attack without warning.”
With that, he issued the warning to the Holy Kingdom’s pursuit squad as they pounded on the gates.
“Sinners! Do you not know the laws of the world?! Don’t you know the gray witch must be killed?!”
Ah, naturally, he didn’t stop at a simple warning. Just like he’d done to us, he smirked and gestured mockingly as he spoke.
“Kuhuhu… A dumbass paladin asking if we don’t know the laws in a place full of people who don’t follow the world’s laws! Hey, everyone! Come check out this idiot paladin!”
“Do you think this valley will remain intact after daring such things?! His Holiness the Pope will be enraged by your crimes, sinners!!”
“Gasp!! At his age, getting all riled up like that might just kill him. Oh dear, you’ll have to go back and soothe His Holiness for him, Sir Paladin!”
“You bastard!!”
“You bastard~ Yeah, yeah, just like your paladin mommy rocked you to sleep as a kid, may His Holiness rock you gently too!”
Wow. This guy really knew how to grate on people’s nerves, the psycho. No doubt about it—that mage had to have become a criminal for the grave sin of running his mouth at some high-ranking official.
“Kwaaaah!!! Sinner!!! How dare you… how dare…!!”
“Kwaaaaan~ Paladinny~ Baby, baby~ Is ‘baby’ the name of the cat you keep, Sir Paladin? What a cute name!”
So yeah, I decided I’d definitely ask him what his crime was later. The sight of him dancing gleefully even as the Holy Kingdom’s carriage finally turned tail and retreated—it was burned into my memory forever.
Anyway, bloodless entry it was, literally. The carriage rolled into the valley depths, drawing stares from plenty of folks, but no one approached aggressively or attacked.
And the first to come over was that cursed motormouth mage. He gave Asha a dubious once-over before addressing me.
“Hey, I’ll guide you. Follow me.”
“Uh, sure.”
“…No matter how I look at it, I’m way older than you, but you’re talking down to me. What, didn’t get any manners training?”
Of course, I wasn’t bothering with politeness like usual.
“Why the fuck should I use formal speech on a criminal? You advertising you wanna get ashed? Want me to actually wipe out those walls?”
“Ha… What the… A real lunatic just walked in.”
I’d been properly raised, after all—taught that you don’t need to respect criminals. Bowing your head to bad guys from the start is just declaring you’re on the losing side. So I kept my chin high, and spotting my chance, I spoke up.
“Oh, right. Got a question.”
“Sigh… What.”
There was something I really wanted to know.
“So, what’s your crime? Insulting royalty? Did you trash some king’s parents or what?”
“…”
Like I’d thought earlier, I was dying to know who this guy had pissed off so bad that he ended up here as a criminal.
“Why, what.”
“…Regicide.”
What.
Not just insulting a high-up, but killing royalty?
“Whoa… That’s even bigger than I thought.”
“What about it, you gray-sympathizing felon? You got any room to talk, helping that disaster?”
“I at least didn’t kill anyone, asshole.”
“I had my reasons too, you damn brat.”
And so we spent the next while bickering and ripping into each other nonstop. He was supposed to just be escorting the new arrivals, but he kept tossing out needling comments, so what could we do? Habitual rudeness and pure vitriol flew both ways.
Still, it loosened the tension of entering a den of criminals, so all good.
The valley was huge. Sandwiched between two enormous sheer cliffs—that’s how it got its name, Valley of the Fallen. Flanked by natural walls, a well-paved road stretched long, lined with wooden buildings. The residents were a diverse bunch. Mostly humans, sure, but beastfolk and orcs popped up now and then, and I even spotted dwarves and elves squabbling. No fairies or spirits, but giants lumbered in the distance, and a druid wrapped head to toe in vines lounged dangling from the cliffside.
So.
For a place packed with criminals, it looked downright normal. I tilted my head and turned to the side.
“Hey.”
“Even if you’re like that, ‘hey’ is fucking rude as hell. Call me by name at least.”
“Hmm… Fine, Adrian.”
The regicide’s name was Adrian. He had a string of family names after it, so probably a noble, but who cares now that he’s a criminal.
Anyway, that was my question.
“What, Ain.”
“Isn’t this a criminals’ hideout?”
“Well… Yeah, a spot where fugitives hole up.”
“So how’s it so tidy if it’s full of criminals? Doesn’t match the rumors at all—mind blown.”
No wasteland vibes, no ragged wrecks everywhere. I’d braced for chaos, maybe even a turf war on arrival, but everyone just eyed us curiously and left it at that.
“Any place with people living in it ends up the same, dumbass.”
“Make sense for once, moron. You expect me to buy that?”
I don’t buy that bullshit about all places being the same. If they could run peacefully like this, the world wouldn’t be such a mess.
Adrian sighed deeply at my words before answering.
“…To keep things running straight, you just remove the rocks blocking the way.”
“…Huh?”
Remove the obstacles that stop it from running straight.
“Simple terms: the real vicious thugs who cause trouble? They’re all dead and gone. You think we let every bastard who came here live?”
“For real?”
According to him.
“Straight up. Any criminal who’d disrupt the valley? We killed ’em early and buried ’em. Didn’t at first, took everyone in, and yeah—like you said, this place nearly went to shit once.”
Not all fugitives are equal. They’d weeded out the bad ones long ago, leaving only the decent sorts to live together. That explained why even the criminals here seemed so tame. If the real scum were all dead, this scenery made sense.
“Then how’re you still alive?”
“Same reason you are, duh.”
The guy turns into a total asshole the second he opens his mouth—how the hell’s he still breathing without a knife in him?
“Regicide doesn’t sound normal, no matter how you spin it.”
“No, fuck, I had reasons, okay? And if we’re splitting hairs, you’re the weirdo helping a gray witch. Sorry, but even criminals filter out grays.”
“But they let us in.”
“Fuck, you threatened to smash the walls if we didn’t—what were we supposed to do? And now the gray’s behaving, but you’re the one causing shit.”
What.
What can I do.
“You started the shit first.”
“Ah, this prick’s pissing me off for real. You’re a commoner, right? I’m ex-noble—show some respect?”
“Do nobles not die when stabbed or something?”
What difference does it make if you were a noble.