For Love, Past the Dark, Wet Trees
"You're okay, right? Not too cold or too hot?"
"Mm… yeah. It's nice."
That broad back. The sculpted lines of muscle cut like carved stone. I wanted nothing more than to throw my arms around him right then, but I had already claimed the excuse of wiping away his sweat—and sweat, of course, has a scent.
His scent was, to me, something like a drug.
"Hss… haah…"
Another worry crowded in ahead of the rest. What if he heard my ragged breathing? What if he felt it against his back and caught on? Would he wonder why I was wiping him down so much more slowly than before? And if he turned around and saw this burning face of mine—what would he think?
I was definitely flushed red.
"Oppa… should I turn off the light? It's about time we slept."
"Yeah. Sure."
I scrambled through every thought I could muster, hunting for a way out before I gave myself away.
"……"
"…Jihye…? What are you doing over there?"
"Oppa. Let's sleep together."
Human greed has no end. And people repeat the same mistakes.
I had barely escaped being found out once. I would slip past this, too—just as narrowly.
"That…"
"I'm your girlfriend… can't we sleep together…?"
"…Alright. Come here."
Without meaning to, I had played my final card—the girlfriend card. My head was so full of him that I was throwing every method I had at the problem.
"…Oppa. Can you hold me like a stuffed animal while we sleep?"
"Ahem… okay."
"Heehee."
The moment he pulled me in, his scent deepened all at once.
I'm so happy I could die. I could die right now and be fine.
Ah. No—I can't die. Then I wouldn't get to marry him.
"Oppa."
"Hm?"
—smack
"Good night. I love you."
My eyes had adjusted to the dark enough to find the shape of his face, and I pressed a short kiss to it.
It happened before I even knew what I was doing. I just… couldn't hold back. That I stopped there at all was already restraint.
"…Yeah. I love you."
I was the one who had said good night. And yet I couldn't sleep.
I had to get up early tomorrow.
I was far too excited. Everything felt so much like a dream that even the brief kiss I had just given him seemed unreal—like a lie I had told myself.
I had barely held that thought for a moment when—
"Nnh…"
—he drew me in even tighter, and the full, soft warmth of it flooded me with happiness first. Held snug in that completeness, breathing in his scent—thick and yet gently lingering—I felt sleep steal over me before I knew it.
(I love… you….)
Thinking he wouldn't hear, I whispered my love to him softly, and slowly closed my eyes.
It had already been two weeks since Oppa and I started dating.
Sweet as it was, something about my heart still felt a little incomplete, and I had been living with all kinds of thoughts circling through it.
—clack!
And in the middle of all that, my phone slipped from my hand.
"Ah…"
I had used it for years without a single breakdown. I bought it in high school, carried it through enlistment and discharge, and up until now the only thing I had ever replaced was the screen protector. Not one crack.
Ever since I became a woman it had felt a little heavy, and I had worried it might strain my wrist—but the thing had always been so sturdy I never really paid it much mind.
"It broke from this!?"
I carefully picked up the flipped phone and checked. The screen looked like it had taken a glancing bullet—shattered, the cracks spidering out across the whole display until it was hard to see anything at all.
"…Uh. Uh!?"
I tapped it a few times. Green light flared wildly across the screen, and then it went dark for good.
There was no way it should have failed this badly.
"Why!?"
Even staring the reality in the face, I wanted to call it a lie. Dropping it from my small height—what kind of impact was that supposed to be? I had dropped it by accident plenty of times and never gotten so much as a scratch. So why now, of all times…
"What do I do…?"
It wasn't that the phone itself was precious. I had mostly used it as a dedicated drama player. You could say I was attached to it, I suppose—but what attachment was there to something that took a full second to turn on after a touch, and another full second to open an app?
The only real problem was that I couldn't make calls.
I couldn't call Oppa. I had been planning to call him at lunch!
"…What do I actually do."
Sitting alone on the floor muttering to myself wasn't going to change anything.
"Ugh!"
I snatched up the broken phone, scrambled to my feet, and got ready to go out. For the sake of the loving whispers we were supposed to share at lunch, I finished what I was doing faster than anyone, checked the rooms, and stepped outside.
Honestly, what I had been doing was the useless business of wondering what outfit would make Oppa, worn out from work, take one look at me and immediately get worked up enough to pin me down… but I decided to call it work.
I was raising Korea's birth rate, after all. That counted as a good deed!
"Haa…"
Breath blooming white in the cold. Bare branches. The park still buried in snow. I walked lightly along the cleared path—no, not lightly. Quickly.
I considered running, but I knew perfectly well how fragile this body was; even cleaning left me short of breath. So I didn't run. I just walked faster than other people walked, heading for the phone shops.
