Episode 7. The Night Before the Storm.
Riding along in the carriage, certain thoughts often crossed my mind.
“Sister, this is delicious!”
“Ah, I'll gratefully eat it. Thanks.”
The driver's seat and the inside of the carriage were separated by nothing more than a thin wall at best, so the voices carried clearly enough to seep into my thoughts.
“I'm giving it to you because your boobs are huge, Sister. I didn't give any to Eileen Sister.”
“Hmm? Thanks...?”
For instance, the kids' laughter, or Eileen's endless stream of complaints and chatter.
“That's too mean! Gimme some too!”
“No way. Old folks used to say if adults give stuff out carelessly, bad luck sticks to you.”
“Eek! Wh-what does that have to do with not giving any to me!?”
Like that—whenever trivial, peaceful banter unrelated to our dire situation flowed back and forth, it was always the case.
“You gotta give to big-boobed people and share with them. That's definitely how you'll grow big ones later.”
“What kinda nonsense is that...! Wait, does that mean if you share with me, I could become a noble!?”
Well, yeah.
“No, that's not realistic at all, Eileen Sister. I'll share when I'm done growing, so hang in there. You're always taking from Yaki anyway.”
“You've never given me any, so I thought you hated me... Hold on. Wait, so small boobs aren't from bad luck!?”
I was lost in serious thought, but why was the conversation turning like this today?
“Liar!”
“I-it's not a lie! Th-there are definitely people who like small, petite boobs...!”
Hmm. So, the point I wanted to make might come across distorted since this was a bit of an odd example of the chatter going on back there.
Basically, for the past three years, I'd always been the one driving the carriage, while my companions endlessly shared these little, mundane stories behind me. I envied that cozy, laid-back scene in the back that I could never join because I had to keep my eyes on the road. Lately, I'd even started wanting to ditch the reins and squeeze in there for some chit-chat.
Especially when everyone else was tired and dozing off, reading books or research papers they'd been saving, or munching snacks and gossiping happily. Staring at nothing but the endlessly neighing horses and the endless green trees for hours on end was boring me to death.
So, without my companions knowing, I'd taken to naming the horses to ease the loneliness. The left one's Chun-sik. The right one's Chun-bae. Truth be told, since they looked identical, by the time I picked them up from the stable after checking into an inn, I couldn't tell which was which anymore. So, whichever one ended up on the left became Chun-sik.
“...From now on, your name's Chun-sik.”
Hiiing— A heartbreaking whinny.
Maybe this left-side guy whining so pitifully now had been Chun-bae last time. Ah. Sorry, Chun-bae. But what can I do, Chun-sik?
Anyway. I snapped out of my pointless musings and glanced back before speaking up.
“Horn.”
“Hm? Why're you calling me all sudden-like? Somethin' happen?”
Truthfully, there wasn't much reason to call Horn specifically. He was just the easiest and most approachable one to bug.
“I've been thinking... shouldn't we rotate who drives?”
“Bullshit.”
If I had to nitpick, there wasn't anyone I could even ask to take over. Couldn't burden the kids or Eileen, and Aberly—no way, who knows what insane experiment he'd turn it into.
“Fuck, how long do I gotta keep playin' coachman?”
“Till you build that car thing you wanted so bad.”
“Ah.”
Plus, old man Horn—despite living so damn long—claimed he'd never driven a carriage once. As clan chief, everyone carried him around; after that, he was alone and had time on his hands, so he walked everywhere. Just a crazy dwarf.
As I grumbled to myself, Asha poked her head out the small window and offered.
“Want me to drive instead, Ain? I know how.”
“Nah, can't. You gotta stay hidden inside.”
“Oh, right.”
Of course. Even without that, since I'd basically raised her from a kid, pampering her every step of the way, I didn't want to dump dumb chores like this on Asha.
“Asha, just rest up. It's fine.”
“Heehee... Thanks, Ain.”
To me, Asha was no different from a daughter I'd raised with all my heart.
“What, this favoritism? Dwarf discrimination, huh? Goddamn humans, every last one of ya.”
