Chapter 31: But I Want to Do It Now
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 31: But I Want to Do It Now
What should I do…?
That was the first thought to cross Blair’s mind when she woke up. As the events of the previous night came flooding back, her mind went blank, utterly at a loss for how to deal with the aftermath.
She wished she couldn’t remember a single thing, but her memories returned in mocking fragments.
Standing alone on the balcony to sober up, running into Wesley, and Herdin appearing to punch him…
After she left the balcony with Herdin, her memory was a shattered mess.
She couldn’t recall their exact conversation, but she remembered that he had wanted her. The kiss they shared, his touch…
Then, all of a sudden, he had pulled his lips away and stepped back. She had no memory of anything after that. She couldn’t remember at all how she had returned to the Delmark Ducal Mansion.
But one thing was certain: she had made an absolute fool of herself in front of Herdin.
I shouldn’t have drunk so much yesterday…
Blair sighed and hung her head, her face reflecting in the clear bathwater.
She regretted it, but what was done was done. It was something she had to face eventually. If that was the case, her only choice was to confront it head-on rather than run away.
I should look him in the eye and apologize properly.
Blair had no talent for scheming or shamelessness. One thing she had learned from a lifetime of being this way was that it was better to face things honestly than to try and wriggle out of them clumsily.
Her mind made up, Blair left the bathroom and went down to the dining room. Since it was nearly noon, Herdin had already finished his meal and was working.
Blair ate alone. She was never a fast eater to begin with, but her pace was even slower than usual today.
She had resolved to apologize to Herdin as soon as she finished, but that didn't mean she was looking forward to it. She was only doing it because getting a painful chore out of the way was better for her peace of mind.
Blair even ate the dessert she usually saved for teatime before finally arriving at Herdin's office.
Staring at the door with nervous eyes, Blair took a deep breath and knocked.
"Herdin. Do you have a moment?"
After a brief wait, the door swung open. It was Ruth.
"Hello, Duchess."
Seeing Ruth's face, she realized she had forgotten it was the middle of working hours. She had been so consumed with apologizing to Herdin that she had overlooked such an obvious fact.
Blair felt a flush of embarrassment.
"I'm so sorry. I completely forgot it was working hours. It's nothing urgent; I can come back this evening."
"Not at all! It's quite all right. Please, go in."
Ruth, clearly pleased with the unexpected break, grinned from ear to ear. Just as he was about to leave, he turned back to Herdin as if remembering something.
"Ah, one more thing. What should we do about the House of Baldwin? Personally, I think it would be best to slip them some money and keep this quiet."
Blair flinched at the name. The House of Baldwin was Wesley’s family—the man who had made unwanted advances on her last night. Judging by Ruth’s words, it seemed Wesley was already stirring up trouble after the beating Herdin had given him.
"No. Let it be. He got what he deserved."
"Won't this cause a stir if we just leave it be?"
"If we stuff his mouth with money, he'll only bark louder next time."
Ruth looked unconvinced. While Herdin wasn't wrong, it didn't seem like a particularly wise solution. But his lord's command was absolute.
"As you wish, Your Grace."
After bowing to Blair, Ruth left, leaving the two of them alone in the office.
Blair looked at her husband, who was leaning casually against his desk. The woody scent lingering in the air, mixed with the smell of a recently extinguished cigar, enveloped her. It was a scent she had loved in her past life.
As she quietly took in the scene, Herdin's gaze, which had been fixed on the closing door, shifted to her.
"Fortunately, it seems you're not hungover."
His face was as expressionless as ever, but his gaze felt like an interrogation. She felt like a criminal, all because of her guilty conscience.
Blair hesitated for a moment before asking, "Did the House of Baldwin… say something about last night?"
"There was some noise, but it's nothing for you to worry about."
Herdin acted as if it were nothing, but Blair bit her lower lip.
Because of me…
She hadn’t wanted to feel like a sinner in front of him anymore. She had wanted to stand tall.
In the end, she had become a burden to him once again. Her heart felt as heavy as lead.
"Last night… I made a fool of myself. I'm sorry."
