Love Counseling
“—So. To sum it up….”
On the rooftop where cold winds came and went, outside the building, I stood before my two newly made friends and earnestly continued explaining my situation.
“…Because of this and that, I got a little… downhearted, and before I knew it I’d cried my eyes out.”
“Mm.”
“That must’ve been hard. You okay?”
“I’m okay now. I got a whole lot of comfort, so….”
Hyerim met my eyes and gave a calm little nod. Phil peered at me with open concern and offered gentle words of comfort. Both of them were kind, good kids. That was why I found the courage to keep going.
“But then, while I was being comforted, I got held really tight against his chest….”
“Oh.”
“W-wow….”
“…And he kept talking to me so kindly that I suddenly asked why he was being so nice to me….”
“And then? And then?”
…Too close. Phil’s face was right there. I turned my head slightly to the side, dodging the half-elf who kept leaning in.
“…He said, ‘Because I like you’….”
“Kyaaah—!”
“That’s wonderful. Congratulations, Cecilia.”
“I-it’s not that simple!”
A voice close to a cheer rang out. At Hyerim’s following congratulations I yelped in protest.
“I don’t even know if I heard him right!”
“Huh?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I, um… I was pretty drunk at the time….”
““Ahh.””
Ugh…. Their perfectly overlapping voices of understanding made me burn with embarrassment.
“I was a mess from crying, and between the drowsiness and the alcohol everything was all hazy….”
“So you didn’t catch it clearly?”
“…Yeah.”
…I hadn’t meant to spill this much. I’d only planned to test out the one idea that had come to me and leave it at that—so why was I explaining every last detail…?
“But so?”
Phil spoke up then, tilting her head with pure curiosity in her voice.
“What does ‘Tell me you like me!’ mean?”
“…I wanted to hear him say he likes me while I’m sober, and compare it to the memory….”
“As if that would work.”
Hyerim’s brief, matter-of-fact remark stabbed straight into my chest. Y-you didn’t have to put it like that….
“…Hing.”
“She’s kinda cute.”
“She’s always been cute, Cecilia.”
Their whispered exchange brushed softly against my ears. When I lifted my head to look, they each cleared their throats and met my gaze again.
“So what matters is that you want to know whether those words you heard were a dream or not. Right?”
“Yeah.”
“The way I see it, hmm.”
“…Hmm~….” Hyerim drew the sound out, taking a moment to think. She stroked her own neck with long fingers before speaking again.
“Do you really need to go to all this trouble to figure it out? Couldn’t you just ask him directly?”
“Ah, I thought the same thing.”
Hyerim spoke and Phil agreed. Of course I’d thought of that too, but… eugh. It wasn’t that easy.
“As it happens, this morning Eunhyu—… that person did ask. He asked if I remembered what he’d said before I fell asleep last night.”
“Oh? And?”
“…I was so confused I just mumbled something vague.”
“Aigoo.”
Phil smacked her own forehead with a regretful little sound. Hyerim simply watched me in silence.
“I already dodged it once—how am I supposed to ask again…? Do I just go, ‘Did you tell me you liked me yesterday?’ And what if the answer is no….”
“Wouldn’t that actually be better?”
“Phil…!”
What was I supposed to do with this cheerful half-elf? I opened my mouth, but Hyerim spoke first.
“I’ve got one question.”
“Ah, yeah.”
“This is a worry, right? About what happened last night.”
“Yeah. That’s right.”
“Have you been fretting over it all morning? For someone who’s been worrying, you look pretty calm.”
At that I tilted my head a little. Had I been calm? Me? Well… thinking about it carefully, maybe I had. I’d decided I must have misheard, and I’d been ready to leave it as a happy dream. Hyerim’s question about making a wish had simply made the thought pop up. Until then I hadn’t been dwelling on it this deeply. I organized those thoughts and told Hyerim.
“Then, what if it really was a dream? What would you want to do?”
“If it really was a dream…?”
The follow-up question pulled me into fretting again. If it truly had been a dream? If Eunhyuk had never said those words and it had only been a delusion I’d dreamed up….
“….”
What suddenly rose in my mind was the scratchy feel of a pencil. Black lines, letters, sinking into paper. The one wish I’d started to write on a scrap that morning and then stopped.
‘Yesterday in the dream s…’
“…I want to hear the words I heard in yesterday’s dream just one more time. Just… yeah.”
The sentence that had floated up in my head slipped out of my mouth as naturally as water. My mind went blank and my breath somehow turned hot.
“…She’s kinda cute.”
“I already said she’s always been cute.”
Their whispers came again, this time a little clearer. I whipped my head up; both of them wore faintly amused smiles.
“Then let’s organize this.”
Clap—Hyerim brought her hands together once. Our eyes gathered on her; after a beat she continued.
