God, I Wanna Have Sex With a Woman
It's been fifty years now since the Gates first appeared.
Dimensional rifts had torn into the world, and plenty of people got to live the kind of fantasy life you'd only ever read about in novels.
"God, I wanna have sex with a woman."
For an Unawakened loser like me, shouting that at the ceiling while scratching my dick in the corner of my room was about as good as it got.
Guys who'd Awakened with decent abilities were out there bouncing from one woman to the next, from what I'd heard. My reality, by comparison, was jerking off in my room until my hand went numb. The inferiority was going to eat me alive. I figured I'd smoke a cigarette and check out of it all for a while, but—
"Hah. Of course."
Of course the pack was empty. It always was, at times like this.
Might as well go buy some. I crumpled the empty pack, tossed it in the trash, and headed for the convenience store in a sloppy tracksuit.
The bell chimed as I stepped inside.
"Welcome~!"
"One pack of Esse 1mg, please."
"Of course! Just a moment!"
The part-timer came back with my cigarettes and handed them over with a smile. I came to this store for that smile. She was pretty, and she greeted everyone with that same warm, easy look — and I deliberately walked the extra distance from my place just to see her.
In my head, I'd already gotten her number and had kids with her. Several times over. Every so often, I even considered actually asking for it.
"Um..."
"Yes?"
I shook my head.
"Ah, never mind."
What would a girl that pretty ever want with a loser like me? The thought killed the impulse on the spot. I paid quickly and that was that.
"Have a good night!"
I bowed back at her bright farewell and stepped right out of the store.
Yeah. Good thing I didn't. Don't let a moment of lust saddle you with a lifetime of trauma. Stick to the fantasies. I told myself that again as I tapped the pack a few times in front of my house.
"Hah."
I pulled one out and recharged the nicotine I'd been running on empty. My head felt clearer already. That was it — I'd just gone too long without a smoke, and that's why I couldn't keep my urges in check.
I took my time with the cigarette, then crushed the butt under my heel and started heading inside — when I heard it.
"Kk...... kyuu..."
What the hell was that?
A sound like some animal in pain was coming from the alley right next to my house. Thinking it might be a kitten, I slipped quietly between the walls.
"Huh? A slime?"
"Kyuut... kyuut..."
A tiny blue slime — the last thing I'd expected — was dying in the alley. What was a slime doing here? This neighborhood barely ever got Gates. Monsters had no business showing up around here.
I flicked open my phone, but there was no emergency alert about a Gate anywhere nearby. Had this thing just... sprouted out of the ground?
Normally, an ordinary guy like me was supposed to keep his distance from any monster, no matter how small.
"Kyuuu..."
The slime whimpered at me, kyuu kyuu, like it was begging me to save it. Monster or not, small or not — on any other day I would've left it there and walked away.
"You're not gonna eat me if I get you back on your feet, right?"
"Kyu, kyuut... kyuu..."
Maybe I was just sick of the same old loser routine. Maybe the cigarette had put me in a good mood. Either way, before I knew it, I'd scooped up the palm-sized slime and brought it straight home.
"Kkyut... kyuuu..."
Okay, so I'd brought it home. Now what? How do you even treat a monster? Its body wobbled like it was about to collapse in on itself. It clearly needed help, but there was no guide anywhere on how to heal a monster. It was a liquid-type, right? Maybe pouring some water on it would work?
I grabbed a bottle of water and started dripping it over the slime, little by little. The water trickled over its body in a thin stream.
"Kkyut? Kyu... kyuut! Kyuut!"
The water seemed to be working. It started making vigorous little kyuut! sounds, and the body that had been on the verge of falling apart began filling out with life, glowing a vivid blue. That tiny thing drank the entire bottle.
"Kkyut! Kyuut! Kyuuuut!"
Now it was bursting with energy, bouncing around on its springy little body just like a slime should. After hopping around for a while, it seemed to want to thank me for saving it.
Nuzzle, nuzzle— it rubbed its squishy body against my hand, putting on the cutest little act. Pretty adorable for a monster. I'd heard some slimes ate people, but this one didn't seem like that type. And its size looked capped at about the size of my palm — more water didn't make it any bigger.
"Kkyut! Kkyut!"
"Yeah, yeah. Thanks for saving me, is that it?"
"Kyuut!"
It kept nuzzling my hand like it actually understood me. This was a problem. A cute little thing acting this affectionate — I was going to get attached in no time. But if anyone reported me for keeping a monster, it'd be clink-clank: I'd be in a cell before sundown. I felt bad for the slime, but I couldn't risk that for the rest of my life.
"You're better now, so go back where you came from."
"Kyuut?!"
The slime's body trembled, wobbling in what looked like genuine shock. Okay, this thing really did understand me.
"I'd keep you if I could, but... realistically, it's a little too dangerous."
"Kyuuuuu!! Kyuut! Kyuut!"
You brought me here, so take responsibility and raise me! — that's what the headbutts to my hand seemed to say, packed with indignation. Didn't hurt at all. The squishy, yielding feeling was more like a massage. Honestly, it felt pretty good.
"Kyuuuuu... kyuuuuuu..."
The slime sounded like it was about to cry. Watching the cute little thing droop like that, my resolve wavered for a second. And it knew it, too — it started trudging toward the door with these exaggerated, dragging movements, like it was actually going to leave.
You sly little slime. You think acting like that is going to make me feel sorry enough to let you stay?
