PuriPuriPuripa (2)
"Thank you, Missh!"
I gave the teacher a small, polite bow and stepped outside.
"Off you go now~ You take care too, Serin~!"
The image of the teacher's softly smiling face stayed with me. Kind as ever, that teacher....
Oh — wait, no, that's not what I meant.
It had been a genuinely useful session, all told — a rare little window into the world of Awakeners. It even gave me some sense of direction on whether I should be telling people that I'd awakened, or keeping it to myself.
Long story short, best to speak up only once my ability comes to light on its own. There didn't seem to be any need to go broadcasting it.
Here is what the teacher had taught me about Awakeners in general. First: once a body grows past a certain point, its aging slows to an extreme crawl. Because an Awakener's homeostasis fights so hard to keep them in their physical prime no matter how many birthdays pile up, those peak years apparently refuse to fade away. Second: awakening alone raises your general cognition and intellect. Well... judging by my own case that seemed plausible enough, though I couldn't swear it was really true. My present self only ever remembers my past-life self, after all — maybe the brainpower I have now is simply what I already had back then. Besides, I was always clever to begin with...!
Not that any of that was the important part. Those were the general points — general, but worth remembering. Everything else matched, almost down to the letter, the powers I already knew from the garden-variety modern-fantasy fiction of my old world. You know the sort of thing: every Awakener has a class, every class comes with its skills, and so on. Just to be safe, I asked whether anyone had ever awakened without receiving an ability, and the teacher said no such person had ever been recorded. Could it be...? Might I really have some other power sleeping inside me...? A small ember of hope crackled to life in my chest.
...And yet, the reason I still hesitated to tell anyone about myself was this:
...This world isn't exactly safe.
This world was dangerous. The teacher had clearly held things back, wary of scaring me — but piecing together all the hints dropped in roundabout ways, it seemed that invasions came through Gates, and that some hidden face of the world lay layered over this one. I couldn't ask precisely what "invasions" and "layered over" meant; as I said, the teacher was treading so carefully around my tender feelings that I hadn't the heart to press. One thing was certain, though: those occasions when the sirens had blared and everyone had scrambled to evacuate were, sure enough, the work of incursions from Gates.
...Anyway. The world wasn't safe — so for the time being, my secret was staying a secret. I didn't even know what power I had, after all. If I rushed to reveal that I was an Awakener and some incident later blew up, I might find myself marked out as the convenient scapegoat. Whenever disaster strikes, people lean on whatever Awakeners happen to be nearby — anyone could work that out with two seconds of thought. Out myself carelessly, and if I turned out to be useless, resentment would be all I earned. Or else: "Well, an Awakener can fight better than an ordinary person, can't she? Might as well toss her in and see!" — and I'd be shoved out onto the front line before I could blink. Sadly, the teacher was a Non-Awakener with no insider knowledge of these matters, so all of this was purely my own speculation. ...Personally, though, I rated its credibility pretty highly.
Going by my memory — by the people I'd known back in the days when I was a man — it was entirely possible. Of course, the world I was actually experiencing here was impossibly soft and cozy, so I couldn't say for certain whether it would really come to that.
No prejudice. Right. I don't know anything yet.
If I wore tinted glasses like that, the whole world would turn gray and dreary. Prejudice was the worst thing there was. I hated it more than anything. ...I only meant that I should approach things carefully for now. That was all.
Speaking of which — Mom was an Awakener too. What ability did she have?
The question itched so badly that the instant kindergarten let out, I climbed into the car and asked her straight out.
"Mommy, Mommy — what power did you awaken?"
"Where's this coming from?"
"We learned about Awakeners at kindergarten today...!"
At my words, Mom's eyes lit up — the shine of a woman handed a golden chance to look cool in front of her daughter.
"Hmmm~ Your mommy is a Martial Artist! Give me one body and I can do anything at all. Pretty cool, right?"
"Aha. Cool."
So Mom was a Martial Artist. Yep... right. A Martial Artist. Strange — her hair wasn't even pink....
Still, I nodded along as earnestly as I could. If my reaction read as lukewarm, Mom might feel a little hurt. ...Prejudice about someone's class is a bad thing.
"Hehe. Does our Serin want to awaken too?" Mom asked, her voice giddy with excitement. Had that been what she'd been waiting for me to say?
"Yeah! They say awakening makes you smarter and stronger. Just like you, Mommy...!"
Sure enough — fan service delivered, a radiant smile bloomed across Mom's face.
"Really? Is that what you think of Mommy, Serin?"
"Yeah! Yeah! I think you're cool and smart and pretty and strong!"
"To think our Serin sees me that way...! Mmmmmm! That makes me sooo happy...! Oh, right! Sea has awakened too — did you know that, Serin?"
Huh? Now that was a surprise. My sister had awakened too? Then was my own awakening really nothing special?
