If God Exists, He Wouldn't Abandon His Saintess
If God exists, he wouldn't leave his endangered Saintess alone. The world spun wildly. Or more precisely, the one-ton truck I was driving spun wildly. Fuck.
My truck—that debt-ridden beast I'd poured my entire twenties into, which never shrank no matter how much I paid off. And now it was smashing into the guardrail and flying through the air.
"Ah... shit..."
That was all that escaped my lips. I'd driven day and night without rest. Picking up clothes from Dongdaemun for early-morning deliveries, then doing quick-service runs during the day. I'd slaved like a dog, but instead of living like a king, I was barely scraping by on interest payments. Drowsy driving. One moment of weakness, and it stole everything.
In my final glimpse, a massive billboard on a building filled my vision. There was BJ Cherry Girl, the hottest streamer right now, starring in a big-corp cosmetics ad. Just a few years ago, she'd been some low-tier internet broadcaster flashing cleavage for cash. Now she was landing major endorsements.
Lucky bitch.... Pretty with an empty head, but sell that body and live easy. Must be nice breezing through life. If there's a next one, I hope I come back as a brainless beauty just like her....
BAM!! The sound of the airborne truck slamming back to earth. My vision went red. My spine crumbled. Then utter darkness swallowed me.
**
"...Cold."
It was freezing like mad—was this hell? Heaven was supposed to be warm. Damn... what evil did I do to end up here?
...Huh. But something felt off. The smell was too sweet. Not sulfur, but flowers...? I slowly opened my eyes.
"...Huh?"
The first thing I saw was the ceiling. Not the moldy one from my studio apartment. An overwhelming arched ceiling adorned with lavish gold leaf and vibrant stained glass.
I was lying in bed. Or rather, it was so huge I could've believed it was a football field. Draped in shimmering silk curtains... what the hell do you even call this? I pushed myself up slowly, face down at first. The pain from moments before death was gone. Instead, a bizarre heaviness weighed on my chest. My gaze drifted downward.
"Wh-what the hell is this...?"
My hands caught my eye first. Not the rough, knobby ones thickened from hauling cargo. Pale as white jade, slender fingers....
"What?! What the fuck?!"
I kicked off the blankets in a panic. I was wearing Western-style nightclothes—a translucent white silk slip of the finest quality hugging my skin. Long, smooth legs stretched beneath.
And above all... two heavy mounds hung from my chest. Breasts.
"Insane...."
I scrambled on all fours to the massive full-length mirror by the bed. Inside it... stood a goddess. Glimmering golden blonde hair. Gray eyes. A delicate jawline that seemed ready to shatter. The BJ from that billboard couldn't even compare—a beauty with perfect proportions.
She opened her mouth, and so did I. She raised her hand, and mine followed. I was a woman. The most beautiful woman in the world.
**
It didn't take long to piece it together. I had become Elise, the Saintess of the Terranos Theocracy.
The theocracy ran on messages from God. And I was the only woman who could hear His voice. In short, I was like a medieval pope. Beautiful and max-level power? Finally, my life was turning around.
"Your Holiness, His Majesty the King requests an audience."
An elderly man in red robes—probably the Archbishop—knelt before me, head bowed.
Even this kingdom's king couldn't approach without my permission. All state affairs halted until I rose from my chambers.
"Let him enter," I said, pitching my voice low and elegant. It worked like a charm; the old man retreated with an expression of rapture.
Moments later, a middle-aged man in a ornate crown entered.
"Forgive the intrusion."
"It's fine. To what do I owe this visit?"
A king? Before me, he was just a simpering uncle.
"Your Holiness, regarding the Persius Empire's border skirmishes... have you received any oracles?"
He glanced nervously at me. God's will? An oracle? Hilarious.
The Saintess supposedly channeled God's voice, but I heard nothing. My thoughts were God's will. The previous one had tried to hear Him for real, but from what I'd gleaned, there was no God. The Saintesses just did whatever they wanted.
Couldn't expose that. I'd be ruined. Why give up this sweet gig?
Like the Saintesses before me, I'd milk it.
I closed my eyes solemnly, adopting a holy expression, and spoke slowly.
"The Lord... delights in patience. Haste is but Satan's ploy."
Vague as hell, but....
"Ah...! Your Holiness! Thank you! Ignore the Empire—don't rush into anything!"
The king slapped his knee in awe. The Archbishops murmured, "Truly worthy of the Saintess!"
What bullshit.... I smirked inwardly, but my lips curved in pious smile.
"Praise the Sun God who watches over us!"
"Praise Him!!"
"Long live Elise, receiver of the Sun God's oracles!"
"Long live!!"
They all bowed to me. I barely kept my grin in check.
This was it. The honey life. Babble nonsense, and they'd interpret and praise it. I just had to lounge in this pretty white body, draped in the world's finest clothes, feasting on delicacies. Forever. Until I died, I hoped.
But what I wanted never happened.
**
KABOOM!! A massive roar shook the Saintess Palace. Dust mixed with gold flecks rained from the ceiling.
"Wh-what's happening?!"
I bolted upright in bed.
"Your Holiness! Disaster! Persius Empire forces... they've breached the border and are marching on the capital!"
The Archbishop burst in, face drained of blood, robes torn.
"What? The Empire? Out of nowhere?"
Persius Empire. The place I'd oracled about just a week ago: ignore them, do nothing.
"You must flee!! Emperor Skeban... he's targeting you, Your Holiness!"
"...Why?"
"He claims to punish the woman who hears a false god's voice...."
My vision flashed red. The Archbishop's head tumbled. His blood splattered my eyes.
A red-haired man grinned at me.
"Found you, you fraud."
**
Acrid gunpowder and blood choked the Saintess Palace. Empire soldiers in black armor surged in like waves, cutting down the theocracy's guardian knights like fallen leaves.
The noble lily scent turned to the metallic tang of blood in an instant. At their center strode a man, glaring at me, a massive blood-smeared greatsword in one hand.
"Having a nice day, ehhh, Saintess?"
CRACK! Agony ripped through my scalp as hair tore free.
"KYAAAH!!"
"Forgot how you exiled me three years ago, ehhh, Saintess?!"
His voice rumbled like from the earth's depths. My body trembled. I'd just seen the Archbishop decapitated. Was that my fate? Death's terror. Dying hurt. So fucking much. The memory was vivid.
The emperor loomed, his eyes burning with contempt beyond hatred.
"Your lofty sermons about 'God's will' cast me into darkness."
Me? Or rather, this body?
"God's will? Don't make me laugh. I learned after leaving Terranos. There is no God."
I wanted to protest. I'm not that Elise. I'm just Kim Mingyu. But only the Saintess's frail whimper escaped.
"Proves I was right. No God."
"No... that's not...!"
"What's not!!"
"KYAA!!"
My head snapped back.
"You toyed with Terranos on a whim."
Skeban's rough hand yanked my jaw up.
"KYAAK!"
Pain like my jaw would shatter. As real as the truck crash.
"The lowly masses won't know. They'll cling to faith in God."
Madness gleamed in his eyes.
"You'll enlighten them."
His gaze dropped to my chest.
"N-no... please... jebal...."
I clutched my breasts instinctively. But a woman's frail strength couldn't match a man's.
RIIIP!! The silk Saintess gown tore away. Massive breasts spilled from the undergarments.
"If God exists, he wouldn't leave his endangered Saintess alone."
CRACK. The emperor seized my jaw.
"But if God stays silent? Everyone will know. There is no God."