"Do you remember everything from last night?"
Blair froze. It was embarrassing to admit she remembered, but unfortunately, she was a terrible liar.
"...Fragments. I remember meeting Sir Baldwin, and you… saving me."
Rather than lie poorly, Blair chose to deflect. But Herdin didn't let it go.
"And after that?"
Unable to answer, Blair averted her eyes and pressed her lips together.
Watching her, Herdin straightened up from the desk. He was already imposing while leaning, but he seemed to tower over her when he stood to his full height. He strode over and stood directly in front of her.
"The part after that is what's important," he whispered, taking her hand. "What we talked about. What we did."
His thumb stroked the tender skin on the inside of her wrist, as if to jog her memory. The spot he touched burned as if scorched by fire. At the same time, the hazy memories of last night rushed back with vivid clarity.
His lips pressing against the inside of her wrist, his hot, damp tongue brushing between her fingers, his gaze that looked ready to devour her, and… even the chaotic emotions she had felt in that moment.
Seeing from her trembling eyes that she remembered, Herdin asked, "When you said we could… if I wanted to… did you mean it?"
He was asking if she had said something she didn't mean under the influence of alcohol.
Blair looked up into his cool blue eyes, which stared down at her just as they had last night.
This man desired her. That was all. She had learned in her past life not to mistake a relationship driven by primal desire for love. She'd had enough of getting hurt that way. She no longer had any lingering attachment to him. She didn't crave his love, and since she expected nothing, she wouldn't be hurt.
Unlike before, when she had wanted to spend eternity by his side, she was now ready to disappear from his life at any moment.
But if she ran away now, wouldn't that just prove she still had feelings for him?
Driven by a mix of pride and stubbornness, Blair gave a small nod.
"…I'll prepare and wait for you tonight."
Upon hearing her answer, Herdin's face contorted for a split second, his expression almost pained. But just as quickly, a twisted smile spread across his lips. It was the answer he'd wanted, yet he looked furious.
"But I want to do it now."
"Then, to the bedroom—"
"No. Right here."
Blair didn't understand at first—or rather, she refused to. She stared at him, praying he didn't mean what she thought he meant.
Even in her past life, during the brief period after their marriage before she conceived Asiel, they had slept together countless times. But never in his office. Back then, he had rarely let her leave the bedroom, let alone his arms.
As if to confirm her fears, he swept her into his arms.
Blinking blankly, unable to process the sudden turn of events, Blair only came to her senses when he set her down on his desk. The trinkets and documents that had once occupied its surface were now scattered across the floor.
Only then did Blair accept reality. She looked at Herdin, who gripped the edges of the desk on either side of her, trapping her with his massive frame. A vivid desire flickered in his eyes.
He was serious.
A beat too late, panic set in. Blair pushed against Herdin's chest as he leaned in to kiss her.
"Not here. This is your office, and it's still broad daylight…"
"This is my office, and I want you now. Isn't that enough?"
She had spoken of contracts and acted as if she would give him anything he wanted. Now, she was spouting a litany of excuses.
Herdin grabbed the hands pushing against his shoulders. Her feeble resistance only aroused him more. No, it wasn't just her hands; he reacted to her eyes, her voice, her breath—everything about her. It was all because a certain drunken woman had stoked his desire with an alluring look the night before.
The need that had tormented him all night was pulled as taut as a bowstring on the verge of snapping.
"That's—mmph."
Herdin devoured her lips as she tried to protest, a silent, clear refusal to hear any more objections.
Her gaze locked with his unfathomably deep eyes as her head tilted back, their hot breaths tangling together. Overwhelmed by his fierce, predatory kiss, Blair found herself leaning further and further back.
Herdin wrapped an arm around her lower back. It seemed as though he was supporting her, but in reality, he was holding her tight, ensuring she couldn't escape.
"Haah…"
By the time a breathless Blair managed to push him away, a chill had already hit her back and chest. He had unbuttoned her dress while they were kissing.
It was scandalous to be half-undressed in broad daylight. Worse still was the embarrassment she felt under his appreciative gaze.