Chapter 11: I Just Need to Feel It Again
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 11: I Just Need to Feel It Again
There is an old parable about three blind men and an elephant.
As the story goes, the men were asked to touch different parts of the elephant and describe what the creature was like. Naturally, their answers were all different. The moral is simple: one cannot judge the whole by its parts.
However, some things are so distinct that one can grasp the whole even after seeing only a fraction.
For Ferda, in this very moment, it was the beauty of Valdrova.
All he could see were her chin and lips. A jawline as clear and translucent as fine porcelain held Ferda’s gaze captive. Above it sat lips as red and lustrous as an apple kissed by morning dew.
Even from just the lower half of her face, Ferda knew. The one who would become his life partner was a woman—and she was a peerless beauty, the likes of which he had never seen before.
As this realization flooded his mind, Ferda struggled to process his own emotions. He simply stared at her lips in silence.
The engagement wine flowed between Valdrova’s lips. It trickled slowly through the narrow gap until, finally, the cup was drained.
At that moment, Ferda felt a profound change within his body. The fear of dragons that had been etched into his very soul was vanishing.
— Mortals shall shed their fear by stepping out of the unknown, and thus become one.
It was exactly as the phrase Ruri had mentioned. The primal dread toward dragons was fading away.
‘She really prepared a lot for the sake of ordinary humans.’
The core of this engagement ceremony was to allow them to face one another as equals. Because of that, Ferda could feel it once more—the anticipation she had harbored and the pain she had felt when it was thwarted.
As Ferda gazed intently at her, the helmet modeled after a dragon’s head shifted slightly toward him. The eye slits caught his gaze for a fleeting second before she abruptly looked away.
‘I suppose I stared too long.’
Ferda turned his head and stood still, regaining his composure.
“Next, we shall read the vows to one another.”
Ruri passed the baton to Ferda, her expression screaming her displeasure at the proceedings. Valdrova waited quietly, her head bowed.
Ferda exhaled slowly, turning the vibration of his vocal cords into a clear, resonant voice.
“You do not know much of me.”
It had taken Ferda an entire day to write this single sentence. That was how difficult it had been for him to find the first words to express his feelings.
“Yet, I know you.”
And the answer he had arrived at was this:
“You gave me your heart. Through your heart, I caught glimpses of you and learned who you are.”
He chose to express everything to her with total sincerity.
“I saw how you were betrayed and slandered countless times. I saw how they hated you without end.”
Clink.
The armor flinched every time Ferda recited a line of his vow.
“Yet, you fulfilled your duties with nobility. You did not turn your back on what you wished to love; you loved until the very end. It was your integrity that set me straight.”
He believed this was the best choice.
“Therefore, I make this vow here today. Just as you gave your heart to me, I shall offer my heart to you. My King, my everything.”
That was the end of what was written in Ferda’s vow.
“I did not write this in the vow, but…”
However, Ferda was not finished. He lifted his head and looked directly at Valdrova. When her eyes met the dragon head’s gaze, she lowered her head even further.
Clink, clink.
Clad in her heavy armor, she was fidgeting, her hands clasped politely in front of her.
“It is a great honor to be engaged to such a beauty as you.”
The steel helmet jolted violently.
Ruri stared at Ferda with a blank expression, though her own limbs were practically twisting into knots from the sheer second-hand embarrassment.
“Now, the bride-to-be will read her vow—”
Ruri was cut off. Valdrova’s hand signaled for her to stop.
“What is the matter?”
—…
Valdrova did not answer. Instead, she turned around and began to walk away. Ferda watched her, wondering if she had prepared some other part of the ritual.
Valdrova returned to her lair and…
Thud—.
She shut the door behind her.
“…”
“…”
Valdrova had left without reading a single word of her vow. Ferda and Ruri stood staring at the firmly closed iron door.
“…The engagement ceremony is complete.”
The ceremony ended just like that. Though Valdrova hadn't read her vow, everything necessary had been done, so there was no need to dwell on it.
“Well then, let us head back.”
Ruri called out to Ferda, but there was no response. Faced with the abrupt conclusion, he simply stared at the door with a serious expression.
“Lord Ferda?” Ruri asked again.
Ferda, who had been deep in thought as if possessed, finally spoke.
“I apologize, but would it be possible for me to enter seclusion for about three days?”
“Seclusion?”
“It means I intend to spend time alone without eating or drinking. I do not wish to be disturbed.”
A declaration to shut himself in his room and fast. To Ruri, it sounded like a desperate retreat.
‘The shock must have been quite significant.’