“Haha... D-don't be sad, have some of my m-mood-boosting potion at least...”
“You lunatic, what's the success rate this time?”
“Um... Still, 70% chance it'll make you feel g-good... The 30% failure just means squeezing the pulp once more, which is kinda...”
“Scram.”
“Haha...”
That was why I thought these peaceful, serene moments were so nice. I wished they could stretch on forever, filled only with things that made us feel this happy.
Unfortunately, though, I let out a sigh as I eyed the road ahead.
“Checkpoint up ahead.”
Suddenly, impromptu inspections blocking the roads had become frequent. Until recently, only city gates were strict, but now soldiers popped up even near towns, blocking paths and searching carriages at every possible chokepoint.
“Horn and Aberly, Asha—you three hop off and cut through the woods. Eileen, same as always. Yaki and Tori, play the parts well.”
Because of that, we'd be trading silly banter one minute, then snap into action the moment we spotted soldiers in the distance.
Horn, Aberly, and Asha grabbed their pre-packed bags and leaped off like pros, vanishing into the forest. Eileen donned her pointed hat and gripped her jeweled staff, sucking in a dramatic breath. Yaki and Tori were already dressed like noble attendants, so they just had to stand there looking cute and proper.
And then.
“Halt. Driver, stop the carriage and submit to inspection.”
“Aigoo, the world's gone so rough these days... Here's my adventurer ID.”
Once we were close and prepared, I slowed the carriage naturally, hunching over like the perfect spineless adventurer.
“Driver cleared. Have the passengers inside disembark and allow search of the carriage.”
“Of course, sirs. But... uh. The noble lady who hired me, she's got a bit of a temper... y'know.”
I mumbled awkwardly to the hard-working soldiers, looking all troubled.
“Haa... These pathetic pests bothering me every single time. Oh, do you lot like turning into frogs, by any chance?”
“L-Lady...! Wh-what did these men ever do to you...!”
“R-right...! Dad said we can't harm people just doing their jobs...!”
I watched Eileen dial up her villainy like a pro now, with Yaki and Tori chiming in surprisingly smoothly.
“Ah, s-sorry, milady. It's procedure, we have no choice—please understand...”
“If you want my ID so bad, show me yours first. Oh, and don't worry about bothering me; you'll get the bill via letter from Delfinium.”
“...”
Of course, after Eileen threw her little tantrum, she'd hand over her ID and casually allow the search.
Still, the soldiers tiptoed around her haughty, prickly attitude, so what should have been a strict inspection turned into a quick, sloppy affair.
And so.
After running the gauntlet, Horn, Aberly, and Asha poked their heads out from the woods along our path.
“Cleared it clean again!”
Then I'd ease off the speed, scoop them up quick, and drive on.
“Eileen sis! You were so evil!”
“Eileen Sister, total scum archetype!”
“Eeeek...! Don't say it like that, it makes me sound like a real bad guy...!”
Before long, my companions—who'd grown numb to all this—picked up their silly chatter right where they left off.
Amid the renewed babble, Asha poked her head out the small window.
“Ain.”
“Ah, yeah. Something to say?”
“Um... how long will these inspections keep going on?”
She glanced at me apologetically, her face a bit downcast. Maybe feeling like this mess was her fault? Lately, she'd been saying stuff like this with a guilty hunch.
“...Probably a while. Brahm Holy Kingdom's a pack of braindead zealots, so it might last our whole trip.”
“Yeah... figured.”
Unless some miracle fixed this, the holy knights and priests wouldn't quit chasing us. The Brahm folks were total lunatics obsessed with gray—for better or worse. Maybe that's why I'd never once considered recruiting a single one as a companion.
Even so.
“It's fine, though. I'll figure something out.”
“...”
I brazenly spat out what was basically a lie, acting all confident.
“We've handled it like this forever. I'll help you out this time too, Asha.”
“...Yeah. Ain. I always believe in you.”
Despite having zero power to back it up, I made her that promise.
And then.
As we traveled on for a good while longer.
Kwaaaaaang—
“Kyaaak...! Wh-what's happening...!?”
Finally, a beam of light shot straight toward the carriage.