Chapter 26: Would Things Have Been Different?
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 26: Would Things Have Been Different?
“Blair.”
Herdin’s voice was urgent as he grabbed her slender arm. He bit his lip, startled by his own agitation.
Her arm felt so fragile in his grasp, as if the slightest pressure might break it.
Reining in his emotions, Herdin loosened his grip.
“…You’re a patient right now. Please, just calm down and—”
“No, I won’t.”
Blair pulled her arm free before he could finish, her resistance firm. Herdin’s eyes wavered.
She looked him straight in the eye and continued, “If I recover my memories and find out it was a false accusation, I will clear your name. But if it turns out to be true, I will resent you for the rest of my life.”
She refused to be trapped in a past she couldn’t remember, forced to live as either a sinner or a victim of injustice while the truth remained a mystery.
“I was sad, too,” she said.
“…”
“It was hard for me, too.”
“…”
“It was terrifying… having to suspect my own mother, the one who loved me so much, and uncover the truth.”
As she finally voiced the words she had swallowed in her past life, too afraid to confront him, a long-buried sorrow welled up inside her. The tears she had tried so hard to suppress spilled down her cheeks.
Blair swallowed her rising sobs, determined not to let her tears choke her words.
“But I don’t want to live in ignorance anymore just because it’s hard or because I’m scared.”
Even if their relationship was destined to end, she refused to give up and run away in this life as she had in the last.
Looking into Blair’s tear-filled eyes, Herdin’s fingertips trembled. He clenched his fist to stop his hand from reaching for her.
She had looked at him with teary eyes before, but this was the first time she had actually wept. It was also the first time she had ever confronted him so directly.
Seeing her like this, he no longer had any desire to fight with her. In truth, he never could have.
“…I made a mistake,” his low, raspy voice echoed in the quiet room.
“I forgot that our contract is built on cooperation—and that cooperation requires trust.”
“…”
“From now on, I will not suspect or interrogate you as I did today.”
Blair stared blankly at him as he calmly apologized.
Although she had confronted him to avoid repeating the mistakes of their past, she had never imagined he would back down so readily.
A wave of relief washed over her, but it was followed by a sudden, piercing thought.
What if, back then, I had confronted you even though I was terrified?
Would our ending have been different? Would we have avoided taking such a long, roundabout path to get here?
It was a question that now had no answer.
“Get some rest. You’re exhausted.”
At his suggestion, Blair lay down on the bed. She had gone out for the first time in a while, met a stranger, and collapsed. On top of that, she had argued with Herdin. She was utterly drained.
After watching Blair pull the blanket over herself, Herdin stood and walked over to the fireplace.
Blair peeked out from over the blanket, watching his back with puzzled eyes as his voice drifted over to her.
“Will it scare you if I light the fire?”
Blair couldn’t answer right away.
Although her fear stemmed from the accident, she had never openly admitted to being afraid of something so ordinary. Katrina had always hated any mention of the incident, so Blair had learned to hide it as best she could.
“Sleep for now.”
Herdin used the lighter next to the hearth to set a piece of paper ablaze and tossed it into the fireplace.
He kept his eyes on the bed, ready to extinguish the flames immediately if Blair had another panic attack. But contrary to his fears, the room soon filled with the sound of her even breathing, punctuated only by the occasional dry cough.
Once the logs had caught fire, Herdin added a few more pieces of wood before sitting in a chair beside the sleeping Blair.
Perhaps thanks to the warmth spreading through the room, a faint color returned to her pale cheeks. Sleeping so peacefully, she looked just like a young girl.
Just like the day he had first met her.
As he looked at her face, which still held traces of her childhood, Esmeralda’s voice echoed in his mind.
“That is not the child's fault. Blair is a good child, regardless of what kind of person her mother is. Don't you think so too?”
Suddenly, he remembered the day he had first met Blair.
* * *
To be precise, it was a week after their first meeting.
A week after the New Year's Festival, Herdin visited the Empress's Palace again, carrying the rabbit-fur earmuffs Blair had lent him.
He held them out to Esmeralda.
She tilted her head. “Oh my, where did you get something so adorable? Surely you didn’t bring this little thing as a gift for me.”
“The Imperial Princess lent them to me. I was hoping Your Majesty would return them to her.”
“Blair did? When?”
“…Have you not heard?”
“Heard what? Blair didn’t say a word.”