They were supposed to read vows to each other, but he ended up doing it alone while his partner retreated behind an iron door. Ferda was undoubtedly dying of embarrassment.
“Understood.”
A smirk played on Ruri’s lips and refused to fade.
* * *
“As expected of my Master. With this, the initiative has passed to you.”
Ruri entered Valdrova’s lair and offered her applause.
Valdrova had returned to her dragon form. She was coiled up, her head buried beneath her massive wing. Despite having nearly ruined the ceremony several times, her final action held great meaning for Ruri.
“I never imagined you would use such a tactic. A one-sided hit-and-run.”
— …
“To make him read those cringeworthy words aloud just to make him feel embarrassed, and then to end it unilaterally. His momentum has surely been broken.”
— …
“…But it seems that wasn't your intention.”
Ruri’s genuinely delighted expression gradually turned blank as the silence stretched on. Valdrova, who had been hiding her face under her wing, slowly lifted her head.
— I… also wished to read my vow. As one welcoming a partner…
“…I think I understand.”
Ruri turned her gaze toward something she had been trying to ignore. There were traces that Valdrova had prepared just as diligently. Ruri knew exactly how many pages of paper Ferda had crumpled and thrown away to write his vow.
‘It was ten pages.’
The result was a single-page vow. It wasn't too long; it was just right. But the vow Valdrova had written…
‘Was twenty pages long.’
And that was twenty pages packed tightly on both sides. The number of pages sacrificed just to write that draft amounted to over three full volumes. It was a display of pure, girlish sentimentality that didn't suit the infamous Archduchess at all. It was the kind of thing that would be incredibly awkward if anyone other than her fiancé saw it.
But Ruri had served as Valdrova’s attendant for hundreds of years. This was something she could move past with a single sigh.
“If you liked it that much, why didn't you do it when we started?”
—That is…
Valdrova’s mouth twitched.
—I could not look at him.
Ruri tilted her head. “What do you mean, you couldn't look at him?”
—I did not have the confidence… to speak while meeting those eyes.
The shy lines of a young girl poured out from the mouth and voice of a terrifying dragon.
—That gray hair, those sharp eyes that seem to pierce through me, and that soft voice…
“…”
—While looking at that… my mind went blank, and I could do nothing.
“…My mind is going blank as well.”
—Do you also understand my heart?
Ruri wanted to puncture her own eardrums and vomit blood right then and there.
“Anyway.”
Ruri changed the subject before she ended up shouting at her master again.
“From now on, your husband-to-be will begin his duties as the master of the house. He will manage this castle and the subordinate territories.”
—I… am well aware of that.
“And when humans gain power, they begin to change.”
—…
Power.
At that word, the excited Valdrova grew calm. The 3rd Imperial Prince—the prince who had died by her own hand—was still haunting her. Though it had happened decades ago, to her, who had lived for eternity, it felt like yesterday.
“That is how mortals live as they flow through time. Be prepared to be disappointed at any moment. My Master, Great Ruler.”
—I understand…
Valdrova’s gaze drifted toward the distance as she fell into deep thought. The innocent girl who had faced a human had returned to being an immortal.
Damping the mood on such a joyous day wasn't particularly pleasant for Ruri either.
‘But it is necessary.’
Just as a war hero passing through a triumphal arch must be reminded that he is but a man, she had to know that the things she cherished and loved were destined to change or disappear one day. That was the best advice Ruri, a Dragon Spawn and Valdrova’s loyal subject, could offer.
* * *
Immediately after the engagement ceremony, Ferda entered seclusion.
Unlike Ruri, who thought he was hiding in his room out of shame and shock, Ferda simply needed time alone.
‘This feeling I had while looking at her.’
When he was writing the vow, he had simply written what came to mind. But as he spoke the words aloud, Ferda felt something that had been submerged at the bottom of his consciousness rise to the surface—to the point where he added an unscripted remark at the end.
‘Why did I do such a thing?’
Ferda knew. He knew that saying such a thing would fluster her. He knew it could have ruined the ceremony.
‘But I had to.’
It was based on an irrational impulse. He felt that if he didn't say it now, it would be too late, and he followed that urge. In the end, he had flustered Valdrova, and the ceremony hadn't gone as planned.
‘Why?’
Ferda closed his eyes, holding onto that question. He chewed over his five senses, dredging up what he had seen and the emotions he had felt. He repeated it dozens of times to ensure he wasn't mistaken.
Finally, he reached a conclusion.
‘It was definitely then.’
