Chapter 64
Chapter 64
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 64
Chapter Title: Ghosts of the Past (2)
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I locked myself in the room.
The room, with the curtains drawn tight to block out the sunlight, was dank and dark.
The black sword tossed near the window hadn't budged from its spot for days,
and the water glass on the table had turned moldy from the stagnant water.
I lay on the bed without making a sound.
I was still breathing, but nothing more and nothing less.
My eyes were open, but my gaze wandered off into the distance.
A short while later, there was a knock at the door.
It was Irena.
She stared into the silent room for a moment before quietly opening the door and stepping inside.
"Ian."
Her voice was low and cautious.
Up to this point, it was just like any other day.
Irena visited me every single day, trying to strike up conversations in all sorts of ways.
But today, Luella followed right behind her.
Luella paced back and forth for a long time before finally giving in and approaching me.
"...Are you okay? Are you hurting somewhere?"
She simply gazed at me with worried eyes.
Hurting? I'm not hurting.
Just irritated, that's all.
Like getting sick of watching the same slasher flicks all day long.
I was exhausted from doing nothing but watch their deaths unfold.
Luella whipped her head around toward Irena.
She was asking if there was any medicine.
I must have looked sick to her, so she figured I needed some.
I wished there was.
Even sleeping pills would do.
A few days later, people from the assault camp started dropping by one or two at a time.
They took turns bringing me food, airing out the room, and sitting by my side for light chats.
But I gave no replies.
I just closed my eyes and bowed my head, occasionally letting out a short breath.
Even amid all that, Luella lingered the longest.
She'd bring books to read aloud or ramble on about little happenings at the camp, desperately trying to hold my attention.
One time, she even brought a bottle of liquor, calling it medicine.
"This... they said it's medicine. Truth be told, I'm not really sure either. I just... felt like I had to do something."
Right after the rebellion broke out in the kingdom, the people who'd experimented on her were hanged one after another.
In the process, the lab's location was uncovered, and the test subjects rescued.
Luella was carving out a reasonably happy life for herself.
Her recent sword training at the assault camp was part of that.
With her hairy beastkin kin back home, it had to feel fulfilling.
Suddenly, Luella's efforts and concern struck me as absurd.
Did she not know that I was the one who'd severed her brother's arm?
I decided to play along with Luella's efforts.
I sat up and downed the liquor she'd brought.
I'm not one to get drunk off a single bottle.
"Did it... did it work? For real...? Th-then I'll bring more."
It was that stubbornly pure faith so typical of Luella.
I didn't bother telling her it wasn't true.
And that might've been the problem.
After that, Luella showed up hauling a mountain of liquor.
At some point, there was enough to actually get me plastered.
"Wh-what the hell is this? Why are there so many bottles?"
That was Irena, taking in the liquor bottles strewn across the room.
Luella had brought every one, and I'd drunk them all.
"You drank all of these...?"
"Ah, Irena. I'm feeling a bit better now. Someone said it was medicine. Guess they were kinda right."
When I was drunk, the memories didn't crash in on me out of nowhere as often.
If that counted as medicine, then sure, it was.
I thought I'd spoken clearly enough, but maybe my tongue was slurring somewhere.
Irena's face twisted ever so slightly at my words.
She started to say something but cut herself off.
Visibly flustered, she glanced back over her shoulder.
There stood Luella, arms full of more bottles.
"Ahh, Irena. I found the medicine. They say this helps."
"What?"
Luella darted between Irena's legs and thrust a bottle my way.
I gladly took her offering.
To an onlooker, it might've looked like I'd sent her on a booze run.
But the key point was, I hadn't told her to fetch any.
This was all Luella's own initiative.
I jammed the bottle straight down my throat.
The burning heat sliding down my esophagus made the world spin dizzily.
I felt good.
Grinning stupidly, I let my head loll forward.
The laughter soon twisted into sobs.
I grabbed Luella right in front of me, shook her, and mumbled.
"It's okay, it's okay. You're still alive. You didn't die. So why the hell were you pretending?"