Even a flip phone would be fine. I just needed something I could put a SIM card into and use right now.
"…So where exactly am I."
I hadn't taken the bus. A taxi was too expensive.
There were several reasons I didn't ride the bus. Gathered up, they came down to three.
First: other than Father's house and Oppa's place, I had no idea which bus I was even supposed to take.
Second: I had no phone, which meant no map app, which meant hopping on at random might only carry me farther away—so I didn't.
Third: bus or on foot, I had no sense of direction. At least on foot I could remember the road I had already walked.
"…Ah."
The problem was that I didn't know where they sold phones. Phones meant an electronics market—but where was that?
"……"
Right. No idea.
Was I actually an idiot?
I didn't want to turn back. That would mean no call with Oppa today.
—beep!
I was just standing there, shifting from foot to foot, when a car horn suddenly cut through and I turned my head.
"Oh."
"What are you doing out here?"
It was Jihyeok-hyung.
"I'm going to buy a phone."
"……Out here?"
He leaned out the window, looked around, then asked again.
"Yeah."
"…Do you even know where 'here' is when you say that?"
"I don't."
"Jiu. For reference, from your brother-in-law's apartment, downtown is to the right, and this is… yeah. Not it… Anyway, just get in for now."
I climbed carefully into the car. It was funny—this hyung drove like a maniac, but the second I got in he scolded me about tracking sand inside.
"Ah. I'm not Jiu. Can you call me Jihye?"
I pulled my resident registration card from my handbag and held it up. He was driving, so he only glanced at it.
"Yeah, yeah. Jihye. Got it."
"Okay. Thanks, Oppa."
"…Whoa! Holy—you scared me."
I had only meant a little gratitude for how readily he accepted it, coming from him… And who was the one who wanted to be called Oppa, anyway.
"What's wrong?"
"N-nothing. It's nothing."
He even seemed a touch gentler than usual. He only pushed the car up to seventy, which was fine by me.
"Then help me buy a phone."
"Sure. Galaxy okay?"
"Yeah, that's fine. And something light, please. I don't really know phones."
"Okey-dokey~"
The car eased forward with its hazard lights clicking.
"You said this wasn't the place."
"I'm picking up my wife."
"Ahh."
He fiddled with his phone a moment, then made a call.
"Hey~ babe. I'm almost there, okay? And I got you a little present~"
"Nooo, nothing expensive. I just picked up a cat on the way."
…Why had I become a cat.
"Ah—wait, Oppa!?"
Apparently "almost there" meant he was about to put his foot down, because the car roared and shot forward again.
"Aaaah!"
"Hell yeah! This is great!"
"Hey!!"
I squeezed my eyes shut and did my best to ignore the scenery whipping past. Before long I felt the speed ease off, and we were already pulling up at some café.
"Ugh… Hyung!"
"Aww. Nice and refreshing, right?"
"It is not!"
I could not bring myself to call this man Oppa.
"Hey! Why would you call her a ca—wait. Cat!"
"…Pardon?"
Sua-unni, whom I hadn't seen in a while, took one look at me, ran straight over, and pulled me into a hug. Her padding made a soft poof, feathers drifting free.
"Wow…! You're so pretty!"
"Haha… thank you."
"Where are you going? Did you come to hang out with me?"
Wow. Energetic.
For someone with no friends, having someone come this close was…
"I don't know."
I just hugged her back. She felt a little like a fan of mine, which made her oddly endearing.
"Ahem. That's my wife you're—"
"Jihyeok. Quiet."
"…Yes, ma'am."
(Ahem. My phone broke today, so I was going to buy a new one.)
Her fresh, clean scent came through faintly. Hugging her while talking out loud felt like it would be too noisy, so I answered like a whisper against her ear.
"Hnn… that voice…"
"Unni…?"
"Ugh… my heart…"
She clutched at her chest.
"Does something hurt?"
"Don't…! If you come any closer I'll actually die!"
She even stuck out a hand, trying to keep her distance.
Was this that whole dying-of-excitement thing? There were so many people prettier than me.
"Should we… just go for now."
When we got in the car, she didn't sit in the back with me like last time. She took the passenger seat instead, putting space between us.
"Sorry… I think I got a little too worked up."
"Ah. It's fine."
If she was going to be quiet, that was more than fine with me.
—click!
"Ah…"
"?"
"…Sorry! Can I take a picture!?"
Never mind.
"Sure… I mean, I don't mind if you take them. Just don't post them online or anything."
"Okay! I'll remember!"
I figured I should at least pose a little, so I let a soft sheen gather in my eyes, propped my chin on my left hand against the armrest, and glanced lightly toward the window.
"Hoo… ahh… my hands are shaking so bad…"
At this rate, the photos were going to take all day.