Episode 4-□. I've Been Waiting Only for You
It's a rival. Right before my eyes stands a deranged woman brazenly eyeing my Ain.
If you were to ask whether it doesn't matter since she's my future self—
I'd shoot back, asking if you've seen the way she lecherously licked her lips while tracing her tongue over Ain's face and neck, erasing every last trace I'd left behind.
"Die. Just drop dead."
"Hee-hee, your magic's so lukewarm, it's too hard to die from it."
"...I'll really kill you."
Besides, that woman smirking and spewing taunts to toy with others could never be my future self. I didn't grow up to be someone so flighty and shallow. I've been striving endlessly to become a polite, mature, demure, and elegant lady.
It makes no sense that I would turn into someone like that—lasciviously ogling Ain and mocking people with that sleazy grin.
So.
I tore open space-time with my hand and shoved her through the rift. I sealed the gap shut again, hoping she'd never return.
"W-Wait, Asha! You can't just do that... No matter what, she's still you...?"
Ain seemed to think that woman was me too, staring at the closed space-time rift as he said it. But I brushed off my hands with a clap and denied it.
"It's fine. That's not me. The idea that that's my future is ridiculous..."
"Oh dear, what should I do to make it seem plausible?"
"...!"
No, I meant to deny it. If that space-time rift I had definitely sealed hadn't cracked open again with a jagged screech, and if that infuriating face hadn't poked out, grinning once more, I surely would have.
She slipped out as if nothing had happened, wagging a finger to close the rift behind her. Then, right as I tried to attack her again, she lightly clapped her hands—clap—and the magic I was casting scattered into chaos.
"Hmm, shall we end the prank here?"
"...!"
The truth was, I already knew. My future self was so strong that even if I poured everything I had into it, I couldn't land a single scratch.
"I got carried away because it was so amusing. Sorry about that."
"Don't touch Ain."
"I won't, so ease up that frown. You look prettier when you smile, you know?"
Even as she pressed her irritating fingertip to the corner of my mouth, my magic wouldn't reach her. After all, a single clap from her had already unraveled all my mana.
"Take your hand off."
"So prickly. Was past-me always this standoffish and curt? Don't you think so, Ain?"
"Nah, well... I dunno. You two sort it out yourselves... er, sort it out yourself... Uh, whatever, I'm out."
"Don't even talk to Ain."
"See? I was just excited to see you, and this is how you treat me."
So I pouted my lips. No matter how full of resentment I was, there was nothing I could do, and that stung.
And besides.
"Hee-hee, so cute."
"That's severe narcissism."
"Come to think of it, I've always thought I was pretty and cute since back then, haven't I?"
"I didn't, Ain. That's a lie."
No matter how much I denied it, the problem was that she and I were ultimately the same person.
"Hmm, if you're going to play it like that, should I reveal all the things I never told Ain? Actually, around that time, I started doing it quite often... "
"I-I have narcissism...! I thought I was pretty myself, Ain...!"
In other words, she was unbeatable by force, and there was no winning with words either. So deft, with an air of seasoned wisdom in every syllable, that grinning face made me concede defeat.
"Hee-hee, this is fun."
"...Enough already. Please just go."
"Alright. If you want to go to the market street, I'll expand the restriction for you."
She seemed pleased with my declaration of defeat, stroking my hair and snapping her fingers. Then she beamed, alternating her gaze between me and Ain as she spoke.
"Hmm, actually, there are things I want to say to Ain, but..."
She trailed off with a sly grin, subtly checking Ain's reaction.
"That'll have to wait for my past self, who hasn't mustered the courage yet."
"...!"
She leaned close and whispered in my ear.
"Ain's denser than you think, Asha. If you don't confess first, it won't happen. Got it?"
"...Yes."
So.
Her smile as she patted my back and stroked my hair again felt so grown-up. At the very least, those words rang true and kind, making me unwittingly nod and agree.
With that.
She snapped her fingers once more, and we were no longer in the mansion but standing before the market street.
"Then I'll watch over the other four wandering the mansion, so you two go enjoy a date in the market."
"Wh-What is this...?"
"Mass Teleport, right? Cool, huh? But you're still too weak to use it~"
Ain and I stared at her in shock, but she just poked my side with a playful grin.
"Hee-hee, see ya."
With a sharp snap, she vanished, leaving us alone.
"...!"
"...!"
The situation had unfolded so suddenly that we could only stare at each other in a daze for a moment.
Of course, it wasn't long before Ain grinned and offered me his hand.
"Pfft, so shall we check out the market after all this time?"