Ferda had been entranced by the brief glimpse of her as she drank the engagement wine. The emotion of that moment had briefly made him someone other than himself. Not Ferda the Archmage, but Ferda the man.
‘But what should I call this?’
To find out, Ferda recalled only that peak moment of intensity. He repeated it over and over, seeking only that answer. At that moment, Ferda felt a stir.
A sensation of violent rotation within the circle he had already formed below his Dantian. As the momentum grew, his chest began to burn with heat.
‘The Red Circle is moving.’
It was a rapid current, so fast it was uncontrollable. At the same time, it was a turbulent flood capable of consuming him.
‘This could be dangerous…’
Instead of searching for the answer, Ferda focused on the sensation. He had two choices: distract himself to calm the movement of the Red Circle, or focus on that emotion to agitate it further.
‘Calming it is the best course.’
Agitating it was a dangerous choice, no different from holding a blade to his own throat. This was true even for the former Archmage Ferda.
‘But to create the dignity befitting the Archduchess of Valdrova…’
He had to take the risk and venture forth. That was the resolve Ferda had made upon stepping into Valdrova’s territory.
‘Let’s do it.’
Ferda focused his mind on a single point. Creating the second circle was similar to creating the first. However, it was described as easier because the vague difficulty of the first time was gone.
‘The problem is I don't have enough mana to build it up.’
Breaking through a circle is like breaking an egg. To reach a new world, one must prove themselves by shattering the shell. What is needed for that is a sturdy beak and strength. Mana and willpower played those roles.
Ferda possessed both.
‘First, focus…’
Ferda closed his eyes and took his stance. He let his consciousness drop deep within. Simultaneously, his five senses faded. The sound of his heartbeat and the flow of time felt against his skin vanished. Finally, there was nothing left to disturb him.
All that remained was his pure consciousness.
Ferda drew a line in his mind. That line became a guide, and the fluctuating mana moved along it. Naturally, he guided it to a new location without upsetting the mana’s temperament. The stream created from the great river grew larger and larger, finally becoming a new circular shell.
‘And so, I overwrite.’
Another circle encompassing the one already made. By slowly molding its shape, he defined the form of the circle clearly. Through forty-eight long hours of intense focus on the molding process, Ferda made it perfect.
Two circles were now rotating within Ferda’s Dantian. Ferda had become a 2nd Circle mage, a Spell Blower.
“Hmm…”
Though he had become a 2nd Circle mage in just a few days, Ferda was not satisfied.
‘The emotion has been resolved.’
Because a new path had opened and he had reached the 2nd Circle, Ferda’s emotion had been spent. That tickling sensation had become a part of him, and the excitement he felt while recalling the memory had vanished along with it.
‘This is the downside of the Red Circle.’
One must crave greater stimulation, and if the stimulation disappears, one stagnates. Thus, one must either become a monster consumed by emotion or something that failed to even become that.
‘I just need to feel it again.’
Though it was a pity he hadn't found the answer, he felt no rush. The moment he faced her again, this emotion would surge once more. He was certain of it.
Ferda smiled.
* * *
“I expected as much when you said you were going into seclusion… but have you already reached the 2nd Circle?”
“That is how it turned out.”
A mage who reached the 2nd Circle in three days. It had only been a little over a month since he arrived here, yet he had jumped from an ordinary person to the 2nd Circle in an instant.
‘Abnormally fast growth.’
Even if he was only at the 2nd Circle, his growth rate was nothing short of awe-inspiring.
“So, is this where I will be working?”
“Yes. Though you only have authority as a regent.”
Ferda and Ruri were standing in the Archduchess’s office. The interior was decorated with brown aged wood, and everything was optimized for administrative work, yet the space also exuded the dignity of its owner. When Ferda first stepped inside, he almost fell into the illusion that a king would surely be sitting there.
Taking in the atmosphere, Ferda asked Ruri.
“So, now that I am officially the fiancé, what should I do first?”
“As I mentioned before, it is the recruitment of talent. Since the Archduchess is beginning her activities, those positions must be filled.”
“Yes, I heard. But can I decide that unilaterally?”
“Of course, you cannot, Lord Ferda,” Ruri said, picking up an object from the table. “But this can.”
It was the Royal Seal of the Archduchess of Valdrova. The seal carried the same authority as the person herself. There was a reason people said to treat the seal as if it were the monarch.
“Recruiting talent…”
If asked to pick someone right now, most would ask for time. At the very least, taking two days to think it over slowly was the best approach.
“…Right, there is someone.”
However, Ferda’s pen began to move without hesitation.