Christmas Eve
After that day, Jo Sua drifted through a stretch of bleak ones. She cried a great deal in secret once she got home, and of course the brightness went out of her face. Then Kim Taeyoung came by the shop again.
The woman with him had changed. Last time it had been an unnie with an outrageous set of hips; this time it was an unnie with an outrageous chest. He sent her off to look at bags, then followed Sua into the break room.
Once he heard how tight money was, he offered to lend her five million won. Sua's heart was a tangle. So she asked him straight.
"Manager. Why are you being so good to me? You have a girlfriend, don't you?"
"Huh? A girlfriend? I don't."
"What...? Then the woman who came with you last time? And her, today. They're just friends?"
"Yeah. Just friends."
"R-really?"
Her good sense doubted him. What male friend and female friend walked through a department store arm in arm? And you didn't dress that hard just to see a friend. From where she stood, both the woman from last time and the one today had been doing everything they could to hook a man.
But she wanted to believe Kim Taeyoung. She wanted his words to be true. The ache of a broken heart was too heavy, and even a thread of hope felt desperate. If he really didn't have a girlfriend, didn't that mean she still had a chance?
"Why would I lie? She's really not my girlfriend. We just meet sometimes, get food, hang out."
"Oh. S-so she really is just a friend?"
"Yeah. A real friend."
Sua's face brightened. More than one thing still didn't add up. But she was blind with love, and she believed him.
"Manager. No—you're not my manager anymore."
"Hm? That's right."
"Then... would it be all right if I called you oppa?"
It took every bit of courage she had. Not manager and employee, but something private. Kim Taeyoung nodded. From that day on, Sua could stand up straight again.
It was all right that she hadn't confessed. There were plenty of women around him, but if they were all just friends, that was fine. She still had a chance of her own. So long as he had no girlfriend.
They even promised to meet on Christmas Eve. Excitement filled her to the brim. Not just any day—Christmas Eve. What else could it mean, a man and a woman meeting alone on a day like that?
Those women really had been friends. If they weren't, he never would have agreed to see her on Christmas Eve. Joy climbed without any ceiling. Maybe she wouldn't be the one confessing. Maybe she would be the one who received it. She spent the days with her heart in her throat—and then Kim Taeyoung showed up at the department store with yet another woman. This one had a fierce, frightening face.
"I like you, oppa. I think of you as someone I want to date. What about you?"
She couldn't hold it in any longer. The fear of losing him made her blurt the confession out. Her heart hammered. Thrill and dread sat in the same breath.
"Sua. Let's take our time."
"What...? Is that... a no...?"
Her face fell. It was the first confession of her life, and he was her first love. She had meant to say it on Christmas Eve, and she hadn't been able to wait. Maybe that was why she had lost. The emptiness filled her up.
"Not exactly. I'm saying we should both think it over for a bit. You're still young."
"I'll be an adult in a few days."
"Not yet. And even then, you'll only just have become one. If you date me, it's going to be really hard on you. You've seen it yourself—there are a lot of women around me. So think it through slowly. Whether those female friends won't wear you out. Whether you won't regret it later. I'll think about it too. Honestly, the age gap between us isn't small."
"What does that matter? You're just turning me down in a roundabout way, and I'm too slow to hear it. Is that it?"
"It's not. I really mean we should take some time and think. I'm grateful for how you feel. If I could, I'd want to date you too. But there are real obstacles, so I'm saying we should sit with them. Right now your heart's racing, and it feels like you could do anything. Once you calm down and think, a different answer might come."
"I like you, oppa."
"Thank you."
"What about you?"
"If it's like or not, of course I like you. More than I deserve."
He still held the real answer back. She couldn't see why he had to. She thought she could clear any obstacle in the way, but maybe it was different for him. Even so, she was sure of one thing. He wasn't entirely without feelings for her.
Then Christmas Eve arrived. She had prepared a great deal for today.
The dress is good.
An Ecobloom winter dress, bought at the employee discount.
The bag is good.
A designer bag she had begged and begged out of Youngji at Ecobloom.
And the underwear... perfect.
She checked the lingerie beneath her blouse. Passionate red, the kind you wore when you meant to win. Even she thought the woman in the mirror was too pretty. This was enough to hook Kim Taeyoung. She fired herself up and left the house.
On an ordinary date, the man came to the woman's door to pick her up. But she was still a high school senior, and she had no such notion at all. She was simply happy that she was meeting Kim Taeyoung on Christmas Eve.
She took the bus to the movie theater. For some reason he wasn't answering her KakaoTalk. He didn't pick up when she called, either. She had the address and the room number already, though, so she could find the place herself.