"...Haa. Fine, you win. We'll live together. But if you see anyone, you hide. No getting caught, understood?"
"Kyuuuuuut!!!!"
The slime dove straight into my arms, overjoyed. It was making these triumphant little kyuut-kyuut~♪ sounds, and something about that smugness made me grab it and start squishing.
Squish, squish— this thing... the squish was incredible. No matter how much I kneaded that bouncy body, it sprang right back into shape. The tactile satisfaction was off the charts. Might've been more addictive than cigarettes.
And just like that, I had a new family member. Sure, it was a monster slime instead of a woman, but...
It was cute, so I'd allow it.
Living with a monster slime didn't actually change my daily life much. The only new thing was a routine of giving it water. That was it, really — except the cute little thing came over to nuzzle me at every opportunity, so every day felt like a healing day.
It wasn't all sunshine, though. And there was a reason for that.
"Tsk! I told you to get lost when I'm jerking off!"
"Kyuut! Kyuuuut!"
"Hey! Clinging to me makes you a bad slime!"
Every time I tried to squeeze in a little happy time, it would come flying over like it had a sixth sense and plaster itself to me. It clung plenty already, but the second I pulled my dick out to jerk off, it got especially aggressive. Thanks to that, I hadn't gotten off in days. I was packed to bursting. A guy whose daily minimum was three sessions, going this long without? Unthinkable.
But even I had a limit.
"Ah, screw it."
Cling or no cling, I was jerking off today. I did my best to ignore the kyuut-kyuut coming from beside me and pumped my cock hard, eyes locked on the women on the screen.
I wanted what they had — a woman's pussy wrapped around me, taking me to the hilt. My dick was better than most guys' out there, I was pretty sure. If I just had the face and the abilities to match!!
I unloaded a shot packed with nothing but inferiority complex. The guy in the video was finishing inside her. I was emptying myself, pathetically, into a tissue.
"Ah—"
I'd been holding it in too long. There was so much it overflowed the tissue and splattered onto the floor. And that splattered cum—
"Kyuuuuu! Kyuut!"
"Hey! That's dirty!"
The slime absorbed it into its body faster than anyone had a right to. I didn't even have time to stop it. In an instant it had soaked up every drop, then started bouncing its body this way and that like it tasted amazing.
"Kyuut!"
Then it made a beeline for my dick, like it wanted more. Not a chance. I shoved the lunging slime away with my palm.
"Kyuu! Kyuu! Kyuu!"
"Tsk! No! Go drink some water."
The slime squirmed in place for a while, looking thoroughly offended, then spun around with a huff.
"You sulking, slime?"
"Kyu."
Yep. Definitely sulking. What kind of slime gets mad because you won't give it your dick? This was the kind of thing you reported to the news.
I tried to soothe the pouting slime, and then a wave of sadness hit me out of nowhere. The only thing that wanted my dick wasn't even a woman — it was a monster slime. Maybe it was Sage Time talking — that miserable clarity after you come — but the gloom hit even harder.
"Haaaah~~~ I wanna have sex with a woman tooooo~~~"
"Kyuuu?"
"What, you couldn't just transform into a drop-dead gorgeous girl or something?"
But that wish of mine clearly wasn't coming true. The slime just went kyuut-kyuut, cute as ever.
"Ah, I'm already out of cigarettes."
I'd been about to soothe the sadness with a smoke, but I'd barely bought the last pack and it was already gone. These things cost a fortune, too. Maybe it was time to quit. Just this one last pack, I told myself, and started getting ready to hit the convenience store again.
"Hold down the fort, slime. I'll be right back with cigarettes."
"Kyuuuuu!"
"What? You want to come with? No. If we get caught, I'm going to prison."
"Kyuuuut!!"
I ignored the slime's indignant cries about wanting to come along and headed out fast, making for the convenience store.
The bell chimed.
"Ah, welcome~!"
She was here today too. The convenience store part-timer was just as pretty as always. She'd been restocking the shelves, but she came right over and handed me my cigarettes.
"Esse 1mg, right?"
"Uh, yeah..."
"You always buy just that one."
Oh god. Should I actually ask for her number?
The part-timer's surprise flirting(?) nearly made me blurt it out. But by some miracle I managed to hold it in, paid like usual, and walked out.
"Have a good night!"
"Thanks — hang in there."
I bowed, stepped outside, and found myself in a better mood than usual.
"Today's my lucky day."
Same as always, I smoked one out front, then headed inside at an easy pace.
"Keep the place safe while I was gone, slime?"
I expected a kyuut! right on cue, like it'd been waiting for me.
"Slime?"
For some reason, there was nothing. Dead quiet. I panicked, tearing through every corner of the house where a slime might hide.
Nothing. It was gone, like it had evaporated into thin air.
Where the hell did it go...? I couldn't imagine it opening the door and walking out on its own. What if it had gotten out somehow and some Awakened passing by had exterminated it...?
The anxiety started crawling up the back of my skull — and then the doorbell rang.
Ding-dong—
The bell went off out of nowhere. ...Who? I hadn't ordered delivery. Nobody had any reason to show up at my place at this hour. Had someone seen me with the slime and reported it...?
I forced my hammering heart to settle and checked who was on the other side of the door.
And the person who'd pressed the doorbell was...
The convenience store part-timer...?
The pretty clerk who'd sold me cigarettes just minutes ago stood at my door, wearing a pair of hollow, vacant eyes that didn't belong on her face at all.