"Yeah, sounds good."
I beamed back, taking his hand and stepping forward.
My heart pounded. Thump-thump, thump—it drummed away, my cheeks flushing over and over.
"No silkworms."
"...I'll let it slide this once."
Unlike the fantasies I'd always harbored, I hung my head low, trying to soothe my ticklish insides.
Ain plunged into the market street like a kid, dragging my hand excitedly from stall to stall.
"Asha, want some of this? You used to love it."
"...Yeah. Just a little."
And I floundered helplessly, my chest refusing to calm its relentless thump-thump.
Was it because it had been so long? Because it had been ages since I'd held his hand and walked together?
In the black mages' illusions, I hadn't trembled or itched like this.
Yet now, I was like a pure girl realizing love for the first time, frantically hiding my flushed face.
"Asha?"
"Y-Yes...?"
I hadn't been like this even in the breathless fantasies every night of being with him again.
Now, I was helplessly dragged along by his every word and action.
"You okay? Not feeling sick or anything?"
"N-No, I'm fine."
And as she'd said, he was hopelessly oblivious.
"Here, try this. Tastes even better after so long."
"A-A-Ain... Th-That is... I-I mean... I, I l-love y-you...!"
"Oh, wait—you don't like this anymore, and I'm cluelessly shoving it at you?"
He was so utterly dense that even seeing my flushed face, that's all he could think of.
In other words, of course I didn't hate it.
His worried gaze, the hand on my cheek, our eyes locking—it set my heart racing anew.
Just.
I wished he'd notice that wasn't what I wanted right now.
Every time you look at me, my body shivers; sweat beads on my palms.
My eyes gleam with desperate, sticky emotion; my cheeks bloom red.
Don't just say those things—tell me I'm beautiful, that you love me, like a lover would.
Of course, nothing like that happened.
I'd have to say it first: that I love you so much, that I adore you deeply.
"I-I mean... I l-love... l-l-lo... Mmph. Haa... N-Never mind... Give me that..."
"Uh, yeah... Here."
"Yeah, it's good..."
He was oblivious, and I lacked courage.
It was unfolding exactly as my future self had said, mercilessly.
Before long, the sky shifted hues.
The blue expanse dyed itself in sunset glows, illuminating the path ahead as we wandered the market.
The Empire. Sunset. Now a tale of the past.
It was the time I'd always eagerly awaited.
Once a month, then weekly as years passed—the crimson sky stained by sunset, the alley beneath where he would come.
For me, scraping by there, it was a landscape of colors that tickled my heart more than any other.
Still is.
I still gaze at the sunset and think of him, reminiscing.
Back then, my days always began with the sunset.
Back then, I waited only for Ain, who always came with the sunset.
"Ain."
"Oh, yeah."
Lost in that scenery, I squeezed the hand I still held.
I stared piercingly into Ain's eyes, sparkling with sunset light.
And.
Not quite a confession of love and longing, but words I'd wanted to say all along spilled out.
"I missed you."
"...!"
"I missed you so much. It was really hard. Three years... felt longer than ten to me."
I couldn't forget the times we smiled together, always yearning for them.
Every moment of strolling like this at sunset, sharing trivial talk—it haunted me, bringing sorrow.
"Honestly, sometimes... I think I resented you a little."
A few times over those three years, I harbored grudges.
Why? Why did you leave me behind?
If you couldn't take me, why not just stay in the Empire?
It was I who first said it was okay to go, yet ridiculously, I bled nightly with such thoughts.
"So..."
So don't just look at me apologetically—reach out your hand to me.
"Like old times, stroke my hair. Tell me I did well, praise me for my hard work, Ain."
With a gentle smile, he carefully raised his hand.
"At least until the sun sets... hold me."
Like you did for the little me back then.
Love me, Ain.
I love you.
I adore you.
I worked so hard to be with you.
To stand by your side.
I'll become ordinary.
I'll struggle until I become ordinary.
Ain.
I.
For three years, waited only for you.
Three years.
To some, a fleeting moment that passes in a blink.
To others, an agonizing eternity.
To some, woefully short for talentless ones to achieve even one thing.
To others overflowing with talent, so ample after mastering all that they knew not what to do with it.
Thus.
It is pure devotion.
Yearning and wistfully recalling, retracing and ruminating in sorrow.
Yet ultimately suppressing emotions firmly, the innocent and pure love of a woman wishing for ordinariness.
One living solely for another.
An affection so sticky and tenacious she could casually toss away her life for her beloved.
Now.
Tangled into a noose.
An obsessive, shadowy pure love impossible to unravel.