Chapter 5
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Translator: 8uhl
Chapter: 5
Chapter Title: Eun Hae-sol's Memory (1)
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The sound of raindrops tapping against the window pulled me from my hazy daze. I turned my head. Outside, dark clouds hung over a drab sky.
*A downpour's coming.*
I slowly raised my arm. My wrist, wrapped in layers of compression bandages, came into view.
"Patient Eun Hae-sol is conscious."
The doctor arrived soon after. He looked down at me with an impassive face.
"Patient Eun Hae-sol. Anywhere uncomfortable?"
I blinked in silence. Even opening my mouth felt like too much effort now.
The doctor whispered to the nurse while watching me.
"Patient Eun Hae-sol. We might need to connect him with psychiatry."
It was the right call. For someone like me, who'd attempted something extreme and failed, landing in the hospital.
"We're discharging him."
Not for Eun Seong-sik, apparently.
The doctor said with a troubled expression.
"...Patient Eun Hae-sol's condition is serious. Psychiatric treatment would be much better for your son."
"I'll handle my own son."
No matter how much the doctor persuaded him, Eun Seong-sik wouldn't budge.
In the end, the doctor—who'd thrown up his hands—gave me a pitying look and left the room.
*A man I wouldn't even call Father.*
I lifted my head, and there he was, looking down at me.
In an instant, he raised his arm. My eyes shut on reflex.
What touched my cheek instead was Eun Seong-sik's hand. I cracked my eyes open to see him smiling at me.
A soft voice followed.
"Hae-sol-ah."
The moment I looked up at him, my body trembled uncontrollably.
Rage, fear, despair—emotions I couldn't name surged through me.
"I'm sorry about that too."
"......"
"If something like that happened, you should've told me. I could've handled it sooner if I'd known."
"......"
"But still. To think of dying in front of your father? How could you even consider such filial impiety? Promise you won't do it again."
When I stayed silent, Eun Seong-sik's face twisted.
"Eun Hae-sol. No answer?"
That familiar glare.
The kind that pinned you down with sheer intimidation. Back then, I'd have averted my eyes in fear....
*Fuck this.*
Now? Nothing. Just utter exhaustion with it all.
My wrist throbbed.
*How long do I have to keep living like this?*
I always mulled over reasons to stay alive. But no matter how much I thought, nothing came.
What meaning was there in scraping by on filthy money under a man like that?
Living like a puppet, holding my breath. Better to die than live a life no different from death. But I couldn't go like this.
"Father."
A feeble voice crawled out of my throat.
"You told me back then. Not to tell anyone. Not to tarnish your reputation."
Eun Seong-sik's face hardened.
"...What are you getting at?"
"Don't worry. I'm just saying I'll do as you wish."
Surprise crossed his face. I steadied my emotions and continued.
"You're right, Father. How could I ever escape your grasp and live on my own? Impossible, just like you said."
"Right. So from now on, you'll obey me without complaint?"
"Yes."
"You'll stay quiet as a mouse?"
"Yes. I will."
Only then did Eun Seong-sik smile in satisfaction. I looked at him and said.
"In return, will you grant me one request?"
I vowed it. I would become an idol. An idol, and then....
* * *
"Huhk!"
My eyes snapped open. My head pounded like it might split. I came to my senses and looked around. Gray wallpaper, worn lighting, and the system window floating right in front of me....
No doubt about it—my room.
"What the fuck. What did I just see?"
My mind reeled.
*Was that Eun Hae-sol's memory?*
While seeing it, I'd felt like I *was* Eun Hae-sol.
Like I'd possessed him and just pulled out—the emotions he'd felt came crashing through me.
Rage. Sorrow. Helplessness.
"Hoo...."
I took a deep breath and finally spoke.
"Disable system window."
Only after the window vanished from my view could I tamp down the whirlwind of feelings.
Silence filled the room.
*What now?*
My thoughts were a mess.
*No one would call those hospital scenes a loving father-son bond.*
I'd thought he was a parachute kid riding his dad's infinite love. Turns out not. My head spun like I'd been smacked from behind.
*Eun Hae-sol had his reasons, huh.*
I recalled his face from the memory.
Fragile, like he might shatter any second.
*He attempted suicide, right?*
Eun Hae-sol was twenty now. Too young to die.
*But he decided to become an idol. Does that mean he found the will to live? Changed his mind?*
Why, though? It didn't make sense.
From suicidal despair to suddenly set on being an idol—what flipped the switch?
He'd never aimed for idol life, no trainee experience either.
Looking back at his attitude so far, he'd shown zero interest in idol activities.
Everything was a mystery.
*Why did Eun Hae-sol decide to become an idol?*
No answers, no matter how I turned it over.
*Become an idol, and then....*
What came after that in his thoughts?
After endless rumination, I shut my eyes and flipped the mental switch, killing the nonstop thoughts like powering down a computer.
"Ha.... How am I supposed to face Eun Hae-sol tomorrow?"
With my mind in turmoil sorted as best I could, I closed my eyes.
