Chapter 93: Do You Have Any Idea How Horrible You Are?
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 93: Do You Have Any Idea How Horrible You Are?
Blair struggled to open her eyes, blinking slowly. As her blurry vision sharpened, the memories from before she collapsed slowly returned.
She’d overheard Herdin and Ruth at the Foundation Festival banquet, returned to the ducal mansion, and argued with him. Then, she’d shaken him off and tried to leave the bedroom. After that…
As Blair traced her memories to that point, her heart sank. Her trembling hand instinctively covered her lower abdomen.
"My baby, my baby..."
I shouldn’t have pushed myself so hard in the early stages of pregnancy. No matter how furious I was, I should have held back for the baby…
Everything she had done since returning to the past had been for this child. If something had happened to Asiel, she didn't think she could go on.
Just as Blair was consumed by the fear that something had happened to her unborn child, a cold voice spoke from beside her.
"The child is safe."
Turning her head, she saw Herdin looking down at her, his eyes cold. As their gazes met, Blair’s widened in shock.
He must have called the physician to examine her after she collapsed.
And from his words, she could guess exactly what the physician had told him.
He knew. He finally knew she was pregnant.
Blair pushed herself up and shrank away from him. One hand remained protectively over her abdomen, her eyes filled with an intense wariness.
It was as if she were shielding her child from him.
Seeing this, the corners of Herdin's mouth twisted.
How absurd. She was trying to protect the child from him—the child's own father.
So this was the truth. She had never planned on anything but running away. He had never been a part of the future she envisioned.
Not after countless nights together, not even now that she carried his child.
His assumption that she would naturally stay by his side once she became pregnant had been entirely wrong from the start.
That realization clawed at his heart.
Herdin tilted his head slightly and spoke.
"Your reaction tells me you already knew."
"..."
"How long have you been hiding it?"
"..."
"When did you get the clever idea to divorce me while carrying my child?"
"...It's my child."
Trembling like a leaf, all she could do was claim the child as her own.
Herdin’s gaze fell indifferently on her flat stomach, hidden beneath the blanket and her small hand. "And it is also my child," he replied coolly.
"No, it's not!" Blair retorted, her voice bursting with pent-up resentment.
He was my child, the one you ignored. My poor baby, who grew up without ever knowing a father's love.
I was the only one who loved him. He became my everything, across two lifetimes. No matter what anyone says, Asiel is my child.
"Did you make the child by yourself, then?"
"...This child is Mikhail's..."
Before Blair could finish her clumsy lie, Herdin cupped her cheek, forcing her to meet his gaze. The blue eyes staring down at her were colder than ever.
"If you're going to lie, at least make it believable."
"..."
"After spending night after night in bed with me, you expect me to believe the child in your womb belongs to some other bastard?"
"But the pills..."
Blair, who had been about to argue back, froze.
He should have thought she was taking contraceptive pills. But he wasn't confused about her pregnancy at all—he was acting as if it were completely expected.
No, more than that… it was as if he’d been waiting for it.
The moment she realized this, the words they had exchanged before she collapsed flashed through her mind.
His claim that he needed her for the negotiations with Ivan.
At the same time, a chilling thought crossed her mind.
"Don't tell me... you knew all along? That I would get pregnant," Blair asked, her voice trembling.
Please, let it not be what I think.
Please don't let it be that this child, along with me, was placed on that negotiation table.
But his answer, delivered after a brief silence, plunged her into utter despair.
"Yes. Because I was waiting for it."
His calm reply, devoid of any attempt to hide the truth, left Blair speechless.
For her, this pregnancy was something she had desperately prayed for.
In her past life, it was because she loved him; in this life, it was solely to meet her child, Asiel, once again.
But for him, a man who only ever sought to use her, her wishes had never mattered. Not when his goals were at stake.
In the end, in both my past life and this one, you will do absolutely anything to use me.
The realization that he would break her without a second thought made her blood run cold.
The sheer absurdity of the situation brought a hollow laugh to her lips. Or perhaps it was a sob.
"...Do you have any idea how horrible you are?"