The princess was always desperate to win his aunt’s favor. He had assumed she would have boasted about that day to earn some praise.
Suddenly, he recalled what Blair had said as she walked away.
“I'll keep today a secret.”
She really hadn’t told anyone, not even Esmeralda, despite it being the perfect opportunity to receive the praise she so desperately craved.
Herdin was left stunned by the realization.
“Did something happen between you and Blair?” Esmeralda asked, her face full of curiosity.
Herdin briefly explained what had happened—how Blair had followed him when he’d gone out to the garden for some air, a lie he told to keep Esmeralda from worrying, and how she had given him the earmuffs, telling him to cover his ears.
Throughout his explanation, Esmeralda wore a warm smile, looking as if she found both children utterly adorable.
Once she had heard the whole story, she pushed the earmuffs back toward Herdin.
“Then you should return these to her yourself.”
“Pardon…?”
“The one who received a favor should be the one to express their gratitude. Are you trying to pass that duty on to me? Just because you’ve grown a bit, you think you can use me as your errand runner?”
Although Esmeralda’s voice was thick with playfulness, Herdin knew her words weren’t entirely a joke.
Even by his own standards, passing the duty of expressing gratitude to his aunt was poor manners toward the person who had helped him.
Yet, he had no desire to seek Blair out himself.
After all, wasn’t the princess the daughter of that Imperial Concubine?
His aunt was benevolent enough to embrace even her, but he was not. He wanted to avoid her at all costs, terrified that the naive princess might mistake his presence for friendliness.
“By the way, did you really wear these earmuffs? You must have looked adorable. Won’t you wear them for me just once?”
While he was lost in thought, Esmeralda approached him with the rabbit-fur earmuffs, her face brimming with mischief.
Herdin recoiled in horror.
“I didn’t wear them! I just held them!”
Esmeralda giggled at his reaction before setting the earmuffs down with a look of lingering disappointment. When she looked back at Herdin, the playfulness in her eyes had settled into a calm seriousness.
“Herdin. Do you dislike Blair?”
He couldn’t answer.
It wasn’t that he disliked the girl herself; he simply detested her background. If forced to choose, it was certainly closer to dislike.
Yet, he lacked the talent to lie, and admitting the truth would make him seem petty and small-minded compared to his aunt.
“Blair isn’t loud like the other children you dislike. She doesn’t blindly hate or insult you, does she? And she even helped you.”
Herdin, who had been listening in silence, finally spoke.
“…But she is that woman’s daughter.”
“You mustn’t think like that. That is not the child’s fault.”
“…”
“Blair is a good child, regardless of what kind of person her mother is. Don’t you think so too?”
Herdin couldn’t refute her words. Although separating Blair from Katrina felt impossible, the princess was indeed a good child, just as Esmeralda said.
He had only been trying to deny that truth because his position dictated that he must dislike her.
“I am sorry for letting you children get swept up in the petty conflicts of adults.”
Esmeralda smiled bitterly, and Herdin could only look at her in silence.
His aunt was a truly good person.
She was the one who had lovingly cared for him after he lost his parents at a young age. To him, she was like a mother.
And so, unable to disobey her wishes, he eventually went to the Princess's Palace himself, earmuffs in hand.
The knights guarding the gates seemed utterly flustered by the completely unexpected visit of Duke Delmark.
“I received a favor from Her Highness the Princess during the New Year's Festival, and I have come to express my gratitude.”
As Herdin spoke to the knights, a small shadow fell from above.
Looking up, he saw Blair standing on the balcony, rubbing her eyes sleepily.
Blinking her half-closed eyes, Blair suddenly patted her cheeks with both hands, trying to wake herself up.
And then, their eyes met.
Her messy platinum-blonde hair shimmered in the morning sunlight, and her violet eyes went wide in a face flushed pink by the chilly air.
A gasp escaped her lips, and her tiny face instantly crumpled into a look of sheer panic.
“Nanny!”
Blair’s faint voice drifted down as she scrambled back inside. She seemed entirely unaware that the balcony door was still wide open, as her frantic cries of “Oh no! Duke Delmark is here! I haven’t even washed my face yet…” carried clearly down to him.
Herdin let out a soft chuckle.
Her wide, startled eyes, her face crumpled in panic.
It was a winter morning, and just for that sight alone, he was glad he had listened to his aunt.