* * *
Inside DIEN's manager's office.
The manager had called us in and said.
"Time to shoot the MV, right?"
At the word "MV," the members' faces lit up. I was excited too—it was a schedule I'd been waiting for.
The music video for our debut track, *Blue Sky Below*.
*Finally shooting this.*
The storyboard had been out forever, but the debut lineup change had delayed things big time.
*If it weren't for that guy, we'd have wrapped ages ago.*
I thought, turning my head. There was Eun Hae-sol, leaning against the wall, half-listening.
Normally, I'd think he was a pain in the ass, but....
Maybe because of that memory— just looking at him made my chest tighten uncomfortably.
Then the manager glanced at the schedule.
"We're shooting this Saturday."
"This Saturday? That's five days from now."
"Oh, right. You all got the choreography down?"
Silence fell.
"Why so quiet?"
All eyes turned to Eun Hae-sol.
Seeing our reaction, the manager's face crumpled like a crushed plastic bottle.
"What? You didn't?"
Cha Jae-hyun hesitated, but Eun Hae-sol spoke first.
"I'll do my best."
We all doubted our ears.
*Eun Hae-sol saying that?*
I tried picturing him working hard.
*......*
Couldn't form the image.
*Just empty words, probably.*
Amid the members' resigned faces, the manager patted Eun Hae-sol's shoulder warmly.
"Yeah! I know Hae-sol will give it his all. Fighting?"
Obvious ass-kissing because he was the DIEN CEO's son. Watching it made me sigh.
*Dirty, shitty world.*
* * *
"The MV's gonna be awesome!"
Baek Si-woo shouted excitedly. The other members matched his energy. Except one.
Eun Hae-sol's face was still dark. Normally, I'd shrug it off as his usual sourpuss look....
*It's getting on my nerves.*
Ever since peeking into his memory last night, every bad expression he made stuck with me.
*Damn it. Shouldn't have looked.*
Eun Hae-sol stayed quiet amid the chatter.
The members, deep in MV talk, surged ahead, leaving me walking side-by-side with Eun Hae-sol.
Step, step—
Awkward silence stretched as we walked. I hesitated, then spoke.
"Hey."
Eun Hae-sol glanced at me like *what?*
"Did you get home okay last night?"
He shot me a *what's your deal?* look.
"Why are you always so prickly?"
"...If you don't like it, don't talk to me."
"How could I not? We're teammates."
Eun Hae-sol said, looking annoyed.
"You hate me."
"Yeah. I do."
"...Quick to admit it."
"Hate's hate."
True enough.
His life could be as pitiful as it gets, but....
"But if it's tough, call me."
Seeing how precarious he looked in that memory, I couldn't just leave him be.
"If it's so bad you wanna die, call me. Can't offer comfort, but I can listen."
Eun Hae-sol looked like I'd dumped an unsolicited package on him.
I kept going anyway.
"You got my number?"
"Ha, of course?"
"From who?"
"From Jae-hyun hyung."
"What'd you save me as?"
I checked his contacts.
*DIEN Jeong Eun-o.*
I sighed at the name.
"Who's Jeong Eun-o?"
"Who? It's your name?"
"My name's Jeong Eun-ho, not Eun-o."
His face flushed red.
"Figured it out now? Fix it."
I walked past him. Glancing back, he was furiously tapping his smartphone, embarrassed. Probably correcting it.
I rejoined the chatting members. They were buzzing about the MV.
"Gotta reread the MV storyboard tonight. What was it about again?"
*Blue Sky Below*'s video was a school story about kids facing graduation and leaving it behind—a youth drama.
It started peaceful, then veered tragic, unusual for idol MVs.
I had the role of playing piano in the school music room.
Starting soft, then pounding the keys passionately at the highlight—a key scene.
Impactful, but tough emotional acting. I'd almost refused.
But....
*Among us, Eun-ho's the best actor, so you should take it.*
The members sucked at acting; I was the least bad. So I got stuck with the hardest emotional part.
Thrilled to have an important role, yet anxiety gnawed wildly inside.
*What if they trash my acting as stiff?*
As I walked, lost in thought, a system window popped up.
"Ah, shit!"
I yelled before I knew it.
"What's up?"
"What happened?"
"Got a wedgie?"
The members freaked out.
...Ha. A wedgie would be better.
[Sub Quest]
- Accept 'Suffocating Space'?
- YES / NO
Another terrifying sub quest.
"Gotta hit the bathroom quick."
* * *
In the empty bathroom.
I took a deep breath and eyed the system window.
*What now? What's gonna happen?*
Part of me wanted to hit NO and flip it off....
*If it stops a future accident, I don't care.*
With that, I hit YES. Sound effect, then the quest details.
[Sub Quest]
- During the [Blue Sky Below] music video shoot, debut member ○○○ will hyperventilate. Help member ○○○ recover from hyperventilation to ensure smooth MV filming.
Reward: ???
I stared blankly at the quest, then thought.
*What now....*