"Excuse me."
"How can I help you?"
"Where do I go for private room two?"
"I'm sorry, but could I have the name on the reservation? The guest who booked it is in the private room right now."
"Kim Taeyoung."
"Confirmed. Take the corridor on the right and the elevator to the seventh floor."
"Okay. Thank you."
She rode up as the staff had told her. Her heart beat harder with every floor. Her first date. Her first movie. And the person at the end of it was Kim Taeyoung, her first love. Of course her chest was full of fluttering.
She stopped in front of room two. Should she knock? No—she could just go in. It wasn't even his room. She took the handle and opened the door, and her body locked.
"Haa—mmph, mmph! O-oppa!"
Kim Taeyoung was inside. He was not alone. The pretty unnie from that day was with him, and the pretty unnie with the wide hips was wearing nothing at all, straddling him.
When Sua walked in, the two of them were in the middle of a fervent kiss. His hands were on her breasts and her ass. At the sound of the door, the pretty unnie looked over. Their eyes met.
"Th-this is..."
Sua had no idea what she was supposed to do. For a girl who had only just started her first love, it was far too hard a problem. What she chose was flight. She turned and ran.
"Oppa! Go after her, quick!"
The shout came from behind her. She tried to sprint, but she wasn't used to the heels or the dress, and she couldn't get up any real speed. Kim Taeyoung caught her.
"Sua!"
"Hic—l-let go of me! Hngh..."
She didn't want to cry, but the tears burst out anyway. She didn't want him to see her like this. She covered her face with her hands. He pulled her into his arms.
"Huuuh. Why, why... waaah!"
She couldn't even get the question out. She wanted to ask why he had come after her when he had been doing that with that woman a moment ago. She wanted to ask why he was holding her now. But every time she opened her mouth, only sobbing came out.
"Sua. I'm sorry. Let's go back in for now. Sit down and calm down a little."
"Hnn—no. Waaah."
She wanted to go home. The words wouldn't come. Maybe from running in heels, her legs seemed to have gotten hurt, and she couldn't fight the strength in his arms. She ended up being led back into the private room.
She hated it. Wasn't this where that woman was?
"Hwayeon. Get dressed first, and head out."
She was crying with her face covered, so she could only follow what was happening by ear. Astonishingly, the woman did as he said and put her clothes on. Then she really did go out the door.
What? Even sunk in grief, Sua was thrown. She couldn't tell what was happening.
"Were you that hurt? I'm sorry."
He patted her back. Even now, being held against him made her happy. She hated herself for not being able to stop that happiness.
"Huuu..."
"Here. A tissue."
"Sniff... What is this, really, oppa. You said—hic—she wasn't your girlfriend..."
"She isn't my girlfriend. Really."
"Then what was that just now?"
"You can do that sort of thing even if she isn't your girlfriend."
At the shameless answer, Sua looked at him, disappointment all over her face. Maybe it was too absurd to cry over. The tears dried right up.
"So that's the kind of person you are? I'm really disappointed."
"Yeah. I am that kind of person. Sua, so I'll ask you now. Do you still like me?"
"Nnh..."
She couldn't answer easily. The disappointment was enormous, that was true. But liking him was much bigger. She had never been anything to him in the first place. She had no right to say a word about whether he saw other women.
"Sua. You remember what I said last time, about thinking it over? It's because I figured things like this would happen a lot. I told you, didn't I? That the female friends might be hard on you. If this happens again later, do you think you can handle it?"
"D-does that mean even if you date me, you're going to keep seeing your other female friends?"
Kim Taeyoung nodded, bitter. It was a question straight out of Hwayeon's book of practice problems. Watching it unfold exactly as she had predicted, he had to grant she wasn't a fool.
"Maybe."
"Maybe...?"
"If you become my girlfriend, it'll depend on you."
"Depend on me...?"
"Yeah. Though I don't think this is something we should talk about right now. It's sexual. Do you want to hear it?"
"Yes. I want to hear it."
He let out a small breath, as if he had no choice. All of it was an act.
"I'll be honest. My sex drive is on the strong side. One woman can't handle me."
"Wh-what does that..."
"I've dated a fair amount, and none of it lasted. There was never a woman who could handle me by herself. The girlfriend was satisfied, and I wasn't, so of course there was trouble. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
No. I don't understand at all.
Sua, who had only ever pictured a fluttering romance full of dreams and love, felt her head spin.
"Of course, if we date, I'll give all of my heart to my girlfriend. But sex drive is an instinct, isn't it? If you can't relieve it, the stress piles up."
Even through the spinning, she understood one thing. If she took all of his desire herself, she could drive every other female friend away.