The hopelessly kind Luella just listened quietly to my ramblings.
"T-together, yeah. Together. Let's go back together... to the Northern Frontline...... Please. Please, please."
Suddenly, Irena wrenched my arm away with rough force.
"...Stop. Stop it, Ian!"
Her voice was low and desperate.
The next day, Luella didn't come.
It wasn't until about four days later that she finally showed.
The bottle was gone from her hand now.
"I'm sorry... I thought it was medicine."
Irena must've explained that booze wasn't medicine.
Still, she didn't seem fully convinced—Luella looked confused even as she spoke.
Didn't matter either way.
Irena had confiscated most of the liquor Luella brought, but some was left.
I'd stashed a bit away, just in case.
"This time, I'll bring real medicine. Just wait."
I waved goodbye to Luella as she left with a resolute look, already chugging from my hidden stash.
"Hang on just a little. There has to be some way, for sure."
After that, with her resolve to help me burning strong, Luella started bringing all sorts of other things besides booze.
One day, she hauled in a book and read from it at the top of her lungs.
Her voice quivered so badly it was more hilarious than the story itself.
Another day, she dumped a fistful of herbs in front of me, declaring, "These are supposed to purify the blood."
In reality, it was just tea leaves and weeds.
Someone had dumped junk on her.
Once, she cornered an instructor at the assault camp, learned some sword drills, and proudly tried dragging me to my feet, insisting, "Moving together lifts your spirits."
I stubbornly stayed put, so she swung the blade solo until she was soaked in sweat.
And still, she smiled.
Even swept away by ghosts of the past, I'd never forget that smile.
Two months dragged on like that.
I'd been wasting time pointlessly, but at some point, I started looking forward to Luella's visits.
A full cure was out of the question, but surprisingly, it had some effect.
I dulled the hours sipping booze while wondering what she'd bring next.
The supply never ran dry.
Luella was the one who'd sneak it in behind Irena's back whenever I asked.
We got caught a few times, so she couldn't bring any, or Irena would chew me out.
This time, Luella brought a toy.
She shoved one into my hand and demonstrated how to use it.
It was a pretty decent toy.
"Ian's illness. I found someone who knows what it is. If we figure out the illness and its cause, we can find a cure."
With that, Luella left the room.
I figured she'd be back tomorrow.
Her daily visits had become routine.
But she didn't come.
Not after three days. Not after ten.
Luella never returned.
I stayed holed up quietly, draining the last of my booze.
I chugged and waited for her, but she never showed.
"...Luella's gone missing."
At those words, I cracked a faint smile.
Then my face scrunched up a little, and after that, my cheeks cramped.
Drunk as I was, I couldn't tell what expression I was even making.
Looks like booze wasn't medicine after all.
I wanted to run, but there was nowhere to flee.
The past tracked me down no matter when, where, or what I did.
"......Don't worry too much. We're looking for her."
Even told not to worry, I couldn't help it.
The booze was gone. Luella was gone.
Left alone, I started hearing voices even without staring down the past.
Most of it was raw abuse.
This is all your fault. You screwed up. So just die. Drop dead.
Krim's voice slipped in here and there.
I'd heard it wasn't my fault, but I still couldn't accept that.
It wasn't wrong.
So I couldn't deny it.
I took those voices to heart and steeled myself.
"Time to die."
Say that, and my ears filled with affirming voices.
Yeah, good call. Die. Just end it.
Those voices sounded pretty good, so for a while, I muttered to myself and soaked in the self-affirmation.
After repeating it thousands of times, my head cleared.
I felt like I could shake off every curse from my past right then.
Even knowing I couldn't.
Figuring death was coming anyway lightened the load.
In that sense, maybe Luella had succeeded after all.
I heard Irena's voice calling from my room.
Her voice tethered me firmly to existence.
I was a shipwreck adrift, but her voice was the North Star guiding me forward.
As long as I had that, I could return to reality anytime.
I still stood on the Northern Frontline amid the corpses.
But facing Irena there felt nothing like before.
"...That's enough now. Let's go find her. Luella."