"Really? Sis too? What's hers?"
What on earth had my sister awakened as? Honestly, I was a little curious. Mom being one, fine — Mom was Mom. But my sister might be carrying some enormously impressive class of her own...!
"Curious?"
"Yeah!"
"Sea is...!"
"Big shish's is...!"
Mom drew out the pause as if she were about to unveil something magnificent, even supplying her own drumroll — dun dun dun — and the tension wound tighter. So, what was my sister's class? Surely nothing too dazzling? If it were, I might get a little jealous. What could it be? What was it? I could hardly stand the wait...!
Buried in that anticipation, I waited — and at last, Mom spoke.
"Dun dun duuun! And the answer iiiis — your sister is also a Martial Artist...!"
"...Ah. I see."
...Apparently I take after Dad. What a relief.
I tucked my small disappointment away. Today, Arin came home with me. Last time I had gone over to play at Arin's house, so this time Arin came to mine. We faced each other, eyes sparkling.
"Hehe, Serin, I can't wait."
"Me neither...!"
Hee hee — laughter spilled out of me all on its own. The final episode of PuriPuriPuripa, at long last...! After all that buildup, I couldn't wait to see just how blissfully, deliciously it would all come together. And so we knelt before the television, waiting for the hour to arrive.
"Pffft."
I thought I heard Mom chuckle warmly at the sight of us, and did my best to ignore it. Sh-she had said that devoting yourself to the things you love was only natural. Yes. There was nothing whatsoever strange about this.
After a short wait, the commercials on screen were nearly over. The PuriPuriPuripa opening theme began to play, and our excitement crested.
"It's starting...!"
"Yeah!"
...The momentous final episode of PuriPuriPuripa had begun to air!
Hee hee hee! I couldn't wait!
· · ·
....
This... this wasn't right.
My hands had begun to tremble. My stomach felt wrong. It was as if the most obvious knowledge in the world had been flatly denied, leaving my head scooped out and stirred around.
They loved each other. ...They clearly, unmistakably loved each other. So then, at the very least...!
The heat that had boiled up out of my suffocation didn't burst — it just sank back down. Hah... hah... it felt like a heavy stone pressing down inside my chest. I wanted to let it explode, but it wouldn't, and all that multiplied inside me was irritation itself — the kind that felt ready to blow at any moment.
"Yumi. I got confessed to. By my senior, Kangchan."
Why are you saying it with that shy little face? You and Kangchan had nothing to do with each other. He's just some guy who popped up out of nowhere. So why? Lilia — why are you making that face?
"Really? That's great, Rahee...!"
And why are you happy about it? Iris — why would you sincerely tell her it's wonderful? It doesn't make sense! You two love each other...! You overcame everything with the power of love! You had that bond you built together — clutching each other's hands, shoulders brushing, doubling over as you laughed into each other's eyes! You promised to stay together for the rest of your lives! Through countless waves of unjust hate and hardship, the two of you finally found your way to each other!
And yet. Why... like this?
"But our friendship will never change, right?"
"You're stating the obvious."
Like this. ...Why does it end like this? This wasn't the ending I had imagined.
My head snapped toward Arin. But she only nodded along, eyes shining — oooh... wow! Good for her...!
"Arin."
...Before I knew it, I had called her name, irritation bleeding into my voice.
"Hm? What? Serin???"
Arin looked at me, face bright and open. Thankfully, my feelings didn't seem to have reached her.
"Um...."
But there wasn't really any reason I'd called her. It was just — the moment I realized Arin was watching this with genuine interest, my chest began to sting, prick by prick. It was irritating. Just because. Because everything felt so hopelessly suffocating. ...And so I had blurted her name out without meaning to. Not a very grown-up thing to do. But this moment had thrown me so badly that I couldn't help it.
"...No, nothing. Are you having fun today, Arin?"
"Yeah! It'sh sho fun! Hehe, it's fun for you too, right, Serin?"
That radiant smile of hers only hurt to look at.
"...Yeah. It is fun."
I managed a small smile for Arin's sake. Arin didn't know anything, after all. ...No — the truth was that I had been the one who knew nothing. Because at its foundation, this world was women and men. Because that was the world's default. Maybe that was why I felt so strangled. Why had I assumed it would be girl and girl?
...In this world, I was the abnormal one. I wasn't normal. Girl and girl... was not what this world called ordinary. And I had gone and realized it.
My heart had snarled itself into a hopeless tangle of thread, knotting this way and that. ...Was everyone going to leave me like this, someday? The way Lilia and Iris did in PuriPuriPuripa? Would every bond I ever made amount to nothing, friendship slowly dissolving in the face of love?
I didn't want that. I refused to accept it. But the moment I pictured Arin — gazing at me from right in front of me — vanishing from my side, it felt as though a stone had rolled into my heart and crushed it flat.