“First. Last night the person you live with told you he likes you. But because you were drunk, you can’t tell whether it was a dream or not.”
“Th…at’s right.”
“Nice summary.”
At Phil’s light praise Hyerim gave a small, grateful nod.
“Second. This morning there was a chance to check, but you got flustered—panicked and flailed—and ended up mumbling past it. Correct?”
“Cor…rect?”
“Third.”
She raised a finger and went on.
“If possible, you want to hear it one more time.”
“….”
“We’ll skip for now what you’d want to do if it wasn’t a dream.”
The offhand way Hyerim tacked that on made my heart suddenly pound hard. I’d been outside quite a while already, yet instead of cooling down my body only felt hotter and hotter.
“S-so.”
I opened my mouth a little too hastily, not even sure myself what I was so impatient about.
“Was it… a dream? Or wasn’t it…?”
“Does it matter whether it was a dream or not, Cecilia?”
A question answered with a question. Just those few words, and my heart thudded again. The sound of it was loud.
“Do you really not know? Or are you just pretending not to?”
My fingertips tingled. The back of my neck burned. The words I’d meant to say scattered before they could take shape; I only opened and closed my mouth over and over.
“Cecilia?”
I could hear my heartbeat. If I heard what came next, I—
I—….
“…Okay! That’s enough for today.”
“Eh, heh…?”
At Hyerim’s next words I let out a dazed little sound. ‘That’s enough’? …A stop declaration?
“Counseling ends here for today. Anyone have any questions?”
“…Why cut it off there, Hyerim?”
“There are things people have to figure out for themselves, Phil.”
Their exchange didn’t even reach my ears. I only felt heat.
“And one more question.”
“Yeah.”
“…You said you’ve never dated, right? How do you know all this so well….”
“I’ve got plenty of friends who are couples, and even though I’ve never been in a relationship myself I get confessed to a lot. I studied up so I wouldn’t hurt anyone when I turn them down.”
“Whoa. Impressive.”
“They confess regardless of whether they’re girls or guys, so it’s surprisingly a headache.”
“Eck.”
Hyerim laughed with a touch of awkwardness while Phil’s mouth fell open. Their conversation ended, and suddenly the school bell rang out.
“That’s the warning bell.”
“Shall we head back?”
“Yeah.”
With a creak Phil pushed open the iron door. She started to go in, then glanced back at me.
“Come on, Cecilia!”
“Y-yeah.”
I followed the two of them ahead of me into the building… still feeling the thudding of my heart.
School was over.
Carrying a worry that had only grown instead of being resolved, I simply walked the streets.
“Haa….”
The sigh I let out was hot. In the end I hadn’t reached any real conclusion. Not only had I gathered zero grounds for deciding whether it was a dream or not—
Does it matter whether it was a dream or not, Cecilia?
“….”
….
…Ugh.
“Hwaa~….”
The more I thought about it, the more tangled everything became. Before I knew it the familiar building had drawn right up in front of me; I moved my feet toward it. Tap-tap, I climbed the stairs. I punched in the password and quietly opened the front door.
“I’m home~….”
“Welcome back, Cecilia.”
…Mm. The calm voice brushed my ear and warmth spread through my body. Fatigue eased; strength drained from my limbs.
“You’re early. Anything happen?”
“Mm. I just… zoned out a bit and ended up walking fast, I guess.”
I pulled off the oversized hoodie and held it out to Eunhyuk. He took it with familiar ease and hung it neatly on the rack.
“Mm….”
I plopped my hips onto the bed. The mattress bounced softly, sending a gentle sensation through me.
“Mm…….”
And then I sank back into fretting.
Does it matter whether it was a dream or not?
Did it matter? Did it not matter? …Hmm?
“Something definitely happened, huh.”
“Huh?”
At that voice I suddenly lifted my head and found Eunhyuk looking down at me.
“…Hiyah?!”
And then that large hand settled with a soft thump on top of my head. The ticklish sensation made an embarrassed little sound slip out of me.
“It’ll all be okay. Whatever happened.”
His calm voice brushed my ear….
…Ugh. Without even knowing how I felt, saying something so carefree…. Well of course something had happened…. It had, you know…!
“Here, I’ll stroke your head so just relax.”
Hiyat.
….
Uwaa….
…Yeeah……♥
“….”
It felt good. Kind, and warm. My heart fluttered and every so often squeezed tight. A sweet ache bloomed low in my belly. That terribly sweet sensation made the inside of my head slowly, slowly melt into something sticky and soft.
“….”
“Whatever it is, it’ll work out.”
His gentle voice brushed my ear again.
…Unfair. So unfair. If he does this, there’s no way I can refuse.
My breath turned hot; my body burned. I thought I couldn’t hold back any longer. Giving myself over to the impulse, I threw my arms around Eunhyuk and hugged him tight.