In that moment, he seemed like a complete stranger.
A different person from the man who had climbed the clock tower with her, who had fed her toasted marshmallows.
The dissonance choked her, and a wave of nausea surged from deep within.
"Ugh..."
Unable to hold it back any longer, Blair clamped a hand over her mouth.
Nothing came up—her stomach was empty—but once the dry heaving started, it wouldn't stop.
"Blair."
As Herdin reached out to check on her, Blair sharply slapped his hand away.
"Don't touch me!"
Blair turned her back on him, swallowing hard against the nausea. Her body tensed, strength draining away as tears welled in her eyes.
Only after what felt like an eternity of retching did her stomach finally settle.
She wanted nothing more than to collapse onto the bed and rest, but she loathed the thought of sharing a room with the stranger wearing her husband’s face.
She hated herself for wanting to lean on him, even now, using her weakness as an excuse.
Forcing her weak, trembling body to move, Blair dragged herself out of bed. Her slender frame swayed precariously, looking as though she might collapse at any second.
Realizing she was trying to leave the room, Herdin let out a sigh and stepped toward her.
"Blair, come back and lie down."
But Blair didn't even pretend to hear him. Her bare feet padded across the floor, not even stopping for slippers.
"You need to rest right now."
Herdin closed the distance and wrapped his arms around her, trying to turn her back toward the bed. At his touch, she began to struggle frantically.
"No! Let me go!"
Her desperate fists rained down on his chest, but there was no strength behind them. He was more worried she would hurt her own hands.
In the end, Herdin reluctantly let her go.
Breaking free, Blair fled the room as if her life depended on it. But the moment she faced the pitch-black hallway, her steps ground to a halt.
She couldn't escape his mansion anyway. There was nowhere in this place she could truly let her guard down and rest.
She had vowed not to repeat her past life, but in the end, nothing had changed.
No matter how she struggled, she was only forced to confront her own pathetic powerlessness.
The stark reality of it made her laugh.
"...How foolish."
The desolate darkness pressed down on her, leaving her with nowhere to go.
* * *
As the first light of dawn began to seep into the darkness, the door to Pippi's room opened silently.
Pippi, who had been sleeping curled up inside a hollow log in the corner, heard the sound and scurried out.
"Ppi?"
The person who entered was Herdin.
Thinking he had come to play, Pippi hovered around his legs, but Herdin ignored the small creature and headed for the sofa in the corner.
Blair lay asleep on the sofa, its fabric chewed to tatters by Pippi. Curled up like that, her already slender frame seemed even smaller.
Herdin silenced his footsteps as he approached, staring down at her sleeping form. Tear tracks still glistened on her long lashes.
The place she had fled to was here. Just a few steps from their bedroom.
No matter how hard she struggled, she could never escape his domain. That fact, which was horrifying to Blair, brought him a sense of relief.
His wife, who had always been quietly by his side, now only allowed him near when she slept. Still, Herdin did not regret his choice.
Even if I were to return to the past over and over again, I would make the same choice to keep you by my side.
Besides, staying by his side was the far more rational choice for her.
Better than eloping with a man so incompetent he’d let her become another’s contract wife, only to be caught and live the rest of her life in disgrace.
Herdin watched the sleeping Blair for a moment, then carefully gathered her into his arms. She felt far too light for a body carrying two lives.
"Mmh..."
Sensing his presence even in sleep, Blair let out a soft groan, but thankfully, she didn't open her eyes. The exhausting day had taken its toll on her delicate condition.
Herdin quietly left the room with Blair in his arms, completely ignoring Pippi, who was lingering at his feet.
* * *
The next day, when Blair woke up, she was in bed.
Herdin must have carried her back while she slept. Fortunately, he was nowhere to be seen.
Her body felt heavy and leaden as she lay there, staring blankly out the balcony window. As the view sharpened, so did her thoughts.
She had been emotional last night, but as the turmoil settled, her mind began to work rationally again.
Herdin had no intention of divorcing her.
And she had no intention of repeating her past life by his side.
That left only one conclusion.
I must leave.